Chapter Text
Prologue -
“Pure vanilla…I'm sorry”
the words escaped her mouth so sweetly, like she would give up the world for him. The way she looked as small tears formed in her eyes and how she clenched her staff. Everything just made his heart ache, and ache, and ache…but did she mean it?
“Lily, I…I just need some time.”
Finally he spoke after an eternity. He finally had to admit it, he wasn't sure he could forgive her. Not yet at least. The awkward silence rang more and more through the air as the two stood there looking at each other like fools. One, a hopeless romantic, and the other, a girl who needs to work on herself. White lily stood there, a little shocked but soon enough nodded. She couldn't speak though, being told to wait for him just for a bit more and possibly for an eternity…it stung a bit. She had lost someone who was very dear to her in many ways. She was no longer to be trusted, no longer allowed to speak until he was ready, and maybe she lost a friend. The more she thought, the more she wanted to turn back time and change it all. She wasn't ok.
“Lily? Are alright?”
The voice caught her off guard, she had been standing there, crying, sobbing, not even realizing that pure vanilla had left her and instead, the man who took her in stood before her.
“You've been crying for awhile now…”
Elder faerie leaned down to her height, his face showed sympathy and his voice soft and dripping in the sweetest tone she's ever heard him speak, running smoothly like honey. the sad pathetic look she gave elder faerie though…no amount of words could heal. She was horrified, lonely, miserable, everything negative all at once.
“Am I…a horrible person?”
She muttered, knowing in her head that no wasn't the answer she was going to accept. She knew she was, she was horrible and evil, but she needed the confirmation. She knew deep down though, she didn't know what she was. She didn't know if she was a cookie that was made out of the finest lilies they could find, or if the lilies they had plucked were dead and rotting. The idea of being so evil, so malicious, it scared her more. The fact she could do such a thing haunted her head and she knew there was nothing she could do to take it back. The face elder faerie gave her didn't help her thoughts either, the face of sweet innocence, it was all a lie to her. She didn't want to see anyones face of pity or guilt, that was the face she needed to give everyone else to apologize, but there was no need for apologies if no one would accept it.
“No need to lie to me already, I've ruined my chances of being a good cookie. My ingredients are full of rotten lilies and expired flours. The milk was spoiled and the eggs were broken so roughly that shells fell in. I'm no innocent cookie that people should look up to, I'm nothing but a cookie who should have been eaten long ago. If pure vanilla can't even look at me the same, then what's the point of being around.”
The more she spoke, the quieter she became as her voice cracked and her tears ruined her crisp. In her eyes, no one should forgive her and pure vanilla was right to leave her. She deserved none of this pity. She deserved nothing at all. She clenched her eyes shut, falling to the ground in guilt and pain. She didn't want to be seen right now in this vulnerable state of weakness and regret. She moped and sobbed and cursed herself under her breath. She wiped her tears away though, the salt from her tears burning her skin ever so slightly but when she opened her eyes, a familiar figure stood in front of her. In the small lily garden of the pure vanilla kingdom was the ruler of it himself. He stood before her, his face emotionless and didn't even bother to say a word to her. The silence deafening her, wanting him to say something, anything, just to let her know that he knew she existed.
“Vanilla…”
She spoke first, looking up at him with desperation covering her face. The more she looked at him, the more her memories of them pained her as all the thoughts she had rushed her mind. She was supposed to be working on herself, but how could she when her best friend was standing there in front of her, acting like she didn't exist. Is this what he felt all those years? When he would spend every last second with her but she pushed him away, trying to be better? Was this…what it was like? The more she looked at him, the more pain and guilt she had carried its weight, killing her by the amount of pressure it was shoving down on her. Finally, she looked away, curling herself up and hiding her face in her arms.
“I'm sorry…but don't forgive me.”
“Why so? Aren't best friends supposed to be there for each other? No matter what?”
Those words…she's heard them before.
“What? What do you mean? I've hurt you, I've hurt everyone… and yet… you…”
she looked down, seeing all the flowers beneath her. White lilies…how beautiful. When she touched one though, it rotted before her.
“I never said you were my best friend…”
His voice echoed through the garden, catching her off guard but it wasn't the same pure vanilla she knew. The white and yellow slowly turned blue, black, and gold. His face was stoic, no emotions, not even a hint of anger or disappointment behind his face.
“Pure vanilla…? But- I-”
“But what? You broke my trust, you lost my faith, why should I have to be the one to suffer from your actions…”
she stood there, shocked. Her face melted into a look of fear as she scrambled herself away from him.
“So you're afraid of me now? Double standards lily… you ask for forgiveness, even if you say you don't want it but once I show you how it really feels, then it becomes horrifying, sickening, and upright wrong?”
“I didn't mean for this to happen vanilla! If I could go back and fix my mistakes…it would have been the first thing I've done…”
“But the thing is…you can't”
Her heart sunk at his harsh growls. The feeling of despair ate at her heart and it felt like one last bite would be the one to make it stop beating. She felt as if time froze then and there as she held onto his words, trying to find a way to prove it wrong and to show him she is better than what she once was…but she couldn't.
“I wish you were wrong…but you're not. I think that's the part that hurts more then anything. Not your words, not the cruel meaning behind them…but the fact that you're right. I can never go back.”
The tension between them grew more and more as she gave up on the little bit of hope she had of salvaging this relationship but just like the rotted lily in her hand…there was no way to fix the already ruined. She sat there helplessly but she didn't want help now, she wanted to slowly decay away, not wanting to be a nuisance to anyone else.
“miss lily…”
There in front of her, another faerie. She was right back at the start again when she was on the ground crying. No pure vanilla cookie and no dead flowers, just her and silverbell. She wanted to push everyone away, to not be seen nor to be bothered. She was at fault for all but yet, comfort was something her mind ached.
“yes, silverbell? Is something the matter?”
“miss lily, all of us are worried for you. You've been crying for awhile now and haven't responded to any of us trying to help you. Why won't you let us help you miss lily?”
She didn't answer him for many minutes. She herself didn't know why she turned people away. Was it because she had done too much wrong to even ask for help? Her only response to him was a shake of her head as she waved her hand. Now wasn't a time she needed “help”. She needed forgiveness, but yet she didn't know how.
Once Silverbell had left her, she stood up. She cleaned the cracker dust off of her dress and grabbed her staff and slowly walked around the kingdom. A mirror or water that could reflect herself was what she needed…she needed to talk to the beast within her. Soon enough, a beautiful pond that shined so brightly was right before her feet. The water was oh so clear as it shined in the night light beneath her and staring into it was the one she dreaded the most to see.
“dark enchantress…what have you done to me…”
“what have I done? Now tell me, who was the one sticking their nose into business that was only for strong minded to witness? Your little heart couldn't take such a horror and here we are…now rephrase that. What have you done to yourself…then, we will talk.”
“wait-!”
Before anything else could be said, the figure in the water changed back to the small cookie that was white lily. She let out a sigh of regret and failure, looking back at the water before throwing a sugar cube into the water, letting it skip across the shallow stream. With a huff, she dropped herself on the ground with a grunt.
“I knew this would happen…”
She pouted some more, resting her head on her hand as she stared into the water, seeing her reflection look back at her as if it was mocking her failure.
“don't look at me like that…”
She couldn't help but feel defeated in a way, letting her imagination get to her as she tried to think of a way to fix this mess she had put herself into…what a mistake…what an utter fool of a cookie for believing for one second that she could fix the past.
“What is done is done…but yet, I still had hope I could fix it. Is that silly of me? To believe I could fix a mistake I doomed upon myself? Why would I ever think such a silly and stupid idea…false hopes and dreams…something that not even the dumbest of cookies could believe. If a cookie were to look at me and think one thing, it would never be that I had good intentions so to even believe that myself is an utter waste of time. Here I am, talking to myself and looking at some dumb girl in the water and thinking that I could fix a painting that has been destroyed throughout the years…such an idiot I am…an idiot…for believing he would ever forgive me for what I've done…”
White lily continued to stare at herself in the river, hoping for the slightest bit of change…nothing. Yes, yes quite the fool for ever thinking of change…