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Chapter Text

Viktor is an interesting man. Jayce realizes this at their second meeting, when he first learns his name. Viktor is intelligent, well-spoken, and determined. He has courage, and it shows in his willingness to take a chance on Jayce and his research. He offers to throw caution to the wind, in pursuit of science and the greater good. 

It doesn’t take long for Jayce to fall for him. Floating in the blue light in Heimerdinger’s lab, he watches Viktor, his new partner, and realizes he might be in over his head. The feeling only grows as time goes on. 

They spent most of their waking moments together. Working, talking, eating meals in the lab or outside it, planning their next experiments. 

Jayce never loses that sensation in his chest that he got when he saw Viktor hovering in the lab that first night. He feels it every time he sees his partner. The way Viktor’s eyes flash when he gets excited, the way he moves and gestures, the way he talks, the ideas he has - it all serves to remind Jayce how much he has fallen for the man. 

He isn’t good at hiding it. Jayce knows that, but he tries not to pressure Viktor. His affection stays as platonic as possible. He can’t keep himself from being close to his partner, but he never pushes if Viktor puts distance between them. He never tries to go farther than a casual touch.

Still, Jayce knows he isn’t subtle. He knows Viktor can tell that Jayce wants more than he says. And he knows that if Viktor wanted the same thing, he would say something. 

Viktor doesn’t say anything. 

Jayce understands. He can be a lot, sometimes. Too energetic or too wrapped up in himself. Besides, Viktor has never seemed interested in romance, period. Jayce hasn’t heard him speak of past partners, and as far as he knows, Viktor doesn’t socialize much apart from him. It’s possible Viktor doesn’t feel or want anything more than friendship in general. 

Their relationship is one of the most important things in Jayce’s life, and he accepts early on that it will stay the way it is. He’s at peace with that. Viktor is his closest friend, and if staying close to him means keeping things platonic between them, Jayce doesn’t mind. 

He doesn’t look for another partner, though. He’s not over Viktor by any means, and anyway, work takes most of his energy. Work and his time with Viktor.  

After a while, his mother starts asking him questions about the two of them. She’s naturally curious, after all the time they spend together, and how close they are. Jayce tells her the truth, that they’re just friends. He thinks she believes him. 

But then she starts suggesting he find someone else. A life companion, a partner. Jayce wants to tell her that he already has that. Instead, he just nods along and changes the subject. 

One day, she suggests it again when Jayce is feeling down. While he’s accepted his and Viktor’s relationship, he does feel the desire for more. At times, it bothers him a bit more than usual. 

So when his mother asks if he will go on a date with the daughter of a friend of hers - just to try it - he agrees. 

At the very least, it should stop her asking for a time. 

Around the same point, Jayce stops being quite as affectionate with Viktor. He realizes abruptly that the other man might be uncomfortable with his friendly touches and words, if he doesn’t reciprocate Jayce’s feelings. 

He doesn’t pull back completely, not wanting to change their dynamic entirely. He just takes a step back. Less of him holding Viktor’s hand, for example. Small things that could be bothering his partner. 

Viktor doesn’t seem to notice, and Jayce begins to think he was wrong about Viktor being uncomfortable. He decides to give it a few more days, then return to normal. See if anything changes.  

Jayce is a captivating person. Viktor notices this at his trial, watching him desperately argue for the sake of his dream. His energy and intensity is striking. The impression is only strengthened once they begin to work together. 

The night they broke into Heimerdinger’s lab, when Jayce calls it their Hextech dream, as though it belonged to both of them, and then calls Viktor his partner when they are caught - it made Viktor wonder at how trusting Jayce is, how ready he is to share his dream with Viktor. In time, however, he begins to understand how Jayce works, the passion and sincerity behind his actions and words. 

They work together, side by side, every day. Hours spent just the two of them, working on prototypes and calculations. Meals shared, conversations had, time passing as they get to know each other. Viktor finds that he feels comfortable around Jayce, like he doesn’t need to prove himself. 

They become good friends. And that’s all they are, for a while. 

Now, Viktor isn’t completely oblivious. It’s clear Jayce cares for him as more than a friend, at least at the beginning. The man’s casual displays of affection and the look in his eyes when he sees Viktor are obvious. 

To Jayce’s credit, he never pushes Viktor to reciprocate. His actions show his desire without much subtlety, but he doesn’t force Viktor to say or do anything back. Viktor appreciates this greatly. He has had his share of people who didn’t care for his more closed-off method of affection. To have someone he is so close to, yet to not need to further the relationship, is refreshing. And it stays that way for a long time. 

But eventually, Jayce stops being as affectionate. He still puts an arm around Viktor, or catches his hand in his excitement, but less often. His eyes have a different expression when he looks at Viktor, and Viktor doesn’t know exactly what it means. Still, he should be relieved to have Jayce see him as only a friend. 

Instead, Viktor is disappointed. He doesn’t quite know why, at first.

He has known for a long time that he doesn’t fall in love as easily as most people do. His feelings take time to develop, though the strength they reach seems to be the same as other people’s emotions. In the past, he has had a few relationships, but none of them felt right for him. And since he met Jayce, Viktor hasn’t felt the need for further companionship. 

Which is why it surprises him one day when Jayce wraps an arm around him, as he has done so many times before, though less recently, and Viktor realizes he likes the touch as more than just casual affection. Realizes that he cares more for his partner than he thought he did. That he wants more than just friendship from him. 

The irony that he only discovered this revelation after Jayce has stopped seeming to be interested in him is not lost on Viktor. He’s frustrated, at himself and his mind and heart. Still, he holds out hope. He can’t quite bring himself to say something, not yet, but he’s getting there. 

One evening soon after his realization, Viktor is tinkering with a prototype alongside Jayce in the lab when Jayce gets up. He picks up his jacket and starts to put it on. 

“Going somewhere?” Viktor asks. 

“I have a date,” Jayce says, like it means nothing. Viktor feels his heart drop. 

So he was right. Jayce has moved on. 

Viktor almost wants to laugh. Because it’s his own fault, isn’t it? If he’d just realized his feelings sooner, if he just hadn’t taken so long, he could have been with Jayce before now. For a moment, he almost hates himself for being the way he is. 

But he’s been thinking for too long, and now Jayce is watching him, confused as to why Viktor is staring at him. Viktor clears his throat. “Well, have a good night,” he says, and tries to make it sound natural. 

“Thanks,” Jayce replies, and smiles at him before heading out the door. 

Once it shuts, Viktor leans his head against his palm. He is suddenly tired.

Chapter Text

Jayce walks slowly out of the lab. He is thinking. 

Just now, Viktor seemed… off, somehow. 

His reaction to Jayce’s announcement of a date wasn’t exactly strange, per say. At least, as far as what Viktor said. Still, something doesn’t sit right with Jayce. 

It’s the way Viktor froze when Jayce said the words. The look on his face was almost rueful, almost pained. Like Jayce had hurt him. Like Jayce going on a date had hurt him. 

But Jayce is reading too much into this. He must be. Viktor’s never given him any reason to think he was interested in Jayce as more than a friend. Let alone any reason to think he might be jealous. 

It’s true that Jayce hasn’t gone out with anyone since he met Viktor. Still, if his partner wanted more from Jayce, he would have said something before this. He would have shown it. 

No, Jayce is certainly reading too much into this. He sighs, and walks a bit faster. He’ll be late if he doesn’t hurry. 

He arrives at the restaurant just in time. His date is already there waiting for him, and she smiles at him as he greets her.

The evening goes well enough. The two of them have little in common, though, and beyond general conversation, they don’t really connect. Towards the end of the evening, Jayce’s date admits as much. 

“The truth is, I have someone else,” she says. “She’s just not interested. So my parents thought it would be good for me to meet someone new.”

“I know the feeling,” Jayce agrees. 

She looks at him for a moment, then nods in understanding and stands. “Thank you for tonight. I enjoyed myself.”

He walks her to where a friend is waiting a ways away, and then heads home himself. Once again, his steps slow as he becomes lost in thought. 

Is there a chance he’s not overthinking Viktor’s reaction earlier? Could his partner really be jealous? 

Or did Jayce make him uncomfortable? Maybe that’s it. 

Perhaps Jayce overstepped a line somewhere, with his affection or his words, and Viktor is upset by it. Maybe even the mere mention of romance bothers him. Jayce isn’t sure. 

Struggling to sleep that night, he gets up and sits on his balcony, watching the city move beneath him. The cool air is soothing, and he breathes it in. 

He could wait and see if Viktor says anything. He’s always been honest with Jayce, and if Jayce has hurt him, Viktor would be likely to say something. At least, Jayce thinks so. 

In the meantime, perhaps it would be better for Jayce to back off more. He’s been careful with his affection lately, but he could be more cautious.

And if all else fails, he could just ask Viktor if Jayce has hurt him. 

If that wouldn’t ruin things between them. Jayce passes a hand over his face. Things suddenly feel so complicated.

He doesn’t want to mess up. He’s never really been in love like this before. 

Love. 

It’s the first time he’s really let himself think that word. The feeling behind it has been there for a long time, but he’s never labelled it. Never given it a definition. 

It feels right, though. He does love Viktor. Jayce wants to spend the rest of his life with him, even just as a friend. As a partner. 

He needs to not screw this up. 

Viktor spends half the night working in the lab. Once the words and equations start to blur together, he gives up and goes home. 

He doesn’t sleep well, if he sleeps at all. When the sun begins to peak into his window, he sighs and gets up. 

Sitting in his kitchen, with a cup of coffee between his hands, he thinks over the previous evening in the lab. Jayce’s words, his own reaction. 

Was it too obvious? Viktor’s disappointment? Did he show his frustration? He isn’t really the type to over-analyze his every action, but this time he can’t stop himself. 

Jayce is Viktor’s closest friend. His partner. He’s the only person Viktor has ever been this close with.  

Before him, Viktor was fine alone. He worked well with others when necessary, but he didn’t need a constant companion. 

But with Jayce, it’s different. Viktor’s chest feels tight when he thinks of losing him. 

If Viktor’s ruined what they have between them, he doesn’t know if he is ready to deal with the fallout. For that matter, he doesn’t know what to do if he hasn’t ruined things. If everything is still the same between them, and nothing has changed, will he be content?

Or will he just be more upset than before, wanting Jayce and knowing he can’t have him?

Because clearly Viktor has missed his opportunity. Jayce has moved on. And who can blame him? 

Viktor knows, logically, that he isn’t wrong for how his emotions work. He knows that. But he doesn’t feel it, really, right now. He feels frustrated, angry at his heart for working this way. 

There must be others who feel this. Other people like him, who take so long to fall in love. 

Love. 

Is that the right word? He does love Jayce, as a friend. As more than that. Whether he means it in the most common sense of the word, or as something more specific to their relationship, Viktor doesn’t know. 

But if this feeling isn’t love, he doesn’t know what it could be.

He runs a hand through his hair. He’s no closer to solving this problem than he was when he started this line of thought. 

In the end, he stands and heads out the door. He needs to work. Work is a distraction. It won’t last forever, but it’s something. 

Jayce does his best to be normal around Viktor, though he’s careful not to touch him. He catches himself on several occasions, about to put a hand on his partner’s shoulder, and stops just in time. 

Regulating his voice is harder still. Jayce has never been great at disguising his affection in his tone. Now, when it matters the most to him, he struggles more than ever. 

He doesn’t mention his date. If that was what bothered Viktor, he is determined not to repeat his mistake. Viktor never brings it up either, and so they both continue as though nothing has changed. 

It feels like everything has changed. 

If his partner has noticed anything odd in Jayce’s behavior, Viktor doesn’t mention it, but he is different too. He’s subdued when he speaks. He is working harder than Jayce has ever seen. He doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping, and most days he’s already at the lab when Jayce arrives. 

Viktor must still be upset, Jayce decides. He just wishes he could know what exactly he did wrong. Is Jayce making things between them even worse by pulling away? Or is he not doing a good enough job at it? 

Sooner or later, something will have to break. Jayce just hopes it’s not going to be their partnership that fractures.

He could lose a lot of things in life, but not Viktor.  

Viktor notices that something is off about Jayce as soon as he next sees him. 

His partner still works the same as always, but his behavior towards Viktor is changed. He no longer touches Viktor at all, and the warmth and fondness always present in his tone is gone. 

Any hope Viktor had is dashed to pieces. He’s lost what little affection they had between them. Part of him wonders if Jayce even wishes to continue their friendship.

Viktor works instead of thinking about it. New equations on the chalkboard, new ideas on scraps of paper, new concepts to go over. He works harder than he has in a long time, starting early in the morning and continuing late into the night. 

It’s not good. He’s not doing his best, making mistakes over minor details. He’s not thinking clearly in general. The lack of sleep is weighing him down, making it hard to keep going. 

In the end, he cracks. He walks into the lab one morning to find Jayce already there, and his partner greets him just as normal. Just as normal, except there is no move to take Viktor’s hand, to put an arm around him. Nothing behind the words but simple politeness.

Abruptly, Viktor realizes he can’t continue like this. Second-guessing Jayce’s every word and action, reviewing his own behavior each night to see what he did wrong. They need to figure this out, both of them.

And if it means losing what they’ve had… well. He’ll have to find a way to survive it.

Chapter Text

Jayce greets Viktor, careful to keep his voice neutral. Viktor stands still for a moment after the greeting, and Jayce looks back at him. 

Viktor looks serious. More than that, he looks sad . 

“We need to talk, Jayce,” he says, and Jayce feels his stomach drop. 

He knew this was coming eventually. It had to happen. They could only ignore whatever this is that has come between them for so long.

“What is it?” he asks, trying to sound like his heart isn’t in his throat.

Viktor sits down and says nothing for a moment. Jayce holds his breath. 

“I… do not find myself attracted to people easily.” Viktor starts, and then comes to a stop. He seems to be searching for something in his mind. 

Jayce thinks he knows what Viktor means. It must have been Jayce’s obvious attraction that was bothering Viktor. And now Viktor, perhaps more kindly than Jayce deserves, is trying to let him down gently. 

“I understand,” Jayce says, before Viktor can continue. He has to fix this mistake he’s made. “I never meant to make you uncomfortable.” 

Will the apology be enough? Jayce isn’t sure whether he can say anything more without showing his pain too plainly. The last thing he wants is for Viktor to feel burdened by Jayce’s disappointment. 

Viktor, instead of looking relieved, looks taken aback. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Jayce,” he says. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“I thought…” Jayce pauses, confused. “What do you mean, then?"

“I mean that I don’t fall for people quickly. It takes me more time than most.” Again, Viktor stops, and now his expression is vulnerable. He looks like he is preparing to be injured. “But I can feel attraction, eventually. And I do, towards you.”

The world spins. Jayce, startled, speaks before his mind can quite process the words. “You’re attracted to me? I thought you just wanted to be friends.”

Viktor winces, though he is obviously trying to hide it. “Do you want that? To just be friends?” he asks, and there is trepidation in his voice. 

“No,” Jayce says simply. Consequences be damned, he needs to tell the truth. “I want more than that. I have ever since that night we broke into Heimerdinger’s lab. But I didn’t want to mess this up. What we have, it’s important to me. When you never seemed to want more, I just assumed we would be only friends.” He takes a breath. “Which is fine, by the way. I never wanted to pressure you.”

“You didn’t pressure me. I appreciate that more than I can say. Others have not always been so understanding.” Viktor holds up a hand, before Jayce can say anything about that. “To be quite honest,” he continues, “I didn’t want more, not at first. I was content to keep things platonic between us.”

“And that’s changed?” Jayce asks, still trying desperately to understand the situation.  

“Yes, Jayce. It has changed.” Viktor says, and the world is still spinning but Jayce can feel it slowing along with his heartbeat. 

“I thought you were uncomfortable with me,” he says. “I know I haven’t been hiding my own feelings well.”

At that, Viktor seems perplexed. “What an idea, Jayce. Your affection has never been unwelcome, even before my feelings changed.” 

“When did they change?”

“About a month ago.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jayce asks. 

“I believed you were no longer interested.” Viktor says it as though the mere idea isn’t ridiculous. “You pulled away.”

“I thought I was making things worse, being too close. But Viktor, trust me, I’m still interested.”

“You had a date…” Viktor trails off, and oh, oh, Jayce finally understands. 

“My mother asked me to have dinner with the daughter of one of her friends. I agreed hoping that she would stop asking me for a while. It was never anything serious.” He needs Viktor to know that. “I didn’t think it would bother you.”

“It shouldn’t have,” Viktor replies. “And yet it did.” He looks slightly embarrassed, and Jayce loves him so much. 

Smiling, Jayce says, “I’ve been an idiot.”

“And I seem to have been a fool,” Viktor responds. He smiles too, the sadness gone from his face, and Jayce’s mind races as he tries to think of what to say next. 

Finally, he settles on something. “So, where do we go from here?” he asks. 

Viktor hesitates. “I… am not quite sure. I don’t have much experience with-“ he pauses, then continues, “romance.” 

Jayce thinks he understands Viktor’s hesitation. “We don’t have to label anything,” he says. “We can still be partners, but more than friends. If that’s what you want.”

Viktor’s smile grows, and Jayce has never seen anyone so beautiful. “Yes,” Viktor replies. “I would like that.”

“My mother has invited us to dinner,” Jayce tells Viktor some time after their mutual confession. “She wants to get to know you better.”

“I suppose I should oblige,” Viktor says. “You know I am not one for talking about myself, though.”

“I think she already approves of you,” Jayce responds. “She was pleased to hear we were together. She just wants to see you again.”

Later that night, Jayce comes home with Viktor, at Viktor’s invitation. They sit up for a while, discussing various topics, before Viktor stands. “Will you come to bed?” he asks, and Jayce nods. 

Lying down, his head against Jayce’s chest, Viktor pulls a blanket across the two of them. They lay there in comfortable silence, both content in each other’s embrace. Then, Jayce speaks, soft and quiet in the darkness. 

“Is it too soon to say I love you?” he asks, and Viktor smiles. 

“Perhaps,” he replies. “But I will allow it.” He feels Jayce’s heartbeat against his cheek. It’s steady, comfortable, and Viktor listens for a few moments. Jayce says nothing more, just brings a hand up to Viktor’s hair and strokes it gently.  

“I love you too,” Viktor says, and hears Jayce’s heartbeat rise.