Chapter Text
Bentham woke up with a strange tingle, a longing for an ethical debate, feeling a deep need to cultivate the earth with his philosophical seed. He went to the one place he felt this could be done. Greenhouse; the best place to fertilise the mind. As he walked through the doors, his eyes were drawn to a meek sight.
There sat, all on her lonesome, was his friend; Little flower Daisy. She was merely a little sperm in the world, searching for her egg, and the singular curator of the first philosophical debate; “what came first, the chicken or the egg”.
“Daisy!” B-man exclaimed, "how you doin’?”
Daisy didn’t respond, ignoring him, her mind was too full of the disco(n)tempt she felt in her heart for Kant. “oh, hey b-town, I’m good. Just filled with mild fury, how bout you?”
“I’m fine, just craving sensual, intellectual, philosophical conversation. Why are you filled with fury d-dawg?”
“Because stupid Kunty-kant has been grating on the cheese that is my aura. He won’t leave me alone with his stupid imperatives, and he thinks that the chicken came first when it's clearly the scrambled egg!”
“What the heck, that is so stupendously stupid of him. I wonder what his views are on morality” *Bentham looks off into the distance*
“mummy, I don’t know” daisy said despairingly, slightly weirded out “maybe you could ask him”
As if by some crazy coincidence (wink), the double doors of greenhouse swung open, and an ominous figure swavued through the door.
“I AM KANT” the voice bellowed “I AM THE GREAT BELIEVER IN CHICKENS COMING FIRST (wink x2) AND THAT GOODWILL IS THE HIGHEST GOOD”
“RUUNN!!” Everyone yelled, screaming and galloping in terror. As chairs and tables were flipped over, loud booming sounds echoed throughout the bustling room, smashing the windows of the building and covering the remaining students with shards of glass.
Daisy gripped onto Bentham’s arm, shouting frantically, “We’ve got to go, hurry, come on Bentham”
“What is happening?” Bentham cried “who is that guy?!”
“You don’t know who that is, seriously” Daisy shouted over the noise “whatever Bentham, there’s no time for this; we have to go now!”
As Kant got angrier, the wind and fog swirled around him in a floury, collecting the furniture in the room and creating a table tornado.
“No, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on here!”
Daisy was getting increasingly more scared, and she decided to use her telekinetic flower power to show him how the conflict began, but before she could… SPLAT.
Daisy was hit by a table flying in the pseudo-storm and she fell to the ground in a compost heap. Flopping down onto her back, stars floating around her head, she reached out to Bentham in pain. After a while, she spoke.
“Promise me -” daisy said, wheezing in pain
“Daisy, Daisy can you hear me?” Benny-boy exclaimed. “Are you ok, no, no, no, c’mon daisy stay with me, you haven’t found your destined egg yet, you can’t go”
He felt like it happened all so fast. One minute daisy was there standing in the metaphorical soil, swaying in the breeze and photosynthesising to her heart's content, and now she was dying, her last petal falling slowly to the ground.
“Promise me!” Daisy said with more conviction, though a look of confusion clouded her features “you’ll get him back for this”.
And just like that, her stalk was cut, and she was left to die on the heated floors of the greenhouse. Bentham shouted out in pain over losing his friend, gripping her shoulders (vines?) tightly. He sat with her, stroking her head petals, and closed his eyes.
“I promise” Bentham whispered to the lifeless form, mourning the loss of his whimsical floor poo.
Without warning, a chair was launched above his head, narrowly missing his cranium and breaking him out of his trance. He knew he had to run. He wasn’t about to die, and leave (rip daisy lol) his pookie’s death to go futile. Vengeance was on the cards for him now, and he knew there was no opportunity for mucking about. He left through the double doors next to Whitehouse and escaped the chaos before he too would perish.