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Ever since James befriended Sirius Black, he had witnessed many ridiculous things. Sirius’ mind worked like no other, especially when it came to pulling the most absurd pranks, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight before him now.
Sirius stood in the middle of their living room, grinning wide as he proudly held up four teddy bears dressed in Hogwarts uniforms. One wore Gryffindor red and gold, the other was Hufflepuff yellow and black, another was Ravenclaw blue and bronze, and the last wore Slytherin green and silver. Where did he get them? James didn’t know.
"Our boy just started crawling!" Sirius declared, as if this was the most important news in the world. "Which means it's the perfect time to test which house he's destined for."
James groaned. "He's nine months old, Padfoot. He’s barely got the motor skills to reach for his own bottle."
"Excuses," Sirius said, already kneeling on the floor and arranging the teddy bears in a perfect row. "It's simple, Prongs. We put these down and see which one he crawls to first. That’s his house. No take backs."
“That’s really not how it works, love.” Remus tries to reason with his husband.
"Moony, you're betting on Ravenclaw, aren’t you?" James accused, pointing at him.
Remus shrugged. "The boy finished a puzzle yesterday. Granted it was a four piece puzzle, but still. Harry is an intelligent baby."
Regulus, who had been lounging on the couch with Harry on his lap, looked unimpressed by his brother’s antics. "What is the point of all this?"
"So we can witness how our baby would pick Gryffindor over Slytherin," James taunted, grinning.
Regulus smirked. "You’re too confident, my love."
"Shut up and put the baby down, Reggie," Sirius groaned. "Get your arse behind the Slytherin bear and play the damn game."
With an exaggerated sigh, Regulus stood up, gently placing Harry on the plush carpet at the opposite end of where the bears are. The four grown men then scrambled behind their respective bears, each wiggling them enthusiastically and calling out to Harry in encouragement.
Harry blinked at the spectacle before him. His Daddy and uncles were making ridiculous noises, their voices rising in enthusiasm. He clapped his chubby hands together, delighted by the chaos. For a moment, he looked amazed at what was happening, eyes darting between the colorful bears and the adults behind them.
"Come on, Prongslet!" James called, wiggling the Gryffindor bear. "You know you want to pick the best house! Gryffindor just like your Daddy!"
"Harry, listen," Sirius chimed in, bouncing behind the bear. "Gryffindor is where the real fun is! Your dad and I? Best fliers in the best Quidditch team! You could be like your Daddy and become a chaser. You’ve got to pick us, kid!"
"Or," Remus intervened, waving the Ravenclaw bear with a small smile, "you could pick the clever house, Harry! You could read so many fun stories and solve puzzles! You love puzzles, don’t you?"
"Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Moony," Sirius groaned. "He's a baby, not a scholar!"
"And you’re acting like you're trying to recruit a Quidditch captain," Remus shot back.
Meanwhile, Sirius had turned his attention back to Harry. "Come on, Harry, crawl to us! You’re our little lion cub, aren’t you?"
Harry let out a delighted squeal and a gummy smile at all the noise and excitement, clapping his little hands together.
For a moment, it seemed like all the encouragement from James and Sirius was working. His tiny hands pressed against the floor as he wobbled forward, his chubby legs leading him towards the Gryffindor bear. James and Sirius practically vibrated with excitement.
"That’s it, Prongslet!" James cheered. "Come to Gryffindor, baby!"
"That’s right, keep going!" Sirius encouraged. "Don’t listen to Moony! Gryffindor all the way!"
"Hey!" Remus scoffed indignantly but still continued to shake the Ravenclaw bear.
But before Harry could make it to his uncle and Daddy, a gentle voice broke through the noise.
"Harry," Regulus called smoothly, his voice soft yet certain. "Viens à Papa, mon bébé."
Harry froze. His little body wobbled as he stopped mid-crawl, eyes wide. As if bewitched, he turned without hesitation, completely forgetting his previous destination. He went straight toward his Papa, crawling as fast as his chubby limbs would allow.
James let out an indignant squawk. "No! What was that?! Foul play!"
"Oh, come on!" Sirius groaned, throwing his hands up. "He was right there!"
Harry, oblivious to their protests, reached his Papa and immediately clung to the Slytherin bear, looking up at Regulus with absolute adoration. Regulus scooped him up effortlessly, settling him into his lap. Harry sighed happily, his tiny hands clutched the bear as he snuggled close, everything else forgotten.
Regulus smirked, cradling Harry a little closer as he ran his fingers through his baby’s soft curls. "Well, I think that settles your little game."
James sighed in defeat, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah, we should’ve known he’d pick you. Never even stood a chance."
Sirius huffed, never one to back down from a challenge. “Come on, Reggie, let’s just try one more—" He reached forward, hands outstretched ready to take Harry.
Regulus' sharp glare stopped him in his tracks.
Sirius froze, looking between his brother’s narrowed eyes and the baby nestled in his lap. Slowly, he held up his arms in surrender. "Alright, alright. No need to get all murderous."
Regulus pressed a kiss to the top of Harry’s head. "My baby needs a nap." He stood effortlessly, cradling Harry against his chest as the toddler yawned and tucked his face into his Papa’s shoulder.
As Regulus walked away, Sirius turned to James, giving him a look. “Aren’t you going to do something about this?”
James just shrugged. "Mate, if it isn’t clear enough to you already, I don’t run this household."
At least it wasn’t Hufflepuff, Sirius thought as he groaned in defeat.