Chapter Text
Buck and Eddie. Eddie and Buck. BuckandEddie. They’d been ‘them’ for years now. Sure, they weren’t getting along at first. Something about Buck feeling threatened by Eddie’s presence. And yet, here they were, after many scares, laughs, and tears, standing on the younger man’s balcony (because someone is refusing to buy a couch). Buck was rambling on about one of his new hyperfixations, while the other man simply listened, the sound of the info-dump bringing a sort of inexplicable peace and calm to his brain. A couple beers down, Eddie now focused on the view of the city.
“It’s such a beautiful sight, right?” He says, looking out into the distance, his eyes glistening with that shine Buck has grown to love and long for. And he isn’t looking at the cityscape, no. Instead, he’s looking at Eddie like a lovesick puppy, completely enamoured by him. As Buck realises what the other said, he lets out a longing response. “Yeah. Beautiful.” Only Buck knows he didn’t mean the city. Eddie turns to look back at him, catching Buck and his loving gaze. They don’t know who leans in first, but someone does, and their lips are close to touching. And then Eddie pulls back. Buck panics.
“Oh my God, Eds, I didn’t– I shouldn’t have–” He gets cut off.
“I should go.”
“Wait, Eddie, please don’t–”
“No, no. I really should leave.” Eddie says, already making his way across Buck’s loft, the soft click of the door feeling like a loud blast of dread. Buck doesn’t move, though, his body frozen while his mind runs and runs in circles around one single thought. Did he scare Eddie? Is Eddie disgusted now? Does Eddie– Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
His mind is his worst enemy. Just like in his coma, just like in the lawsuit. So his brain does what it knows best: self-loathe and self-destruct.
“I fucked up. I made a move and I shouldn’t have. I’ve kept quiet about my stupid feeling for him for years, why couldn’t I just fucking keep it in? I messed up the best thing I had in my life. He’s my best friend, my soulmate. And now I scared him away by being in love with him. Who am I kidding? He’s probably straight, anyway. What was I thinking?” Tears start falling down his face, and he sinks down into the cold floor of his loft. “And now he’s run away. Wait, Chris. Am I going to be able to see him now? Will Eddie keep me out of his son’s life because my brain decided to go and fall in love with him? He’s probably going to hate me now. What if I break up the firehouse family again? It’s all my fault. My fault. I fuck everything up.”
Buck's sobs were muffled by the cold floor, his body curled into a fetal position. He felt utterly defeated, a familiar feeling that had become a constant companion. He thought he had learned to manage his anxieties, to keep his feelings in check, but this was a different kind of pain. This was the pain of unrequited love, the pain of losing the one person he truly cherished.
Just as he was sinking deeper into despair, he heard the familiar click of the door opening. His head shot up, eyes wide with disbelief. Eddie stood in the doorway, his expression unreadable.
"Buck," he said, his voice low and hesitant. "Can I come in?"
Buck stared at him, his mind struggling to process the sight of Eddie. Was this a dream? Was he hallucinating? He couldn't believe that Eddie would come back, especially after the way he had acted.
"Eds... I..." Buck stammered, his voice thick with emotion.
"It's okay," Eddie said softly, stepping into the loft. He closed the door behind him and turned to face Buck. "I know I left, and I know I didn't handle things well. But I couldn't just leave you like that. I had to come back and talk to you."
Buck's heart pounded in his chest. He had never seen Eddie so vulnerable, so open. It was a side of him that Buck had always longed to see, a side that made him want to reach out and hold him close.
"I... I messed up," Buck whispered, his voice barely audible. "I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have made a move. I was just..."
"You were just being yourself," Eddie interrupted gently. "And that's what I love about you, Buck. You're always so open, so honest. Even when it scares you."
Buck's eyes widened. "You... you love me?"
Eddie hesitated, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I... I think I do. But it's scary, Buck. It's been a long time since I've let myself feel anything like this. And after everything that's happened, I'm afraid to get hurt, and I’m afraid of hurting you."
Buck's heart ached for him. He understood Eddie's fear, but he also knew that he couldn't let it hold them back. He had to fight for their chance, for their love.
"Eddie," he said, his voice shaky but gentle. "I know it's scary, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not going to let you push me away."
He reached out and took Eddie's hand, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through him. Eddie looked at him, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and hope.
"I... I need to think about this, about Chris," Eddie said finally. "But I promise I won't run away again. I'll talk to you. I'll be honest with you."
Buck smiled, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. "That's all I ask."
The air between them crackled with unspoken words, with the promise of a future that could be theirs if they dared to embrace it. For the first time in a long time, Buck felt a flicker of hope ignite within him. He had a chance, a chance to fight for his love, a chance to build a future with the man who had stolen his heart. And Eddie? Eddie wasn’t going to stop loving Buck, in his own way. Even if it takes him time to fully accept that part of himself. Even if loving Buck is the scariest thing he’s ever done, it’s also the most natural.
Loving each other is like breathing, so natural, so instinctual, most don’t even realise they’re doing it. They sat in silence for a moment, the only sound the soft hum of the city outside. Buck wanted to reach out and touch Eddie's face, to brush away the worry lines that had etched themselves onto his forehead. But he held back, respecting Eddie's need for space.
"Can I ask you something?" Buck finally said, his voice low and hesitant.
"Anything," Eddie replied, leaning forward, his heart pounding with anticipation. A reassurance to Buck that he wasn’t going anywhere.
"Do you think... do you think Chris would… be okay with it? With us?"
Eddie’s smile faltered. He understood Buck’s concern. Chris was the most important person in Eddie's life, and he wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship.
The silence stretched between them, thick with unspoken words and the weight of their shared history. Buck, still on the cold floor, felt the familiar prickle of anxiety rise in his chest. He had never been good at waiting, at letting things unfold naturally. But with Eddie, he felt a strange sense of calm, a quiet hope that things would be okay.
"Chris..." Eddie began, his voice a soft murmur. "He's... he's my priority. I wouldn't do anything to hurt him."
Buck nodded, understanding the unspoken plea in Eddie's eyes. "I know, Eds. I get it. I just... I want him to be okay with it, too. He's your world, and I wouldn't want to mess that up."
Eddie reached out, his hand hovering over Buck's. He hesitated, then gently brushed his fingers against Buck's cheek. "I know you wouldn't. But I also know that Chris is a good kid. He loves you, Buck. He always has. And I think... I think he'll understand."
Buck's heart ached with a mixture of hope and fear. He had always seen Chris as a part of the package, a reminder of Eddie's strength and resilience. But now, the thought of Chris's acceptance felt like a hurdle, a necessary step before they could truly be together.
"What if he's not?" Buck whispered, the fear he had been trying to suppress bubbling to the surface. "What if he doesn't understand? What if he blames me for everything? What if he thinks I’m overstepping or– or replacing Shannon?"
Eddie's hand tightened on Buck's cheek. "He won't. I promise you, Buck. He's smart. He's kind. He'll see that this... that this is just us, being us. And he loves you, too."
A small smile touched Buck's lips. It felt like a flicker of warmth in the cold, dark space of his anxieties. He had always been a fighter, a survivor. And if this was what he had to fight for, then he was ready. He was ready to fight for Eddie, for their future, for the chance to build a life together.
“I love you” Buck says, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“And I love you, Evan”
“I’m sorry for… kinda ruining this beautiful moment with you, but, uh… what does this mean? For us? I don’t want us to just forget about it and go back to just friends because honestly I cannot. I love you so much, I want to be with you–” Eddie cuts off Buck’s rambling with a kiss. A soft, genuine kiss; tender and full of love. It feels like time stops. Buck 1.0 would’ve been all over Eddie by now. But this Buck, 4.0 or whichever version he’s in now, just wants to love and be loved, and cherishes the simplicity yet depth of a connection like this.
“Well, I personally think…” Eddie says, pulling back and brushing a curl out of Buck’s face, “...we should try being together. Boyfriends, I guess, even though that still falls short of what I feel for you.”
“You are NOT proposing to me right now, Eddie,” Buck laughs at how his… boyfriend sounded just now. Boyfriend. He liked the sound of that.