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In my head, I play a supercut of us / All the magic we gave off / All the love we had and lost
Every day is another memory. Another reminder that you are gone. There is no relief from the signs that you were here. I can see the unfinished products in your room. The faint scent of gunpowder that followed you everywhere. I can almost hear your laughter from the living room. Every turn I take, you are there. There is no relief. There is no solace. There is just a constant supercut of what we had.
When I was sorted into Gryffindor with you, you welcomed me with open arms and we celebrated the new students like there was no tomorrow. We experienced the charm of the new school year together. The first bit of magic I learned, I showed to you. You acted like it was the greatest bit of magic you’d ever seen.
When it was time for the Triwizard Tournament, you helped me sort out the clues. You remained by my side the entire time, even when I was fighting with Ron. When you told me about the gamble gone bad, I held you and helped you create a plan. When you opened the shop, it was like a dream come to life. I knew you could do it.
The worst is when I remember the carefree times. The summers at the Burrow with George. The late nights at the shop. The marks on the wall from experiments gone awry. The dancing in the kitchen with only the moonlight to shine on us.
Those are most definitely the worst. I can remember not wanting the night to end. Wishing for the days to be endless. We both knew that wasn’t possible though. We both had the prickling sense that war was going to be among us. We both knew the impending darkness that would snuff out all light. But the wish for the future kept us going and allowed us to live for the moment.
But now I only have the past to look upon to remind myself of you.
In your car the radio up / In your car the radio up / We keep trying to talk about us / I’ll be your quiet afternoon crush
I remember the first time we talked about where our relationship was heading. We were never alone so we snuck out late at night and hid on the roof. It was so peaceful and calm. Our conversation was anything but.
There were worries about your family, the war, and who we would grow to be. You felt like there was only you and me to worry about. I knew that the reactions and thoughts of others would impact us more though. It felt like there was only one solution. Keep us a secret. We argued the entire night. I knew it was for the best though. A quiet crush that could not be infringed upon. No one could say whether they supported us or not. There was no discussion from the outside. It would be perfect until the war was over.
So I fall / Into continents and stars / All the stages and the stars / I turn all of it into a supercut
On the run, there was nothing I wanted to do more than announce our love. I wanted to scream into the forest that I was in love with you. I wanted to express who we were together. But there was only Ron and Harry. There was no one else to hear me. They would have thought I was lying. They never thought that we were even an option. The fear that it would push them away more than the horcrux already was kept me silent. There was no option in my mind.
I stole a few daydream charms for the journey. I took one every two weeks. I needed it to keep me grounded. In my daydreams, we were together in a small house. We had a cat and two beautiful ginger children with wild curls. It always ended with us falling asleep after a long day of adventures. One day we would be going to the Quidditch World Cup and the next we would travel to the largest library in France. Our kids would grow older throughout the daydreams. We would have a beautiful life.
I began to track the stars during my night shifts. I would look up at the sky and remind myself that we could see the same constellations. We were under the same moon every night, even if it felt like we were worlds apart.
(In my head, I do everything right) / Because ours are the moments I play in the dark
When I look back on what went wrong, I can’t help but think of all the ways that I would change things. I would run faster. I would project a shield around you faster. I would stop the motion of the wall. I would stupefy the Death Eater who shot out the first spell.
Or I would simply lock you in a classroom and keep you safe.
In that moment, when the wall began to fall, I thought back to all of our best and worst moments. The time we spared against each other in DA. The time we fought over what color to wear to the Yule Ball. The times we snuck to the back of your shop to steal just one more kiss. The night before I left to go on the run where we screamed until we cried. The moment right before that patronus interrupted Bill and Fleur’s wedding, when we were dancing without a care in the world.
Come home to my heart
Before the final battle, we promised each other to make it out alive. We swore to each other that there would be no silence after this. We would announce our love and keep no more secrets. We were going to be happy.
But it’s just a supercut of us
Now there are just memories. A constant stream of thoughts that circle back to you. No relief from the pain. I wish I would have known that there would be no more late nights dancing. No stolen kisses in the back of your shop. No more hidden notes of our love. There would be no one to celebrate the ring you placed on my finger before I left you for the last time. Now there are memories. Just memories.