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Buck was finally on the brink of sleep for the first time since he was woken up by Eddie in his loft because he was dropping Chris off for Buck to watch. He was currently curled up into Eddie’s side, in Eddie’s bed, with Eddie holding him and softly stroking his short, still slightly damp curls.
Buck had been unable to relax since they’d gotten to the Diaz home that night.
He was still in fight mode, felt like he still needed to save Chris and whoever else might appear along the way. He’d been cold and wet all day. But he didn’t care. All he’d been worried about all day was finding Christopher after he fell off the fire truck. And then he worried about having to tell Eddie if he couldn’t find Chris. Or worse, if he found him in a condition Buck didn’t dare let himself think about for too long.
Now in Eddie’s arms with Chris fast asleep in his room, Buck was finally starting to let go of a little bit of the tension from the day. Chris was safe. Eddie was safe. That’s all that mattered. He was finally about to drift off when-
“Buck! Help!”
It came from the other room, Chris’s room. Buck quickly sat up and got out of Eddie’s bed, running to Chris’s room on autopilot.
He gathered the boy up in his arms. “Chris! What’s wrong,” Buck asked, not realizing he was still asleep at first. Chris continued to shout for help and Buck gently woke him up. The screams subsided and quickly turned into tears as Chris turned to hug Buck, hiding his face as if that would help him hide from what he saw in his sleep. Buck wished he could take it all from Chris and hold on to it himself. He didn’t care how he was doing. Eddie was okay. He just wanted Chris to be okay too.
Buck instinctively kissed the top of Chris’s head before running a hand through the curls on the back of his head, absentmindedly rocking them both gently. “Shhh, it’s okay buddy. I got you. You’re safe now,” he whispered.
He didn’t know Eddie was watching from the doorway, ready to step in if he was needed.
All Eddie wanted was for his boys to be okay. It had been a struggle all night to get either of them to feel settled, especially Buck. He knew Buck had been blaming himself for losing track of Chris for a little while. Eddie didn’t blame him. He knew Buck would do everything he could and more to protect Chris. The sight he was looking at right now as he leaned against the doorframe was proof of just that.
He knew Buck was exhausted but the moment he’d heard Chris yelling for him, he immediately rushed to him before Eddie even had a chance to react.
He didn’t know what else to do in this moment. He felt helpless as he watched his best friend comfort his son. He wanted to join in but figured Buck had it handled even though he should really be asleep. But Eddie knew better than to try to convince him to get some rest now. Buck needed this moment just as much as Chris did so they could both be reassured that they were alive. So all Eddie could do was stand there.
Eventually, Chris fell asleep in Buck’s arms and Buck gently tucked him back into bed, whispering a soft, “goodnight, buddy,” and slowly stood up.
Eddie took this moment to leave because he didn’t want Buck to think he was hovering. So, he went to the kitchen knowing it would be a while before Buck would calm down again. He started to prepare sleepy time tea in hopes that it would help.
He was beginning to lose hope in getting Buck to relax. It had been such a long process already.
Earlier that day: right after Chris reunited with Eddie
“You’re Buck,” the woman that had brought Christopher there asked.
“No, I’m his father, Eddie.”
“He was looking for Buck.”
Eddie held Christopher tight. The short moment he thought he’d lost him forever was the worst feeling in the world. “You okay, mijo?”
Chris was holding on to his father just as tight, if not tighter. He nodded. “Buck saved me.” That was all he’d say for a few hours. Eddie wasn’t surprised about that, just concerned about what he might’ve seen.
His attention quickly turned to where commotion had arisen. Buck was arguing with Bobby, Hen, and Chim.
“I’m fine! I don’t need you to look after me. I can take care of myself.”
Eddie could tell he was beating still himself up over losing Chris. And Eddie? He was just relieved they were both okay.
He walked over to the rest of the 118, all gathered around the cot that they got Buck sat down on when his legs gave out.
“Buck, it’s not a good idea for you to be by yourself tonight.” Eddie heard Hen tell him. “You’ve lost a lot of blood and it’d be good for you to have somebody there in case you feel like you’re gonna pass out or worse, actually pass out. Plus, we need to make sure the bleeding is actually going to stop.”
Buck scoffed. A defense mechanism that Eddie noticed he used when he felt he didn’t deserve something. “I can monitor myself.”
“You could stay at my place. I’m sure Maddie will want to know how you’re doing anyways,” Chimney offered. All Buck did was shrug.
“Or, you could come over to mine and Karen’s. I’m sure Karen wouldn’t mind,” Hen spoke up.
“I already said I could monitor myself.”
“‘Thena and I wouldn’t mind if you crashed with us. House has been real q-word lately.”
Buck was shaking his head the whole time. He finally snapped right as Maddie showed up. “Guys, I said I was fine!”
Maddie rushed to hug her brother, not even waiting for him to react. “Oh my god, Evan. Are you okay?”
Buck rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. I don’t need anybody to fuss over me. I’m alive. I’m breathing.”
“You shouldn’t be by yourself tonight,” Maddie said. She was concerned and had every right to be. “You could come stay at my place tonight if you want?”
“God, why is everybody trying to get me to stay somewhere other than my own place? I said I was fine!”
Eddie finally spoke up. It was quiet, a little harsh, just enough to get through to him. “Except you’re not.” Everybody turned to look at Eddie who was still holding Chris tight but had now moved closer to the group. “Are you, Buck?” It came out as more of a statement than a question.Buck still couldn’t even look Eddie in the eyes. Eddie wished he could show Buck that everything was okay now, that he didn’t have to feel guilty about anything. He laid a now sleeping Chris down on the cot next to Buck before kneeling in front of him, trying to meet his eyes.
Softer, he spoke again. “Why don’t you come stay with us for the night, hm? That way you can keep an eye on Christopher if you want, have some other people around?”
Buck finally looked up from his hands in his lap to glance at Eddie for a second before nodding quickly then looking back down at his still shaking hands. “Okay.”
Eddie smiled. He was relieved Buck wasn’t fighting him on this. He was fully prepared for it but knew Buck must be even worse off than he thought, which worried him a bit. “Alright. Let’s go home then, yeah?”
Buck nodded again and Bobby and Hen moved to help Buck stand up slowly. Eddie picked Chris up again, careful not to wake him. They all walked back to the engine together in silence. There wasn’t much to be said right now.
The ride back to the station was quiet, just like the walk to the truck. Eddie had Chris on him, still sleeping. He held him a little tighter, hating how exhausted his kid was to be sleeping through all the commotion.
He snuck glances at Buck, checking on how he was doing. He could tell Buck wasn’t doing well at all. He knocked their knees together occasionally to try to pull Buck out of whatever spiral he was going down. God, he wished he could hold Buck too right now.
They got back to the firehouse. Hen and Chim helped Buck out of the truck and into the locker room so he could sit without having to go up any stairs. Eddie had asked them to sit with Buck while he got Chris cleaned up and settled for a bit. Buck had been quiet the whole time, only nodding, shaking his head, or shrugging when necessary.
Once Chris was cleaned up and settled in the bunkroom on the bed Eddie usually used, he returned to the locker room. Hen and Chim left them alone and went up to the loft where everybody else was.
Eddie sat next to Buck, letting it be silent for a moment. It was comfortable like usual between them. But he could practically hear Buck’s thoughts, the ways he was blaming himself for losing Christopher and then leaving the rest of those people on the truck to go find him instead. Eddie was trying to find ways to silence those thoughts. This was a tricky situation.
He put a hand on Buck’s knee. “Hey,” he said softly, both looking straight ahead at the lockers and not each other. “Thank you.”
Buck was still staring at the lockers, but Eddie was looking at Buck now. “For what? Losing your kid?”
“For saving him.”
“No, Eddie. I lost him. I had him and then I los-”
“Buck, stop. You saved him. That’s how he sees it. You were telling me you lost him and then he was in my arms. You want to know the first thing he said when I asked him if he was okay? He said ‘Buck saved me.’” He let that sink in for a moment. “So no, Buck. You didn’t lose him. That’s not how I see it, that’s not how Chris sees it. Maybe you lost track of him for a bit. But you didn’t give up on him, you never stopped looking for him. He’s alive because of you. I can’t let you beat yourself up over this because of something that was out of your control. I know there’s nobody else besides me that would fight for him as much as you do. So, thank you.”
Buck had been fighting back tears all day. He finally broke down and began to cry. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even let himself lean against Eddie. He just cried. He couldn’t hold it in anymore.
Eddie made quick work of wrapping an arm around Buck and bringing him in closer. “Hey, hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Buck’s clothes were still damp, and he was cold to the touch and shivering against Eddie. Eddie wondered how long he’d been this cold and how nobody else seemed to notice. He just held Buck while he cried, trying to warm him up best he could for the time being.
When Buck had calmed down, Eddie suggested a warm shower for Buck. Buck quickly disagreed. Eddie understood.
“How about just some dry clothes, then?” Buck nodded. Eddie was suddenly glad he kept two sets of clothes in the locker that he and Buck shared because he knew Buck didn’t have anything to change into in there except for a hoodie.
He grabbed the remaining pair of sweatpants and t-shirt and handed them to Buck. He knew they’d be a little small but at least they were dry and would suffice for now. “Here. Get changed. I’ll be right back.”
Eddie left the locker room to go find a blanket. He grabbed the one off the bed Buck usually slept in and checked on Chris quickly before returning to the locker room. Buck hadn’t moved. He was still in what used to be a white t-shirt and khakis, staring straight ahead at the lockers. But he wasn’t really there. He was zoned out.
“Buck,” Eddie tried to get his attention. “Hey, Buck.” He gently tapped his shoulder. Buck jumped, panicked for a moment. “Hey, hey it’s okay. It’s just me. Brought you a blanket. You still need to get changed, though. You’ll never warm up if you don’t, c’mon.” He brought Buck’s arm behind his neck to rest on his other shoulder to help him stand up. He handed Buck the dry clothes and nudged him toward the bathroom to change.
Buck emerged from the bathroom a little while later, damp clothes in hand. Eddie traded Buck the damp clothes for his hoodie. He put the damp clothes in his bag to bring home and then draped the blanket around Buck after he got the hoodie on. He felt bad that he didn’t have any dry shoes Buck could wear, not that they’d fit anyway. All he wanted to do right now was to take his boys home and get them comfortable so they could get some good sleep, but he didn’t want to rush Buck.
They sat on the bench together in silence for about another 20 minutes until Eddie softly spoke. “Ready to go?” Buck gave a slight nod. Eddie helped him up again and then out to his truck. “I’m going to go grab Chris, but I’ll be right back.” Buck nodded again.
Eddie got to the bunkroom and decided it was better to wake Chris up before carrying him to the truck. Running a hand through his son’s hair, he quietly whispered, “hey, Superman. Can you wake up for me? We’re going to head home.” Christopher rolled over to face his father and held his arms out in a sleepy state. Eddie picked him up and carried him out to the truck, lying him across the backseat. He knew it wasn’t technically legal, but Chris could barely keep his eyes open, let alone sit up for the whole ride home.
The drive home was quiet, as expected. Buck still had that distant look on his face and Christopher slept the whole way.
Eddie got his son ready for bed. Bobby had made sure he had something to eat before he fell asleep at the firehouse, so he wasn’t worried about making him stay awake longer than he had to. He’d been tucked in and sleeping again 10 minutes after they walked in the door.
Buck on the other hand…
Buck was not doing well. The distant stare was beginning to worry Eddie more than he cared to admit. He wasn’t sure how to keep Buck in reality instead of a prisoner in his own mind. It was obvious the only thing going through his mind was the events of the day as he sat on Eddie’s couch.
Eddie emerged from Chris’s room and found Buck staring at the tv that wasn’t even turned on. He sighed as he made his way over to the couch. He’d taken care of his kid. Now he could look after his best friend.
“Hey Buck,” he said quietly as he sat down, not wanting to startle him too much. Buck barely acknowledged him, only giving the slightest nod. Eddie put his hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Buck, hey. I need you to look at me for a sec, okay?”
It took a moment, but Buck slowly turned to look at Eddie, not saying anything. Eddie was relieved to finally at least be able to look into his best friend’s eyes. “What’s going on? I can practically hear your thoughts. I know you’re probably replaying everything in your head and blaming yourself.” Buck looked down. “You have to know I don’t blame you, right? It was a natural disaster.” Eddie worked on trying to follow Buck’s eyes, so Buck looked at him when he spoke again. “All I care about is that you’re both alive and safe. Which is exactly the case.”
Buck shrugged, speaking quietly. “Should’ve done more.”
“Hey, no. You did way more than I could’ve ever asked. Don’t do that to yourself.”
“He probably saw so much I couldn’t hide from him. Because I wasn’t there.”
Eddie couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t hear Buck beat himself up over this anymore. He didn’t respond right away, just brought him into a tight hug. “Buck,” he whispered while still hugging him. Buck wasn’t hugging back. He probably felt he didn’t deserve it. “You protected him from more than I ever could’ve asked. And I’ll never be able to thank you enough. You don’t need to beat yourself up over this.” Buck finally hugged back.
Eddie didn’t pull away until Buck did. He knew Buck needed this, needed comfort. And he was more than happy to be able to provide it.
When Buck pulled away, there were unshed tears in his eyes. He sniffled and wiped at his eyes, trying to hide them. “Sorry,” he forced a chuckle. “Um, I guess I just thought you would hate me. You put me in charge of the most important person to you and I traumatized him.”
Eddie’s hand found its spot on Buck’s shoulder, his thumb resting in the divot of his collarbone where it belonged. He sighed. “Buck. I told you already. It wasn’t your fault. There was no way you could’ve known this was going to happen. You don’t have to beat yourself up over it.”
Buck nodded. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try to stop.”
Eddie gave him a soft smile. “Good. Now, I’m sure you’re tired. Why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll find you some clean clothes that’ll actually fit so you can get some sleep?”
Buck seemed to tense up more before masking it. Eddie knew he didn’t want him to worry. It was too late for that. He didn’t want to push so he let Buck decide if he was going to say more about it or not. Buck ended up giving a small nod instead.
Eddie helped him stand up, wrapping an arm around his waist even though it probably wasn’t necessary. He wasn’t going to look too closely at that to help him get to the bathroom. He felt bad. It was like some form of cruel punishment to be stuck in a tsunami and the only way to clean up after was to be in water again. He knew this wouldn’t be easy for Buck. But Eddie planned to be there in whatever way Buck needed.
Eddie helped Buck sit on the edge of the tub and then started the shower to get the water warm. Eventually he seemed to find the perfect temperature for the water. “Okay, you can hop in and I’ll be back with the clothes and then leave you to it.” Eddie left the bathroom.
Buck was freaking out. He knew he needed to shower. He was gross and dirty and freezing, and this would help him get clean and warm him up. But he was shaking. He couldn’t bear the thought of being underwater again today, harmless or not. He was scared, frozen in place. He knew he should just get over it and get in. This was the first time he’d been left alone all day since Chris was found and now, he was spiraling because he wasn’t worried about finding him.
He wasn’t quite sure how, but he ended up on the floor. Buck was trying to find comfort and he couldn’t find any. It was getting hard to breathe. He wanted to scream and to cry. He felt sick. His ears were ringing, and his chest was tight. Shutting his eyes didn’t help. All he saw was the water engulfing him as he held onto Chris for dear life. He saw all the people he couldn’t save, floating in the water as they passed by. He heard Chris’s cry as he was jolted off the fire truck and into the water, Chris screaming right after the wave hit and couldn’t hold on to the pole anymore. He saw the morgue tent, all the injured people. He didn’t know why it was affecting him so badly.
Eventually, he couldn’t hear the water anymore. He thought it was because of the ringing in his ears but-
“Buck?”
Eddie had gone to grab clothes from the drawer of Buck’s stuff he kept at Eddie’s place. Just a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a hoodie. All things he loved. He wanted Buck to be comfortable so he could at least try to relax. But as soon as he got back to the bathroom, fully expecting Buck to be halfway done with his shower already, he froze for a second as he saw what was happening in front of him.
Buck was on the floor, hugging his knees and crying. Eddie shook his shock away and sprung into action. He shut the shower off, calling out to Buck. He didn’t seem to be hearing Eddie. He didn’t want to nudge him or anything and accidentally startle him even more. Buck finally heard him when Eddie was almost yelling. He lifted his head for a moment before hiding back in his knees.
“Buck, thank god.” Eddie sat down on the floor by Buck, but not too close. He wasn’t sure what Buck needed from him right now.
“Sorry,” Buck cried.
Eddie spoke gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. What do you need from me right now? What can I do? How can I help you out here?”
“I don’t know.” Buck sniffled, hugging his knees tighter.
Eddie could tell this whole situation was stressing Buck out even more. He kept his voice soft. “I wish you could just go to sleep but you have to get cleaned up first. We don’t know what you might’ve swam through today and it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’m so sorry, Buck.”
Buck shrugged as he tried to calm down.
An idea struck Eddie. He didn’t know if he’d be overstepping but all he wanted to do was help Buck out. He cleared his throat. “Um… I have an idea that could maybe work. You can totally say no, too. I just want to help is all.”
Buck nodded. “’kay.”
Suddenly it felt weird to say out loud even though it didn’t feel weird to think about doing. Eddie cleared his throat again. “I could get you a washcloth and you could rinse off that way best you can and then I could help you with your face and your hair? I mean, if it would help. I’m guessing that’s the scary part. I guess I don’t really know.” He cringed at how much he was talking.
“Yeah, okay,” was all Buck managed.
Eddie didn’t actually think Buck would go for that idea but nonetheless was happy Buck was going to accept his help. “Okay, I’ll be right back then. Need anything else right now?” Buck shook his head.
“Okay, be right back.” Eddie got up from the floor and grabbed a washcloth from the linen closet. When he got back to the bathroom, he got the cloth wet with warm water and handed it to Buck. “Here, I’m going to get grab a few more things while you rinse off best you can with that but yell if you need anything, okay?” Buck nodded.
Eddie went to the kitchen and grabbed a big bowl and a cup. He filled the bowl with warm water and then went to grab another washcloth. Once he had everything set up at the kitchen table, he was outside the bathroom door and knocked. “Buck? Can I come in?”
“Just a sec.” So, Eddie waited. “Okay, come in.” Eddie opened the door to see Buck in clothes that fit him a lot better. He hadn’t put the hoodie on yet but that was maybe for the better so Eddie could help with his hair easier.
“Feel better? At least a little?” Buck nodded. “Okay, good. I have everything set up in the kitchen. Figured it’d be easier there so you could sit down. Plus, there’s more space.”
Buck nodded. “Okay.” He followed Eddie to the kitchen, revealing the setup he’d put together.
One of the chairs was facing the fridge with a bowl of water right behind it.
Eddie gestured for Buck to sit down and so he did. He wanted Buck to be able to get comfortable before anything else. “Comfortable? Oh, wait hang on, can you lean forward quick?” Buck did so and Eddie put a towel on the backrest of the chair for a cushion and then draped another around his shoulders. “Okay, you can lean back again. Now are you comfortable?” Buck nodded. “Okay, you tell me if it gets to be too much, then. I don’t want to make things worse.”
Eddie washed Buck’s face first, wetting the washcloth and taking care to not be too rough making sure to not irritate the cuts even more than they already were. He’d look at those after he finished up with Buck’s hair. He tried not to look Buck directly in the eyes while washing his face. Buck’s eyes were intense but also full of pain and fear right now. Eddie did the best he could to keep Buck comfortable but ended up rushing when he got to Buck’s nose and mouth because he started to tense up more when Eddie got there. He finished up his face and they sat there for a few minutes between to give Buck a chance to breathe again.
When he seemed to calm down some, Eddie filled the cup with water from the bowl and carefully started to wet Buck’s hair. He felt Buck tense at the initial feeling of water touching his scalp again. He instinctively brought his free hand to Buck’s shoulder and rubbed it while continuing to wet Buck’s hair. He moved slowly, always watching Buck to see how he was doing. He looked like he hated it, and Eddie didn’t blame him.
As soon as his hair was all wet, Eddie checked in with Buck, giving him a break from the water. “Doing okay?” Buck nodded. “Ready for the next step?” Another nod. “Okay. Again, tell me if it gets to be too much.”
Eddie poured some shampoo into his hand, rubbing his hands together before both were in Buck’s hair, massaging the shampoo into his scalp. Buck sighed and his body visibly relaxed as Eddie worked his hands. Buck shut his eyes, and Eddie could’ve sworn he even saw the slightest hint of a smile. This all felt so natural for them, like they’d done this before. And if Eddie applied more shampoo and used the excuse that he hadn’t had enough the first time just so he could keep running his fingers through Buck’s hair and helping him relax, no he didn’t.
The rinsing was going to be the hard part. Eddie wasn’t sure how he was going to be able to do it without getting water all over or soap in Buck’s eyes, but he was determined to try. He got into a rhythm, one hand poured water and the other massaged Buck’s scalp and pretty soon, Buck’s dirty and snarly curls were once again soft and clean. Eddie patted them dry with the towel from around Buck’s neck. “All done here.”
Buck sat up and was about to get up. “Wait, actually one more thing,” Eddie said. “I know you didn’t eat at the firehouse. Bobby said you refused. So, I promised I wouldn’t let you sleep until you ate. It doesn’t have to be much. You should just eat something at least. I’ve got some leftover spaghetti, or I could make you a sandwich. Otherwise, I could go and grab something somewhere?”
“Spaghetti’s fine. But only if you eat too.”
Eddie was taken aback, not realizing he hadn’t eaten most of the day and definitely not expecting somebody else to have noticed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll eat too.”
They ate in silence. Buck was still staring off occasionally, but it wasn’t for as long and not nearly as concerning. He didn’t have the same blank stare as earlier.When they finished eating, Eddie put the dishes in the sink and Buck headed for the couch. “Nuh uh. You take my bed tonight. I got the couch.” Eddie knew this one was going to be a challenge, but he wasn’t going to budge on it.
Buck shook his head. “I’m not taking your bed. It’s yours.”
Eddie crossed his arms and gave Buck the look he always did when they argued about stuff like this. “And? It wasn’t a question.” He knew Buck was beyond exhausted and was hoping he would just give in.
Buck sighed. “Fine. But you don’t have to stay on the couch. It’s your place and your bed. We can at the very least share.”
Oh. That was not what Eddie was expecting Buck to say. “S-share?”
Buck nodded, adding a soft, “mhm.”
Eddie was sure his face was beet red. “Yeah, okay, sure. Let’s get you settled, then.”
Eddie helped Buck get settled on the right side of the bed, grabbing extra pillows and blankets to keep him comfortable and warm. Then he went to get himself ready for bed. He hadn’t been able to shower yet, so he did that and returned 10 minutes later to Buck, bundled up in all the blankets. Eddie stifled a smile. Buck looked so cute comfortable. He just wanted to snuggle up with him. He was glad his best friend had made himself at home. He looked like he belonged there. He could just kiss him right now.
Woah.
Suddenly, he realized sharing a bed with Buck was everything he wanted and more.
Eddie crawled into his bed next to Buck. He wasn’t sure if Buck was sleeping or not yet. He got his answer when Buck turned over, bringing every blanket on top of him with him.
Buck looked up at him with his tired, beautiful blue eyes. He wanted something. Eddie just wasn’t sure what it was yet.
“Need something?” Buck shook his head. Figures. “Okay, let me try again. Want something?” Buck tried to shake his head again. “Buck, c’mon. I know you. What’s on your mind? I’m here to help.”
“Can I…” Buck scooted closer to Eddie. It seemed he wasn’t quite sure how to actually ask for what he wanted but somehow Eddie knew now. He lifted his left arm to create a space for Buck to curl up in. Buck gingerly moved into the space.
Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck and held him tight, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. “You’re okay. I got you,” he whispered. “Anything else I can do?”
Buck was a little braver this time, taking Eddie’s hand that was resting on his shoulder and putting it in his hair instead. It was still damp.
Eddie got the signal and began running his fingers through Buck’s hair, lightly massaging as he did so. He wished he could do this forever. This is where he felt like he belonged. This felt right.
After Buck helped Christopher fall back asleep
Buck found Eddie in the kitchen making tea.
Without averting his gaze from the tea, Eddie asked, “everything okay?”
“Yeah. He had a nightmare. He’s asleep now.”
Eddie smiled, remembering the picture moments ago. “Good. And you?”
“Tired.” Buck ran a hand over his face.
“Why don’t you go back to bed? I’ll be there in a little bit with some tea.”
Buck hesitated. “Oh, uh. I really can sleep on the couch.”
“Nonsense. You won’t sleep.” Worry washed over Eddie. “If you’d be more comfortable, I can stay on the couch like I originally offered.”
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“What? Oh. No, you don’t have to do that. I wasn’t uncomfortable. The opposite, actually. I just don’t want to get too comfortable and take up your space. It’s yours.”
Eddie finally turned away from the tea to look at Buck. “Buck, baby. C’mon. I’m not worried about that.” It wasn’t until he saw Buck’s confusion that he realized what he said. “Er, uh. I’m going to sleep on the couch, I think. Here’s your tea.” He handed Buck the tea and went to the living room to sit on the couch. He couldn’t believe he’d said that out loud.
Sure, he’d thought about calling Buck baby before. But every platonic duo does. Just like cuddling is completely normal too. Platonically, of course. Was thinking about kissing though? Maybe not. Uh oh. What was happening? This couldn’t happen right now. No no no no no no no no.
“Hey Eds?” Eddie wasn’t sure how long Buck had been trying to get his attention but he sure had it now.
“Uh, yeah. What’s up?”
“Wanna go to bed and we can talk about this later?” Buck was smiling now. A real, genuine smile. Eddie hadn’t seen one of those all day. He loved Buck’s smile.
“You sure?” Eddie wasn’t quite sure what was happening.
Buck smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay, yeah. That sounds great.”
Eddie stood up and followed Buck to his room. They got settled in bed again, just like how they were earlier, Buck curled up against Eddie’s side and Eddie’s hand in Buck’s hair.
“Goodnight, Buck.” He risked kissing the top of Buck’s head.
“Night, Eds.”
They fell asleep holding each other. Buck was finally at peace and Eddie was happier than he’d ever been. He knew the journey ahead for the next however long might be difficult for Buck and Chris. But they’d get through it together, like the family they’ve always been.