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The word blurred around her, muscles aching as she could almost feel the cold radiating off. The moon shined upon her, almost blinding, calling out in a way that left her no choice but to chase . In the back of her hazed mind, the worry that it was only the fake celestia beckoning, being chased, lingered. It wouldn’t be enough to pause, wasn’t strong enough to force her away from that desperation. Nothing would be, unless the moon itself instructed her to.
She trusted the moon with her life, the bright light it reflected making it appear almost as a sun. It hadn’t left her grasp, hadn’t chosen to run away yet– the fear that it would, that it was, stroke through her frozen heart. That heatless warmth was drifting away, further and further, and sometimes she didn’t know if it was her listening to abandoned instincts or its voice. It always told her, requested, commanded, for her to anyways, so her instincts were practically its voice.
“An-chan,” it murmured, finally pausing. Finally waiting, finally letting her catch up.
“Kohane,” she whispered back, tongue weighing heavy in her dry mouth. “Kohane,” she whispered again, wrapping her arms around the moon as tightly as she could.
“It’s okay,” it spoke again, hugging her back. Its hand slowly raised up, threading itself through black hair. It twisted a finger through a strand of dyed red, and she could feel herself melting into the warmth she craved so strongly.
Her hold on the moon tightened, fingers digging into the white fabric covering its back. The small recall of the color being seen as pure, wandered into her mind. She agreed with it, right now. The moon had to be white for a reason– it was the core of her soul, maybe even a counterpart. The holiness to the sin ripping apart at her mind, her selfishness and greed. The moon was willing to ignore that, tainting the etching black and red with white and blue.
Her moon gently scratched against her scalp, a low exhale escaping her. Arms squeezed just a bit harder, enough so that her moon slipped her ‘free’ hand between itself and her arms. It was enough to give the hint, and she loosened her grip. Shifting forwards, her head fell onto her moon’s shoulder. It accepted, remaining still, undrifting, unmoving. Both their breathing seemed to simultaneously slow to a near halt and quicken, hers erratic from her chase.
She adored how her moon breathed. She adored everything about her moon, really.
“I missed you today, An-chan,” her moon muttered, breath brushing against the mentioned’s ear. She shivered against it.
“Where were you?” She asked, not replying to her moon’s comment. It threatened to tear her heart apart, her words choking at it. Maybe if she were in a better state, she’d properly reply. Her moon would always help her get back to that ‘proper’ state, had promised that.
“I was out with my family, did you forget?” It breathed, a warm, short-lived laugh escaping its lips.
“I did,” she admitted, shifting absent-mindedly. “Was it just Minori and Shiho?” To that question, her moon nodded. She squeezed it again, a sense of something akin to relief flooding through her system momentarily. It wasn’t enough to drag her out of her daze, though. If anything, it only pushed her deeper, something she shuddered at the realization of.
She hated the idea of that. Of her moon doing nothing but shoving her into forcefully neglected thoughts, ones she didn’t want to pay any more mind to, instead of pulling her out. The kind of thoughts that her moon were all too accepting of, but disgusted her in a way she couldn’t describe, lingering in her brain longer than it should’ve and mocking her, mocking her . They were the kind she knew was wrong, yet couldn’t help but to follow and believe in, regardless of how wrong they were. Her thoughts about her thoughts were a dichotomy, really.
The moon did not belong to her. Akito had told her that numerous times, as did Haruka in the few times they actually spoke about it. The former had always talked about it so harshly, trying to brute-force the fact into her head. Her moon would always deal with him after those times, and any part of her that wanted to follow Akito’s words were filtered out. If the moon wasn’t hers, would it really be so willing to tell people who said not off? If the moon wasn’t hers, would it accept a lie so easily? If the moon wasn’t hers, would…
“What’re you thinking about?” It called out again, breaking her out of her mind.
“Nothing,” she mumbled, voice muffled by her moon’s shoulder. She could feel her voice becoming emptier, more drained than usual, and she wondered if her moon could too.
“Are you sure? Or do you just not wanna talk about it?” It asked, petting down her back, hand playing with the hem of her coat.
“I’m sure, really,” she assured, ignoring the bitterness it left in her throat.
Her moon looked down at her, something she could only tell with how its blonde hair brushed against her cheeks. “We’re partners, right? You said you’d tell me anything.” It laughed breathily again, and her face heated up at it.
“Kohane…” She whined, turning her head to look at her moon in its eyes.
It looked at her with such fondness that made her insides squirm, warmth spreading through her frigid body. Its- her, that’s how she should be referring to her moon- eyes were soft, lips tilted up into a soft grin regarding her with a kinder look than she thinks she’s ever seen from her. Cheeks were tinted a faint red, closer to pink if anything, and her light smile only grew as her fingers tangled themselves through the red portion of her hair.
“An-chan,” her moon whispered again, careful to keep the delicate mood she so intentionally draped over them.
“Kohane,” she replied, voice tilting up.
And then her moon leaned in, pressing her lips against hers. They were soft, so soft, though it wasn’t as if she didn’t know. Pulling herself up, she moved her arms to hang around her moon’s neck, gently tugging at blue strands. To that, the other let out a quiet sigh, a small sound that filled her with more giddiness than any words spoken could. Her moon wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her in until it felt like they were melting into each other.
She wished they could, but that was a thought for another day. Genuinely, this time.
Tilting her head to the side to deepen the kiss, she moved one of her hands to her moon’s cheek, gently brushing against it, feeling the skin dent beneath the pressure. After another moment, or maybe a minute, they pulled away from each other. A thin strand of saliva still connected them, and her moon’s eyes drifted down to it, before leaning back in.
Silently and acceptingly, she closed her eyes, consciousness drifting between reality and its sub- counterpart.
If the moon didn’t belong to her, the idea swimming back into her mind, then the moon wouldn’t do this with her. If the moon didn’t belong to her, it would’ve shoved her away when she first started chasing after it.
The moon belonged to her, and she belonged to the moon. That’s how it was, wasn’t it? Her moon encouraged it because it was true. And of course, she would believe her moon if she said it. She would believe everything her moon said.
You need help, An , words once said by Akito punched her. Maybe he was right, but as her moon kissed her once again, she chose to ignore it.
The moon belonged to her, and she belonged to the moon.