Chapter Text
The gym was buzzing with energy, the rhythmic sound of volleyballs echoing off the walls as you watched from the sidelines. Bokuto was laughing, carefree as always, his usual charm lighting up the entire space. But today, you weren’t swept away by his contagious energy. Instead, a strange, gnawing feeling tugged at your heart—a heaviness you couldn’t shake.
It started small, just a fleeting thought here and there. Bokuto would mention her in passing, his ex, always in that casual, light-hearted way of his. At first, you brushed it off, told yourself it didn’t matter. You were with him now. But it was the little things—how his eyes would soften when he talked about her, or how he still seemed to know her quirks, her favorite snacks, her routines. It was like she was still there, a ghost haunting the space between you, always lurking in the background.
You tried to ignore it, but with every mention of her, that burning feeling inside you grew. It wasn’t like Bokuto was obsessed with her—no, it was worse. It was how effortlessly he spoke about her, like she was still a part of his world in a way you weren’t. And now, you couldn’t help but feel like maybe you were the one obsessed. Obsessed with the thought that no matter how much Bokuto cared about you, maybe she had a piece of him that you would never touch.
And the worst part? You hated how much space she was taking up in your mind.
As Bokuto glanced over at you with that bright, boyish grin of his, you forced a smile. But inside, you couldn’t stop wondering—was there a part of him still longing for her? Would you ever be enough?
The more you tried to shake it off, the more it clung to you, like a shadow.
The walk home with Bokuto was quiet, a comfortable silence hanging between you. His arm was draped lazily over your shoulders, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And for a moment, you convinced yourself that it was. His laughter from earlier echoed in your mind, and you tried to focus on it, to let it remind you how much he cared about you—about now, not the past.
But no matter how hard you tried, the whispers in your head didn’t stop. The thoughts of her, of everything she had been to him, clung to you like an unwelcome guest.
“I’ll be right back,” you said as soon as you stepped into your shared apartment. Bokuto, always oblivious to your inner turmoil, just smiled and nodded, heading to the kitchen to grab some water.
You slipped into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. The silence felt different here—heavier, pressing down on your chest. Your gaze caught your reflection in the mirror. You stared at yourself, eyes tracing over your features, your body, everything about you that felt so… ordinary.
The image of his ex floated into your mind again. She was always described as beautiful, confident, someone who could match Bokuto’s larger-than-life energy. You’d seen pictures, of course—flawless skin, bright eyes, a smile that looked effortless. A perfect match for someone like him.
You looked at yourself harder, trying to find something—anything—that would prove you measured up. But the more you looked, the more you could feel it slipping, that fragile sense of security you’d been clinging to all day.
Your chest tightened, and before you knew it, the tears were there. Hot and angry, they spilled over, blurring your vision as you gripped the edge of the sink. You hated this feeling. You hated how she still had this hold on you, how you felt like no matter what you did, you’d always be stuck in her shadow.
The sobs came, silent and desperate, as you pressed your forehead against the cool surface of the mirror. You could hear Bokuto’s muffled voice from the kitchen, probably humming to himself, blissfully unaware of the storm brewing just a few feet away.
And as you stood there, breaking down in the bathroom, the overwhelming thought that echoed in your mind was simple and painful:
You’ll never be her.
You stayed in the bathroom longer than you realized, your quiet sobs eventually fading into soft sniffles. The silence felt suffocating now, the weight of your thoughts pressing in on all sides. You wiped your face with trembling hands, trying to steady your breathing, to pull yourself together before Bokuto noticed.
But, of course, you’d forgotten how in tune he could be with you, especially when something wasn’t right.
A soft knock echoed on the bathroom door, and Bokuto’s voice followed, light but laced with concern. “Hey, babe… you okay in there?”
You froze, staring at the door. Your mind scrambled for an answer, something that wouldn’t raise alarm. You didn’t want him to see you like this—fragile, crumbling under insecurities that felt petty and irrational.
“I’m fine,” you managed to say, though your voice cracked at the end, giving you away instantly.
There was a pause, the kind that made your heart race. Bokuto wasn’t the type to brush things off, especially not when it came to you.
“Are you sure?” His voice was softer now, more serious. “You don’t sound fine.”
You swallowed hard, trying to force some calm into your voice, but it wasn’t working. “Yeah, just… a long day.”
Another silence. Then came the soft thud of his palm resting against the door, as if he was trying to reach you through it.
“Hey… you don’t have to lie to me, y’know?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. You could hear the worry in every syllable, the way it wavered slightly, unsure of what to do next. “If something’s bothering you, I wanna help.”
Tears stung your eyes again, and you hated it. You hated how you couldn’t hide it from him, how your emotions had betrayed you so easily. But most of all, you hated the idea of having to explain yourself, of admitting out loud the insecurity that had taken root in your heart.
“Babe, please,” Bokuto pressed, his voice more urgent now. “Can you open the door? You’re scaring me.”
You could picture him standing on the other side, his brows furrowed in that way they always did when he was worried. It tugged at your heart, guilt mixing with the emotions already swirling inside you.
With shaky hands, you turned the lock and slowly opened the door. The second Bokuto saw you, his face fell, eyes widening with concern as he took in your tear-streaked cheeks and red, puffy eyes. His expression softened immediately, and without a word, he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around you tightly.
You buried your face in his chest, and all at once, the dam broke again. Tears spilled freely, and you clung to him as if he was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely.
Bokuto held you close, his voice a low murmur against your hair. “I’ve got you,” he whispered, over and over, like a promise. “I’m right here.”
You couldn’t hold it in any longer. The weight of it all crashed over you, and the words tumbled out between shaky breaths and sobs.
“I-I just… I feel like I’m not enough for you,” you choked out, your fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt. “Like no matter what I do, I’m always going to be stuck in her shadow.”
Bokuto’s arms tightened around you, and you felt him stiffen slightly as he took in your words. He pulled back just enough to tilt your chin up, his golden eyes searching yours with an intensity that made your heart ache. He knew exactly who you were talking about.
“Babe, what are you talking about?” His voice was soft, but there was a sharp edge of concern in it. “Why would you ever think that?”
You tried to look away, embarrassed by the raw vulnerability spilling from you, but Bokuto gently cupped your face, keeping your gaze on him. His touch was warm and grounding, a silent reminder that he was there.
“I don’t know,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “It’s just… you talk about her sometimes, and I just… I can’t stop comparing myself to her. I feel like she was everything you could’ve ever wanted, and I’m just—” You broke off, your voice cracking. “I’m just not her.”
For a long moment, Bokuto was silent, his expression unreadable. You feared the worst—that maybe you’d hit on something he didn’t even realize. Maybe there was a part of him that still held onto her, that still wished for something more than you could offer.
But then, Bokuto shook his head slowly, his face softening into an expression so tender it made your heart squeeze.
“Hey,” he whispered, wiping away the tears still streaming down your face. “I don’t want her. I don’t even think about her like that. You’re the one I love—you. There’s no one else who even comes close.”
His words hit you with the force of a wave, but Bokuto wasn’t done. He leaned in closer, his forehead gently resting against yours. “She’s in the past. You’re my present, my future, everything I could ever want. I don’t care about what happened before, because right now, I’m with you. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”
You looked up at him, your breath hitching. His eyes held so much sincerity, so much love, that it was almost overwhelming. The knot of doubt that had been twisting in your chest for so long began to loosen, if only a little.
“I love you,” he said again, his voice steady and sure. “You’re more than enough. You’ve always been enough.”
Fresh tears welled in your eyes, but this time they weren’t from pain or insecurity. You let out a shaky laugh, feeling the weight of your fears start to lift, even if just a little.
Bokuto smiled, that bright, boyish grin that you loved so much, and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. “I mean it. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. You’re amazing just as you are. And I’m the luckiest guy in the world to have you.”
You melted into his embrace, your tears finally slowing as his words wrapped around you like a warm blanket. Bokuto held you tightly, his arms strong and reassuring, as if he’d never let you go.
In that moment, all the doubts, all the insecurities that had plagued you seemed to fade, replaced by the undeniable truth in his touch, his words, and the love that poured from him in waves.
You weren’t in anyone’s shadow. You were his everything—and he was yours.