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“Well, this is all a bit disgusting,” commented Jenny brightly.
Clara watched a chicken idly pecking its way across the street. She stepped over a cow pat with a grimace. “I’ve probably been to worse places for a date.”
“Really?”
They walked by a market stall covered in jars of leeches. The sign nailed to it promised no one had died after using their products in over two weeks.
“No. This might actually be the worst. Why is this in your book again?”
When Jenny had found Clara’s 101 Places To See book, she had decided to make her own version. It had started as a book of holiday ideas, but soon developed into a project that took up a lot of her time. Some of the places listed weren’t even locations, but ideas or dreams she hoped existed in reality. It was just a case of finding them.
Today, however, she’d bounced into the console room of the TARDIS with specific coordinates. She punched them and started the pre-flight checks, giving Clara nothing but the occasional cheeky smile.
“I’m guessing this trip is a surprise?”
Jenny’s face fell. “How did you know?”
She hugged her girlfriend from behind and kissed her cheek. “Human intuition. Shall we get the sometimes honourable Lady Me?”
“Nope. I’ve already asked her.” Jenny turned in Clara’s arms. “When I told her about it, she said she’d ‘been there, done that.’ She did say something about getting her a t-shirt though.”
Once they’d landed, Clara could see why Me hadn’t wanted to join them. The streets were lined with small dwellings of wattle and daub and the whole area smelt of farm animals. The only reprieve from the stench came from passing stalls selling meat or dried herbs.
Had she not been a seasoned time traveller, Clara would have guessed she’d landed on the set of a documentary about the Roman Britain. Instead, she was able to spot the small inaccuracies, such as large stone structure visible in the distance with stained glass windows that looked to be ahead of their time.
There was also the giant giveaway of there being two suns in the sky, but it always paid to be sure in these situations.
“Clara Oswald, welcome to Harold!” Jenny gestured around them, nearly taking out a man carrying a pig. “A planet inhabited by the descendants of a human colony who believed William the Conqueror was the worst thing that ever happened to United Britain!”
Trying to suppress her smile, Clara observed the locals and suspected they disagreed with their ancestors. It was rare that they ever visited Earth, let alone Britain. Mainly because Lady Me was “bloody sick of that rock”, but also because it was the one place in the universe the Doctor was bound to show up eventually.
Though she was having a fantastic time exploring time and space, Clara was occasionally homesick. When she’d realised, Jenny had read up on Earth and tried to surprise her with trips like this one. Having been born with only the knowledge of the underground tunnels of her homeworld being locked in a never-ending war, the idea of different countries and time periods was tough to wrap her head around. She was doing well though. A few weeks previously she’d made Clara a reading lamp shaped like Blackpool Tower.
Admittedly, it had looked a lot more like the Eiffel Tower, but the gesture and effort was still appreciated.
“And why are we on Harold, the human colony of William the Conqueror haters?” Clara asked as they passed a blacksmith. “And what have they got against William anyway?”
Clara shrugged. “Not sure. Something about the country never recovering from something called Doomsday? Anyway - that’s not important. This is the real reason we’re here.”
She came to a stop at the end of the street where it opened up into a courtyard. There were children playing on the stocks and the vague smell of something rotting in the air. Clara tried not to let her panic show on her face.
“So… you’ve got a thing about being pelted with tomatoes?” She said it with a hint of chuckle. Enough that she could pass it off as a joke, but not too much just in case she’d hit bullseye with her guess. Life with Jenny was always surprising and she wouldn’t put something like this past her.
What worried her most was that she was more than willing to go along with whatever was about to be suggested. Jenny laughed and Clara remembered exactly why this was the case.
Just as Clara was about to pull Jenny in for a kiss, she found herself being spun around. She blinked as she regained her equilibrium and spotted the large stone structure from earlier. Now she had a better view of it, she noticed how odd it was to see medieval architecture before centuries of wear and tear. Everything from stained glass to the bricks all the way up the spire looked to be no older than she was.
However old that was.
“That is the Abbey of Harold,” she explained so close to Clara’s ear that she could feel her breath. “Legend says that a couple were arrested for treason and killed, but, an hour later, were seen at the top of the spire.”
“What happened to them?”
“No one knows. They were never seen again. The story became a legend and now it’s considered lucky for couples to kiss there. It’s a popular tourist thing.”
Clara couldn’t help but think that the place didn’t look like it been a tourist trap. There was no informational signs or tacky merchandise and the place was filthy. However, Jenny had said it became a legend and they took time to form and change into something profitable.
Skipping the rush while with a Time Lady sometimes meant missing the event all together. Clara was just glad the spire had been built already.
Any ideas she had questioning Jenny’s timing were washed away when the woman in question grabbed her hand and dragged her across the courtyard with a smile.
As they were about to head down the lane that led to the Abbey, Clara spotted something nailed to a door that made her stop.
“What?” Jenny asked as fell back to her side.
“Look.” Clara pointed at her find. Underneath large letters declaring ‘WANTED’, were two pictures. One was of a dark-haired woman, the other a blonde. At the bottom was a reward for several thousand credits.
Though not entirely historically accurate, the meaning behind the poster was clear.
Jenny bit her lip. “What will we do?”
“Go back to the TARDIS? Or we could-”
“What? We’re not leaving! Are you mad?” Jenny laughed, eyes alight with adventure. “I meant what will we do in the future to earn us our own wanted poster?”
“Of course you did.” Clara squinted to see if she could make out the small print. “I suppose if you take your hair down then you’ll look a bit different-”
“Clara?”
“I know you don’t like it, but it could make all the difference. And you look amazing so-”
“No, Clara-”
Clara tore her gaze from the poster to her girlfriend. “It’s like you want to-”
It was then she spotted the two men approaching them, wearing armour and carrying swords.
Jenny grinned. “Get caught?”
“Shut up.”
The pair took each other’s hands and hastily walked in the other direction. Clara glanced over her shoulder and saw the guards were now jogging after them.
“Bollocks,” she whispered, pulled Jenny down a side street and started to run. Not for the first time was amazed how fast she could move. If Clara still had to deal with things like oxygen debt then she doubted she’d ever keep up.
In an attempt to lose their pursuers, they turned into another street. Unfortunately, they ran almost straight into another pair of guards. The women slowed to a walk in the hopes of avoiding suspicion, but it made no difference. The guards were already approaching them.
It was then Clara remembered she was wearing a short dress, while Jenny was in her usual t-shirt, trousers and boots combination. They must have stuck out even without the posters.
“You, there,” called the first guard whose wide nose stuck up so he reminded Clara strongly of a bulldog. “What are your names?”
“Oswin,” Clara replied immediately. “Doctor Oswin. And this is Abbie… Westminster.”
Jenny waved at the guards. “Hello!”
The second guard whose curly hair barely fit under his helmet, lifted his arm to wave back, but his counterpart nudged him.
“You are not wearing appropriate clothing,” the bulldog guard began, “which leads me to believe you are off-worlders. Do you have the appropriate paperwork?”
Clara did her best to appear composed. She had every faith in Jenny to find an exit for them. She just had to buy enough time. “Of course we do!” She patted her sides down and rummaged in her bag. “We didn’t see any signs about attire so we weren’t sure if you boys had a policy about it.”
“We do.”
“And now we know. I don’t suppose you could recommend any clothes shops?”
Even her best winning smile was doing nothing to thaw the man’s icy countenance and there was only so many times she could look in the same places for papers that didn’t exist.
“Your papers, doctor.”
Clara looked desperately to Jenny. She gasped and pointed behind the guards.
“Look out!”
The guards and Clara whipped around to see what had caught Jenny’s attention. Before she’d had chance to assess that the street looked like all the others they’d seen, Clara felt something grip her arm and pull her backwards.
“Seriously?” Behind them the guards shouted after them, but Clara only had eyes for Jenny’s devious smirk.
“The old ones are the best.”
They sprinted down the street, the sound of the clanging armour following them, and went to round the corner, only to slam into a wall that Clara was sure hadn’t been there before.
Dazed and groaning from falling to floor she realised it hadn’t been a wall, but the guards from earlier. Jenny, who had remained standing, tried to pull her up, but was seized by one of the men before she could. As she kicked and twisted, the other guards caught up with them and were able to subdue them both.
With three men holding her still and her ponytail almost pulled entirely out, Jenny shot Clara an apologetic look. She did her best to reassure her wordlessly while the guards decided what to do with their prisoners. The process took longer than it should have done, with both pairs arguing who caught them first and why they were being arrested in the first place. In fact, Clara had taken to pulling faces to make Jenny giggle by the time they were acknowledged again.
“Doctor and Abbie,” said one of the first guards, “you have a broken at least one of the laws of Harold. Which ones will be decided upon our arrival at the cells,” he added with a pointed look at the curly haired guard who nodded approvingly. “All other administrative issues will be dealt with after your incarceration. Any disobedience will result in harsher punishments. Understand?”
Jenny sniggered. “I’d like to see you -” She caught Clara’s eye and coughed. “I mean - yup.”
“Doctor?”
“We sit in a cell while you lot decide why. Got it.”
The single guard holding her shoved her forwards and the group followed them. Clara noticed Jenny wasn’t struggling with her captors and looked nauseated. She frowned at her questioningly.
“Wish they’d stop calling you ‘Doctor’,” she grumbled and was yelled at for the trouble.
The circumstances might have been strange, but Clara adored quieter moments with Jenny. With her eyes closed and her head resting against the blonde’s shoulder, she could pretend they were anywhere together. Jenny was all warmth, life and light; everything she could never be again.
Both of them had ran from their deaths, but only one of them had to go back. The pressing deadline was more than enough motivation for Clara to never stay in one place too long, but Jenny gave her reason to pause. She was a reminder that they weren’t just escaping; they were exploring.
Reluctantly, Clara opened her eyes and saw they were still sat with their backs against the far wall of drafty cell. Beyond the bars, she could see the same guards from earlier, now joined by a couple of their friends, discussing their fate in hushed voices.
Of course, they had no idea one of their prisoners had hearing beyond that of any human.
“Any progress?” Clara murmured against the cotton of Jenny’s top.
“They seem to have arrested us because we escaped before. I’m not sure if we come back at some point or if the escape they’re talking about is the one we’re about to make, but at least they’re more confused than us.”
Clara hummed thoughtfully. “Who composed Beethoven’s Fifth?”
“Beethoven?” answered Jenny. “Whoever that is.”
The noise from the arguing guards picked up as they stood, their conversation clearly done with. Most of them collected their swords and exited the room, leaving behind the curly-haired man from before to guard them. When he spotted the prisoners watching him, he nodded awkwardly at them before remembering his job and scowling. He took a seat and crossed his arms in an attempt to appear intimidating.
Of all the times she’d found herself incarcerated, Clara had to admit she’d rarely been less threatened. Admittedly he was at a disadvantage as some of her past captors were part scorpion, could breath fire and, on one memorable occasion, were part-fire scorpions.
“So this escape we’re making to land us in here - any ideas yet?” Clara had done a customary sweep of the place. The window was too small, the bars too sturdy and the door most definitely locked. She knew Jenny’s customary sweep could pick up weaknesses she’d need hours to work out.
“No,” she sighed. “Well… No.”
“Half an idea?” She poked Jenny in her side. “You sound like you’ve got half an idea?”
Jenny shifted on the spot and Clara had to adjust her position to keep her head where it was. “Yeah, but involves breaking the rules.”
“We’re breaking out of prison,” snorted Clara.
“No - the important rules,” Jenny reiterated. “Your rules.”
That made Clara sit up. She tried to get a read off of Jenny so she could tell what she was thinking, but she was deliberately staring ahead. In all the time they had been together, Jenny had never once brought up the rules that Clara had instigated not long after they’d decided they weren’t just friends.
It had been when they’d stumbled across a party planet, made of thousands of islands, where each one was its own club. Lady Me and Clara, in a fit of nostalgia, decided to go all out and raided their TARDIS’ growing wardrobe. Jenny, caught up in the excitement and always ready for new experiences, joined them with no idea what to expect. Two hours later, after much dancing and drinking, Clara returned from the bar to find Jenny flirting with another woman.
It had caused their first proper argument. Jenny had no idea why Clara was angry at her for talking, while Clara was frustrated that Jenny wasn’t taking their relationship seriously. It eventually came to light that Jenny had no concept of the word ‘girlfriend’, monogamy or flirting.
On a beach, surrounded by strobe lighting and a thumping bass in the background, Clara put together a list of basic rules that Jenny had to follow if she wanted to stay with her. She asked if Jenny had any of her own to add, but she only asked that Clara followed her own rules as well.
It had been exhausting, dissecting all the guidelines to relationships that Clara had ever known, while also doing her best to explain the different variations found throughout humanity. Jenny had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout. In the end they fell asleep on the sand. When they woke up, they didn’t talk about their argument and set about the difficult task of locating Me.
In the cell, looking at Jenny now, Clara was struck with how similar she could be to her father. There was a muscle in her jaw twitching, while the rest of her body language was purposefully arranged to show how supremely unbothered she was by everything that was happening.
“You are okay with the rules, aren’t you?” Clara asked hesitantly. “If you’re not, we can talk about it.”
Jenny sniffed, but still didn’t look at Clara. “I just don’t see why we need them.”
“It’s like I said, you might not realise it, but if you did something like kiss someone else, I’d be really hurt.”
Finally, whatever Jenny had been holding back became too much to contain. She faced Clara, who was shocked to see she looked more upset than angry. “But I don’t want to do any of those things with anyone but you! You make it sound as if you do.”
“Oh, Jenny, no. I…” She took the other woman’s hand and gained strength from how she laced their fingers together. “I don’t want to either. And I wasn’t saying you did. I didn’t want another argument like before because we both had different ideas about what we were to each other.”
“But humans have almost no control over their hormones and-”
“Doesn’t mean we listen to them! I want you. Only you. Got it?”
It wasn’t fair, Clara thought as she tried to convey how serious she was, that anyone could look as gorgeous as Jenny. Especially when they were upset. Her eyes, brimming with tears, conveyed so much that Clara sometimes found it overwhelming. She supposed it was some kind of Gallifreyan biology trick, to cram extra emotion into their irises to make the rest of the universe feel even worse.
“Do it. Whatever your plan is.” Clara cupped Jenny’s cheek. “Do it.” She leant in to kiss her softly, but was surprised when Jenny dodged her. She glanced at the guard with a shy smile. He grinned back.
“He’s been looking at me this whole time,” she told Clara, barely moving her lips. “He’s clearly a weak link. The others have gone upstairs so, once I get the door open, we should be able to get out of here if we hurry. There’s a large window in the corridor that leads to the back of the building. We should be able to get out of without raising suspicion.”
Clara followed the plan, but failed to see how it broke any of the rules. She did spot a huge flaw though. “How are you getting the door open?”
The grin that spread across Jenny’s face then was nothing short of devious. Without a word, she stood and walked slowly over to the bars. She leant against them, being careful to push her chest out as much as possible. The guard nearly tripped as he rushed to join her.
Clara sat back with a smile, safe in the knowledge that she’d be the one taking that woman home.
Clara and Jenny crashed through the door labelled ‘Staff Only’, giggling so much they could barely stand. The bright lights of the console room blinded them temporarily. Once she’d blinked a few times, Clara looked around the room that had once been so sparse, but was now filled with personal effects. There was a pile of Jenny’s tools surrounding the tool box she’d promised the others she’d keep tidy, next to a stack of Clara’s books. Several of Me’s paintings, mainly alien landscapes, hung proudly from the walls.
As they were kicking their shoes off, the sound of Me’s voice echoed down the corridor, growing closer.
“Are you done now? Can we go somewhere interesting?”
She appeared in the door, dressed ready for an adventure, with a book tucked under her arm.
“Fine,” replied Clara, still struggling to breath. “Just let me grab some snacks while you set the coordinates.” She pulled Jenny in for a quick kiss. It didn’t go very well as they were both smiling too much, but it didn’t matter.
“Urgh, I don’t know why you two are all loved up.” Me curled her lip and held up her book. “According to the TARDIS you landed a couple of decades before that stupid legend even started. And, yes, I guessed why you wanted to go there.”
Jenny blushed, but otherwise looked pleased with herself.
Clara rounded the console, holding her hand out for the book. “We noticed. How far off were we?”
Balancing the book open on the controls, Me pointed to the bookmarked page about the Legend of Harold’s Abbey. Underneath the heading were several paragraphs giving information about the original condemned couple’s miraculous appearance and the evolution of the story. At the bottom were two pictures. One showed a Harold very different to the one Clara had seen with the streets crammed with tourist merchandise stands and neon signs advertising guided tours.
The other, that of two people kissing with the twin suns above their heads, made her face heat up.
“According to this,” Me said, unaware of Clara’s reaction to the page, “just over seventy years. We’ve been further off before so it’s not- Why are you smiling like that?”
“Jenny, come here,” Clara called. As her girlfriend joined them, she pointed to the second picture and hugged her around her waist. Her double pulse was still racing after their escape. It was strange, having not felt her own in so long, but any reminder that Jenny’s heart was still beating enough for the two was fine by her.
A tiny crease appeared on Jenny’s forehead as she looked at the book. “But… they look like…” She turned to Clara with a grin.
It was similar to the one Clara had given her after they’d cleared the prison grounds and saw they weren’t too far away from the Abbey. She’d pulled Jenny to a stop and asked how she felt about earning them a bit of luck for the rest of their escape. She’d pointed out that it would greatly increase their chances of getting caught, but Jenny was already sprinting towards the Abbey.
Me slammed the book shut. “Can I leave you two alone once without you snogging yourselves into history?”
“Nope,” chuckled Jenny as Clara pulled her towards the corridor.
“Take your time deciding on the next planet, Me,” Clara called, all thoughts of snacks forgotten.