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“Yukki, have you ever kissed someone?”
“ Pfft … Do you always have to ask such questions when I'm drinking coffee?!”
“Have you?” Ignoring the complaint, Ruka asked again.
“Of course I haven't. I've already told you that my life was filled with computers and nothing else. I didn't even have anyone I liked.”
“Well, you don't have to like someone to kiss them… I thought maybe you were like that.”
“Excuse me? Please don't think that I'm the same as someone as frivolous as you,” Yuki said with a frown as she took out a handkerchief and started wiping her mouth.
In moments like this, Ruka wondered if Yuki was feeling self-conscious deep inside or if she was just oblivious. She had just mentioned kissing and yet Yuki’s action was drawing more attention to her lips instead of away from them. They looked soft and inviting as the fabric of the handkerchief brushed against them.
“Do you want to know what it's like?” It was a bold question, a risky one. But the words had left Ruka's mouth before she knew it.
Yuki put away her handkerchief and looked at Ruka with a mixture of panic and confusion in her eyes.
“Wh-What are you suggesting?”
“Well, romance novels describe it as this wonderful feeling that fills you with excitement and I didn't really get it. So I wanted to know what it meant.”
“You should really stop reading those books,” Yuki sighed. Then she lowered her voice and added, “but you've never kissed anyone either…?”
Her curious tone made an idea pop up in Ruka's head.
“Nope. But I thought you could teach me, Yukki.” She had pulled out her ultimate weapon—her signature puppy dog eyes.
“Wait, hold on! We're talking about a kiss ! Are you sure about it? You're talking about kissing me ! A girl like me would be stealing your first kiss—Please think it through.”
“Don't worry. Most companies offer a free trial before taking money for their product. This is something like that.”
“No such companies exist anymore! That analogy doesn't even make sense!”
“So what do you say? We'll just try it out and let it not count.”
Yuki looked too hesitant and Ruka wondered if she was going to have to retreat. But at last, Yuki diverted her eyes and softly muttered, “I feel like I’d garner the wrath of every other fan of yours but if you promise to keep it a secret…”
Ruka mentally gave herself a pat on the back. She had succeeded with surprising ease.
“Then let's go to our room before the others get back!”
“Are you sure about this?” Yuki asked again once they were seated on the couch.
“Yup.”
“Kissing someone you don't even like… Is it because you're a rock star? Are all rock stars like this? Man, it's a scary world out there.”
“Yukki, Look here.”
“Y-Yes. Let's make it quick.”
“Okay, now kiss me.”
“Close your eyes first,” Yuki said as she felt her face growing hot. “It’s hard to concentrate with you peering at me like that.”
“Mhm. ‘Kay.” Yuki thought Ruka would protest but instead she obediently closed her eyes and waited.
With a sigh, Yuki took off her glasses, placed them on the table nearby, and moved her face close to Ruka’s. Her mind was a mess no matter how hard she tried to calm down.
She was reminded of the time Ruka had made her agree to kiss her if she said a certain annoying phrase. But back then, she had been angry and only went along with it because she was never planning to actually kiss her. Not to mention that a lot had happened since that day and it was becoming harder to deny the effect Ruka had on her heart.
A light brush of the lips. That was all she had to do. And yet, it felt so unnerving. She couldn't believe that she had let Ruka talk her into this. But it was true that it would be easier to go along with her whims than to make the stubborn girl forget about the idea. Even if she had to kiss her.
Yuki was once again forced to accept that Ruka really was a beauty when she kept quiet. Her silky bangs and well-defined features definitely looked like a model’s. But if she had to choose, Yuki probably preferred the louder version. Long ago, she had been more familiar with the cool beauty Kayamori Ruka, but now it felt strange when Ruka was quiet. But she had to admit that she still adored the way she looked on stage. Unfortunately, Yuki was hopelessly in love no matter which version of Ruka was in front of her.
“Yukki, you're taking too long. Hurry up.”
“Wait! I need more time to prepare!”
Mentally steeling herself, Yuki drew a long breath, closed her eyes, and took the leap. She touched Ruka's lips with her own lips and pulled back before she could even register the sensation. It probably felt good but Yuki's brain was too overloaded to say that with certainty. She almost regretted how she didn't take more time, though she’d rather die than admit that.
“H-How was it?” She asked nervously.
Ruka opened her eyes. “...Hot.”
“I-I see.”
“But it was too quick for me to feel anything like excitement…” Ruka went on. “Or maybe it's because I didn't get to kiss?”
“How's that supposed to make a difference?” Yuki tried to defend herself. “I'm sure that being kissed is nerve-racking in its own right.”
“Let's try it then.”
Yuki was about to protest by pointing out that their ‘trial’ kiss was over, but when she saw Ruka looking at her with sparkly eyes, eager to kiss, she remembered her disappointment at having pulled back too soon to know what it really felt like. Kissing her favorite celebrity really felt like a sin. But the temptation was too strong when Ruka herself seemed to want it so much. She was just helping her out, yes. Trying to convince her consciousness like that, Yuki nodded in agreement.
“Then…”
Ruka’s face drew near but Yuki turned away on impulse.
“I can't kiss you like that,” Ruka pouted.
“Sorry, it's just that—”
Before Yuki could finish her sentence, a hand reached out to grab her chin and turn her face so that she was looking at Ruka again.
“I'll keep it in place then.”
Yuki was dying. Kissing Ruka had already been a hurdle too high. But at least she had been able to take her time then. She sucked and it probably hadn't felt good, so she couldn't blame Ruka for wanting to try again. She had kind of wanted it herself. But with Ruka holding her chin in place, she had nowhere to run and no time to prepare. When Ruka decided to kiss her, she'd have to be ready to accept the kiss.
“Okay, here I go.”
“Y-Yeah…”
Close. Ruka was too close. And she was only coming closer. Yuki could tell by the hot breath hitting her lips. It was too overwhelming and she squeezed her eyes shut. But that only made the sensation more vivid. Time moved slowly and she began to wish that Ruka would just get it over with. But no matter how long she waited, nothing seemed to happen. Was Ruka not the one who wanted to kiss her? Then why was Yuki being made to wait so painfully? Slowly, she opened her eyes, complaints ready to escape her mouth. But the sight she saw made her swallow her words. The familiar ruby red eyes had an unfamiliar glimmer in them and the cheeks below looked more pink than usual... Why was Ruka looking at her as if she desired her?! They hadn't even kissed but Yuki felt like her heart was about to leap out of her chest at the intense gaze being directed at her.
“Yukki…”
She shivered at the gentle way Ruka called her name. She had never heard Ruka use such a voice before. And out of all the things she could have been saying, it was Yuki's name! She had always found Ruka somewhat incomprehensible but she wanted to believe that she had gotten better at understanding her thanks to fighting alongside her for so long. But right now, she really couldn't understand what thoughts had gone through Ruka's mind in the few minutes that Yuki had kept her eyes closed. Had she not wanted to kiss her just to know what a kiss felt like? Then why did it feel like Ruka wanted to kiss specifically—
Don't get any ideas! She's simply caught up in the moment! Yuki was quick to stop her brain from venturing.
Then it happened. A soft, warm feeling spread across her lips. Her breath hitched and she tried to move back to create some distance. But Ruka pressed closer and the unexpected motion caused Yuki to lose her balance and fall back on the couch. Despite that, the sensation on her lips hadn't disappeared. In fact, other parts of her body also felt like they were in contact with warm skin. That was when Yuki had a horrifying realization. Instead of moving away, Ruka had chosen to fall on top of her, pressing her down with her body's weight. Eyes closed, she seemed too lost in the kiss to notice the panic on Yuki’s face.
It wasn't like the pathetic peck she had left on Ruka's lips so that the girl would drop the subject. No matter how one looked at it, they were actually kissing. She had to accept that reality. Blaming it on the situation being too nonsensical to keep worrying anymore, Yuki surrendered and kissed back as best as she could.
She could swear that she had never seen Ruka use a lip balm, yet her lips were soft and moist. It made her nervous about her own lips. While not very confident in her own appearance, Yuki always made sure to remain neat and presentable. But being around Ruka made her feel extremely self-conscious about how she looked. Not to mention that she was also worried about the taste of the coffee she had drunk remaining on her. So she brushed against Ruka's lips with apprehension, wondering if she felt as good as Yuki. And in response—she felt Ruka lightly graze her lower lip with her front teeth.
WAAAAAAIT! This wasn't a part of the plan!
Yuki's breath stopped and she opened her mouth to protest. But that only gave Ruka better access and she proceeded to nibble at the lip after licking it. Tears welled up in Yuki's eyes even though it wasn't particularly painful. It was supposedly Ruka's first time kissing and she was already sucking and biting clumsily?! But somewhere, Yuki couldn't help but feel that it was a very Ruka thing to do. It was strangely endearing when she thought of it that way. Ashamed of how easy she was, Yuki slowly parted her mouth, willfully this time. Setting aside the matter of her own desires, when someone she loved knocked so passionately, how could she not open? Yuki felt Ruka's body tremble a little at her gesture. Then she became aware of hands moving to tenderly hold her face in place. When she displayed such pure excitement and affection, Yuki once again couldn't help but feel that Ruka wasn't happy about the kiss but happy about kissing her .
Her mind was going crazy. She wondered if it was because she usually took it upon herself to accomplish the daunting task of understanding the incomprehensible girl. She wondered if she was being punished for being somewhat overconfident in her ability to do so. But she knew that she was more or less attuned to Ruka's feelings. After all, she could easily tell when the girl was upset or depressed. And the one time she had failed to understand her, it had led to a fight that had made her never want to make the same mistake again. She had learned that she should respect Ruka's feelings instead of dismissing them.
But what Ruka's actions were telling her right now—It would be so much easier to look away and pretend not to see. Because what if she was just seeing things she wanted to see? Then it would be a mere hallucination conjured up by her desires. As someone who had lived her life relying on reason and logic, she couldn't allow herself to possibly break the special bond she had with Ruka because of some delusion. But even if it wasn't real, even if it was only for a short while, Yuki realized that she wanted to drown in the dream that the kisses being pressed against her lips were driven by love. So she placed her hands on either side of Ruka's shoulders, gripped her blazer, and let herself get carried away by the intensity.
It was only when she pulled back that Ruka fully realized that she was practically lying on top of Yuki. She had a vague idea when her body had grown warm thanks to the heat rising from Yuki. And while they were kissing, she had enjoyed the touch of her skin and couldn't have cared less. But after they were done, it was plain awkward. After all, she had just made out with a girl she wasn't even dating! She was positive that Yuki had encouraged her instead of pushing her away, but there was no way to know how she felt now. Ruka had no idea what the most appropriate thing to do was. And just when she had come to the conclusion that she should probably get away first, she noticed that Yuki’s arms were clinging to her. Not to mention that her eyes were watery and her cheeks were flushed as she struggled to breathe. They were just kissing , right?! Ruka was undeniably excited by the sight but she also couldn't help the guilt that crept up on her, as if she had just done something terribly sinful.
“S-Sorry. Did I go too far?” She muttered out an apology, her voice uncharacteristically shaking a little.
After a few minutes of silence, Yuki hastily let go of Ruka and opened her mouth. “Is that even a question?! Who goes for a full-on make-out session as their first kiss?! Was that even your first?! You weren't lying to me, were you?!”
The words came in one long stream and left Ruka feeling strangely relieved. If Yuki was throwing sharp retorts at her like always, then there was nothing to worry about.
“I swear it was my first! But I was afraid I'd never get another chance so it was hard to let go.”
For some reason, that made Yuki's face grow more red and Ruka wondered if she had angered her.
“Idiot… Don't say that. It's not like we're gonna die anytime soon.”
“Yukki…”
It was true. She didn't have to desperately rush like that. Yuki wasn't going anywhere. And she wasn't going anywhere either when Yuki needed her to keep living. That was indeed stupid of her.
“You'll find someone you like who you can kiss as much as you want once we've ended the war.”
“...Yeah.”
Ruka could feel her chest hurt a bit. She wasn't sure why. It wasn't as if she had confessed to Yuki and gotten rejected. But it felt like the person who always understood her no matter how she expressed herself was suddenly turning her eyes away and refusing to look at her. And that hurt.
Maybe she hadn't been clear enough. Maybe she had to put it in words for Yuki to understand. But that made Ruka wonder if that's what she wanted. She was happy as long as she could be next to Yuki. And she was right that they had to end the war first. She knew her priorities because she had so many precious people she wanted to protect.
So without another word, she moved away from Yuki's body and sat upright. For a moment, she thought of helping Yuki get up, but her hand went to its usual position on the back of her neck instead. It might have been silly but she didn't want to touch Yuki more than necessary and make things awkward. Right, they just had to act as if nothing had happened. So Ruka turned her eyes away as Yuki got up.
“So um… How was it?” She heard a shaky voice ask.
Ruka turned around to see Yuki fiddling with her glasses.
“The kiss, I mean,” she clarified. “I thought you wanted to know what one felt like.”
“Oh…”
Ruka recalled how she had felt when Yuki had closed her eyes and silently waited to be kissed. Her lips had trembled a little, and so had her long eyelashes, which she rarely got to see so clearly. It was the first time Yuki had let herself be so vulnerable in front of Ruka, and no matter how long she had stared, Yuki had kept waiting. She had almost not wanted to kiss her just to see how long she was allowed to look. Her heart had been pounding and she had finally felt like she understood the feeling she had wanted to know. So there was no reason to actually kiss. But when Yuki had opened her eyes and looked as if she wanted that kiss, Ruka had stopped thinking and simply gone for it.
But how was Ruka supposed to explain all that to Yuki? She didn't feel like she could. So she just smiled and licked her lips, remembering fondly the taste of the coffee that wasn't even hers, its bitterness somehow sweet even without sugar.
“It was the best!”