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Jhoanna’s body is littered with scars.
From her face to her torso, all the way down to her feet, there would be at least one scar that varies in degree of visibility across her skin. Some scars can be seen even from a couple of feet away, and some require close examination.
And while every other person would be ashamed or embarrassed of such blemishes, of such imperfections , Jhoanna wears hers with confidence. For each scar is representative of a moment that she deems memorable and important. For each scar is a reminder that she would do literally anything for Maloi, even if it meant letting herself get hurt in the process. That’s just how important the older girl is to her.
Mary Loi Yves Ricalde, Jhoanna’s best friend of almost seventeen years, absolutely detests the scars littering the latter’s skin. For, according to her, Jhoanna’s scars are a reminder of how clumsy and stupid she can be. And how her clumsiness and stupidity always end up with the younger girl getting hurt because of her.
Jhoanna would just roll her eyes playfully, but there would be a fond smile on her lips. And then she would pull Maloi in for a tight hug as soon as she took notice of the tears that would always pool in the latter’s eyes. Softly, she’d whisper, ‘I don’t mind getting hurt, basta wag ikaw' . And Maloi would then proceed to hit her lightly on the arm before, without fail, snuggling further into the warmth of the taller girl’s embrace.
The most visible scar, Jhoanna thinks, would probably be the one on her back. It spans from her left shoulder all the way to her right hip, about half a centimeter wide, and very much visible if she stands under bright lights. It's mainly the reason why she stopped wearing cropped tops or any sort of clothing that would expose her back.
It’s not because the scar makes her feel insecure. No, never. The scars don’t actually bother her, not at all. But Maloi would get this sad and guilty look in her eyes, one that’s just too painful to look at, whenever she would see it and the younger girl’s heart would hurt for her friend.
So, Jhoanna stopped wearing cropped tops, and Maloi stopped looking sad and guilty a little less over time.
It’s from way back when they were still young, the scar on her back. Jhoanna was eleven, Maloi was twelve. They were on their way home from school one afternoon when the latter chanced upon a kitten that was stuck high up in a tree. The small fur ball was meowing loudly, as if calling out to someone to come and help.
Maloi, who has the kindest heart Jhoanna has ever known, stubbornly tries to climb up the tree despite all of the latter’s warnings. Jhoanna kept reminding the older girl of her not being the best at climbing down. But Maloi was as stubborn as she was kind, and she really wanted to help the poor kitten. So, helplessly, Jhoanna could only watch with worry as the other climbed up the tall tree with ease.
There’s a triumphant grin on Maloi’s lips as she settles on the branch that the kitten was on. She gently took the poor thing in her arms, which didn’t fuss in her hold, and put the small kitten in the large pocket of her blazer.
A huge smile breaks out on Maloi's lips as she looks down at the younger girl, one that makes her whole face glow. And Jhoanna is stunned for a moment because God, why is she only noticing how beautiful her best friend is? Maloi then begins to make her way down, and Jhoanna watches on with bated breath, ready to spring into action should anything bad happen.
She makes it halfway down without a hitch, and Jhoanna relaxes a little because, hey, maybe her best friend can go down the tree on her own without any problem whatsoever. But then, as it always is with unfortunate events, Jhoanna wants to smack herself for jinxing the situation.
Because not even a couple of seconds later, Maloi steps on a frail branch that easily breaks under her weight. Jhoanna felt her heart drop at the same time her best friend went spiraling down with a loud screech.
She's bolting towards the older girl in an instant, ready to catch her or at least break her fall. She does catch the latter in her arms, but she’s still a bit unsteady on her feet, and the sudden force of her best friend falling on her sends her to the ground.
Jhoanna feels a sharp pain on her back when she skids over the ground. She feels something quite sharp digging into her skin, which she later finds out is a sharp-edged rock, and she has to bite down on her lip to stop herself from screaming out in pain.
The kitten leaps out of Maloi’s blazer as soon as they’re on the ground, sprinting as fast away as possible and leaving the two friends in its wake. Maloi stands up on shaky legs, squatting a bit and reaching a hand out to Jhoanna to help her up. The latter takes the offered hand and lets the older girl hoist her up on her feet.
She’s actually more worried about how to go around telling Maloi about her possibly very new wound, than about the actual wound itself. At this, Jhoanna is quite stuck at an impasse. She’s trying to figure out a way to tell her best friend without making the older girl panic and burst into tears.
A sharp gasp suddenly pierces through the air, and Jhoanna almost winces when she sees the shock on Maloi’s pale face. Looks like her wound already made the decision for her, she thinks with a wince, as she tries to follow the other girl’s line of sight. And she almost groans out loud at the very small amount of blood pooling at her left foot.
There’s a flurry of movement in front of her as Maloi seems to have finally snapped from her shock, removing her own blazer and bunching it up to press over her wound. She makes her take a seat on the grass, pulling out her phone and frantically calling for help.
Maloi sobs as she waits with Jhoanna for their parents to arrive and take them to the hospital. She continues to cry throughout the car ride while tightly gripping onto the younger girl’s hand and Jhoanna just lets her. For she knows by now that whenever her best friend is too overwhelmed and too emotional, it’s just better to let her cry it all out.
The older girl gets a round of scolding from her parents for being reckless, while Jhoanna’s were very understanding and even tried to calm her down. Jhoanna's parents, after knowing her for so long, have grown very fond of Maloi to the point that they even consider her part of the family as well. While Maloi’s family treats Jhoanna pretty much the same.
The Ricaldes apologized profusely to Jhoanna, who, along with her parents, just waved the apologies off with a comforting and understanding smile. And Maloi is reminded of why she liked Jhoanna in the first place – the younger girl was a playful kid, but kind and just very, very precious; someone who only knows how to love with all of her heart.
It takes a kiss on the forehead, and a whisper of ‘everything’s gonna be alright’, from the younger girl to calm Maloi’s sobs.
In the end, Jhoanna’s wound wasn’t so deep for it to require stitches, but it’s deep enough to leave a nasty scar on her back.
Maloi blames herself every time for it.
The second largest scar is most definitely the one on her left leg, which runs from mid-thigh up until maybe a quarter or a third of her left calf. Jhoanna got this one the summer before her junior year of high school. It was Maloi’s last summer as a high school student, her last before she graduated from high school and had to move away for college.
The two best friends decided to make the best out of those two and a half months, and they tried to do everything that was on the sort-of bucket list they made together specifically for that summer.
They learned to surf together, went on a ten-day road trip all on their own, with permission from their parents, of course. Or more like they traveled all the way to Baguio and back, with just the two of them and absolutely no adult supervision.
Jhoanna taught Maloi how to skateboard, took her out to different restaurants in the city to try different dishes and delicacies, and made her go on zoo and aquarium dates.
Maloi took Jhoanna out for movies, whether they be the newest releases or reruns of old classics, which she would never ever get sick and tired of. At night, she would drag the younger girl outside to look at the stars, telling the latter stories and tales about the constellations and the universe.
Jhoanna would most often than not sneak glances towards Maloi, who would be so passionate and engrossed in the stories she tells, and she would in turn be engrossed in everything about her.
From the way her eyes twinkled as she talked, to the way the moon’s light shone brightly against her raven hair, casting her in its silvery glow. The sight would always take Jhoanna's breath away, because there was no other way to describe her best friend during those moments other than ethereal. And Jhoanna found herself falling even deeper for the older girl.
Before going to sleep, Maloi would read to her. Whether they be with each other physically as one sleeps over at the other’s house, or through the phone. The older girl would read passages from her favorite novels to Jhoanna, until she could hear the latter’s soft snores through the line.
It was a summer that Jhoanna can never forget. The two of them have made so many good memories together, with each other, and she would forever treasure these memories in her heart. Besides, it was also the summer that brought her to the realization that she was oh so painstakingly in love with her best friend.
A month into their summer break, she decided to teach Maloi how to ride a bike. The older girl learned rather quickly, and she was quite impressed when the latter was able to balance herself on the bike after just roughly four hours of learning how to ride.
Maloi’s usually a clumsy mess, so her learning how to bike quickly is quite the surprise. Jhoanna continued to teach her for the next few days, up until the girl was confident enough to ride on her own.
And two weeks later, Maloi was already biking around like she’s some pro while Jhoanna would watch over her, always with fondness in her eyes.
There are only three weeks left on their break, and Maloi and Jhoanna are on their way home from a rather fun afternoon at the beach, riding Maloi’s newly-purchased bicycle with the taller girl riding at the back. The latter has her arms wrapped around her best friend, and everything seems to be going good for a while before they chance upon a rather steep slope.
Maloi’s hold on the handle shakes, and the wheels of the bike run over a sizable stone that causes her to lose control of the bike. There’s a fallen branch ahead that causes the bike to jerk forward when they run over it and sends the two of them flying to the ground.
The older girl gets lucky with a few scratches on her knees and her hands from trying to break her fall. Jhoanna, not as much. There’s a large gash on her left leg that’s bleeding quite profusely, and there’s another smaller, shallower one on her right arm. Other than that, she’s quite fine.
Well, as fine as she can be while bleeding.
The sight of Jhoanna’s bloody leg snaps Maloi into action and sends her into overdrive. And unlike the incident with the cat years ago, she manages to regain her composure this time as she calls her parents for help.
Without much thought, she takes off her shirt after her parents reassure her that they’re on their way, leaving her in her tank top as she begins to fuss over her best friend.
Maloi guides Jhoanna to take a seat by the base of a nearby tree, sitting in front of her to tie the shirt around the girl’s wound. She then takes a seat beside the latter, taking a hold of Jhoanna’s hands and enclosing them in hers. Her grip is tight, as if she’s afraid of letting go.
When Jhoanna looks at Maloi’s eyes, all she can see in them is sadness and guilt. The girl’s eyes are shiny with tears, and all she wants to do is to wipe that look away. Maloi turns to look at her, wry smile painting her pink lips, and Jhoanna’s heart pumps wildly in her chest. She badly wants to kiss that sad smile off her best friend’s face right at that moment.
“Why do you stay friends with me when all I bring you is bad luck and injuries?” Maloi asks, genuinely curious, voice hoarse and shaking with emotion.
Jhoanna’s expression softens as she uses her free hand to tilt Maloi’s head up by the chin. They stare at each other for a moment, lost in each other’s eyes, and Jhoanna has an epiphany right then and there. She’s so, so in love with this clumsy girl and her cute smile and her sometimes obnoxious attitude.
She’s so in love with everything about Maloi, from the way her eyes light up whenever she talks about something she loves, to the way she makes her feel like nothing else in the world matters when they’re together.
She loves Maloi with all her heart, flaws and all, and Jhoanna would do anything to always keep her safe and happy.
Leaning forward, Jhoanna plants the softest of kisses on Maloi’s forehead. The latter’s eyes are still closed, a ghost of a smile on her lips, when she pulls back. Jhoanna could only smile. Maloi is beautiful, much too beautiful, that it makes her heart hurt from beating way too fast and way too hard against her ribcage.
“That’s not true, Loi. Hindi ka kaya malas. You just happen to be more accident-prone than the vast majority of the human population,” Jhoanna says with a smile, her gaze soft and fond, a hint of teasing in her voice.
Maloi averts her gaze as a blush dusts her cheeks a light pink.
“Almost, if not all of your scars are because of me. Honestly, why don’t you just let me suffer the consequences of my own clumsiness? Umiwas ka na lang kaya sa akin? Para hindi ka na nadidisgrasya. Why do you keep on saving me and staying with me, and getting yourself hurt instead?!”
Maloi’s visibly upset, her shoulders rising and falling as her chest heaved. A tear rolls from her eye, followed by another, and another until they’re flowing like a stream down her cheeks. Jhoanna reaches out, pulls the older girl against her, and encloses her in a warm embrace. She places reassuring kisses on the top of the latter’s head, as her hands trace random patterns along her back comfortingly.
“You make me happy, Loi,” she says in all honesty, making the older girl turn towards her again, eyes wide and shining with tears.
Jhoanna smiles at her, kind and reassuring, and Maloi almost melts.
“You’re my best friend, at bukod sa pamilya ko, you’re the most important person in my life. Sa totoo lang, mas okay na sa akin na ikaw yung walang injuries. Baka atakihin ako sa puso eh. Kaya hayaan mo na. Don't overthink. Hindi din ako mawawala. As long as you don’t tell me to my face that you want me out of your life, then I’m not gonna leave. You’re pretty much gonna be stuck with me. Besides, I don’t really mind these scars. Para sa akin kasi, they’re sort of a symbol. A promise, from me to you.”
Jhoanna pauses to look Maloi in the eyes. Her gaze is intent, almost smoldering, and it sends a chill down the latter’s spine. The younger girl has never looked at her this way before, and it honestly overwhelms her, sending her heart into overdrive.
“I’d do my best to protect you, Loi. I may not be the smartest, or the strongest person out there, pero sana maniwala ka na wala akong hindi kayang gawin to always make sure that you’re safe and happy. I’ll always be by your side, whether you end up getting us injured or not.”
Maloi’s tears once again spill from her eyes, and Jhoanna almost laughs at her as she reaches forward to wipe the tears with the pads of her thumbs. It’s kind of amazing, to say the least, to see the one person you love the most in the world, look at you with stars in their eyes.
“That, Maloi Ricalde, is my promise to you.”
Jhoanna even has a scar on her face. It’s also her most recent one.
It starts from the tail-end of her left eyebrow down to her cheekbone. The scar has faded enough that it’s now a whole lot lighter than the wounds on her back and leg, thanks to all the ointments and scar removal creams that Maloi made her use. Yet despite this, it’s still quite obvious to anyone who’s standing close to her.
Whenever they’re together, Maloi would spend some time just looking at the scar before reaching a hand up to trace along it lightly with her finger. Her touch is always gentle and careful, as if she’s afraid of hurting Jhoanna even though the scar has mostly faded by now.
This scar is accompanied by another one near her waist, and four smaller ones on her right shoulder. The one on her torso was from a deep wound that had to be stitched, so there are smaller ones shaped like dots surrounding it. The ones on her shoulder are all crescent in shape, the result of human fingernails breaking through skin.
Jhoanna shudders at the memory of how she ended up with these scars. It’s always an unpleasant memory, and not just because it was the night that she attained these scars. But because it was also the first time she had ever seen Maloi truly and utterly heartbroken. And she, even up to now, hates how she wasn’t able to at least even ease the older girl’s pain back then.
Maloi and Jhoanna ended up going to different colleges, ones that are at least thirty miles away from each other.
And while it made Jhoanna sad at first, Maloi kept her promise of calling and video-chatting often. They’d spend hours on the phone before bed, just talking about their days and how much they’ve missed each other. It was good between the two of them for a while. But of course, it wouldn’t be a life with Maloi if Jhoanna didn’t get hurt in one way or another.
Maloi was in her third year when she started dating some guy whose name Jhoanna never bothered to remember. She liked to refer to him as Couch Potato, though, because he’s just that lazy and irritating.
Jhoanna would have been in love with Maloi for three years then. Or maybe even longer since, you know, she maybe sort of has always been in love with Maloi Ricalde and it just took her a couple of years to realize.
And while it hurt too much to listen and keep silent, Jhoanna endured all the times Maloi called to talk about Couch Potato and their budding relationship. He’s a nice-looking guy, easy on the eyes, and he’s smart and athletic to boot.
Apparently, he’s also filthy rich and is probably one of the most popular guys from the university Maloi goes to. He’s the epitome of the older girl’s ideal man, and Jhoanna felt miniscule, almost insignificant, compared to him.
It was quite a painful period for Jhoanna, watching the love of her life slowly fall in love with someone else. But Maloi was happy, so she kept her pain to herself. She can’t be selfish, not when it’s her love’s happiness that’s on the line.
So, like always, Jhoanna chooses to let herself get hurt to spare Maloi from pain.
A couple of months after their first anniversary, Maloi and Couch Potato end up having a major fight that leads to the two of them in a cool-off of sorts. Maloi was devastated, and there’s nothing that Jhoanna said or did that could cheer her up.
Jhoanna was woken up in the middle of the night once, by a drunk Maloi calling her phone again and again, and she was so, so worried about the older girl that she dashed out of her dorm after grabbing her wallet and keys.
It didn’t matter that Maloi was hours away or that she was still in her sleep attire. All Jhoanna wanted right then was to reach her best friend and make sure that the older girl was okay.
Jhoanna hails a cab as soon as she’s outside the university premises, stating the address of the club that Maloi drunkenly mentioned she was at. Luckily, the driver was a kind old man who drove as fast as speed limits would allow when she asked him to ‘kindly step on it, please’.
He tried to keep her distracted as they breezed through the thankfully mostly empty roads. And the supposed two-hour journey was shortened by at least half an hour. It’s almost midnight when they arrive at the club, and Jhoanna prays that Maloi’s still there because the older girl won't pick up any of her calls.
Ignoring the stares she got, Jhoanna made her way through the throngs of bodies dancing in the middle of the dance floor, making her way towards the bar. A sigh of relief falls from her lips when she sees her best friend’s familiar backside seated at one of the stools.
The girl looks to be in a conversation with the kind-looking bartender, and a small smile makes its way to Jhoanna’s lips as she makes her way to her best friend. She’s only a couple of feet away when Maloi slowly gets up from her seat on wobbly feet, heading for the restrooms. She was about to follow her when she noticed two shitfaced drunks trailing after her best friend.
To make the long story short, Jhoanna has never run as fast as she did that night, running after Maloi and the lecherous goons who were following her. Thinking back on it, she realizes how stupid she had been and how worse things might have happened had that night ended differently.
She’s lucky she only got some small scars from one of the idiots holding onto her shoulder too hard, his fingernails having broken through her skin.
It’s also fortunate that she only got stabbed once, and that she was able to dodge the second stab despite the gash she got on her face. She’s even luckier that the idiot didn’t manage to hit any of her internal organs when he stabbed her.
When Jhoanna woke up at the hospital about three days later, it was Maloi’s tear-stained face that greeted her first.
The first thing the older girl did when she realized that she had woken up was to sob really loudly as she flung herself towards her and hugged her really tight.
Jhoanna almost died that night, she babbled, and she’s so, so sorry for leading her into that situation. And honestly, Maloi was babbling about more things, but Jhoanna just shut her up with a tight hug and a kiss on her forehead.
“I’m alive, Loi. That’s all that matters.”
It’s been a couple of months since that incident. The scars on Jhoanna’s torso and shoulder are still a little bit pink around the edges, but they’ve all healed quite well over time. The one on her face is the least visible, after Maloi made her apply all those anti-scar creams that she had multiple doctors prescribe.
Roughly six months have passed, yet Maloi still feels very guilty over what happened to Jhoanna. She feels responsible, and insists that it was her fault, but nobody blames her for what happened.
Because honestly, it wasn’t her fault at all. But despite everyone around her telling her so, Maloi still hasn’t touched any alcoholic drink since that night. And she refused to talk to Couch Potato despite the latter’s efforts to reach out to her.
Maloi has spent the past six months focusing on Jhoanna and her recovery, that it got to the point that Jhoanna herself had to threaten her to never talk to her again if she doesn’t focus on her responsibilities as well.
Of course, it would be a complete and utter lie for Jhoanna to say that it didn’t feel absolutely great to have all of Maloi’s attention and affection solely focused on her. But she felt guilty, for her best friend still has her studies, her own life, to focus on. She shouldn’t be wasting her time and efforts on someone who’s completely recovered by now.
It also didn’t help that Jhoanna’s own family had been teasing her relentlessly for the past six months about her and Maloi because, apparently, they’ve always known about her big, fat crush on the Ricaldes' second daughter.
“You should really consider telling her, you know.”
Across the room, Jhoanna sends Gwen a dirty look as she slumps on her bed. Gweneth Apuli is one of her closest friends in college, and has been her roommate since her freshman year. They have been assigned as each other’s roommates randomly at the dorms, and while their first encounter was stiff and awkward, the other girl had become one of the people Jhoanna trusts the most over the years.
Now, they’re living at an apartment unit off campus, splitting the rent and all other expenses between the two of them. They’ve already established a routine, and they’re most comfortable with each other, so this arrangement is for the best.
From Jhoanna’s desk, Gwen sends the younger girl an exaggerated eye roll. They’re inside the latter’s room, talking about Maloi again. Or more specifically, about Jhoanna’s pathetic “unrequited” love for the older girl.
Jhoanna’s not sure why Gwen is so convinced that her feelings are not one-sided after merely hearing stories of her and Maloi’s past, which she shared when they happened to talk about their childhoods. But the girl is, and she’s been bugging her ever since to “man up” and just tell Maloi how she really feels.
“Not all best friends end up like you and Ate Aiah,” Jhoanna says with an eye roll of her own.
And she fake-gags at the stupid smile that blooms on the girl’s lips at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. Aiah Arceta is Gwen’s childhood best friend who also happens to be her girlfriend, and she’s a friend that Jhoanna has grown to like as well over time.
Aiah can be very lively and energetic at times, unlike Gwen, who is mostly quiet and reserved. At first, the two of them didn't make sense to Jhoanna. But spending so much time with the two of them and observing their dynamics, she realized eventually the two of them balance each other out.
They’re a couple that Jhoanna can see lasting for a lifetime, because the love that they have for each other is quite unlike any other she’s ever seen. And in all honesty, she finds herself envious of their relationship most of the time.
Like Jhoanna and Maloi, Aiah and Gwen have been best friends since they were little kids. Aiah is a bit older, but that didn't stop them from being close. Though unlike Jhoanna, Gwen was surprisingly confident enough about herself and her feelings. And she was able to build up enough courage to come clean about her feelings towards Aiah.
The two of them have been dating since Gwen's senior year of high school, and from what Jhoanna can see, they are still going strong. She sighs as she reaches for one of her pillows to hug.
“Saka, ngayong nakagraduate at nagtatrabaho na si Maloi, I'm sure she’d be surrounded by people more amazing than me. I bet a lot of people are already falling in line just to go out with her,” Jhoanna adds bitterly, to which the older girl responds with a smirk. She raises an eyebrow at her.
“All the more reason to tell her how you really feel! Come on, Robles! You already let your chance slip once. Huwag mo nang ulitin. Just be brave!”
“Brave,” Jhoanna says with a scoff.
“Like I can just go up to her and be all like, ‘hey, I know we’ve been best friends for like, seventeen years. But I think I’ve spent a huge chunk of that time being in love with you. You’re just so amazing and beautiful, and I love you so, so much. Do you think you can go out with me?’ Ha! Like that’s ever gonna happen. Fat chance.”
When the snarky response from Gwen that Jhoanna expects doesn’t come, she turns to look at her roommate only to see that annoying smirk plastered on her lips, as the girl has her gaze pinned towards the direction of their door, which she has her back to.
With furrowed brows, Jhoanna turns to look at what the other girl is staring at and she almost chokes on air when she sees Maloi freaking Ricalde standing at her room’s doorway, staring right at her with an unreadable expression in her eyes.
Smirk still plastered on her lips, Gwen makes some lame excuse about spending the night at Aiah’s place to work on her chemistry project. The bastard slips out of the room after grabbing her backpack, with a shout of ‘Have fun kids! Good luck Jho!' on her way out. Jhoanna almost throws her pillow at her idiotic friend.
They hear the front door close, and it’s quiet for a while. It takes all of Jhoanna’s self-restraint not to fidget in her spot at the bed. Hesitantly, she raises her gaze towards Maloi, who hasn’t moved a single step from her position ever since she arrived. Jhoanna curses Gwen in her head. She should have noticed that something was up when the girl had been more persistent than usual.
Jhoanna noticed the quite unusual behavior, she just didn’t expect that it was because her best friend, the object of her affections, might have been there the whole time. She wishes at that moment for the ground to open up and just swallow her whole.
The air around them is thick with tension, and Jhoanna wants to run away from the suffocating atmosphere. She doesn’t like confrontations, isn’t really good with dealing with one, and she just hopes that Maloi would drop the subject matter in its entirety.
But who is she kidding? This is Mary Loi Yves Ricalde, a stubborn brat who always sees things through if she sets her eyes on something. It’s just Jhoanna’s bad luck that right now, it seems like her feelings are at the center of the girl’s attention.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Maloi asks, finally, after what feels like forever of the stifling silence between them.
Her voice is laced with an emotion Jhoanna can’t quite decipher. She racks her brain for something, anything, to indicate what the older girl’s tone could possibly mean. But she unfortunately comes up with nothing. She can’t think properly with her best friend looking at her like that .
Maloi takes a step further into the room, closing the door behind her. She takes more steps towards Jhoanna, motions slow and deliberate. Her gaze is pinned on the latter, scorching, smoldering, and Jhoanna can feel herself melting under the intense gaze. She gulps, scooting further up her bed once the older girl is standing by the foot of it, and she almost yelps when her back hits the headboard.
There’s no space to run.
Without a word, Maloi gets on the bed as well, sitting in front of Jhoanna as she tentatively reaches a hand up, slowly and gently cupping the younger girl’s cheek. The latter’s eyes slowly slip shut again, letting out a ragged breath as she feels her heart thump wildly against her chest.
Another hand cupping her other cheek just as gently prompts Jhoanna to open her eyes, and she finds herself staring right into Maloi’s dark ones. They stay like that for a while, staring into each other’s eyes without saying anything.
It’s Maloi who breaks the silence yet again, as she retracts her hands from Jhoanna’s face, only to wrap her arms around the latter’s torso and bury her face into the crook of the latter’s neck.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks, almost like a plea, voice muffled by Jhoanna’s skin.
The latter shudders at the feel of the older girl’s lips moving against her skin, and she slowly reciprocates the hug, wrapping her arms around her best friend and pulling her even closer.
Jhoanna can feel the older girl shaking in her hold, so she does the only thing she knows that can calm her best friend down. Gently, she tries to push Maloi back a little, only so that they are face to face again. And with the utmost effort, she musters up the most comforting smile she can as she slowly leans forward to plant the softest of kisses on the girl’s forehead.
“I’m sorry, I just...” she breathes out, averting her gaze. She slowly takes hold of Maloi’s hands, letting out a relieved sigh when the other girl doesn’t pull her hands back.
Maloi chuckles softly at her reaction, and Jhoanna finds herself looking back up at her face. Despite the tears in her eyes, there’s a smile on the older girl’s lips, and a soft blush dusting across her cheeks.
Jhoanna finds herself frozen for a moment, completely in awe of the beauty of the girl before her. Dinosaurs are rampaging inside her tummy, and her heart just might rival the Japanese bullet trains with how fast it was beating inside her chest.
To hell with it , Jhoanna thinks, as she cups Maloi’s cheeks in her hands. She leans in as slowly as possible, giving the latter ample time to realize what she’s about to do, and thus giving her the chance to pull away. But Maloi didn’t pull back, closing her eyes instead as she waited for the younger girl to make the move.
Jhoanna feels dizzy with emotion. She’s waited for this day for years, and now that it’s finally happening, she finds herself quite at a loss. Her head is full of questions, of worries and insecurities about how all this would affect the future of their friendship.
But Gwen’s voice butts in her head, with a taunting “Come on, Robles! You already let your chance slip once. Huwag mo nang ulitin. Just be brave!” . So Jhoanna tries to be brave. She casts all her worries aside and finally captures Maloi’s lips with her own.
They still have a lot of things to talk about, tons of issues to settle between the two of them, but Jhoanna figures they can just face all of that later.
For now, she just wants to focus on the moment and get lost in everything that is Maloi Ricalde.
Later that night found the two of them cuddling on Jhoanna’s bed, with Maloi half on top of her, whose arms were wrapped snugly around her waist. The older girl is warm and comfortable against her body, and all Jhoanna can think about is how she wants to always be like this.
They’ve just finished having dinner, tired and grimy from all the preparation, cooking, and cleaning up after. But their hearts are content and filled with love. They’ve talked earlier, spent hours just spilling the contents of their hearts out to one another, and Jhoanna has never felt happier than at that moment.
“Kailan pa?” Maloi asks, snuggling further into Jhoanna’s embrace.
They’re lying on the bed now, after their somewhat awkward first kiss. Jhoanna has just finished baring her heart to Maloi, confessing her feelings for the older girl in an embarrassing display of word vomit.
“Kailan pa what?” Jhoanna asks back, because she’s not certain that she knows what the other girl is referring to.
A shiver runs down her spine when she feels soft lips against her neck. She takes in a shaky breath.
“Kailan mo pa alam na... y’know... na you had more than platonic feelings for me?” Maloi clarifies bashfully, pulling back a little so she can look Jhoanna in the eyes.
She looks so adorable with that dark blush on her cheeks, that it takes a humongous amount of effort for Jhoanna to not just smother her in affection.
“Oh. You mean when I found out that I was in love with you?” she casually asks back, making the older girl fluster as she buries her face back into the crook of her neck.
She just chuckles, hugging the older girl a bit tighter and gently swaying their bodies from side to side.
“Remember your last summer of high school? The one when I got the scar on my leg after that nasty bike accident?”
Jhoanna feels Maloi’s hold on her get a little tighter, so she sighs and kisses the top of the older girl’s head. She thinks she should start helping her best friend realize that she shouldn’t be blaming herself for her scars.
“Hey, stop. Alam ko na agad tumatakbo diyan sa isip mo kahit wala ka pang sabihin. At kahit pa ayaw mong maniwala, everyone knows that it wasn’t really your fault. Stop blaming yourself please.”
She feels Maloi start to pull away, so she hugs her tighter, refusing to let go.
“It’s. Not. Your. Fault.” Jhoanna emphasizes, and she’s quick to change the subject.
“Anyway, to answer your question, it was during that summer when I realized that I was oh so hopelessly in love with you. Then ilang taon pa bago ko narealize na maybe I have always been in love with you for far longer.”
Maloi tries to pull away again, and this time, Jhoanna lets her. Her watery smile is what greets the older girl. The latter’s eyes are shining with tears and – dare Jhoanna hope – love, making her heart flutter and it’s all just so, so overwhelming that she couldn’t help but tear up herself. Maloi’s quick to wipe her tears away, cupping her cheeks with the utmost care in the world.
“Bakit ka umiiyak?” the older girl asks in a soft and fond tone. Jhoanna shakes her head.
“W-wala. I’m sorry. I'm just . . . I love you so, so much.”
Maloi’s gaze turns soft and loving as she stares Jhoanna in the eyes. The corners of her lips curl up into a fond smile as the pads of her thumbs gently brush across the latter’s cheek.
“Silly Jhoanna Christine. I love you too. Wanna know a secret? I’ve been in love with you for the longest time. Sobrang natakot lang akong aminin kasi naisip ko na baka masira yung pagkakaibigan natin dahil sa mga nararamdaman ko para sayo. I love you so much, Jhoanna. Sorry kung hindi ko naamin kaagad. Hindi ko lang kasi kakayanin na mawala ka sa buhay ko in case the feeling was not mutual.”
Maloi moving beside her breaks Jhoanna’s train of thought, as she focuses on the older girl who is starting to sit up. Maloi straddles Jhoanna’s hips, stopping the younger girl from moving away. Jhoanna finds herself staring in awe yet again, and she accepts the fact, then and there, that she may never get used to Maloi’s beauty.
“Lie on your stomach,” is all Maloi says, and Jhoanna finds herself obeying.
She rolls over on the bed so that she’s lying on her stomach. Moments later, she feels the older girl taking a seat beside her, settling against her side.
Jhoanna feels her hair getting swept to the side. Warm air fans across her left shoulder, and she shudders before she feels a pair of soft, warm lips against the spot where she knew her scar started. She lies completely still when she realizes what the other girl is doing.
Maloi is kissing all her scars, one by one, and Jhoanna’s heart is filled to the brim with love for this girl.
When Maloi asks her to turn on her back, Jhoanna complies easily. There’s a goofy smile on the older girl’s lips, the one that Jhoanna adored on her. It makes the younger’s lips curl up into a smile as well.
Slowly, Maloi leans down until her lips land on the scar on Jhoanna’s face. Her lips linger a tad longer, her hands snaking up to cup the latter’s cheeks gently.
“I love you,” Maloi breathes out once she pulls back.
Jhoanna smiles at her, eyes bright and mirthful. She reaches up to hold her best friend’s hands in her own, turning her head to the side and placing a soft kiss on each of the girl’s palms.
“I love you too.”
So, yeah. Jhoanna has a lot of scars littered all over her body. And almost all of them might have been caused by Maloi’s clumsiness, but she doesn’t mind. Sure, the older girl is clumsy, and reckless, and a bit injury-prone as her scars can prove, but Jhoanna wouldn’t want her any other way.
Maloi is perfect just the way she is, and Jhoanna loves her so.