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Rin stared at the piece of plastic in his hand.
His face stared back at him, but he barely even recognized himself. He hadn't really looked in a mirror since that day in the Faust manor- but even then, he'd still been able to recognize himself after a moment.
The bags underneath his eyes could rival even Mephisto's, he thought. When had his hair turned white again? He didn't remember- just like he didn't remember being this pale. Mephisto had said he'd made sure the photo looked nice, but the face that stared back at him just looked tired. Hollow.
...he didn't know who this person was.
Okumura Noctis, apparently.
He stared hard at the name printed on the license, but it didn't change. This was his name now- he'd seen the paperwork that Mephisto had filed. There was an exorcist uniform hanging in his closet and everything- though he hadn't worn it yet. He'd been here for a week now, but none of it felt real-
-but he was really here, wasn't he?
He was in the past.
It wasn't like last time- he wasn't quietly traveling through the past, keeping his head down to avoid messing anything up. He was here to stay.
Could he even call it the past anymore? This was just the present.
A loud cry pierced his thoughts.
Rin groaned, for a moment half tempted to just let Yukio cry. He never stopped! No wonder the old man had been ready to throw in the towel after a week. How did the mothers of the world even do it?
The crying got louder.
Hanging his head, Rin heaved a long sigh. His younger self might not wail as frequently as Yukio did, but he made up for it with sheer volume. People had always called him loud, and he was starting to think they were right. He hadn't even realized how grating the crying of babies would be on his sensitive hearing.
...no wonder his younger self got so upset whenever Yukio cried.
Shoving back his chair, Rin stood up. Tucking his exorcist license into his pocket, he trudged into the nursery across the hall. It was still as gaudily decorated as the day he'd arrived, kind of like a rainbow had thrown up. The crib was in the center of the room- and it quickly became very apparent why Yukio was crying.
Ugh. Stupid enhanced senses.
Picking up Yukio, Rin plastered a smile on his face.
"What?" He asked. "Need another diaper change? That's fine! Leave it your nii-chan!"
Hah. Never in a million years did he think he would be in a position where he had to change Yukio's diapers- or his own, for that matter. He trotted the infant version of his brother over to the changing table, and gently set him down. The first time he'd had to change a diaper, it had been a total mess- but he more or less had a handle on it now!
...didn't make it any less gross, though.
He hastily changed Yukio's diaper, relieved that it was enough to make him stop crying. The infant version of himself had stopped too, thankfully.
Picking Yukio up, Rin carefully cradled him in his arms- the same way he'd seen the old man do it before, and the same way Belial had patiently taught him. He could throw the infant version of himself like a football, and he'd probably be fine- but Yukio?
He had to be gentle.
Looking up at him, Yukio smiled.
When was the last time he'd seen Yukio smile like that? He'd spent so long being jealous of him like an idiot, that he hadn't even noticed when his smiles had turned plastic.
"You," he muttered, "-are not going to be an exorcist."
Yukio wiggled lightly in his hold.
"...unless you really want to be, I guess," Rin added after a moment of thought, "-though it would suck if you couldn't meet everyone. You need actual friends this time, Yukio!"
Yukio just stared up at him, uncomprehending.
Rin just snorted. Right. He was a baby. He couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying. With a huff, he carefully set Yukio back into the crib, next to the infant version of himself.
...who proceeded to make direct eye contact with him- and then promptly shit himself.
Rin's brow twitched.
"You," he said, "-are a fucking asshole. You did that on purpose!"
The infant version of himself did not respond to the allegations. Rin groaned, scooping him out of the crib and carrying him over to the changing table too. He did it gently, because he was only kidding about the throwing him like a football thing. He hastily changed his diaper, tossing the old one into the trash with disgust.
Picking up his infant self, he carefully placed him in the crib next to Yukio- and braced himself. But the universe had apparently decided to give him a break for once, because the twins simply returned to their nap, as if they'd never woken in the first place.
For a moment, all Rin did was stare at them.
"Heh," he snorted, "-what the fuck am I even doing?"
Sinking to his feet, he buried his head in his knees. How the hell had this even happened? He'd always known that he was a screw up, but how had he let things get this bad?
(He'd been right the first time. He really shouldn't have been born.)
"Noctis-sama."
For a moment, Rin didn't stir. Then slowly, he lifted his head, looking up at Belial.
Right. He had a new name now.
"Sorry," he stood up, "-hard to get used to it. What is it?"
The demon's expression was unreadable, but then, he never really knew what to make of him. He knew that he was under the direct employ of Mephisto, and that he served as his butler and personal chauffeur- but that was it. Their interactions had been few and far between in the past.
...in the previous timeline?
He didn't know. He was still trying to wrap his head around being a time traveler.
"You seemed busy," Belial remarked, "-so I took the liberty of preparing your lunch. It's waiting for you in the kitchen."
"Oh," Rin blinked, "-uh. Thanks?"
Belial simply bowed and left. Rin remained where he was for a long moment- before his stomach sharply growled, reminding him of the fact that he was hungry. He'd only had a granola bar and banana for breakfast. Sparing a glance back towards the twins, he made his way to the kitchen.
He'd expected instant ramen or something, based on the 'banquet' he'd had with Mephisto- so the bowl of hot soup was a baffling surprise.
He squinted at it in suspicion.
Then his stomach growled again, and he forced himself to sit down. The soup was bright red- some kind of tomato bisque? There were several pieces of crusty bread arranged on the plate beneath it that looked like the good stuff- the kind you bought from a bakery or made at home.
...did Belial actually know how to cook?
Huh. Dipping some of the bread into the soup, he took a bite. It was simple, but it was crazy good! This had to be made from fresh tomatoes, not canned, right? He should ask for the-
...no, nevermind. What did it even matter?
(He still finished it all anyways. You couldn't waste food.)
The sound of crying dragged him out of bed.
With a groan, Rin staggered into the nursery. Both twins were crying- and this time, there wasn't any obvious smell to give away why. What time even was it? He didn't feel as if he'd slept for very long, but even when the twins weren't keeping him awake, the chronic nightmares were.
Whatever. It wouldn't kill him.
(Nothing could, it seemed.)
Scratching his head, he stared down at the pair. They sure were going at it, but he couldn't tell what was wrong. With a sigh, he gently scooped the both of them up- plastering another smile on his face.
"C'mon," he said, "-don't cry. Your nii-chan's here!"
Their tears stopped, two pairs of eyes looking up towards him-
-and then they started crying again, louder than before.
Groaning, Rin hung his head. He was the one who felt like he wanted to cry.
"What?" Rin asked. "What do you two even want?"
They didn't answer- they just kept crying. He tried making soothing noises, but the crying wouldn't stop. He tried preparing some formula for them, but they didn't want it. He felt like he was going insane so as a last resort, he bundled them up and put them in their carrier and stepped outside.
Maybe they just needed some fresh air.
It was still dark out. There was fresh snow on the ground- it must have fallen overnight. His feet were bare, and he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants and the grungy sweatshirt he'd salvaged from the future. With the bloodstains washed off, it was still mostly usable- same with the boots he'd left back inside.
(The pants were white, so they were a total loss.)
The snow crunched underneath his bare feet, but it didn't really bother him. Perks of having his demon heart returned to him, he guessed. He'd barely even felt the chill in the Arctic.
The grounds of the Faust manor were extensive. He made a quiet loop around them, letting out an sigh of relief as the twins' incessant crying began to slowly peter out. Their fit over, they slowly drifted back to sleep. He huffed, lightly caressing Yukio's tiny head with a finger. His hair was soft, unlike the coarser texture it had taken on later in life.
...seriously, what the hell was he even doing?
With another sigh, he slumped down on a nearby bench and turned his gaze upwards. He was sixteen years in the past, but the stars still looked the same.
He wasn't sure if that was reassuring or not.
"Noctis-sama."
This time it didn't take him quite as long to respond to his new name. He glanced over his shoulder at Belial with a slight frown. He was bundled up in a thick coat, a thermos tucked underneath his arm.
"...they're not hungry," he said, "-they just wanted some fresh air."
"No," he said, "-this is for you."
He set the thermos down next to him, before departing with a bow. Rin watched him go, his tail flicking lazy circles in the snow.
...he didn't understand that guy at all.
Picking up the thermos, he frowned. It was warm in his hand. Uncapping it, he gave the contents a sniff. Hot chocolate?
Pouring some into the cap, he swished it around. He didn't get it. Why had Mephisto's butler made him hot chocolate? He wasn't hungry or anything. Putting the cap to his lips, he took a long sip. It was slightly spicy, and the chocolate was rich.
...cinnamon? Cayenne powder?
He'd definitely used actual chocolate, not just store-bought powder. Whole milk, probably.
It was good, he thought.
He sat there for a long time, listening to the soft sounds of the twins' breathing. He kept the chill of the winter air away, his body unnaturally warm. Slowly drinking the hot chocolate, he stared out at the grounds of True Cross Academy. Mephisto had given him a uniform and everything, but he'd turned down his offer to (re)enroll him.
...nobody else would get to graduate. Why should he?
It was his fault they were all dead.
His infant self sneezed.
"Oh," Rin frowned, "-sorry. Let's go back inside."
Screwing the cap back on the thermos, he headed back indoors. He carefully removes the twins' outer garments, and placed them back in their crib. He stood over them for a long moment, just looking at them. He wondered when his younger self's hair would turn black- right now, they still matched.
Reaching down, he lightly touched his face.
"Hey," he said, "-don't end up like me, okay?"
His infant self stirred, grasping at his finger in his sleep. His hands were tiny, but he was already strong- not that it was a problem for him. He could take a hit and then some.
"Don't worry," he said, "-I'll protect you both."
He'd already failed once. He wouldn't fail again.
Drawing his hand away, he took the thermos back into the kitchen. He was a little surprised to find that Belial was still there, clad in a frilly polka dot apron.
"...uh?"
"Good morning," he turned to look at him, "-I thought I would take the liberty of making your breakfast, seeing as you were already awake."
"Oh," Rin frowned, "-uh. You didn't have to do that."
"I suppose not," Belial said, "-but I wanted to."
Rin frowned, unsure what to make of that. Setting the thermos down, he pulled out a chair, watching as Belial navigated the small kitchen with a practiced ease.
"...how long have you worked for Mephisto?"
"Oh, just a thousand years or so," Belial said, "-not very long."
Rin huffed. That sure sounded like a long time to him. Tapping his fingers against the table, his tail swished against the ground as he watched the demon work. It was weird- usually he was the one cooking for everyone, not the other way around.
...it had been awhile since he'd really cooked anything, though.
Curry, he thought- the last thing he'd cooked had been that curry. He'd listened to Osceola tell him about talismanic cooking, excited at the prospect of learning more. He'd eaten around a campfire with all of his friends- that's right. Just like the first time he'd cooked for them, during the outdoor training camp.
...he'd made curry then too. Heh. The first and the last time he'd cooked for his friends, he'd made curry both times.
...oh. He'd never be able to cook for them again, would he?
He'd thought the kamikakushi key would take him back a few months, not sixteen years. He'd just- he'd just wanted to set things right, somehow. He had to.
In the end, he was the one who...
Belial set a plate in front of him. Rin looked up, his stomach growling without his consent. It was loaded with one of those really fancy omelettes and several hearty sausages.
"Your breakfast, Noctis-sama," he said, "-please enjoy."
"You don't have to call me that." Rin said. "You can just call me Ri-."
The name died in his throat. Oh. Right.
That wasn't his name anymore, was it? His mother had given him that name with hope for the future- what right did he have to it when the future he came from was ash?
"...just Noctis is fine," he finally said.
Belial watched him for a moment, then slowly bowed. "Very well, Noctis."
The demon left him. He felt his shoulders slump, a long exhale of breath escaping him. He stared at the plate of food he'd been given, and tentatively took a bite.
...it was good.
"Belial tells me you're not eating properly."
His tail twitched, glancing over his shoulder to look at Mephisto. He stood in the doorway of the nursery, an unreadable expression on his face.
"I'm eating fine," he said, "-what do you care?"
Mephisto merely hummed, stepping inside and approaching the cradle. He leaned over it, peering at the twins. He watched his every move like a hawk, even as Rin and Yukio peered up at him curiously. Mephisto lowered his hand into the cradle, the very edge of his lip twitching upwards as the pair each grasped on to a different finger.
"Parenting is hard work, you know," Mephisto said, "-you'll need plenty of energy!"
He huffed, folding his arms in front of him as his tail lashed irritably. He was the last person on Earth who needed to be lectured about food. Yukio was the one who always skipped meals, not him.
...but it was true that he hadn't really cooked anything lately. The fridge was always stocked with food, so he'd kind of just ended up scavenging for something quick.
That wasn't like him. He knew that!
He knew that, but...
"So!" Mephisto beamed. "I've decided to put you on dinner duty!"
He just stared at him for a long moment, before arching a brow. "...hah?"
"I knew you'd be pleased!" Mephisto said. "Naturally, you can buy whatever ingredients you wish! I'll pay for it!"
He snapped his fingers, and a credit card manifested out of thin air. He scrambled to catch it, staring at it with a tight frown. It had the name Okumura Noctis printed on it.
He looked back up at Mephisto. "...are you serious?"
"Quite!" Mephisto smiled. "I look forward to tonight's meal, Okumura-kun!"
His brow twitched as the demon vanished with a poof of pink smoke. Glancing back down at the credit card in his hand, he heaved an exasperated sigh. Fine. He guessed he was staying here for free. The least he could do was cook for them both.
Looking down at the twins, he realized abruptly that they were both looking at him. He froze, wondering exactly what they saw when they looked at him.
"...you two want to go shopping?"
In the end, he wore the True Cross Academy uniform.
He didn't exactly have a lot of options- right now his closet consisted of a sweatshirt he'd brought with him from the literal apocalypse- plus his exorcist's coat and a school uniform- and the matching pair of sweats. The latter half had been provided to him by Mephisto. He'd have to add casual clothing to his growing list of things he needed to buy himself.
His salvaged boots crunched as he trekked a path through the snow. The twins were all bundled up and secured in their carrier. He had both the ID card and the credit card Mephisto had given him- and his exorcist's license too, just in case. He'd hidden his tail underneath his shirt, but with every exorcist in the world still on high alert after the Blue Night, he couldn't be too careful.
Mephisto was right. He did look like Satan.
(Mental note- never grow a long beard.)
Yukio stared at their surroundings in wonder as Rin made the trek from the Faust manor down into True Cross Town. Peering over his shoulder, he could see Rin do the same. The faintest edge of a smile pulled at his lips. They were pretty cute when they weren't bawling their lungs out.
...which was a weird thought to have about himself and his younger brother.
"Listen," he said, "-don't shit yourselves while we're out. I've never seen a changing table in a guy's bathroom before. I'd have to change you on the toilet or something."
Yukio made a gurgling noise.
"Exactly," he said, "-it's not sanitary."
The trek to the supermarket wasn't a particularly long one. It was a little different than he remembered- but he was sixteen years in the past. He usually went to the one closer to the men's dorms since it was cheaper, but it wasn't his money he was using.
(Of which he currently had none.)
He grabbed a cart, quickly filling it up with a variety of ingredients as he rotated a handful of recipes in his head. Yukio kept tying to reach out to grab anything he brought within arm's reach, which he couldn't help but huff fondly at. He let him prod at a tomato, which made him wiggle in delight.
...oh right. He should probably buy some baby formula too.
It wasn't hard to find the aisle- but he wasn't prepared for the sheer variety he found himself faced with. Huh? Why did there need to be this many types? How were they all different? Wait, which kind were they even using?
...the box was blue?
A lot of the boxes were blue. Crap.
"Really? At his age? Poor things."
"Ssh! He'll hear you."
Rin blinked.
Glancing to the side, he briefly met the eyes of a pair of middle aged women. They looked away as soon as he did, but he could hear the way they snickered to each other. His brow furrowed, for a moment not understanding what they thought was funny.
...oh, right.
He turned his head away, which just made their snickering louder. Both he and Rin obviously had the same white-blue hair- it was no wonder they thought these were his kids.
"Do you need help?"
He flinched, turning towards the shop clerk with flushed cheeks. The name on her tag read Makiko Lincoln, some part of him dimly noticed. She just gave him a warm smile- before casting a nasty look back towards the pair of gossiping women. He could hear them click their tongues, before they took their carts and went elsewhere.
"...yeah," he said after a moment, "-I have no idea where to start."
"How old are they?" Makiko asked.
"Uh," he shifted awkwardly on his feet, "-about three weeks?"
Makiko hummed in thought, looking over the options before picking something. "You'll want this, then. I've used it before, so it comes with my personal recommendation."
He accepted the box from her, making sure to memorize what it looked like before he put it into his cart. "...thanks."
"That's what I'm here for!" Makiko said. "Do you need anything else?"
"No," he said, "-I think this is everything."
Makiko smiled at him again, and lead him to the checkout counter. He followed her, watching as she scanned and bagged his groceries. Once she was done, she removed one of the chocolate bars from the checkout counter display, and slipped it into his bag with a playful wink.
"Wait, I didn't-"
"Nonsense!" Makiko smiled- though this time, he noticed there was a somber edge to it. "Consider it a reward for all your hard work."
Hard work? Him?
No, that didn't sound right. Sure, he'd struggled a lot this past year, but... it had all been for nothing, in the end- and now it was like it had never even happened. What had it all even been for in the first place? His parents had fought so hard to save him, but he hadn't been able to save a single person when it had really mattered.
No, even worse than that. He'd...
"Satan or Lucifer- which one brought an end to your world?"
Why? Why couldn't he be the one who died?
It didn't make sense! His mere existence had brought so much pain and suffering into the world, so why was he the one that was still alive? Was this his punishment? He'd failed, so now he got to experience what it was like to truly be alone?
Someone was crying, but it wasn't one of the twins.
...oh. It was him.
His cheeks were burning. What the hell was he doing, crying in the middle of a supermarket? But he couldn't stop. There had never been any time to cry- and then, when he'd found himself with all the time in the world, they just wouldn't come.
A soft hand touched his cheek.
"It's alright," Makiko said, "-let it all out."
This was so embarrassing. He didn't even know this woman.
"I understand," she stroked his cheek, her voice impossibly soft, "-I also lost someone irreplaceable."
For the first time, he really looked at her. He'd vaguely thought that there was something familiar about her, but... Makiko Lincoln. Lincoln. He knew that name, if nothing else.
...oh, he thought, this was the wife of his mom's friend. Rick.
Sniffing, he wiped away the last of his tears. His cheeks were still flushed- it was a small miracle that he hadn't flared up, some part of him thought. The twins were squirming in their carrier in discomfort- but before he even had the chance to do it himself, Makiko cooed soothingly at them until they finally quieted back down.
"...thanks," he said, "-you didn't have to do that."
"No," Makiko shook her head, "-it's fine. Noctis, right?"
He blinked, wondering how she knew. He still barely remembered it himself.
It must have shown on his face, because she gave him a faint smile. "It was on your card."
"Oh," he said, "-right."
"You're from the Asylum, right?" She asked. "My husband was raised there too."
He blinked again- and this time, she lifted her hand to her forehead. He lifted a hand to his own, realizing with a start that one of his horns was peeking through his hair. He hastily moved his bangs to cover it, but the damage was already done. She was wrong, of course- but she was also right. Noctis had been raised in the Asylum- that was the fake background that Mephisto had given him.
(He needed to remember it. He couldn't afford any mistakes.)
Popping open the receipt printer, Makiko ripped off a piece of receipt paper and hastily scribbled something down on it. She handed it to him.
"If you ever have any trouble," Makiko said, "-this is my number. I have a daughter a little older than these two. What are their names?"
"Yukio," he replied automatically, "-and uh, Rin."
Makiko smiled. "They're good names."
He tried very hard not to think of his mother, and nodded. "Yeah. They are."
"Are you alright now?" Makiko asked softly. "If you need to borrow our break room for awhile-"
He furiously shook his head, the red tint that had been fading from his cheeks coming back with a rush. "No, I'm fine. Uh... sorry. For all that."
"No, don't be." Makiko smiled. "It was nice meeting you, Noctis."
He slowly nodded, picking up his shopping bags.
"Be sure to call the number!" Makiko called after him. "I'll answer anytime!"
He glanced over his shoulder at her, giving her a faint nod- before he hurried out of the supermarket. He didn't run, but he walked quickly down the street, until he couldn't see it anymore. His trek back to the Faust manor was a quick one, and he barely paused to pull off his boots at the entrance before dropping his groceries off in the kitchen. He put the twins in their cradle, brushing past Belial in the process.
Heading straight for the bathroom, he splashed some water on his face.
And then, lifting his head, he faced his reflection.
...he looked like crap, he thought.
His eyes were red from crying, which just made the bags underneath them even more pronounced. He was seriously pale- and his cheekbones were more pronounced than he remembered them being. He'd lost weight, and wasn't doing much to gain it back.
He didn't recognize himself.
...maybe this was just what Noctis looked like, he thought.
Slapping his cheeks, he steadied himself. Why was he alive? He'd asked himself some variation of that question dozens of times since he'd drawn Kurikara for the first time. Uncoiling his tail from around his waist, he took in and let out a deep breath.
He'd failed. Catastrophically.
There was no getting around it. It was just the truth. He wouldn't run from it. Pulling out the kamikakushi key from under his shirt, he stared up at it.
It had brought him here for a reason.
He'd wanted to set things right. He had to.
If he was the worst outcome... then maybe Mephisto was right. Maybe he was uniquely suited for this. He didn't know the first thing about being a parent, but he knew himself- and maybe that would be enough to make the difference, this time.
He'd change the future.
No matter what, he'd wouldn't let Rin turn out like him.
Mephisto stood outside the kitchen, a faint smile touching his lips.
It was currently occupied, though not by Belial. Noctis was wearing one of the plainer aprons underneath the twins' baby carrier, chopping up vegetables with the expertise of a professional chef. His bangs were pinned back with the silver hairclip he'd brought with him from the future, leaving his nubby little horns fully exposed.
He still looked terrible, but there was a true spark of life in those eyes.
Ah, he thought, much better.