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I stand in the shadows on the far side of the room, watching the festivities from afar. The music is loud, but it’s my understanding that that is the norm. The lighting is dim, but I’m still able to make out the faces of all my schoolmates, who seem to be having fun. They move with all the exuberance and awkwardness of youth. It’s all quite nice, and I find myself glad that I was convinced to come.
Once or twice, a boy will approach and ask me to the dance floor. I politely decline. There’s only one person here I want to dance with.
“Hey, Rei.” A voice beside me, as if fate has heard my thoughts. “Wanna dance?”
***
Two weeks earlier
The bell rings, and I’m gathering my belongings when a shadow falls across my desk. Looking up, I see the Second Child looming over me.
“Come on, First. I’ve got business at NERV and I want some company on the way there.”
I want to decline. My relationship with the Second is still not very good. She sometimes seems to outright dislike me. That makes her request an odd one, though, and it piques my curiosity.
“What about Ikari? Does he not typically accompany you in such cases?” I glance at the boy in question, talking with Suzuhara and Aida on the other side of the room.
Soryu rolls her eyes. “That idiot has plans with the other stooges, at the arcade or something. I wasn’t paying enough attention to catch the specifics. Besides, I—“ She pauses, and her expression shifts for a moment. Is that doubt? Uncertainty? I am unsure, and it’s gone as quickly as it came. “I have an issue that I can’t talk to him about. It’s something that I need to discuss with a girl. I would ask Hikari, but she can’t exactly go to NERV with me. I’m not sure I want her to know about it anyway. So, unfortunately, you’re my only option.”
Her words surprise me. So far as I can tell, the Class Representative is Soryu’s closest friend. The fact that Soryu would not entrust her with such a thing makes me even more curious.
Despite the insult, I nod my head. “Very well,” I say. “I will accompany you to headquarters.” I stand and finish gathering my things.
A wide grin breaks out on Soryu’s face, though it seems a bit forced. “Great!” she says. She stops on our way out of the classroom. “Hey, dummy,” she says to Ikari. He turns at the sound of her voice. “I’ve got business at NERV. No idea how long it’s gonna take. Don’t bother making me any dinner.”
“Oh. Uh. Okay, Asuka, sounds good. Have fun.” He glances at me. “You too, Rei,” he says with a smile. From the corner of my eye I see Soryu’s face twitch before she continues into the hall.
“Thank you, Ikari. You as well.” I don’t return his smile but I give him a nod as I exit the room to find Soryu waiting for me.
“All finished with your boyfriend? Great. Let’s roll.”
I try to make sense of her words as we move through the halls and out to the world beyond. Ikari is not my boyfriend. Nor does he wish to be, to the best of my knowledge. I do not wish him to be, either, although it’s admittedly not something I have given much thought to. Do I want to be Ikari’s girlfriend? Do I want to be anybody’s girlfriend?
I don’t think so. For a long time, I considered the concept to be unimportant, even irrelevant. With the end of humanity so close at hand, what was the point of going on dates, or even being sociable at all? That mindset had shifted when we averted humanity’s destruction, of course, but changing one’s ways is a long process.
While I have slowly become more comfortable over these few months with things like eating lunch with my fellow Children and their friends or “hanging out” at the Katsuragi residence, I do not yet see the appeal of going to a crowded restaurant or sitting in a dark theater with a boy that I hardly know.
The idea of doing those things with Ikari is slightly more appealing, but I feel he would not enjoy it. Not in the romantic sense, at least. It’s true that we have become closer lately as we both attempt to “open up” more often. But although the feelings I feel in his presence are strong, they do not match up with the way I’ve heard romantic feelings described.
It is also clear, even to me, that feelings like that do exist, mutually, between Ikari and Soryu. That is something I will avoid getting tangled up in if I can.
At the thought of my companion, I notice that Soryu has been silent since we left the school, nearly twenty minutes ago. This is most odd. While it is not uncommon for me to go long stretches of time without speaking, it is certainly uncommon for the redheaded girl to do so. Whatever is on her mind, it must be weighing heavily. I decide not to pry. Knowing Soryu, it would only lead to loud words and violence. While I’ve found myself coming to like the girl, I very much do not like loud words or violence.
Before long, we find ourselves descending into the GeoFront on an escalator that seems to stretch for eternity. I feel a slight sense of déjà vu. Although that ride with Ikari felt like a lifetime ago (and, in a manner of speaking, it was) it had carried this same kind of tension. I was not in touch with my emotions enough to feel awkward at that time, but I find that I certainly am now. I do not like it.
Eventually we find ourselves on one of the many elevators in NERV headquarters, and I’m surprised to see that we are headed for the recreation level rather than the changing rooms. My curiosity at an all-time high, I decide to finally speak up.
“Where are we going?”
Soryu doesn’t answer right away. She seems to be taking time to consider her words before speaking, something she’s done more and more of these past few months. Eventually she responds in a quiet voice, one so quiet that I am unable to understand what she says.
“I do not understand. What did you say?”
“I said I need your help!” she yells, her voice sharp. I am surprised, not by her volume or tone, but by the words themselves.
“You… need my help?” I ask slowly, unable to keep the confusion from my voice. This is very unusual.
Soryu huffs in annoyance. “Yes,” she says. “There’s something I need, and nobody can help me but you and maybe Misato. But there’s no way I’m asking her for help.” The elevator opens and I follow her as she sets off down the hall.
We eventually come to a room filled with tables. I recognize it as the game room, one of the things implemented by NERV after Commander Katsuragi assumed leadership. We might be the first people to use it since its designation. She clears a large space in the center of the room by moving some of the tables around.
I look at Soryu, confused. “We are here to… play games?” I ask.
She doesn’t respond at first, biting her lip nervously. “No,” she eventually says with a sigh. “We’re here because—“ She pauses. “Okay. You’ve seen the fliers around school, right? For the dance that they’re putting on?” I nod. “Right. I’ll be going, of course. It’s just that, um…” she trails off, mumbling the end of her sentence at an incomprehensible volume.
She glares at me when I ask her to repeat herself. “I said—“ She pauses to take a breath, calming herself. “I said that I don’t know how to dance, alright? Nobody taught me in Germany and I obviously didn’t have time to learn after I got here.” Her cheeks are tinged a light pink and she won’t meet my eyes.
“What of the sync training dance that you learned with Ikari?” I ask.
She snorts. “Right. Like hell I’m doing that on a dance floor.” She sighs. “Look, this is hard for me to do but… will you help me?” Her voice is small, a far cry from its usual boisterous arrogance.
I consider her words and find that her request doesn’t make much sense. I have no more training or experience than she does when it comes to dancing. And if the Evangelions are anything to go by, she’s the much better-coordinated between the two of us.
“Why?” I ask plainly. “Why are you asking me to do this? Why not the commander, or Ikari?”
She scoffs. “Yeah, right. Like I’d ask Misato for help with something like this. She’d do it, probably, but I couldn’t stand the teasing. She’d never let me hear the end of it. As for Shinji—“ the blush on her face returns as her voice goes soft. “I want to ask him to dance with me and he won’t say yes if he knows that I don’t know how.”
Her words baffle me. I highly doubt that Ikari would reject somebody for such a reason, least of all Soryu. I say nothing, though. Experience has taught me that my fellow Children can not be convinced to act on their feelings by anyone but themselves. Ikari seems incapable of seeing the affection that Soryu has for him, despite numerous hints from Suzuhara and Aida, and even myself on one occasion. Soryu is either unable or unwilling to admit to that affection, seemingly even to herself.
A thought occurs to me. To my understanding, dancing is an intimate, often romantic act. By revealing her desire to dance with Ikari, is Soryu not admitting her feelings, in some way?
With that in mind I make my decision. I know better than most the difficulty that comes with acknowledging and processing emotions. My progress in this regard has been helped immensely by Ikari, and to a lesser extent Soryu as well. If this is an opportunity to repay them for that, I will take it.
“Very well. I will help you,” I say, nodding my head firmly.
Her head snaps to face me. “You— you will?” The surprise is evident in her tone.
I nod again. “Yes, I will.” I pause as I look around the room. “But not today.”
Her look of relief is replaced by a more familiar one of irritation. “What?! And why the hell not?” Her eyes shimmer as she glares at me.
I stare back at her, unfazed. I don’t speak for a moment. “Because we don’t have any music,” I say eventually with a small smile.
She curses loudly.
***
Over the next few days we develop something of a routine. We leave school and go to NERV HQ, where we use the empty games room to help each other learn to dance. Despite our inexperience, it doesn’t take long to learn the basics.
Dancing is deceptively simple; find a rhythm, and keep a pattern. Dancing with a partner is a bit more complex, but not much so. It is a simple matter of keeping time with the other person. All in all, the whole thing is about as easy as I had expected. The intimacy involved makes for an awkward first day or two, but that goes away before long.
“So, First,” Soryu says one day as we shower after another practice session. “It’s Saturday afternoon. What have you got going on after this?”
“Nothing,” I respond.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” I can hear the grin in her voice. “Wanna come to the mall with me? The dance is a week from now and I still need a dress.”
I don’t understand. “I don’t understand,” I say. “Why do you need help to shop for clothes for yourself?”
Her sigh is loud enough to hear from the next stall over. “I forgot you’re still learning how to be a girl.” Despite the words there is no hostility in her tone. “It’s not that I need help. Going to the mall together is just something girls do sometimes. It’s like hanging out, but with shopping! Besides,” she continues, “without that idiot Shinji tagging along I’ll need someone to carry my bags.” She laughs loudly, echoing throughout the room, though I do not understand why.
I consider the offer. Truth be told, I have no interest in shopping. I have only been to the mall a small handful of times, when Doctor Akagi— ’Ritsuko,’ I correct myself mentally— took me to get essentials when I moved in to her apartment. But the idea of hanging out does not disinterest me, and I find myself realizing that I have come to enjoy spending time with Soryu.
“Okay,” I say with a nod. “I will go to the mall with you.”
The sound of running water comes to a halt in the stall beside me. “Great!” she says. “Now hurry up in there so we can get going!”
***
The mall is a loud, busy place on a Saturday afternoon. Thankfully, the dress shop we visit is not so hectic. Soryu seems to be in her element here, and within fifteen minutes she has found a dress she likes. She laughs when I attempt to carry her bag for her, though again I do not know why, and she doesn’t explain.
We decide to get lunch while we are out and about. About five minutes after sitting down, Soryu sets her food down and looks at me. “So, Ayanami,” she says in a casual voice. “Who are you going to the dance with?”
“Nobody,” I say as I continue to eat. “I won’t be going to the dance.”
Her eyes widen. “You WHAT?” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before opening them again. “Explain,” she says in a forcedly calm voice, though it still comes out like a demand.
I blink, unfazed. “I don’t have any interest in it,” I say. “I don’t want to dance with anybody at our school. The idea does not appeal to me. I would rather spend my birthday doing something I enjoy.”
Her eyes widen again as her anger seems to deflate. “Your… birthday? The dance is the same day as your birthday?”
I nod. “That is correct.”
She takes a deep breath, appearing to think something over. After a few moments her face takes on a determined expression as she nods. “Right,” she says. “Then that’s all the more reason to go!”
This confuses me. “I do not see the logic in that.”
She huffs in exasperation. “Are you dumb? Dances aren’t just a place to be romantic. They’re an excuse to hang out with your friends. Half the reason I’m going is to be there for Hikari in case that stooge boyfriend of hers does something dumb, which is very likely.”
She sighs. “Look, I understand that being social is still kinda new for you. And I’m trying to do my part to help you with that— we all are. Me, Shinji, Hikari, the other stooges. We—“ She pauses before averting her eyes and continuing in a quiet voice. “We all went through a lot during the Angel Crisis. You, especially. We just— no. I just want to do what I can to help you get over all of that.” She glances up to meet my gaze. “Consider it… penance, for the way I treated you before.
“Besides,” she says, raising her voice and adopting the haughty tone that seems so natural to her. “It’s not a good look if only some of the famous NERV Pilots show up to a public event like this. We’ve got to put on a united front, you know.”
I am unsure how to respond. I’m obviously aware of my schoolmates’ recent efforts to include me in their activities. And my relationship with Soryu has been trending in a positive direction even before this past week. But to think that she cares about me, to this degree… It is almost overwhelming.
I feel a lump in my throat as I nod. “Very well. I will go to the dance. But—“ I hold up a finger as she opens her mouth. “Only if you will agree to ask Ikari to go with you.”
The grin on her face evaporates as she sputters, her cheeks turning bright red. “What?! No way! You can’t do that! That’s outrageous. Who are you to make such a demand? What do you know anyway?”
“It is not outrageous,” I reply calmly. “You’ve already told me you intend to ask him to dance when you’re there. Asking him to accompany you there is a logical extension of that. Your friends are tired of watching the two of you as you are. He will say yes, believe me. It is time.”
She opens her mouth, before closing it again with a heavy sigh. “Yeah, alright,” she mutters. “Damn you, Ayanami. I can’t argue with that.” She gets a glint in her eye as she grins again. “But! If I’m doing this then you have to ask somebody, too. It’s only fair.” She stares at me as if daring me to argue.
I only blink at her. “I believe my agreeing to go to the dance at all is what would be fair.” I pause. “But I will not argue your terms. If you ask Ikari to go to the dance with you, I will ask somebody as well.”
Her grin widens. “Great! Then it’s a deal. I guess we’re going back to the dress shop.” She lets out a short laugh before her face takes on a more nervous expression. “So…” she says slowly. “You, uh, you consider us friends?”
I blink again in surprise. I had said that, hadn’t I? As I think about it, I realize that I’d meant it. While our relationship had been cordial at its best during the Angel Crisis, Soryu has softened in the months since, and I find that I am comfortable and at ease in her presence.
“Yes, I do,” I say softly. She raises her gaze to meet mine, and I give her a small smile. “As you said, we accomplished a great deal together during a difficult period. The time since then has been challenging, as well, but your support has been a tremendous help to me.”
Soryu has a bashful expression on her face as she looks at the ground. “Yeah, well, I guess I’d consider you a friend as well,” she mutters.
I feel a flash of mischief as a thought enters my mind.
“I’m sorry, what was that? I didn’t understand you.”
“I said I consider you a friend too, alright?!” she says loudly. “I swear, sometimes I think you do this on purpose just to mess with me.” She looks at me and her eyes narrow before going wide. “Wait a minute. You are messing with me, aren’t you?”
“I have no idea what you mean,” I say in the flattest voice I can manage. She stares at me for a few moments before bursting out laughing.
This time I join her.
***
The rain is pouring as I stare out of the classroom window. I don’t much like it. I had never minded it before, but now that I’ve begun doing things that involve spending time outside, the sight of rain irritates me a bit. I also find that it brings my mood down, though I can’t explain why. I’m thankful when the class quiets for a moment, as it always does when Soryu and Ikari arrive, and I have a reason to turn my attention away from the window.
Soryu walks with a purpose in her step and a glint in her eye. Before parting with Ikari at her desk she speaks in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Hey, Shinji. Before class starts I wanted to ask you something.” Her eyes flicker over to me and she grins before looking back at Ikari. “Do you wanna go to the dance with me?”
The room falls silent as every eye turns towards Ikari. Predictably, his face has turned a bright red as he nervously scratches the back of his head. He recovers quickly enough, nodding slowly. “Uh, yeah. Okay. Sure, Asuka.”
Soryu beams at him. “Great!” she says as she takes her seat. The room erupts in a chorus of hushed whispers. The gossip mill has been fed for the day, and likely the week.
A noise from my computer catches my attention. I glance at it to see a message waiting to be opened. I am unsurprised at its contents.
Soryu, A.L.: Alright, a deal’s a deal. Your turn.
I glance up to see Soryu staring at me, a wicked grin on her face as she winks. I give her a tiny smile, nodding my head as I turn back to my computer screen.
Ayanami, R.: Very well. A deal is a deal.
***
There’s a loud, insistent pounding on the door. I ignore it, as I have for the past ten minutes. I’m in no mood for company, particularly that of the person doing the knocking.
BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG
“Open up, First, I know you’re in there!” Soryu’s voice has grown more agitated the longer she’s been knocking. I don’t understand why she didn’t leave after the first knock or two, but I suppose I respect her persistence.
BANG BANG BANG
“Come on!” she whines through the door. “This is very unprofessional, you know! You’re a Child of NERV, you can’t just disappear and then not respond when people show up looking for you!”
It is a hard point to argue. I sigh as I drag myself off the couch and trudge down the hallway. The pounding ceases as I unlock the front door. I open it to see Soryu looking extraordinarily irritated.
“Alright, First, what’s the big id—“ her words crash to a halt. “What the hell? What happened? Have you been crying?!”
I don’t respond, opting instead to walk back into the apartment and retake my place on the couch. The sound of the door closing and hurried footsteps shortly follow. Soryu comes around the corner to stand in front of me, her hands on her hips.
“Alright, Ayanami. What’s going on? Hikari said you went home sick during lunch, but you don’t look sick to me. Did something happen? Did you have an accident or something?”
I shake my head. “No. I did not have an accident. I—“ I pause, unsure of how to continue.
“This morning,” I continue slowly. “You fulfilled your end of our agreement. I wanted to fulfill my end as well, so during lunch period I sought out Kujiro Tanaka, from class 2-B. He’s the boy I intended to ask to the dance. I asked him to speak in private and we went to an empty stairwell.”
Soryu’s eyes narrow into little more than slits. “Oh, yeah?” she says, her voice tight. “What happened then?”
“When we were alone, I asked him if he would accompany me to the dance.”
Her face relaxes a bit. “And, what, he said no? That happens, Rei. It sucks but it’s not—“
“He didn’t say no,” I interrupt. She looks confused. “He didn’t say anything at all. I asked him to go to the dance with me and all he did was laugh before he left. He just… laughed,” I say in a small, quiet voice.
Soryu doesn’t respond as her face goes pale. After a few moments she speaks in a voice that is calm but tense, as if she’s forcing it. “Excuse me for just a moment.” She takes a step before pausing and speaking in a much softer tone. “I’ll be right back, okay?” I nod, saying nothing as she disappears into the bathroom. A few moments later I can hear her voice, though I can’t understand her words through the door. “Because it’s an emergency!” I hear her yell before she falls silent. A few minutes later the bathroom door opens and she emerges.
“Right,” she says as she moves to sit beside me on the couch. “Shinji’s on his way over.”
A cold shiver runs through my body. “No,” I say. “Why? I do not want to see him right now. He— he does not need to see me like this.”
Soryu rolls her eyes. “This is the whole point of having friends, Ayanami,” she says gently. “Commiserating when one of them is miserable. Trying to find ways to feel better. Haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘misery loves company?’ It hurts a lot less when you’re not alone. Shinji taught me that.” A smile creeps across her face and she blushes. “You do want him to be here, believe me. Even if you think you don’t. He’s pretty good at stuff like this.”
I nod my head, and we fall into an awkward silence. After a few minutes, Soryu startles me when she speaks.
“Stand up,” she commands. I’m confused, but I do as she asks. She follows suit, drawing a deep breath and letting it out with a long sigh. “Okay. We’re going to try something. Shinji’s done this for me a couple of times when I felt down and it’s always worked. We’ll see if it works for you too. Close your eyes.”
The explanation is even more confusing than the request, but again I oblige. I trust Soryu not to do anything too mean, at least in this moment.
My eyes jerk open and my body stiffens when I feel a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me into an embrace. “What—“ I try to speak but Soryu interrupts me by shushing me.
“Shhh. Just relax. It’s alright.”
I feel my body relax as I gradually sink into her arms. I feel a sting in the corner of my eyes and my body trembles as she gives me a gentle squeeze. The dam breaks when I feel a hand reach up and softly stroke my hair. I bury my face into Soryu’s shoulder as I sob, bringing my arms around her and hanging on for dear life.
I don’t know how long we stand there as I cry my eyes out and Soryu holds me tight as she whispers comforting words in my ear. Eventually I manage to stop crying as I unentangle myself with a series of sniffles. Soryu looks at me with a gentle smile.
“See?” she asks softly. “Feels better than crying alone, doesn’t it?” I nod my head. “Right. Now. Shinji should be here any minute. Why don’t you try and gather yourself a bit? You look a mess.”
I nod my head as I move towards the bathroom, pausing in the doorway. “Soryu…” I say quietly. She turns to face me. “Thank you.”
She nods her head. “Of course! That’s what friends are for!” She smiles at me. “And while we’re at it, how about you call me ‘Asuka?’ What we just did feels like something people on a first-name basis do.”
I consider her words briefly before nodding again. “Very well,” I say. “Thank you, Asuka.”
Her smile widens. “You’re welcome, Rei.”
***
There’s an atmosphere of excitement in the air as the final bell rings, signaling the end of classes for the day. The teacher stands in front of his desk and addresses the class. “Before you all leave,” he says, pausing until the room is quiet. “I’d like to remind you all that the school dance is tonight. The doors will open at 7:30, and close at 11:00. That’s all. Try to have fun,” he concludes with a smile.
I’ve just gathered my things and stood up when I feel a tapping on my shoulder. Turning around, I see Asuka looking at me expectantly. “So, Rei, what do you think? Come to my place around 5:00 to get ready?” I blink at her. “Okay. Maybe that’s a tad early. How about 5:30?”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand. I will come to your apartment, but why so early? It will not take me two hours to put on a dress.”
Asuka looks at me blankly before rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “Right,” she says. “I forget you haven’t done this before. Look, getting together early before something like this is just something you do as a girl. Hikari will be there, too.” She pauses before turning around. “Hikari!” she shouts. “5:30 sound good?”
The Class Representative turns to face us, giving Asuka a thumbs up before turning back to her conversation with the “three stooges,” as Asuka refers to them.
Asuka turns back to face me. “See? It’s totally a thing. Come, Rei, it’ll be fun. It’s a great way to help your pregame nerves, too,” she says with a wink.
I consider it. The idea goes against logic, yet it is appealing all the same. I could wait at home, idly killing time until the evening, but why do that when I could spend time with my friends?
I nod my head. “Very well. 5:30 it is. I will see you then.”
Asuka‘s eyes shine as a huge grin threatens to split her face. “Great!” she says. “We’ll see you then!” With that she turns to make her exit, grabbing Ikari and dragging him behind her. I can’t help but smile.
***
I glance at my watch as we ride the elevator. 5:28. We’re right on time. Punctuality is one of the things that Ritsuko and I have in common. I’m grateful for that, among the more obvious things.
“So,” she speaks from beside me. “Are you nervous at all? This can be a big deal, especially at 15 years old.”
I glance at my guardian to see her looking at me with a sincere expression. Given our history, it is sometimes hard to be open with each other. Thankfully, this doesn’t seem to be one of those times.
“I am… unsure,” I reply truthfully. The dance is not due to start for a couple of hours, but I suppose that these are the “pregame nerves” Asuka had alluded to. I am suddenly very glad I agreed to come over so early. “I think that I am,” I say.
Ritsuko chuckles. “Yeah, I’ll bet. Just remember that you’ll be there with your friends. That should help.”
I nod as we exit the elevator and make our way down the hallway. My nerves only increase as I ring the doorbell of the Katsuragi residence.
There’s a sound of muffled footsteps before the door opens. Asuka is sporting a large smile as she greets us. “Oh, hey, Rei!” she says in a loud voice. “And Doctor Akagi, you made it too! Come in, come in.” As we enter the apartment I’m puzzled to see a collection of shoes in the entryway. I indicate them to Asuka with a questioning glance, but she only shrugs with a playful grin.
She continues to speak in an overly-loud voice as we continue down the hall. “I’m so glad you’re here Rei. We’re gonna have so much fun.” She stops suddenly, allowing Ritsuko to pass by us as Asuka puts a hand on my shoulder. “I am glad that you’re here,” she says in a much quieter voice. “Try to enjoy this, okay? You deserve it.”
This only confuses me further, leaving me with so many questions. Most of them are answered as I turn the corner.
“SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices meets me as I enter the kitchen. “Happy birthday Rei!”
I can not believe my eyes. There’s a large banner strung up with the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY REI” on it, as well as a folding table with a small pile of wrapped gifts. A chocolate cake sits on the table, which is surrounded by people— by my friends.
Ikari is here, of course, and the commander. Hikari, whom I’d expected to see, as well as Suzuhara and Aida, whom I had not. Ritsuko is obviously here, although I’m somewhat surprised to see Maya, as well. I’m very pleased to see that even Pen-Pen has left his fridge for the occasion; the bird and I have become very close during my visits to this apartment. And, of course, Asuka stands beside me, beaming with pride.
“Do you like it?” she asks. “I put it all together myself.” She looks around at the sound of grumbling and eye-rolling. “Okay, fine, not all by myself. But the idea was mine, and I organized everything. What do you think?”
I find myself unable to speak. I’ve slowly begun to accept that I have a place in other people’s lives, but this is not something I would have ever expected. The feeling is overwhelming.
“I—“ I hesitate, unsure. “I do not know what to say. This— all of this is for me?” I turn to Asuka. “But why? Why would you do this?”
Before Asuka can say anything, Commander Katsuragi chimes in. “Because we love you, silly! Things like this are how you show people that you care about them.” She giggles. “You’re weird. But we’re all weird. You’re a part of our weird little gang. A very important part.”
“Yeah, what she said,” Suzuhara speaks up from across the table. “We all kinda ignored ya for a while ‘cos you were so weird and quiet all the time and— ow!” He turns to face Hikari and rubs him arm. “What was that for? I was gettin’ to the nice part!”
“You and your big mouth!” She scowls at him before turning to me and smiling. “What he meant to say was that we’ve enjoyed getting to know you these past few months, and we’re glad that you’re our friend.” Suzuhara and Aida nod silently beside her.
I look around at the smiles on all of the faces around me and I realize that they’re telling the truth. All of these people are here for me— they care about me. It feels as if I have found a place to belong, a place free from horrific violence and dastardly scenarios. These people want me around. They like me.
It is a very overwhelming sensation, and all at once I feel tears forming in my eyes. I try my best to stop them— crying is not a new experience for me, not recently at least, and all of these people have seen me do it. But to do so now feels inappropriate. Regardless, it is a losing battle.
“I—“ I try to clear my throat, to no avail. “I don’t understand,” I choke out. Before I can get anything else out I feel myself being smothered as the commander wraps me in a warm embrace.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she says in a soothing voice. “It’s a lot to take in. But it’s okay to cry. We all do it.” She pauses. “Maybe you’ve never happy-cried before?” She chuckles as I shake my head. “Right. It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it?” I nod against her. “So just try to hold on to it.” She rocks me gently back and forth for a minute before I softly push myself off of her, sniffling and wiping my eyes on my sleeve.
I turn to face the room. “This…” I trail off, trying to think of the words to say. I realize that they aren’t hard to find. “This is wonderful. Thank you, all of you.” I look at Asuka. “Thank you,” I say again, giving her a smile. She doesn’t say anything, her own smile simply growing wider as she nods.
***
The party is wonderful, obviously.
For the first time in my life I get the experience of receiving gifts. Suzuhara and Aida have pitched in to give me a set of manga books, with Aida excitedly explaining that story features a blue-haired girl, like me, who discovers that she has magic powers, unlike me. I am unsure if I will read it, but I politely thank them regardless.
Hikari has gotten me a blouse, which I think is not my style, but all of the women assure me it will go well with my hair color. The commander, too, has gotten me a blouse, as has Maya. I had thought my wardrobe overhaul had been sufficient, but apparently not.
Ritsuko and I are the only ones who laugh when I open her gift to find a feather duster. “It’s so that you can finally clean that room of yours,” she says between giggles. She explains to everyone else that it is a gag gift, as I am very tidy around the apartment, but for some reason we are still the only ones laughing after she’s explained the joke.
Ikari gifts me a watch, from the new Evangelion line that NERV collaborated on. I do not like the reminder of Unit 00 or anything from that time, but the colors are very pretty, and the intention is clearly sincere.
Asuka saves her present for last, retreating to her bedroom and emerging with a small envelope. I give her a confused look and she elaborates. “It’s a letter,” she says simply. “From Kujiro.” I look at her blankly as Suzuhara speaks from across the room.
“Tanaka?” he asks in a confused voice. “What’s he writin’ a letter to Rei for?”
Asuka glances at me, and I nod. “It’s a long story,” she says. “Well, it’s not, really. But it’s one for another time. Let’s just say that he had a choice, and writing a letter was the easy, pain-free option.” Suzuhara seems no less confused, but doesn’t say anything else. A slightly awkward silence fills the room.
“Okay,” the commander says loudly. “Who’s ready for cake?” That brings the mood back up. The cake is cut into slices and distributed throughout the room. I tell Ikari that although I have not had many chances to try the food he makes, this is the best I’ve had so far. He laughs and says that I’m just biased. Perhaps he is right.
The rest of the afternoon seems to rush by as we laugh and joke and enjoy each other’s company. In no time at all it is time to prepare for the evening’s event. I expect people to leave, and am surprised when nobody does. I ask Ikari about this while Asuka is in her bedroom, which is being used as the staging room for the girls to get ready.
“We decided we might as well just all show up together,” he says. “You weren’t able to find a date, and neither was Kensuke. We thought it would be better to do it this way, so you wouldn’t feel so excluded.”
It makes sense. A thought occurs to me. “Is Asuka not upset?”
He laughs. “It was Asuka’s idea. Do you think we would be doing it if she didn’t want to?” He chuckles again. “That’s not how Asuka works.”
I understand what he means. As Asuka emerges from her room I find myself admiring her, for more than just the way she looks. I think that I’m seeing her in a new light before I realize that that isn’t true. Today is not the first time she’s displayed such consideration.
“Hey,” she barks at me, and I realize I’ve been staring. “I know I look good but let’s get a move on, Wondergirl. It’s almost time to go.”
I nod as I move to take her place in the bedroom, smiling to myself. Having friends is nice.
***
I stand in the shadows on the far side of the room, watching the festivities from afar. The music is loud, but it’s my understanding that that is the norm. The lighting is dim, but I’m still able to make out the faces of all my schoolmates, who seem to be having fun. They move with all the exuberance and awkwardness of youth. It’s all quite nice, and I find myself glad that I was convinced to come.
Once or twice, a boy will approach and ask me to the dance floor. I politely decline. There’s only one person here I want to dance with.
“Hey, Rei.” A voice beside me, as if fate has heard my thoughts. “Wanna dance?”
I turn to see Asuka, stunning in her red dress. She has an exhilarated look on her face, as does Ikari standing beside her. I glance at him and he nods, giving me a smile.
“Very well,” I say with a smile of my own. “Let’s dance.”
Asuka’s eyes light up at my response. As we move towards the dance floor, she leans over to whisper in my ear. “This is your real present. I couldn’t live with only getting you that stupid letter.”
I feel myself blush as I nod my head. “Okay.”
Hours of practicing together have given us a strong sense of one another. For song after song we dance, moving through the crowd with ease. Although the choices are limited, I cannot think of a time when I’ve had so much fun.
Afterwards, we sit at a table to rest. “So,” I ask. “How is it going with Ikari?”
Asuka’s cheeks turn a light pink as she coughs. “Uh, great, yeah,” she says. “I think—“ she pauses. “I think he’s going to kiss me later. And I think that I might let him.” Her blush intensifies before she giggles. “You should have seen the look on his face the first time he saw me move out there. He asked me if I was secretly a professional.” We both laugh at that.
Her face turns more serious as she faces me. “Honestly, Rei. Thank you. For the lessons, and for… everything else. I’m glad we became friends.”
I shake my head. “No, Asuka. Thank you. I’ve learned a great deal over the past two weeks, and none of it would have happened if it weren’t for you. I am also glad that we became friends,” I say with a smile.
She looks at me with an expression I can’t quite read. “Stand up,” she says. I feel a wave of déjà vu as I do what she asks. She rises from her seat as well and approaches me. “Don’t worry,” she says softly. “You don’t have to close your eyes this time.” She wraps her arms around me in a warm hug, and I respond in kind.
“Thank you,” I whisper in her ear.
“You’re welcome,” she whispers back. “Happy birthday, Rei.”