Work Text:
They found it.
After years of wondering what her mother was like and who her mother was, N finally found her. With the help of Jan and her lovely friends Hilda and Hilbert, of course. It took lots of searching to find a single woman; it felt like digging for gold and being greeted by the bright sparkles of the metal. It was exciting, and yet, N couldn’t help but feel nervous. The beating of her heart felt like it could burst out of her chest at any moment from anxiety. There were so many possibilities of how their meeting would go, and many of the scenarios played out poorly in her head.
She was thinking about it so hard that she didn’t realize she was zoning out in the car as she stared out the passenger window. She nearly jumped out of her seat as Hilda’s hand reached out from behind her, gripped her shoulder tightly, and shook her viciously.
“Yo, N! Are you good? You look like you’re about to keel over.” Hilda’s words were anything but comforting as N gripped her necklace tightly, her face pale as she slowly turned to face the girl, “I think I am…” She mumbled.
Hilbert nudged Hilda’s shoulder, glaring at her, “At least be a little supportive, Hilda.”
“This is me being supportive!”
“Well, try harder!”
The twins argued in the back of the car as N sighed, turning and looking back at the window, watching the trees pass by. The one driving was Jan, her long-time partner by now. They gave her a pitiful look before carefully placing their hand on her thigh, keeping their eyes on the road, “Try not to think too hard, okay? I know it’s scary…meeting your mom for the first time, but—”
“What if she doesn’t like me? What if I found the wrong person?” N quickly asked, her hands fidgeting in her lap. “And I have so much to ask her, I mean—it’s just so much. I thought dealing with Ghetsis was stressful enough, but this…” Her voice trailed off.
“At least I know what I’m dealing with when I’m with him. This is unknown territory…I don’t know what to do.”
Jan frowned as they brought their hand to hers, rubbing her hands comfortingly. N blinked as she felt the contact and turned to look at them, “Look, no matter what happens, you still have family either way! You got me and my folks and the two goblins in the back. But I know how important this is to you, and I’ll always support you no matter the outcome. I know Hilda and Hilbert will, too.” They glanced up at the car mirror to see the two in the back. Hilda had Hilbert in a headlock but quickly let him go once she realized Jan was watching.
Jan sighed and shook their head, looking back at the road, as they continued to drive, the road slowly turned to a sandy and gravely path, the group finally got to a clearing which revealed a lonely house with overgrown vines latched onto nearly every inch of the house, the place looked abandoned except for the one car to its side and dim lights turned on inside the home. If anyone lived here, then they must’ve wanted privacy.
“I love you, okay?” Jan looked at N, “Call us if anything happens…We’ll be here.” They held her hands and gave them a soft squeeze. N smiled and nodded, “I will.” With that, the two shared a quick kiss before N hesitantly got out of the car, staring at the door of the house. She glanced back only to see Jan giving a thumbs up and then yelling at Hilda and Hilbert for a moment. It was hard to hear what was said, but the muffled voice of their angry tone was apparent. N chuckled at the scene, strangely comforted by it, and turned back to the door.
One deep breath.
In.
And out.
N slowly walked towards the house. As she slowly brought her hand to the door, she thought she could hear the shuffling footsteps; someone was certainly home. She shut her eyes tightly as she knocked three times, quickly backing away and gripping her necklace in anticipation.
The shuffling of footsteps continued to get louder till the door cracked open, and the distant sound of meows could be heard from inside as an older woman peered out, squinting at her. She looked her up and down before rolling her eyes, “I don’t want whatever you’re selling.” She spoke bluntly before nearly shutting the door. N looked confused before quickly holding the door from closing, “W-Wait! I’m not here to sell you anything, miss. I am—”
“I’m not interested.” She tried to close the door again, but N held it open, “Please, listen to me for a moment.” She pleaded. The woman glared at her and put her hands on her hips, “This is a violation of my privacy, you know I could call the cops on you!” N frowned, “Please, miss…your name is Amara Harmonia, correct?” The woman paused. Her expression shifted through various emotions before she had a look of suspicion, squinting her eyes and scrunching her nose up. “Are you some stalker?”
N shook her head frantically, “Not at all! You see, I’ve been searching for my mother…and I think that’s you.” Amara stared at her for a moment with a blank expression, “You’re full of shit.” She tried to slam the door, but N put her foot right between the door and the frame, wincing a bit from the sudden pressure. Amara opened the door just a bit to free her foot, “Are you crazy!? Get outta here!”
“Y-You had a baby in 1990, right?” N sputtered, causing Amara to freeze. “I’m not sure why, but…you left that baby in the wilderness, that was me. I was raised by Pokémon in my youth after that moment…” Amara was left speechless. N wasn’t sure what to say now, hoping her words would get to her.
“I had a baby boy…” Amara’s eyes analyzed N up and down, “But you’re—”
“I’m transgender.” N quickly answered, subconsciously straightening her posture, “I was able to transition once I got to live on my own.”
She fidgeted with her necklace for a moment till she saw Amara cover her face, “I didn’t…I didn’t think you’d survive.” She mumbled.
The two stood in silence till Amara lifted her head to N, “Do you—um…do you want to come inside? Have tea?” She asked uncharacteristically softly, N wanted to curl up and cry right there, but she smiled and nodded as Amara held the door for her to come inside.
Inside the house was a mess; furniture was still covered in plastic, cat food and cat hair were all over the floor, a few newspapers were scattered everywhere, and they seemed to be out of date. Cobwebs seemed to be common in the house, it was clear the house wasn’t cleaned regularly. Once the door was closed, a couple of Purrloin and Glameow came to Amara’s feet, meowing and purring at her as they rubbed against her legs. N was happy to see the sight. The Pokémon all loved her dearly, as it was clear in their mannerisms and voices that she must’ve fed them well, at least. “I see you like cats.” Amara shrugged as she tried to shoo the cats away, “They wouldn’t leave, so I let them stay. Come, sit down.” She brought N to a kitchen table and grabbed two cups. The table had a few scratch marks here and there, it must’ve been from the various Pokémon roaming the house. “Sorry, I don’t think I caught your name?”
“My name is N.”
“N? What is that, some code name?”
“Well…no. My full name is Natural Harmonia Gropius. But N is simpler.”
Amara squinted at the name, “Who the hell named you that? I didn’t name you that.”
N’s eyes widened. “What did you name me?”
Amara sighed as she grabbed her teapot and brought it under her sink for water. She placed her hand on her hip as she recalled the memory, “I never got to name you, but I planned to name you Naomi…it was my aunt's name.” N smiled as she fidgeted with her necklace, “Naomi…I had no idea. My father—er—adoptive father, Ghetsis, was the one who named me.”
Amara practically choked on air at the name but cleared her throat, “Really? Hm. He had poor naming skills then.” She set the teapot on the burner and opened a cabinet full of different boxes of teabags. “You got a favorite type of tea?”
N shook her head, “Anything is fine, mother.”
“Don’t call me that…at least, not right now.”
“I apologize…”
An awkward silence filled the room once more. N bit her lip. She had so many questions, and yet it felt like she couldn’t ask a single one. One second, it felt like they were bonding, and the next, she was back to square one. The teapot began to whistle, grabbing the attention of the two. Amara was the first to speak.
“So…how’d you find me? I’ve been pretty tucked away here, I don’t get a lot of visitors. Unless they’re trying to sell some crap.” Amara had gotten up to grab the teapot and two bags, slowly pouring the water into the cups as she set them on the table.
“Oh! My friends helped me, it took a lot of searching on the internet for anyone with a name similar to mine.” N spoke quickly as Amara just nodded, “Right, right, you got pretty lucky…Then I guess you have a lot of questions for me, huh?” N nodded as she continued to speak fast, “Yes, I do! I have so many questions, but it’s hard to put an exact number on them, and I’m not sure what to start with. I mean, I don’t even know if you can really answer everything, but I want to try—”
Amara quickly raised her hand in front of N’s face, “First of all, slow down. My old ears can only understand so much. Second of all, just start with the most important one.”
N looked down at her necklace, gripping it tightly, she knew exactly what she wanted to ask, but couldn’t get the words out. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at Amara’s eyes, “Why did you abandon me?” Her voice nearly cracked as she spoke. Amara said nothing as she glanced down and blew on her tea, watching the steam dissipate.
“Truth is, I didn’t want to be a mother.” Amara was blunt with her response. She sipped her tea before setting it down, staring at her warped reflection in the cup. “I wasn’t ready for that responsibility…I don’t think I’d ever be ready for that.”
She dragged her hand through her hair as she sighed, “I was young…young and stupid. When I got pregnant, I didn’t even realize it before it was too late. I couldn’t have an abortion, the man I was with had left long before that…” She held her hands together as she looked down, “Nothing felt right. I felt so hopeless and lonely…so…my next best option was…”
“To leave me to die in a forest?”
Amara’s eyes widened as she looked at N, guilt written all over her face. N’s expression was unreadable. “It wasn’t fair to you, I know. I regretted that decision for my entire life…I thought that I was a murderer, leaving my baby out there to suffer. Back then, I thought I was doing you a favor…that both of us would stop suffering.” She stopped for a moment, thinking about her words carefully, “I found out I was suffering from postpartum depression, doctors just realized it too late…I didn’t want to live knowing what I had done for so long.” She gripped her stomach as she felt tears well up, “I was never fit to be a mother. To be your mother.”
N’s brows furrowed as she frowned, saying nothing as she watched Amara cover her face, tears falling to the cracked wood of the table as she cried softly. N stared at the tea in front of her, the steam wafting on her face, “Thank you for telling me the truth. I…I want to have a relationship with you, even if you don’t think you could be my mother. I want to at least try…”
Amara glanced up at her as she tried to stop her tears. Her eyes were puffy and red from her crying.
“Back then, I lived amongst Pokémon after you left me there. They took good care of me, and I could understand them better than most people. When Ghetsis found me, it was like I was thrust into an entirely different world…he wasn’t a good father, I admit that. He manipulated and used me. But I can’t help but hope that one day he’ll change, that he’ll love me the same way I did for him. That we could be a real family.” She grasped her hands together as she spoke about family. N looked back at Amara, “I want to get to know you better, moth—Amara. So that maybe one day all of us can be a family.”
Amara sniffled, wiping her tears off with her sleeve, laughing a bit, “You have some hopeful thinking there, N. I admit that does sound nice…But I don’t think it’s a possible reality you’ll get.” She sighed, “But if you want, I don’t mind you visiting now and then. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to who isn’t a cat.”
N chuckled a bit, “I’d love to come visit again. I’d want you to come visit me too, there’s a Ferris wheel I could show you in Nimbasa City!”
“Nimbasa City? Hell, I haven’t been over there in a long time…” Amara sighed as she reminisced. N smiled more, “You should come with me, I have friends I’d love for you to meet, and you’d get to meet my partner!”
“Partner, huh?” Amara smirked a bit, tilting her head, “Whoever they are, make sure you’re with the right person. If it’s the right one, they’ll stick with you no matter what.”
N blushed a bit as she nodded, “Yes, I’ve found the right one, trust me.”
Amara laughed and sipped her tea, “Then you have better luck than me! Every man I’ve been with has disappeared without a trace.”
“Even my father?”
Amara nodded, groaning and rolling her eyes, “Even that bastard.”
N frowned, “I see…”
Amara watched her face change from joyful to a more melancholic expression, She quickly tried to change the subject, “Hey, why don’t I show you my garden in the back? You can ask me more of your questions there. It’s getting stuffy in here.” She lifted herself from her seat, holding the warm tea up close as she took another sip.
N’s expression quickly changed as she nodded and stood up with a smile, “Ah, yes! That sounds wonderful!”
As Amara stepped away from the table, she walked towards the hallway and motioned for N to follow her. N happily stepped to follow her mother before walking back to carefully grab her cup of tea, she didn’t want to let it go to waste. As the two walked through the hall, N followed close behind, analyzing every item they walked past.
Almost like she could sense judgment, Amara spoke up again, “I know the place is a mess. Again, I don’t normally expect company, plus I’m pretty old now…hard for my old back when I try to clean.” N hummed in response, still looking all over the place with an analytical expression.
“I’d be willing to clean for you. I’ve learned a thing or two on cleanliness and I’d want to help you out, mother.” N explained before noticing her mistake.
“Amara. I apologize.”
Amara simply shrugged as she unlocked a back door to the garden, “Guess it makes sense you’d wanna call me that, but I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear it. C’mon.” The door creaked as she held it open, letting N walk out first.
N could feel her smile grow, the sun peaking through the trees above and hitting her skin. Out of everything she had seen so far, it seemed like the garden was the most well-maintained part of Amara’s home. The yard was full of different flowers decorating the area, and in the center were small growing berry trees carefully placed beside one another. Off to the side, near the shade, was a small picnic table and two seats. Amara had already sat down. She took N’s teacup and her own beforehand and set them down on the table, watching N walk around and examine her garden. “Do you like to garden, N?” She sipped her now cold tea.
N was bent down on her knees, carefully bringing her fingers to touch a flower stem as she inspected a leaf, noticing small bite marks she could only assume were from a Caterpie close by. “I’ve never had a garden of my own, I’m never in one place long enough.” She smiled as she turned to look at Amara, “My friends and I travel to many regions far too often, I fear if I did have a garden as beautiful as yours, most of the flowers would wilt away!” She let out a small chuckle as she stood up straight.
Amara tilted her head. “So you like to travel?” N nodded, finally walking over and sitting in the shade with her.
Amara’s fingers scratched against her cup as she ruminated on her thoughts before speaking again, “I remember when I used to travel…” A smile crept on her face at the memory, “I’m way too old for it now, but I would be just about anywhere I could think, it was freeing. For a while, I think I used to travel with your father.” She sighed as she reminisced. N leaned closer to the table as she listened intently. Amara tried not to bring up her closeness as she sipped from her cup once more, “Y’know, it’s funny. I haven’t thought about these things in years till you showed up.”
N’s eyes seemed to light up from that, “Is that good?” she asked quickly. Amara paused for a moment before stifling a laugh and nodding, “Yeah. I’d say it’s good.” N’s posture seemed to straighten as she smiled, her hands in her lap, fiddled with the cube clipped to her pants, “I have another question for you, Amara.” She seemed unsure of her own statement, but continued to speak, “Maybe it’s too late to ask, but I wanted to know if you recall anything else about my father at all…? My birth father.” N frowned as she spoke, “No matter what, it seems like he never existed. I thought, if I find you, surely I can find him too.”
Amara scratched the back of her neck nervously, “Putting me on the spot again like that, huh…” She mumbled to herself and sighed, “Sorry, kid. There’ve been a lot of men in my life, none of them have kept in contact. Your father was one of those people. He took so much from me, my happiness, my money, my last name apparently…as much as I wanted to burn the memory of him into my head so I could find him and give him a piece of my mind…” Her grip tightened on her cup for a moment till she took a breath and relaxed her hands. “I don’t even remember his name now. I don’t even know if he’s alive, but…” She paused, “You brought up someone before, guh…what was his name?” She rubbed her temple as she gritted her teeth in thought. N stared at her quizzically for a moment before widening her eyes, “Ghetsis?” Amara quickly snapped her fingers, “That’s the one, yeah! I swear I’ve heard it before…”
N seemed more nervous now, slouching over just a bit. “You have?” Amara nodded quickly, still rubbing her head to regain her memory, “Aarrghhh, I hate bein’ old! Can’t remember anything right…” She crossed her arms as she grumbled before snapping again, “They were brothers!”
N squinted, “What?” Amara nodded as she continued talking, “Yeah, yeah! The man I was with—your father—he had a brother. I thought it sounded familiar the first time you mentioned him, but now it’s coming back to me! He had a brother named Ghetsis; they didn’t seem to get along, though, a real angry bunch… definitely had issues back home. I’m glad we didn’t marry.”
N stayed silent for a moment as she processed the information.
“Ghetsis is my uncle?”