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Gerry lay in bed hugging his bunny, he could see the sun shining on him even with the curtains closed. "Soleil, soleil, its time to get up" dad says. Gerry sits up eyes wide open looking around the room. He's alone, he's been alone for 3 days...he's gone. "you promised you wouldnt leave" gerry mutters, he pulls the covers back on, face smushed into the pillow as he tried not to think of how he was alone. No one had said mum was gone but either she was gone or in prison, he wasnt sure which was better. It had been 3 days, some clarification would be nice.
Fat paws pitter patter over him and Casper falls down next to him, he curls up next to him. "Hey Cas" he whispers, unsure of the time. He should be more upset but all he felt was distant, he knew it was all his fault anyway... After another 20 minutes he decides to get up, laying in bed and thinking about it wasnt helping. He didnt want to change out of his cat shirt but it was dirty, maybe he could wash it. He picks out one of the bigger shirts which was indeed very girly, mum would hate this. He goes to change it but stops himself, he puts on a pair of tracksuits.
Casper follows Gerry down, he was holding his bunny, he'd feel embarrassed but both his parents had literally just died, no one would think anything and its just Mr Dekker and Grace. "We could go to Morden and collect some of his stuff or is that not allowed?" Grace asks. "Not until everythings cleared even then I'm unsure if you 2 should go in." Mr Dekker responds. "Morning" Gerry greets. Mr Dekker and Grace jump out of their skin. "Jeez Ger you scared us" Mr Dekker laughs. Gerry smiles a little, it was only 3 days ago this same thing happend and he laughed, it was funny, it was a funny joke. Now it all felt hollow, he felt hollow, he felt like a different person.
"Can I wash this?" He asks holding the shirt. "Oh yea of course, theres some clothes in the machine already just toss it in and I'll put it on later." Gerry nods and does as he's told. "Do you want some breakfast Ger?" Mr Dekker asks. Gerry faintly felt the pain of hungar but he had no apatite, he shakes his head. "Ok let me know if you want anything. Some people from the police are going to come, they just have some questions but if they ask anything you dont wanna answer I want you to tap my hand ok?" Mr Dekker asks, Gerry nods.
Mr Dekker goes back to what he was doing. Gerry goes into the living room he sits on the floor and finds that Caspers still with him, he'd been following him since it happend. Gerry pets him while he listens to the radio and trys to think in a straight line. He isnt alone he has Casper and Mr Dekker and Grace. Dad said it wasnt his fault, that he wasnt mad. He was ok. Gerry didnt find himself believing any of the words but maybe it was a start.
"You said you didnt want breakfast but we had strawberry smoothie so I thought you'd want some." Grace says with a smile, she sits next to him with 2 glasses of smoothie and gives him one. He takes it with a smile at the cornor of his mouth out of politeness not joy. He did like the smoothie though. The cup didnt feel like a weapon of noise or pain, they didnt have that permanent moldy taste, the fruit didnt taste weird from seemingly just being in their home, it was nice but Gerry found himself missing all of that. No he didnt, he didnt miss it, he missed how life was, even if it wasnt good.
He takes another sip of his smoothie.
"My friend Carly has a little sister your age, I thought we could meet up with them at the park today maybe?" Grace says. "I uhm...I dont think so..sorry..thanks though" he says quietly, he trys to think of a way to explain he doesnt like people and people dont like him but the words dont fit together right so he leaves it. "Oh fair enough" Grace says. They sit in silence for a bit just drinking their smoothies.
The doorbell goes and Gerry's nervs light, he wasnt sure if it was the loudness or the police, probably both. Mr Dekker comes in with 2 officers and a lady dressed a bit fancy. "Gerry this is officer Nolan and Priya Bessé, she works with tusla and will be asking you some questions." Mr Dekker says as they file in. Officer Nolan stands while Mr Dekker and Gerry sit on the couch, Grace sits in Mr Dekker's chair, Ms Priya sits on a chair that was moved over.
"So Gerry I just want you to answer as honestly as you can and if a question feels like too much or you need a break then you can let me or Adelard know ok?" Ms Priya asks, Gerry nods quietly as he fidgets with his bunny's ears. "Did your mum and dad argue alot?" She asks. Gerry thinks for a moment, what counts as alot? "How much is alot?" He asks. "More then once every 2 weeks we'll say" she answers. "Then yea, they argued most days" he says. He can feel himself fading from the conversation a bit.
"Can you describe what would happen in these arguments?" Ms Priya asks after writing something. "Well, usually mum would start them...I didnt always know what they were about. Mum would be very loud, she'd get really loud and sometimes she'd back dad up to the wall, usually by then one of them would tell me to go to my room. Usually dad. Mum would hit him, I dont know If she did worse but I've seen her slap him before- actually once she threw a plate at his head...really hard" Gerry says, his memory wasnt great but he was trying at least.
Ms Priya writes something. "Would your mum ever hurt you?" She asks. "I mean, yea thats what caused all this. Sometimes she'd just hit me or yell but sometimes she'd do worse, she hurt my ankle pretty bad and she threw a plate at my head too. I think she through a cup once and I know I got stiches for something else but I cant remember." He pointedly leaves out the 3rd form of punishment she had for him he didnt think 'monsters are real' would help.
She writes it all down again. "Did your dad ever act like that? Towards you or your mum?" She Asks. Gerry shakes his head "I never even heard dad shout" he says, Priya nods. "Can you tell me what you remember happening last night?" Dekker holds his hand and offers an empathetic smile "just do your best Ger" he says. Gerry didnt need pity, he was fine, this hadnt effected him and he was dealing with it maturely.
"Last night after Mr Dekker told dad everything I told him, he was really uspet. I was in the next room and could hear them talking. Dad got up to leave and I tried to stop him. he told me he-he was just gonna talk to her" Gerry's throat tightens and he can feel tears well up in his eyes. Why was he crying he didnt feel sad he just felt detached, he couldnt feel anything so why was he crying. "He told me he would be back" he murmurs. Mr Dekker puts an arm around him and hugs him lightly, it didnt feel comforting, it just felt weird and new and reminded Gerry that dad wouldnt hug him again which made him cry more. Maybe he wasnt fine, maybe he was broken.
"You did very good Gerry, thank you" Ms Priya says, she gets up and leaves, her and officer Nolan stand in the hall. Grace sits next to Gerry and hugs him while Mr Dekker goes into the hall. Gerry takes a moment and trys to calm down, he stuffs the tears away and evens his breath "I'm ok" he says shakily, he moves away from Grace.
They sit in silence as they hear the badly hushed conversation, when the officer starts talking about the amount of wounds on the body Grace coughs loud and fake, they hear Mr Dekker usher them further down the hall. Some more silence passes "do you want me to do your hair tonight? Its similar to mine texture wise" Grace says. Gerry's hair was a bright red frizz of curls it was long and usually matted, dad kinda knew how to help it but also not at all. He wasnt sure how he'd feel about someone other then dad doing his hair but on the other hand the prospect of his hair not being a mop sounded kind of nice. "..ok" he says quietly, Grace smiles.
After a little longer they hear goodbyes and the front door open and close, Gerry trys not to think of the memory from the other night implanted in his brain, the door opens his dad leaves it closes and he never sees him again. "I need to get some groceries do you wanna come Ger and we can get you some clothes?" Mr Dekker asks. "Grace will be here doimg some work on a project for school" Mr Dekker adds. "Can I stay?" Gerry asks, shops were too loud and too much. "If thats ok with Grace?" Mr Dekker asks "yea, he can help me glue stuff down" she says with a smile. Gerry fidgets with his bunny.
Him and Grace go to her room and set up the stuff needed on the floor after a while Mr Dekker calls up telling them he's leaving and then the door opens and closes 'and you'll never see Mr Dekker again' says a little voice in Gerard's mind. The panic blooms imdiantly and his body tenses. He hugs his bunny tight and trys not to freak out- he trys. "Ger, hey are you ok?" Grace's voice breaks through the panic. He nods but he knows he doesnt look it, lieing always lieing.
"I'm gonna find Casper" he says quietly before leaving. He hugs his bunny and chews on the ear, Gerry goes to the kitchen and checks the time then peers out the front doors window to insure Mr Dekker isnt home. He sits on the scratchy carpet next to the full length window still chewing on bunny. Gerry twirls his hair, he was worried about Mr Dekker, he missed Mr Dekker...he missed dad..and mum. He felt guilty missing her, dad wouldnt be gone if it wasnt for mum...he wouldnt be gone if it wasnt for him, it was all his fault, all his fault. Gerry closes his eyes, he imagines dads here. 'Its ok soleil' soft and gentle, he's ok, he's safe, Mr Dekker is probably fine, he's ok. The fear doesnt stop, he's still crying a little but its slightly less choking and more a stubtle fuzz.
When the door opens Gerry jolts out of a daze he didnt know he'd been in. "Oh Gerry" Mr Dekker says a bit surprised. "Hi" Gerry responds, he stands up, arms around his bunny. Mr Dekker smiles, though a question laces itself in his eyes. "Theres some bags in the car would you help me bring them in?" He asks, Gerry nods and slips his shoes on then helps bring the bags in. "I got some clothes for you, just basics like trousers, underwear, some looser shirts and I found a hoodie that reminded me of your cat shirt, I thought you'd like it. Theres also some toiletries, I have a fair few allergys so I use specfic ones and Gracie uses some very perfumey soaps." Mr Dekker says with a smile as he puts the food away. The bag was black with a cat on it in white line art like his shirt, it was pretty full. "Thank you Mr Dekker... Do you want some help putting the stuff away?" Gerry asks. "No its ok kid, could you give this bag to Grace actually?" Mr Dekker asks giving Gerry a colourful swirly tote bag. Gerry nods and heads upstairs.
"Oh there you are" she says as he goes into her very colourful room. "I got distracted, sorry" he says. "No problem, oh is dad home?" She asks. Gerry nods and puts her bag on the ground "he said to give you this" he says. "Oh thanks" she replies.
Gerry leaves and goes to his room, he had to say he was curious as to what was in the bag, he never got new things so it was a little exciting. In the bag there was 3 tshirts a black one, a purple one and a green one. 2 pairs of jeans. 3 packs of underwear as well as 2 packs of socks, one was cat themed and the other was just colours. The hoodie Mr Dekker talked about was similar to Gerry's, it was black with two white lined cats poking out from the pockets, there was a white lined tail on the back and cat ears on the hood it would be a pretty big on him but thats what Gerry liked. He was 8 but usually wore smaller in clothes, dad always made worried faces and said they need to get him eating more. There was also tooth paste and tooth brushes, a black hair brush with some bobbins and clips with fish on them. There was a bottle of body wash, conditioner and shampoo that advertised being anti frizz. In the bottom of the bag was a balck book that looked a little fancy. Upon further inspection it was a sketchbook, with it was a pack of markers and a kit with 2 black fine liners, a rubber/sharpener and 4 pencils.
Gerry folds the clothes and puts them in the drawers in the room, except the hoodie which he puts on right away. There's a knock at his door once he finishes, it was Mr Dekker. "Hey Ger- oh you like the hoodie I see?" He asks with a pleased smile "Its a little big on you" he adds with an unsure face. Gerry nods "I like it the size it is, thank you very much Mr Dekker" he says. "No need" Mr Dekker ruffles his hair "hope everything else fits" he says. Gerry nods "I think so" he says. Mr Dekker sits down on the bed and pats for Gerry to do the same. Mr Dekker picks up the book and supplys. "You like art right Gerry?" He asks. Gerry nods "good, I want you to use this book when you feel upset ,ok? You can draw or scribble or just write words or even write things from memory or another langauge. Whatever feels best" Mr Dekker smiles as he places the stuff back down. "Gracie might have some stickers you can put on it" he adds. Gerry nods, a greif thing, yay.
"Mr Dekker do you know when I can go home?" He asks, Mr Dekker makes a face at that, surprise or worry maybe. "To collect my things I mean...I know that....just to collect my things" Gerry clarifys. Mr Dekker's expression softens with sympathy. "I'm not sure yet Gerry, once everythings clean and closed we can go. Is there anything specfic you need?" Mr Dekker asks. "Uhm my books, I mean reading ones yea but mainly my school ones" he says, he didnt like having nothing productive to do. "Ah, a little restless?" Mr Dekker asks. Gerry nods sheepishly, unsure whether its rude or not. "I can always give you some work if you'd like?" Mr Dekker asks. Gerry nods "if its not any trouble" he says. "Once you want it, I'll never deny someone an education Ger" he says with a laugh.
"Dinner will be ready soon ok?" Mr Dekker says before leaving. Gerry sits in his room with his feet dangling over the bed. It feels like he drifts back into his body. For a moment he's sad and scared, so alone but slowly it settles, he's not ok but he thinks this is better then what he was.
Things will get better, the sadness will fade.