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HOWARD AND VINCE (ages 17, late 1980’s)
Vince was lying on Howard’s bed reading a magazine about animal facts. He was having the time of his life in his bright red cowboy hat he found at the second hand shop down the road, and a blue lollipop he stole from Wallace’s Halloween bag.
Suddenly Howard burst into the room, prompting Vince to look up and greet him with an obligatory “awright Howard.” Howard’s tiny eyes were wide and had that crazed look he usually had when he was about to do something incredibly reckless and stupid.
“C’mon Vince, let’s go.”
“Wot?” Vince gave him an incredulous look. “What d’ya mean? I just got here.”
“Pack your bags, we’re getting out of here.” Howard pulled out the suitcase under his bed and immediately went to filling it up.
Vince laughed. “Getting out of here? Where are we going?”
Howard stopped and looked at Vince.
“Anywhere.”
“I’m confused.”
“We could go anywhere, Vince! Let’s travel the world, explore the forests, trek across a desert, wander the arctic tundra. Hell, I don’t know, let’s just go! Let’s get outta here!”
“Are you out of your mind? We got a geography test tomorrow.”
“Who cares about a geography test? The real geography tests are out there in the world waiting for us.”
“What about GCSEs?”
“Not important.”
“Wot?”
“Vince, none of that school stuff is really important, you know. It’s all just a way to sort children into boxes and tell them what career path they should be on. It limits creative freedom and punishes those who dare to stray from the path. I’m one of those, you know.”
“What, a stray?” Vince smirked.
“A maverick.”
“Is that why you keep failing?”
“I don’t let a grade tell me I’m failing, Vince. I’m a man of the world, you know. I decide for myself what failure is and getting bad grades is actually an accomplishment in my book.”
“Really.”
“It means I’m not tethered to the school system. I’ve broken free and am now a free man with a dream. A dream to see the world, to get out of this shoddy place and experience life to its fullest and never come back.”
Vince was used to hearing his mate’s insane ramblings but this was too much. He had a test tomorrow he still needed to study for.
“You, Vince, you’re still tethered to the system but there’s still hope for you. Because I’m here to get you out. Come with me.”
They both knew damn well that Vince would go with him anywhere, no matter how crazy it sounded. People would often scold him for this, saying “if Howard jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” Which was a ridiculous question because of course he would. Someone had to go rescue Howard.
If Howard was really going to drop out of school and run off into the wild on a whim then Vince was obviously going with him. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t at least try to reason with the boy.
“I dunno, Howard. I got my future planned already, yeah? I’m gonna finish school, get my GCSEs and then I’m gonna shoot for beauty school. Study fashion and hair, perfect my look, and then I’m off to become a rock star. That’s what Bryan Ferry put me in school for. I can’t let Bryan down like that. I promised him I’d become a famous musician just like him.”
Howard gave him a knowing look. It was clear Vince didn’t actually care about beauty school anymore, not since he decided he didn’t really care what he did as long as he could hang out with Howard. But still, he couldn’t let Bryan Ferry down.
“You don’t need to go to beauty school to become a musician, Vince.” Howard said. “That doesn't even make any sense. I’m gonna become a world-renowned jazz-fusion artist myself. If you come with me, we can both start our musical journeys together.”
“What, you saying we can be in a band?”
“Yeah sure, why not?”
“And we’ll become famous?”
“You bet your arse.”
Vince grinned. Maybe this could actually work.
“Alright, yeah.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’ll do it!”
“Pack your stuff then. We’ll leave as soon as you're done.”
Vince hopped off the bed and gathered a few of his things that he kept in Howard's room.
“This is insanity, you know that?”
“Maybe so, but this place- Vince, you know this place is not for people like us. I'm a man of adventure and I'm 90% sure you're some sort of fae.”
He sort of mumbled through that last part but Vince heard it.
“What?” Vince chuckled.
“Look, just go back to your place and pack your stuff. I’ll meet you by the train tracks at dusk. Make sure you pack light, alright?”
Vince didn’t know why he was listening to this lunatic, but the thought of running away with Howard in the middle of the night excited him for some reason.
———
People often called Howard a crazy man. And maybe he was, but all the great geniuses of the world were called crazy in their time. They called him a dreamer, a foolish boy with his head in the clouds.
Is it so crazy to long for adventure? To want more out of life than school grades and family dinners where the main topic of discussion was how much of a family disappointment he was?
He couldn't continue living here in Leeds with his overbearing parents and high-achieving brothers. He needed to get out and see the world. If he didn’t he would probably go mad.
He despised school, and it only grew worse over the years. Every day was the same. The same boring classes, the same judgemental glances, the same strict codes, disapproving frowns, all the grades, the numbers, the essays, the horror of it all. It was nearly impossible for creative minds like his own to survive in such a stifling environment. He swore he would’ve completely lost it if not for Vince. He was the only person who could keep him afloat.
Before meeting Vince, Howard had truly believed he was destined to die alone in this cruel world. But then his life turned upside down when a new student showed up one day claiming to be raised in the jungle by Bryan Ferry. The other students laughed at the new kid, calling him stupid and ridiculous. Vince must’ve been too naïve to notice, as he just kept hanging around them and rambling about Gary Numan, completely unaware that he was being bullied.
Howard couldn’t stop staring at the new kid (which obviously resulted in much bullying from his brothers). There was something about Vince Noir that captivated him. It wasn’t just his owlish face, his shaggy rockstar haircut or the way he would accessorize more than most of the girls in school. There was a sense of magic about him. He brought color to the world with his tales of living in the jungle and his little paintings and doodles that were starting to grow like vines all around him.
To his utter astonishment, Vince noticed him. This wouldn’t have been such a shock if Howard was noticed regularly, but he had grown used to being nothing but a shadow of his brothers. He was always overlooked, even by his own parents, and on the rare occasion that he was noticed it was usually people giving him dirty looks or berating him.
But Vince not only noticed him, he saw him. He looked at Howard dead in the eyes.
Vince had very big blue eyes, it was a bit overwhelming. Looking into Vince's eyes was like looking at the sun, so Howard usually looked away. He never really made eye contact anyway, which often upset his mum who would scold him for being rude.
Vince never called Howard rude for not looking at his eyes. He would just continue talking to him like he didn’t have anything better to do. After only a few days of meeting, they’d become almost inseparable. They would just sit on the school yard bench and talk for hours on end about nonsense and animals and music trivia. It was a shocking sight to people. No one would’ve expected a melancholy jazz freak like Howard to ever make any friends, let alone someone so sunshine-y and colourful as Vince. Howard’s parents immediately hated Vince as soon as they saw him. One look at his chaotic attire and cheeky grin and they started scolding Howard for bringing home an animal.
Little did they know that their disapproval only made Howard want to hang out with Vince even more.
He spent almost every day with Vince when they were in school. Their classmates teased them at first but then gave up when the two showed no signs of separating. Howard loved being around Vince. He couldn’t find the right words to explain it, but it made him feel so alive. He had a feeling Vince felt the same. As they grew into their teens, Vince had grown out of his jungle-boy awkwardness and started to become more popular at school; especially with the girls. However, despite not being much of a social outcast anymore, he still devoted almost all his attention to Howard. It frightened Howard at first. He wasn’t used to anyone being interested in him and what he had to say. But Vince had quickly become his biggest fan, latching on to Howard’s every word as he talked and gazing up at him with those big owl-like eyes like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard. He seemed to enjoy Howard’s philosophical musings but always teased him with his own simpleton perspectives. This back-and-forth banter they did came so easily it was as if they’d known each other forever.
Their teen years were embarrassing as all teen years tend to be.
Howard’s extended family kept asking him if he was going to get a girlfriend, especially after Wallace and Norman both got their own girlfriends. Truthfully, he did want a girlfriend. He attempted to woo several of the pretty girls at school that he fancied, but all ended in failure. Vince consoled him after these failed attempts and Howard decided that he’d rather spend the rest of his life with Vince than get a girlfriend. He didn’t voice this to his family of course, but it was something he always kept in the back of his mind.
Vince had many short-term girlfriends in school, with the longest one lasting six days. This started to make him quite unpopular with all the boys at school, who would shoot him nasty glares and call him a tart.
“Ignore them.” Howard muttered. Vince bit his lip and fiddled with the hem of his sparkly purple scarf.
“I just don't get it Howard. Sometimes they're friendly but then they go round giving me dirty looks and whispering to each other like they hate me or something.”
“They're not actually friendly, Vince. They just pretend to be your friends so they can find ways to make fun of you.”
“Why don't they like me? I never did anything to them.”
“They don't like you because you're different. Trust me, Vince. I know what it's like to be isolated from your peers because you don't like the same things they do and you don't think and talk like them. You shouldn’t worry about it, though. Freaks like us can live perfectly fine on our own without people telling us what to do and who we should be.”
Vince frowned. “Yeah, but...it would be cool to be liked now and then.”
“I like you.”
“Yeah but I’m gonna be a famous popstar one day. I need to build my fanbase, you know?”
“You can’t become famous without doing anything, Vince. You haven’t actually written any music, so why would you expect to have fans already?”
Vince shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t think I have to write music yet to be famous.”
Howard sighed. “Okay, well anyway, It’s not actually about the fame, Vince. All the greatest musicians didn’t care about how popular they were, they just focused on creating powerful, groundbreaking music that future music historians would soak up and teach to the next generation of aspiring musicians. It’s all about the legacy, sir. It’s about earning the respect of intellectuals, not just having a bunch of random people like you for shallow reasons.”
Vince didn’t seem too satisfied with that answer, but Howard was sure he’d understand it eventually.
He waited by the train tracks just before nightfall and checked his watch impatiently. Eventually Vince showed up carrying a large shiny bag filled to the brim with what looked like a bunch of clothes.
“What the hell is that? I told you to pack light.”
“This is packing light. I had to abandon most of my wardrobe for this trip.” Vince huffed as he slung the bag over his other shoulder and shifted his weight.
Howard threw his head back and sighed. “Every time.” He muttered under his breath.
“Alright, hand it over. Let me carry some of that for you.”
Vince smiled sheepishly. “Cheers, ‘oward.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go then.”
“Um…Where are we going exactly?“
“Where do you wanna go?”
“Where can we go?”
“Anywhere you want.”
“I wanna go to a Bowie concert during his Ziggy Stardust tour!”
“That was in the early 70’s, Vince.”
“Yeah!”
“Hm. Maybe let’s just start with something simpler.”
“What, like a post office?”
“No, preferably something more exciting. Like the great wilderness!”
“Aw yeah! I wanna go somewhere there's lots of animals!”
“That can be arranged. We don’t have to just settle on one place, you know. We’re free to travel the world. Maybe even beyond this world.”
“Cool. So where we going then?”
Howard stared off into the distance and waved his hand dramatically. “On a journey through time and space.”
Vince grinned.
“To the world of The Mighty Boosh.” He added.
———
HOWARD AND VINCE (ages 37, late 2000’s)
Howard leaned against the running washing machine and idly flipped through an old issue of Global Explorer he’d found in the discount bin at the thrift shop. He was quite proud of the deal he got for it and noted it as a rare financial win for him after spending an ungodly amount of money on jazz records within the past few years. This particular issue included interesting facts about gingko trees. He raised his eyebrows and stopped to take a sip of his tea before delving into this juicy article.
Vince scrambled downstairs carrying a basket of his gaudy multicolored jumble of clothes. He stopped when he saw Howard and groaned.
“Aw, c’mon. I was just about to do my laundry!”
“I was here first, sir. You’ll just have to wait your turn.”
Vince clicked his tongue irritably and dropped the basket on the floor.
“You always take forever to wash your corduroy.”
“It doesn’t take that long.”
“Yeah well I got a gig coming up tonight and I need these clean by then so I’m kinda pressed for time.”
“Well that’s just poor planning on your part, innit?” Howard pointed out, taking another sip from his mug.
Vince rolled his eyes.
“Anyways, I’m gonna be performing with Shaved-Up Sideways tonight, if you care.”
“Mhm. What kinda band is it this time?”
“We’re an electronic rock band. Already signed with Pie Face Records so after this gig we’re headed to Scotland. Gonna go on tour ‘round Europe and then we’re off to America.”
“That’s very nice, Vince. I’m happy for you.” Howard said absent-mindedly. He turned the page of his magazine and continued reading the article on gingkos. Apparently it was 6 pages long.
Vince just stood there and tapped his shiny silver booted foot.
There was a minute or two of silence that fell between them as they waited for the laundry to finish up. It may have been awkward, but Howard was too invested in his magazine to even notice. Suddenly Vince spoke.
“I know you don’t normally go to my shows anyways but you should definitely come see us tonight. It’ll be our last gig here before we go on tour.”
Howard rarely ever went to see Vince’s bands anymore. At first he had to go to support him but after his mate had gained popularity in the rockstar scene and basically became a celebrity, he didn’t see the point of going to them anymore.
“It’s gonna be incredible going to America,” Vince continued. “We’re gonna be on the cover of NME next week! I might send you a postcard or something.”
“Thanks but I think I’ll stay home actually.” Howard said. “I have big things planned tonight. Yes sir. Gonna reorganize the maps while listening to Larry ‘Big Face’ Edison.”
Vince sighed dramatically. He probably already knew the answer before Howard even said anything.
“Yeah, awright.”