Work Text:
The metal of the gun felt cold in his hand.
So cold, in fact, that it felt as though his hand may burn off.
Luocha tried to stop himself from trembling, from showing any sort of emotion. Even now, in a situation where it was obvious that he’d win in the end, he still didn’t want Jing Yuan to have the upper hand. It sounded ridiculous to Luocha, but at the same time he couldn’t stand the thought of the man in front of him still being able to smile.
Luocha wished that Jing Yuan would just show his true feelings, just this once.
And he hated how even now, even with a gun being pointed at him, Jing Yuan still looked at him as though he’d come down straight from the Heavens.
“You’re a fool, Jing Yuan.” Luocha hated how his voice shook, how it sounded as though this were hard for him as well.
It shouldn’t be difficult. This was what he was meant to do from the beginning. This was his job, his duty for his country.
So why hadn’t Luocha pulled the trigger yet?
A soft chuckle came from Jing Yuan, causing the blond’s body to tense and his grip on the gun to tighten. “Any man who falls in love is a fool, you of all people should know that.”
Luocha’s face contorted into a grimace, “You–”
“Do you know what you are to me, Luocha?”
Jing Yuan exhaled and he took a step forward. “You’re something to believe in again. I haven’t felt that in years,” he said as he took another step. “I’ve loved many, and I’ve lost them too. You… you’re someone that, in all my years, isn’t afraid to hold me down and tell me what you want.”
Luocha wanted to laugh. He wanted to scoff and say that no, he’s afraid. He’s so, so afraid. That this moment is the scariest he’d ever experienced. That Jing Yuan— stupid, handsome, reposeful Jing Yuan— is the reason he’s so afraid.
Instead, he corrected the aim of his gun to point directly at Jing Yuan’s heart. The same heart he’d listened to the pulse of just a few nights ago.
“You won’t do it. I know you won’t.”
Luocha couldn’t help but bristle at that comment, irritation flaring inside his chest. “You know nothing about me,” he grit out, “you’ve known me for only three weeks.”
Jing Yuan’s smile softened, and it made Luocha want to toss the gun aside and apologize for all of this. For deceiving him and for falling in love.
But that would be betrayal, and he’d rather be caught dead before he betrayed his country.
“Three weeks? Luocha, I’ve known you my whole life.” Jing Yuan came closer, resulting in the other taking a step backward. “I’ve seen you in the stars, in every song I’ve listened to and every flower I’ve admired.”
Finally, Jing Yuan stopped just as the gun touched his chest, “I know you won’t do it. And even if you do–” his hand reached up to hold the barrel, “--I welcome death, so long as you’re the one pulling the trigger.”
Why?
Why must Jing Yuan make this so hard for him? Why must this man pour his heart out and drown Luocha in his words and his voice that both scream of love?
“I’ve known since day one you were here to kill me.”
Luocha’s heart dropped. How could Jing Yuan have possibly known? It wasn’t possible.
The blond swallowed down the bile threatening to spill from his throat, “What are you saying?”
Jing Yuan huffed softly, “I’m saying that I’ve known all along. I had Qingzu look you up the moment you waltzed into my life.”
“And it didn’t make a difference?”
The older man shook his head, his expression unreadable now, “Not a single difference. And we both know that if you betray me, you’ll only betray yourself.”
Oh, curse this man. Curse him for being so charming and causing Luocha to fall in love with him. Curse him for being able to speak such beautiful words.
Luocha inhaled deeply before exhaling, 1, 2, 3…
“If I betray you, I betray myself,” he started, trying to keep the hesitation out of his voice, “If I betray them, I betray my country.” He swallowed and looked into Jing Yuan’s eyes, “You know my country is very dear to me.”
Jing Yuan tilted his head to the side just a fraction of an inch, a smile playing on his lips, “Dearer than I?”
That question made Luocha pause.
Was his country really that more important than Jing Yuan? The place where he was born and raised, compared to a man he had really only just met.
And yet…
“No… No, not dearer than you,” he murmured softly.
Luocha shut his eyes, “But you must understand that in the end, my country is where I return to. I won’t be coming back to you.”
“You mean you’re actually going to kill me?”
“I mean just that.” It pained Luocha to say it, but he never leaves a mission half finished. Even if he doesn’t want to go through with it.
He watched as Jing Yuan’s eyes widened before softening, “Then go ahead.”
Luocha's face contorted into something that resembled determination, yet wasn’t even close. “You have until nine, either give me the information or I’ll kill you for it.”
The older man chuckled, “You’re stalling.”
Luocha’s expression hardened, “You are as well.”
“Hm, seems you’ve figured me out.” Jing Yuan looked up at the night sky, taking in the twinkling stars and glowing moon. “Tell me, will I be the seventh notch on the gun, or the eighth?”
“Just give me what I want and I’ll let you go, just this once.”
Jing Yuan looked back at Luocha, “You won’t do it.”
The blond man’s eyes widened, “Excuse me?”
“You won’t pull the trigger, you won’t pull it because you love me. And it takes a very cold and a very brave man to do something like that.” Jing Yuan’s smile turned soft and he pushed closer, the gun now pressing harder into his chest.
“That’s why you’re waiting, no?”
Luocha’s face twisted into a grimace, “You don’t know me.” He’s repeating those words again, and he’ll repeat them over and over just to convince himself.
Jing Yuan sighed and shook his head, “If you’re expecting me to beg for my life, you’ll be disappointed. I’m not in the mood for prayers tonight, Luocha.”
The younger man let out a defeated laugh, “Do you truly believe I won’t do it? That I won’t hesitate to shoot you if you don’t give me what I came for?” He could feel irritation begin to swirl inside his heart, making his pulse rise and thoughts spiral. “You see this as a game, don’t you? That’s why you aren’t afraid.”
“I couldn’t possibly be afraid when it’s you.”
Luocha shoved the gun harshly against Jing Yuan, “I’m tired of listening to you!”
“Luocha…” Jing Yuan’s hand came up to hold the barrel of the gun once more, “You gave me your heart, you know. And I know you’d like me to hand it back to you whole, but you know I won’t.”
Their foreheads pressed together, like they were sharing a secret. “You’ll live a long time without me, Luocha. You will look into the faces of passersby and search for something that will, against all hope, bring me back to you.”
“What does it matter now? I tricked you and you tricked me back. We’re just two mice in a maze.”
“You’re not very honest, are you?”
Luocha screwed his eyes shut, his jaw clenching tightly, “I didn’t owe you honesty.”
“That is our flaw, isn’t it?” Jing Yuan’s grip tightened on the gun, “Do you think I wanted to love you? That every moment we were together I was thinking ‘He’s just pretending’?”
“I wasn’t! I love–”
The loud chime of the bells signified the time, interrupting whatever Luocha wanted to spill. Whatever he would confess to the man he was meant to kill.
Luocha swallowed, choosing not to finish his sentence. “Your time is up.”
Jing Yuan exhaled, stepping back just an inch, “I won’t give you what you want, Luocha.” He chuckled, “All I can give is that I love you.”
“You’re lying. Don’t let a lie be your last words.”
Jing Yuan only continued to smile softly. “I love you.”
A loud bang echoed through the night air as Luocha finally pulled the trigger.