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Laila hates when the night ends.
The lights turning off, the music dying, all the crumpled one dollar bills she pulls out of her bra and throws on the dressing room counter as she sips on the last of her drink, takes one final look at her beautiful dragged up face, sighs and picks up her make-up remover.
She hates going back to just her ordinary self, she hates going back to just being Tyler, she hates disappearing. She thrives in strobe lights of the club, the neons and the sparkles, her hair flying everywhere while she thrashes on the floor; she goes out like a candle when she puts her jeans and hoodie back on.
Laila hates going from being someone, to being nobody at all.
*
Thorgy loves when the night ends.
Don’t get her wrong; she adores being onstage and the center of attention, it’s enthralling, giving her an almost orgasmic rush. The lights hitting her face, the applause of the crowd, all eyes on her, and she knows she’s great.
She also loves when it’s all over, because she’s sure she did something right. There are people who want to take pictures with her, there are phone numbers or Instagram usernames written on her tips, there are gig bookers leaving messages on her cellphone she digs out from underneath a pile of clothes after she gets home.
Thorgy knows it’s going to happen all over again tomorrow, or in two days, and she goes to sleep with a smile.
*
Laila hates when it rains, and it rains too much for her taste in New England.
The rain destroys her boy hairstyle, leaves disgusting stains on her jacket, soaks through her Converse. She arrives late to her date, and earns herself a dead cold stare from the guy she’s supposed to be meeting with.
The date turns out to be a fucking disappointment, but, to be fair, Laila probably is a disappointment for him as well. The guy is boring as hell and spends most of the time complaining about the rain. Suddenly Laila remembers a person who would be disgustingly happy about today’s weather, and spends the rest of the meeting imagining someone else sitting in front of her. Someone who knows how to find joy in the little things; someone who doesn’t waste their time worrying about little obstacles. Unfortunately, that person is not with her right now.
If it hadn’t been for the rain, Laila thinks, it all would’ve turned out much better.
*
Thorgy loves the rain.
She loves the fact that it’s probably spring waking up again, sending the rain from the sky to water all the little, tiny plants growing out of sidewalk cracks. She loves walking the streets of New York, her beloved Big Apple, seeing all the people holding hands, hugging close beneath their umbrellas, kissing quickly before their bus comes. She loves the smell of everything soaked through when she walks through Central Park. She loves squeezing the water out of her hair and shaking off her rainbow umbrella.
Once a day, or more often sometimes, she thinks about this person who once said she hates the rain so, so much. Thorgy used to hate the rain too, when she was young, but then something happened and she became incapable of hating anyone or anything.
If only she could tell the person that maybe, someday, she will love the rain as well.
*
When it’s the end of the night and it’s raining, too, Laila knows she should feel like the entire world is against her, but at least she’s in New York. RuPaul’s Drag Race got her bookings all around the country and for that she was eternally grateful.
So, instead of finishing her last drink, she gets another one for free. Instead of taking off her make-up, she leaves it on. Instead of going back to her hotel room alone, she picks up an umbrella and takes a cab to another club a few blocks away where another drag show is just ending.
Instead of wasting yet another opportunity, Laila gathers some courage and knocks loudly on a dressing room door backstage.
“Open!”
Thorgy is wearing a huge, curly wig and just a top with no skirt as she sits in front of the mirror, munching on a power bar and drinking Red Bull though a straw. She grins like the sunshine itself upon seeing Laila.
“Hey there. I’ve heard you were searching for a friend”, jokes the younger queen.
“How did you know I meant you?”
“I didn’t. But I’m the one who showed up first, so, dibs.” Laila smiles back as Thorgy starts to laugh, and her laughter is the most contagious thing in the world.
“Come closer then, friend.”
Laila does. She’s standing in front of Thorgy now, as Thorgy is still sitting in her chair, putting her hands on Laila’s hips. Thorgy’s eyes are sparkling with pure adrenaline and joy, so Laila bends down to see them from a little closer, and closer, and closer.
When Thorgy kisses her, nobody is surprised.
*
Laila tastes like sugar and spice, and smells like rain.
Thorgy loves when nights end like that.