Work Text:
Anxiety. Fear. Uncertainty.
Such strong emotions are reserved within a person for a harrowing situation, and perhaps when confronted with someone else who makes your skin crawl on end.
… So why, why does he feel all of those crushing sensations when staring into her eyes now?
Armin merely whimpered as the fingers of the Female Titan wrapped around him in her all encompassing grip.
Stohess - Sunset
Annie Leonhart walked down the steps of the building which housed her shared apartment with Hitch. Her hands trembled lightly as she held on to the strap to her rifle. It’s been not long since her slaughter of the 57th Expedition… and failure to capture Eren Jaeger.
The taps of her footsteps to the hardwood flooring felt heavy, sickening, and far removed from her lightheaded thoughts which have been complicating her mind for years. From the moment they arrived on this fucking island. This stupid, insufferable, miserable, hellish landscape of a nightmare. Nothing… nothing good has come from this place.
Annie swallowed hard, turning the corner that leads outside, where the rest of the grand inner city of Stohess sits above everything else behind these cursed walls. There’s nothing here for her anymore, no one cares and everyone will die. She crushed everyone who got in her way, and she will do it again if she must. No one- no one… will get in her way again. No-
“... Annie?”
The thump of her heart skipped, her right ear twitched as she passed the front door of the building. Hesitantly, Annie looked to her side and… saw him.
Visions of how she towered over him played on repeat, how small and pathetic he looked…
How… terrified he was of her.
“Armin…” Annie responded, muttering his name in a faint whisper, as if the taste of his name on her tongue would be enough to poison her, scared to say it, afraid of the cost…
The cost of how she may mentally shatter if she harms the boy that confessed to her during the last few months of training.
Who she… replicated those exact feelings for, the boy she was so deathly fearful of injuring during her mission-
Why did she have to like him?
Armin stood there in his soldier uniform similar to her own, only his dawned the Wings of Freedom… he had his ODM gear, but lacked the green cape that was so symbolic of his regiment.
As Annie stared at his face, tracing how his long, thick golden locks trailed his cheeks with such an angelic elegance. Gazing into those dark, crystal blue eyes capable of enchanting her into a spell…
For a boy that is as harmless as a mouse, Armin is dangerous.
“H-Hi… umm- I-I was in the area and… I wanted to see you before we go any further…” Armin said with a light smile, briefly glancing at Annie’s own ODM gear, his heartbeat rising.
Annie squinted her eyes a tad, noticing the obvious nervousness from the blond boy… and it stung. “... How about we talk inside? I… I have to follow the other MPs to our destination but, fuck ‘em.” She said stoically, turning around to walk back inside.
“No- Annie… I don’t have the time for that-” Armin interjected and gripped her hand to halt the advance inside.
She looked back to face him… and smiled at the blush dusted on his cheeks.
So, she leaned in close, and gave him a quick peck to his sweetly enriching lips. The squeak he made was delightful.
“Why? Who are you with?” Annie asked lowly, and grinned, “... Another girl, perhaps? Arlert…”
At this, Armin stammered back and nearly fell down, his eyes wide- “What!? N-no! I would never! Annie I- when I confessed to you that day I meant it! I…” He paused, regaining some composure and stepped forward again… to return the kiss.
It was brief but mesmerizing, a simple smooch to her lips was enough to make him regret everything that would likely transpire ahead.
Allowing himself a few more prolonged, desperate seconds of selfish love… Armin pulled back slightly, and looked Annie in her icy blue irises.
“... I meant every single word, I… care about you so much, it hurts. I am in pain at the very thought of losing you, I nearly died on that expedition and I’m sorry- I’m sorry because-” Armin was silenced by Annie’s index finger pursing his lips, her stoic gaze had softened… a sight only he is blessed with.
“... Because I nearly lost you, right? Armin… we both know that our love is… forbidden love. It’s stupid, developing feelings for another who can die at a moment's notice.” Annie hushedly explained.
“I’m stupid for having these feelings for you, so, so fucking stupid. It’s forbidden love because I am an enemy… and so are you.”
Clenching his fists, Armin braced himself… and merely continued his longing stare into her eyes. “Annie… It isn't stupid. I-I need your help… please, Eren is in danger and… w-we need you.” His explanation was jagged, slowly riddling with anxiety.
Annie tilted her head sideways, and took a step back from the ever so slightly taller blond.
“You aren’t being fully honest with me, Armin… what is-”
“Honesty isn’t your strongest trait either, Annie…”
His reply was identical to a knife in her heart.
No matter how soft and evidently shaken his tone was, it hurt… and there was absolutely zero chance of going back.
She didn’t kill him then, and the consequences of her actions must be paid.
“... Are you accusing me of something? Pretty rude thing for a boyfriend to do, isn’t it?” Annie crossed her arms, trying to be standoffish, to hopefully get Armin off her scent.
Of course, with a mind as brilliant as his… such a hope is fleeting.
“... Annie, please tell me I’m wrong- so I can tell them I was mistaken… but… why didn’t you use this power to help us?” Armin asked calmly, saying what Annie feared he would say without verbalizing it in a way to paint her as a villain.
However, he slipped up.
“You told who what?” Annie’s voice became stronger.
Yet, despite his timidness, Armin wasn’t an easy one to back down. “... I knew it, Annie. From the moment our eyes linked during the expedition, when you lifted my hood up between your two massive fingers… please, just tell me why?” He pleaded, on the verge of tears as his orbs welled with a misty haze.
Her eyes widened, fingers trembling as her hands fell to her hips… and the reality of the future she always knew lay ahead of her, came crashing down.
“... Who did you tell?” Annie’s question came again, not bothering to ask how he figured her out, it was obvious. Depending on who else knew, her life was about to become a hell of a lot more difficult.
Armin blinked, lowering his head… a choked sob escaped him, refusing to look away from the frozen irises of the girl he developed such enchanting feelings for.
“... The Commander, Captain… Jean, Mikasa… and Eren.” His voice cracked, as did his heart.
Ringing, all Annie could hear was the piercing sound of ringing, as if she was struck by the force of a Titan.
… Armin finding out her identity as the Female Titan was something she accepted could happen, especially after letting him live when she could have so easily snuffed out his life… but she could never do that to him. Never Armin. Not one of the only people left on this planet that cares for her…
Yet, when she sees that expression on his pleasing face, all she desires is for death to take her to hell where she belongs. It’s difficult to hold back flashes of anger-
“Tell me, Armin, when did you start looking at me with those eyes?” Annie asked, her tone harsh, taking a step back. It was difficult to hold back her own tears.
Especially when he already began crying gently.
“P-Please, Annie… just talk to me.” Armin begged, undoing his ODM gear to make himself seem less of a possible threat. It clanged loudly to the stone tile ground, echoing throughout their ears.
Swords or no swords, the pain was already inflicted on both.
“... We’re supposed to be dating, right? In a relationship? A bond of trust? One you confessed to… and then so did I in turn… yet you spoke to others about this before me? And now you want to talk?” Annie scowled, knowing in her heart that she’s being unfair, that she’s the one truly at fault for being a monster.
… But it hurt so bad. That betrayal of trust.
Armin gasped, closing his eyes and shaking his head, his thick golden hair whipped at the air. “Th-There’s still a chance to fix this, Annie! Please, I still…” The blond boy paused, lips trembling as he slowly opened his eyes to look back into the hardened gaze he deserved.
“... Still care about you, so much. Even if… you are the Female Titan.”
It came out. Like a poison, a cold, unfathomably sickly venom to both of their ears.
Annie’s emotions were running high, unsure of how to assess this situation… and where it would go.
However, she had a pretty damn fine idea.
“... Your eyes tell of a different opinion, I know you well, Armin. There’s a plan at play, a scheme you devised… right?” Annie spoke stoically, focused on every single movement the fellow blond made.
Armin held his breath, sweat slowly streaked along his cheek… it’s true, without question, Annie knows him incredibly well. All of the talks since training, the nights spent together watching the stars under the veil of darkened sky. Even if he can strategize well, being able to deceive one he loves… is something he cannot do.
“Can’t speak, huh? … Well, I can’t take any risks, even for you.” Annie backed up more, creating distance.
Armin balled his fists, “Bullshit!” Tears flowed freely along his face, his puffy eyes completed his pained shout, “You took a couple of risks by not killing me then! Twice! You had two chances and you couldn’t do it! Annie, please… I-I… I…” The words struggled to come out, that simple three word phrase to assure someone else of the immense care you keep.
How could he finish though? This is the first time he’s ever witnessed Annie cry before.
“... Dammit-” Annie whispered, gentle streaks slid down her cheeks, lifting her right hand aloft. The ring that would seal her and Armin’s fate forever, the ring of death, reflected a glimpse of light from the setting sun. “-Why… why did it have to be you? Why are we… forced to be enemies…?” Voice cracking under the weight of her choice, feeling trapped by the unknowing plan laid out by the boy she loves… Annie allowed herself to slip into the madness of it all.
The thunderous crash and blinding light that erupted before Armin was enough to knock the boy down on his rear, yipping helplessly as the wind aggressively pushed against him from the shockwave. The building that stood next to them had partially crumbled, but the blast itself pushed any possible debris that would injure him away.
It took no time for the dust to settle… and for him to be faced with what will undoubtedly be his death.
His plan had failed. The foolish, emotional plan he conceived in the hopes of reaching the girl he loves, to find… an understanding.
Utterly towering. Massive. Gigantic.
Armin gazed up at the very definition of power that loomed above him without effort… and locked eyes with the cold, iced blues of the Titanized form of Annie Leonhart.
Anxiety. Fear. Uncertainty.
Such strong emotions are reserved within a person for a harrowing situation, and perhaps when confronted with someone else who makes your skin crawl on end.
… So why, why does he feel all of those crushing sensations when staring into her eyes now?
Armin merely whimpered as the fingers of the Female Titan wrapped around him in her all encompassing grip.
He uselessly struggled, unable to get away without his ODM gear, and was picked up off the ground. Annie clasped Armin like someone would a mere toy, clenched in her mighty fist, leaving only his head and shoulders exposed as he was brought to the huge face of the Female Titan. She pulled him in close, and Armin shuddered, closing his eyes instinctually. Shivering, throat dry… it all happened so fast. The sounds of screaming were ripe in the air, surrounding civilians driven to panic… and it’s all his fault.
Always his fault.
Part of him hoped- prayed that Annie would simply crush him, pop him like a fruit into a red pasty mess of slime. At least if it were her, he would die in the hand of someone he loves… someone he hurt, a person he betrayed the trust of.
Even if she turned out to be the Female Titan… he still trusted her, because he knows better than anyone… that Anine never does the actions she commits without reason.
“Open your eyes, look at me.”
“Ah!” Armin gasped, eyes fluttering open upon hearing words… f-from-
“...A-Annie…?” He squeaked, gazing into the sharply chilled eyes of the Female Titan. A new development to process… she can speak.
The Female Titan looked at her prey curiously, how Armin’s tiny body trembled in her giant hand, it gave her a grand sense of power as much as it did pain. “... Try anything, and I’ll crush you like a bug.” Annie’s Titanic voice boomed, knowing that time was not on her side. Scouts are likely already en route.
Swiftly so, the Female Titan bent her knees slightly and bolted off toward the wall, taking heed to not recklessly barge through buildings. She firmly clasped her prisoner, secured enough so he couldn’t escape, but not with force that would injure Armin. Holding him lower now, level with her abdomen… snuffing out his life is all up to her discretion.
The scouts were surely on her tail, but unfortunately for them, she was already close to the Wall.
The crackle of another blast filled the air, Annie turned her head slightly as she dashed… to see the Attack Titan a great distance away, his roar echoed throughout. Right, figures that Eren would snap upon knowing Armin is in danger.
A sentiment she agrees with- even still- Armin will be in better care now.
Her care.
Armin doesn’t know better- ignorant to what she knows… the truth of this world is far more brutal and unforgiving than anyone behind these Walls can possibly fathom. … However, this boy, who values even the life of creatures so insignificant such as herself… he can understand.
Her enemy he may become, but her love he’ll remain.
She reached the Wall alarmingly quickly, Armin stunned and breathless from the rush… his blood hot… but chilled upon being lifted up to Annie’s huge eyes again. The icy, harsh blues.
“... I’m sorry for this.”
Armin’s already shaken nerves verged on collapse listening to that booming voice, mind wild with how he would certainly die. How will she punish him?
Yes, punish… Annie is that of a mighty deity to him, and he, helpless to defend.
With that reality set in stone, Armin couldn’t have prepared himself being lifted higher… and the maw of the Female Titan widening agape.
The blond boy’s panic rose to max.
“N-No! Annie, please don’t! Don’t eat me!” Armin cried, tears streaming down his face, shaking his head wildly against the unstoppable, hair tussling at the air.
Despite his pleading whimpers, gravity took place when the Female Titan’s clasp over him released, leaving him to fall onto the pink slimy muscle, caking Armin’s body in saliva without room for reprieve. Especially when the huge teeth around him shut, leaving him in darkness.
This is it. This is how he dies. Food. Eaten by not just a Titan, but a shifter- by the girl that he… that his heart bleeds for with adoration. Briefly, Armin pondered that there are worse ways to die in this cruel world, but this is also fitting for his pitiful existence, isn’t it?
The massive tongue moved under Armin’s body, making him whimper and shiver… she’s going to swallow him now. Banished to a pit of slumbering despair fitting for a pathetic traitor such as he. … Alas, when the muscle moved… it pushed him against the roof of the mouth, and kept him pinned. He knew he was just a moment away from slipping down, but now, he felt secured- gross- but secured. What is she doing? Is she not going to eat him…? Why-
“Eeek!” Armin squealed, his slimy prison shuttered, his body bouncing ever so slightly despite being pinned like this. The world itself seemed to be sideways… what is she doing!? What-
“Everyone, I’m so sor-”
Armin’s vision faded to black when he drifted off and lost consciousness.
… Warm… oh, everything was warm. So… comfortable.
Armin opened his eyes, vision blurry… there was a faint light, but where was he? Did- was all of that a dream? Yes, yes of course! It had to be a dream…
No. Don’t be stupid, that was no dream… evident by his clothes still being wet from-
“AH!” Armin jumped, sitting up and remembering what happened! He was nearly eaten! The boy anxiously looked at where he was sitting and… oh…
Hands. Huge fingers surrounded him like a protective barrier, the red hands he sat in were in a cupped hold of his entire being… and surely so as he turned around to face the one responsible… Armin was face to face with the Female Titan again, the cold blues gazing intently into his very soul.
He shifted in place, slowly standing to his feet and turning around completely to properly confront this gigantic being…
Annie Leonhart.
“... The sleeping Prince awakens.” Her voice bellowed, sounding stoic and echoing throughout the cave she had found, night was falling soon.
“Annie…” Armin managed, looking away from her greatly imposing stare and to his hands, clenching them, “... Where are we? Wh-What are you planning to do with me?” His question had many possible answers, she didn’t kill him when she easily could have… so why- she’s an enemy, right? What of the others…?
The Female Titan blinked, allowing the little scout in her hands a moment to process before she answered, “We’re in Titan territory, outside of Stohess. I put you in my mouth earlier so I could climb the Wall and escape. Eren and the others were too far away to save you, let alone stop me.” Annie explained, despising the monstrous tone of her own voice in this form. One of the primary reasons she loathes speaking in it, but alas.
Armin gulped down, to say Annie was intimidating was the understatement of his entire life… she can easily crush him at any point, kill him in ways that made his skin crawl… but- but…
Somehow, he felt… calm?
“Are you going to kill me…?” Armin asked, a hushed whisper.
His heartbeat skipped when her eyes wavered, a deep sadness being fought against.
“... If I wanted to kill you, then you wouldn’t be here now.” Annie muttered, moving her hands- and Armin- away from her face. He’s so small in her hold, so delicate…
The boy blinked, knees buckling slightly from the sudden movement but continued to lock eyes with the Female Titan. “D-Did you kill… anyone?” Somehow this inquiry frightened him more than the image of him being reduced to red mist.
The Titan shifter shook her head, the massively thick, blonde locks flowed… beautifully.
“I didn’t engage in any combat, I escaped quickly… and the building we were near was empty. A fact I’m sure you took note of before encountering me.” Her darkened voice burned the tongue, but it’s deserved. A monster shouldn’t take claim to desirable fortunes.
… Which is why, despite the many emotions within her bosom, that capturing Armin for her own selfish wishes is a grave sin. She doesn’t deserve someone as good as he, that day he confessed to her- it was a mistake. One of the very few errors of Armin’s brilliance, a bad judgement… about her.
An angel such as himself shouldn’t fall from grace for loving a disguised demon.
Upon her words, however. Armin saw a ray of hope. Expression brightening, ears perking up as he took a small step forward on the Female Titan’s massive hand, “Th-That’s great! We can still fix this, Annie, set this right! I-I know I startled you- betrayed you by not coming to you sooner! Please, let’s-” Regardless of the boy’s warm talk, he was interrupted by a scoff.
“Tsk- set this right? Don’t be stupid, Armin. Did you hit your head? You should be terrified of me.” Annie berated. How reckless can he be? It’s clear that Armin’s emotions and personal feelings are blinding him to what he should be feeling.
… Yet, Armin’s always been one to surprise her… time after time.
“... Why should I be terrified of you?” Armin inquired with a tilt of his head, long golden locks dressed along his face like a perfect picture. Dark blue eyes glowed with a fragrant light from the rising moonlight just outside… allowing the Female Titan to see part of her own reflection within.
Further self conflictions with herself had begun reaching a boil.
“Don’t- Your mind games won’t work on me, Arlert. Not this time, not when I have you in the very palms on my hands. So cut the bullshit.” Her response was ice, not wanting to open up- she can’t! Them dating for months didn’t mean anything. They’re enemies.
And she’s a monster, through and through.
Armin didn’t take this cold lie from the giant form of Annie easily, balling his fists, eyebrows furrowed, “M-Mind games? Betray your trust I did, but never did I lie to you! Betrayal? I saw it… on the day of the gear inspection just over a month ago… we stood side by side. I seeked you out, to be close to you! I knew it… the uncommon awkwardness you expressed, and then I realized… Marco’s ODM gear.” The boy paused, tears once again pricking his dark blues, hands shaking, staring fiercely into the now widened, frosted huge eyes that reflected his own image back with such clarity.
The Female Titan proved to be speechless, rather intent on listening…
A staggered breath from Armin rang out, “I…. knew it then, that you did something bad. I should have said something! But I was scared! A piece of shit coward! I didn’t want to lose you, and I know you couldn’t bear the thought of losing me because you STILL HAVEN’T KILLED ME!! There are no mind games, no lies! All I want is to help you, Annie! To understand you! Eren is in danger, and I know you need him for something… so just… help me so I can help you… please.” Armin’s voice had nearly given out, his face stained wet by his tears as he stepped forward- on the heel on Annie’s huge palm- so close to those eyes.
The eyes which too had let loose a stream of tears… and Armin learned that Titan’s are capable of crying.
A monster… can’t cry.
“... Why…” The Female Titan spoke through the sudden burst of emotions, “... Why would you ever want to understand me?” Annie’s uncertainty posed a question that even still after all of this time of knowing Armin, had remained a mystery.
Armin’s crystal orbs blinked and widened, his being brought closer to the massive face before him during the inquiry. Whether she unconsciously performed this gesture or not, he seized this advantage of closeness, and extended his right hand outward… setting his tiny palm just under her left eye… and smiled warmly.
“Because I love you.”
The blond boy’s words came naturally, without hesitance. No stutter. Nothing open to doubt or further interpretation.
It was enough to make Annie’s heart sink, not accustomed to such vulnerable emotions.
So, like anything else that she isn’t accustomed to, Annie fought back.
“... Even if that was true… you certainly can’t love me anymore- a monster such as I. How could you possibly, unless you’re sick in the head?” Stubborn may as well be her middle name, a kindness like that is wasted on her!
“A monster can’t cry, Annie. A monster is cruel, without care or love! Without a sense of morality! If you are a monster… then prove it, and crush me like a bug in the ground!” Armin raised his voice in pain, tears unyielding, jolting his head from side to side. The violent shake caused his hair to bounce in defiance of her words.
Her fingers twitched, eyes unable to blink nor divert from the angelic sight standing in her palm… at her mercy.
The night when she arrived back in her dorm from the 57th Expedition was spent lying awake, holding down an uncontainable sorrow by burying her face into the pillow. Red. Everything… red. Furious flames of hell awaiting to consume her? That would be too easy. No, it was blood. Red everywhere, smeared along the greenery left in her wake. All for the mission.
Always the fucking mission. That’s their justification for it all- a duty. For the mere chance to return home…
On that night, her mind rightfully tortured her by showing images of Armin… as a broken, torn apart casualty of that very mission. By her own hand.
How she pushed a concerned Hitch aside when said roommate asked of her wellbeing, the tears that burned her by the very thought… by the possibility that she could have killed Armin so easily…
Just as she can now. … Yet… she can’t… she couldn’t-
“I will crush anyone who gets in my way.”
Hours prior to the mission she told herself that, bathing under the hot water that soothed her skin… but it was a lie.
Armin is still alive by her own volition. Due to what? Emotional weakness? Pity? … Concern?
Love…?
Her own tears which developed thanks to his damn smiling face- that gaze of tranquility…
Tears from that fall due to love.
“I… I never wanted any of this… but you… still try to understand me.” Annie didn’t phrase such words as a question, but a matter of fact. Even still…
“... Why?” A choked, hard fought sob was held in.
Armin realized that Annie needed further convincing… so he took a step back on her palm, and another… smiling warmly. Her huge eyes intently watched him, typically such a sight would be terrifying… but-
The boy cupped his hands together, up to his chest… and he started to sing.
“... Love is stronger than your fears…! When your heart can cry another’s sadness…! Then your heart is full of love…!”
Titan’s lack a beating heart, as any monster does.
So, why is hers beating on the verge of collapse?
“That… was something my Grandfather used to sing to me when I was sad… which was often.” Armin said with a somber smile, puffy red eyes contrasted his blue irises which merely pronounced his angelic, long golden hair all the more.
Yes, ‘angelic’. An angel. In this den of hell, on this island she was told over and over and over and over again that it was home to nothing but devils…
Of course there resides an angel amongst its ranks.
“... If I return… I’ll die.” The Female Titan replied quietly through a double meaning, knowing her fate will be undesirable no matter where she goes now. The Scouts will surely turn her into the higher powers and she’ll be tormented, and… Marley will merely pass this power onto the next in line.
Only death awaits her now.
And during her ponders of death, the angel went on his knees and kept his smile strong, soft, and content.
“I won’t allow that to happen, I promise.” Armin assured calmly, surprising even himself a tad with his mellowed state despite resting in the cupped hold of a Titan.
Of course, this isn’t just a Titan… Annie is so much more.
So much.
“How can you be so sure? I’m a traitor, Armin! You’ll be one too if you help me!” Annie reprimanded, pulling the boy in closer.
Yet, his smile didn’t falter.
“... See, your heart is full of love… Annie. Listen… as complicated as I know this is for both of us… I do trust you, even now. I’m… scared. Not of you, but of this world, I’m confused and there’s so much I don’t understand… s-so, can you help me understand?” Armin asked softly, his eyes fluttering.
Annie paused, and finally, a faint smirk came to her own Titanized lips. “... You really are a stubborn runt. … If I tell you, do you promise to keep it between us until I say so?” It was a selfish request of her, but honestly… it’s for Armin’s own safety too. She has to protect him…
She must.
Armin nodded his head, and sat down comfortably, crossing his legs and placing his hands in his lap. “I promise, you have my word… Titan-girl.” He returned her snark with his own- as if nothing had changed… despite nearly everything turning upside down.
The boy braced himself slightly, grunting quietly as he was pulled in alarmingly close to the Female Titan’s face…
He blinked slowly, realizing that he was being gently pressed up against the left side of his captors huge face… snuggled. A… h-hug? Yes… a hug.
“Well… to start off, I… I love you too, Armin.”
It was a low pur, hushed, a mere whisper… almost as if Annie didn’t want the animals around to hear it… reserved solely for him.
Armin leaned his body forward, and spread his arms out, rubbing his head against the warm flesh of a Titan-shifter’s cheek, and closed his eyes.
“Thank you, Annie. We’ll figure this out, somehow.”