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Aerith’s gone. She’s really gone.
Aerith will never laugh, cry, or smile ever again. I’ll never again feel the warmth of her hand in mine, or gaze into those curious green eyes of hers.
I’ll never wake up with her across the room again. I’ll never hear that giggle of hers again. I’ll never hear her say my name again.
“Tifa!” I can still hear her voice. So cheerful and happy, even when she knew how everything was going to end.
I feel my eyes welling up with tears. I squeeze them shut tight, but I can’t help but let out a silent sob at her memory.
I see her in everything. Everywhere I go. Cloud does too, I know, but he doesn’t talk about her. Not ever. I think it hurts him too much to even think about.
But I have to think about her. I can’t bear to forget. I never will. Someone that special to me… I couldn’t forget Aerith if I tried.
She was my best friend. No, not just my friend… Of course I loved her. We all did-Still do. But… We all loved her differently.
I turn onto my side, staring through the darkness at the metal wall in front of me. Even under these blankets, I still feel cold. Without her here, it’s like i’m always freezing.
My heart aches when I begin to think about all the conversations we’d started and never gotten to finish. All of the plans we’d made, that we never got to do. How we’ll never even be in the same room again.
I raise my hand in front of me, reaching outwards for i’m not even sure what anymore. Just to feel her. Somehow.
I know she’s still with us. We’re all well aware of her presence in the livestream, and all around us… But I want to see her face again, and hear her voice.
“Aerith…” I find myself mumbling, my head resting against my pillow. I remember the nights we spent together, giggling quietly, talking about all sorts of things into the early morning… All the stories. How she’d smile and raise her eyebrow at every little detail I shared. I even remember the nights we spent lying in silence, thinking over tragic events, but it was okay because we had each other.
She was my girl, it had felt like. And I, hers. I never even thought about what it was like without her once i’d met her. Not once.
And now that she’s gone…
I choke back a quiet sob, bringing my hand to my heart, and forceing myself to stay silent. It hurts more than anything, to lose someone so important again. At least with everyone else i’d lost, i’d had time with… Everything with Aerith went by so quickly. And now I feel sick.
I want to scream her name, to tell everyone I meet about her-about her hair, and her smile, and her voice. How her eyes shined even when she was angry, and how she was always the first to try new things or scold Cloud… All about this angel they’d never get to meet.
But most of all, I want to tell her how I feel. How much I love her. How much it hurts that I never got to tell her. I wish with my entire heart.
And I know Cloud loved her, too. Not like how he loves me… And I do also love him. But not like how I love her. She’s like the sun to me, I would give anything to go back to the coast with her, to be sitting in the sand by her side, staring off into the sunset and discussing the future. Or even to go back to the slums! Just as long as she’d be there too.
I cry to myself now. I can’t help it… I’m a strong woman, but I can’t handle this without shedding tears. She’s gone. She’s all gone. I can only hear her in my head and that’s all for the rest of eternity. What if I forget her voice? Or her face? I don’t think I ever will, but what if…?
That night, I cry myself to sleep, and wake up with tears staining my face. I cry then, too, because Aerith isn’t there to wipe them away.
Pulling myself out of bed, I shove my feet into my boots and tie them with no enthusiasm.
My gaze shifts across the room, to the door. Cloud… He’s probably still asleep. He’s always the last to get up and join us, after all.
I know better than to talk to him about these feelings, but still… I can’t keep it all to myself. Even if I can’t explain it to her. Though, It’s not like I have to right away. Someday, maybe. I should give him time, too.
With that, I tie my hair back in a dolphin pony, and finally get up. Slowly pulling open the door, the real sun-not a lamp-shines brightly on my skin. And I smile, because I know it’s her.
“Good morning, Tifa!” Her cheerful voice echoes in my mind.
Today is a new day. I feel it in my heart, that’s what she’d say to me.
And maybe, after that, she’d say “I love you too.”
🎀🐬