Chapter Text
The last year has been Hell at Higgs and Emma doesn’t know if she’s going to survive it any longer.
She can’t sleep more than a couple of hours during the night, the anxiety keeping her wide awake despite heavy eyelids.
She knows her mum and twin brother can tell something is going on. And Emma wishes she could tell them the truth, but despite the well-known fact that her mother and twin brother are two of the nicest people in the world, the what ifs keep her from telling them her biggest secret.
Luckily, she figured out long ago how to spend the rare moments she’s asleep, with the guardian gayngels—one of the only reasons she’s still alive.
Now she sits in the pastel orange oversized armchair across from Isaac in his old dark pleather recliner, their books open in their hands but long forgotten.
“Have you thought anymore about telling your mum?” Isaac asks.
“I-I can’t Isaac,” Emma sighs, shutting her book and setting it on the coffee table between them. “Not after…”
“Do you think your mum will-”
“I don’t know,” Emma huffs, “I didn’t think she was going to tell the whole school and turn everyone against me.”
“How’s that going?” Issac asks, Emma catching the not-so-discreet subject change but allowing it.
Emma shakes her head in response. She can’t explain it to herself, so there’s no way she can explain it to Isaac. Even if he is the closest thing she has to a friend.
She feels some pressure in her chest; glad panic attacks can’t happen wherever she is.
Isaac says nothing but the look he gives Emma says everything and grabs Emma’s book from the coffee table, handing it back to her. “Do you want to continue where we left off?”
Emma nods, attempting to get back into her book and purposely ignoring the silent conversation between Isaac and Tara, who’s sitting at the front desk.
✩₊˚.☪︎ ⁺₊✧
As Emma gets ready for her first day back to Hell after Christmas Holidays, she thinks about what Isaac wasn’t telling her. She almost tells Nick as she’s sipping her morning tea but fear and anxiety win over. No one likes seeing a sad golden retriever, but she can’t stand the idea of seeing Nick sad because of her.
She’d rather pretend nothing is wrong than hurt her other half.
They walk to school together and despite the burst of happiness she feels as Imogen Heney looks her way at the gates, she walks into the school with her head down—desperately hoping she can disappear from the snide comments enclosing all around her.
✩₊˚.☪︎ ⁺₊✧
“And this is the library,” Tara says, walking through the large glass doors with a timid blond trailing behind her. “Our librarian, Isaac—he’s over there—can help you with any information you might need.”
“O-okay, t-thanks,” the blond answers in a whisper.
Emma feels herself drawn towards the unknown person and almost shouts while jumping up from her orange chair, “I can help!”
Isaac gives Emma a look like he knows something she doesn’t— probably because he does.
“Alright,” Isaac shrugs, sitting back in his arm chair and continuing his book.
As Emma approaches the blond, she starts to look familiar. Maybe Emma has seen her at Tesco before? Or maybe at one of her brother’s rugby matches?
She suddenly stops, the blue eyes looking at her that she would recognise anywhere.
Imogen.
Emma knows that Imogen won’t remember their interaction, so Emma introduces herself. She tries to be friendly, remembering the first time she was at the library and how scared and unsure she felt.
“I’m Emma,” Emma starts, “Isaac and I are reading He, She, They, Cir, Zir, and More, it’s pretty interesting. Would you like to join us?”
Imogen hesitantly nods before Emma leads the both of them to the sitting area as Isaac pops back with another copy of the book and handing it to Imogen.
The three sit there reading in comfortable silence, no words needing to be exchanged.
✩₊˚.☪︎ ⁺₊✧
Emma is walking fast–too fast–far away from the canteen, and far away from the voices that repeat the words that already live rent free in her head. She keeps her eyes on the floor, determined to get to the lab to finish the last bit of her project before the next period begins. As she focuses on the floor tiles under her, she is stopped by a gentle force as her textbooks fall to the ground and a friendly voice is telling her to breathe.
Emma inhales, trying to breathe as instructed, but pauses when a kind hand rests on her own.
“Imogen?” Emma whispers, fear coursing through her veins, despite the gentle smile on Imogen’s face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going and-”
Imogen giggles, “It’s okay, I’m clumsy too.”
Emma hesitantly smiles and apologises again, scared of what rumours will start up after bumping into Imogen, before she continues on her way to the lab.
Somehow, unbeknownst to Emma, that conversation in the corridor turns into Instagram messages about Spanish homework and Imogen coming to the Nelson household over Easter break. Emma and Imogen spend almost all of Easter break together. Whether it be Spanish homework that ends up forgotten in favour of junk food and Disney movies, or a last-minute shopping trip. Or when Emma met Imogen’s dog, Bailey, for the first time on a walk in the park. Emma is falling harder and harder for Imogen. All Emma can do is lock her door, close the blinds, and hope no one is able to tell that she is in love with her best friend.
✩₊˚.☪︎ ⁺₊✧
The bullying at Higgs ramps up.
The girls start to warn Imogen that Emma will infect her, and never let Emma forget that she’s disgusting and no one will love her.
It would be easier to brush it off if she didn’t think that about herself anyway.
It helps that Imogen stands up to the other girls on Emma’s behalf, though Emma can see the internal conflict behind her eyes every day.
Imogen has started to show up to Emma and Isaac’s nightly book clubs more often- which Emma isn’t sure is a good thing. Imogen still hasn’t told anyone but her guardian gayngel, Tara, anything, though she has started to talk more about mundane topics and reading books on her own that Isaac has recommended. They even all get close to a new guardian gayngel, Darcy, that Emma feels would be her best friend in another life.
During the day Emma notices that sometimes Imogen looks like she wants to say something but quickly changes the topic to their weekend plans.
Until Imogen starts dating Ben Hope and Emma hardly sees Imogen anymore. Emma wants to scream and beg Imogen to not date Ben, both for selfish reasons and from what she knows about how Ben treats people he dates. But Nick confided in Emma and she doesn’t want to break his or Charlie’s trust.
✩₊˚.☪︎ ⁺₊✧
Tara sees how Imogen slowly comes out of her shell after months of book clubs with Isaac and Emma. She watches Imogen stand up for herself against the boyfriend that none of the gayngels really liked, during a class trip to Paris— even shedding a single tear when her heart burst with pride.
Tara sees when Imogen confides in Emma about her mental anguish regarding her own sexuality and when the two finally start dating. The gayngels throw a small party, even if they are a bit sad that they wouldn’t see M&M—as Darcy has coined them—as often anymore.
“Were we like that?” Darcy asks as they, Tara, Isaac, and James, stand around Tara’s laptop watching Emma and Imogen snogging under the large tree in front of the Truham gates.
“No,” Tara answers as Isaac and James say in unison, “Yes.”
Darcy’s mouth drops in faux astonishment, “We were not!”
“Darcy, when’s the last time you’ve sat at your own desk?” James asks, rhetorically. “When’s the last time you slept at your own flat?”
“What are you? The police?” Darcy quips, “Besides, it’s allowed, we’re in love.”
“We’re in front of the Truham gate,” Imogen’s giggles come through the laptop speaker interrupting James’ fake gagging.
“I think we have all witnessed enough of M&M to know they are massively in love—even if they have yet to tell each other— so by your own argument, they are allowed to too.” Isaac says.
The other three gayngels nod in agreement. “We know they’ve both been through some hardships, they’ll get there eventually,” Tara adds, “Though how they don’t know how the other feels, is beyond me. The heart eyes are so obvious to anyone that spends more than a minute with them.”
And the fact that Tara and Darcy have once snuck to their spot in between the bookshelves of the library only to find Emma and Imogen already there, just talking like the best friends they are. It was so sweet that Tara and Darcy left and found a new spot for their rendezvous.
“Bye honey bunches!” Imogen shouts as she jogs away from Emma towards Higgs, already running late to her first period class.
“Honey bunches,” James repeats with a smile, “They are so cute.”
“They are,” Darcy agrees, closing the laptop lid as James and Isaac pack up and head towards their own desks. “Now, my love,” Darcy mischievously smiles towards Tara. “What do you say about reclaiming our spot between the bookshelves?”
Tara laughs but takes Darcy’s hand anyway ignoring an amused Isaac shaking his head at their antics.