Work Text:
"Fuck off cable im not in the mood to argue" I said roughly to my leader aka Cable. "Watch your mouth" he said with authority "I'm not your friend for you to talk with me like that, Don’t you dare raise your voice at me again." power dripping out of his voice “if you don’t like the way I lead then leave and stop bothering everyone” crossing his arms.
A moment of silence came…
“See? Even you deep down want this so respect your position” feeling good about his obvious victory, for once he finally won an argument against you.
I got up and walked off, not wanting to talk anymore, I'm overstimulated.
Next week I was silent, lost in my own thoughts. I did my chores and left for my room, my mind was going crazy with uncontrollable thoughts that I hate to admit.
That moment he said "you're bothering everyone” and the looks on their faces. That did something to me, it brought some old demons I got.
staring at the ceiling I can finally feel the sleep creeping in, that blessing was short tho. In exactly 2 hours I woke up gasping for air.
Nobody was here… nobody. I was all alone.
I held myself trying to calm down, I haven’t had a panic attack in years.
Suddenly a familiar voice appeared from nowhere “What if they don’t like you? What if they are just being nice? You don’t belong here, you never belonged anywhere. Esp not with that attitude” that cruel voice, I know it so well… “They do like me” I replied back, “really?? Did you forget how their faces looked when he told you how annoying you are. They all agreed” the voice replied with an unseen smirk that can be felt without even looking at it.
“Admit it, nobody likes you. Not even yourself” the voice continued, “remember that moment on the bridge” I cut off the voice “don’t you dare go there!” I replied harshly, but it didn’t care, it never did. “you didn’t deserve to outlive it” I held myself tighter, trying my best to not lose control.
“Now you are all alone with nobody by your side because you are nothing but a bitch who thinks they’re cute.”
I felt like puking, so I got out of bed and walked outside, heading to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water.
Sipping water shakingly trying to calm myself.
“The bridge” the voice kept repeating.
“Hey” a familiar voice came from behind me, looking at him with a sigh,“You ok?” he said with a hint of worry in his voice, knowing him he might have heard my thoughts “Yeah..” I sap water in silence.
“Are you sure?” he insisted, “yes I’m ok! get off my case" I replied a bit too harshly.. that didn't make me feel better... I held myself tighter, forgetting that cable even was there for a second as I breathed deeply. “Do you regret saving me that day?” I avoided his gaze as I finally asked what’s on my mind.
“Never..I’d never regret that” Not hearing the footsteps getting closer until I felt his warm gentle hand on my shoulder "hey.." a gentle voice i didn’t hear in a long time "you ok?" He repeated as he caressed my shoulder.
My eyes betrayed me as they teared up, hating that im in this situation.
He came into my life out of nowhere, he… saved me. Gave me a home. “Hey.. look at me” Softly he pulled me into his embrace "you're safe.." he said it like he knew what's going on in my mind.
"I don't know what is going on.. it's like one second and everything mashed together" I tried to explain myself "I know" he said with empathetic eyes. “I’m sorry for being a bitch” I said avoiding your eyes, “you’re not a bitch.” he replied sternly.
“I feel like I’m losing you cable… like I’m losing everyone” I finally admitted my fear “I’m here” he said as he tightened his arms around you. “You aren’t losing anyone, especially not me and I certainly do not regret you.” he said it like he knew what’s going on in my mind.
I said nothing but hugged him back in hopes it will warm us out from this cold night.