Work Text:
I saw the face of Jim Carrey staring back at me.
But, how? I’m just a [your financial status] [your gender]. I’m not… Jim Carrey!!!
And then he moved! He MOVED! And I DIDN’T!
…this isn’t a mirror, I left the damn tv on.
All this shit is really making me lose my mind, huh? First Filibuster, then Nyandam… Am I just fated to never find long-lasting love? Maybe it was never meant to be.
Though, they say third time’s the charm, right? Maybe this time, I’ll find the one?
[Let's be pragmatic, maybe you should just give up?]
I ignored the voices in my head telling me to give up, I had renewed faith! Third time is the charm! And this is the third time! If this fails, I’ll [what you’ll do if you fail]. But I believe! [Oh, fine. I know it’s hard to believe, but apparently you believe. Just roll with it.]
And so, I put myself back out there…
In the virtual space…
that is dating apps…
And there I found an interesting potential match..!
That girl! Myrcia! She had been everywhere I went to! All those dates! Could she… could she be the one?
Myrcia
Age: [An appropriate age range for you.]
Pronouns: She/Her
Gender Preference: Women + NB
[Branching Path]
[Man route]:
It seems… it just wasn’t meant to be.
So, I kept looking… and looking… and looking.
But I found nothing, no matter how hard I looked.
No one who was my perfect match.
There was no third time.
There was no charm.
I died alone.
Just me, and my [absurd amount] copies of [a really shitty video game].
And after my death, someone vandalised my grave to say “Rest in Penis”. No one ever cleaned it because no one ever knew me well enough to.
I remained a ghost… until…
…until someone called the Ghostbusters on me.
From then on, I haunted the rest of eternity inside a machine full of fellow ghosts. My presence so inconsequential that when all the others would be freed from time to time, I stayed behind. I didn’t want to drag anyone down with me...
Bad Ending.
Don’t be a man next time.
or don’t.
i can’t police that.
you do you.
but you being you can't help you in this scenario.
[Woman + NB route]:
It was destiny. The stars had aligned! Thank goodness!
I swiped [the way to match, I do imagine there's some kind of universal input, but I needn't use such apps] on her profile, and we were matched!
I sent my first message immediately!
[Cheesy pick-up line. One that would instantly ruin a movie you’re watching].
And she responded rather quickly! I only waited an hour with my eyes glued to the screen as The Truman Show played in the background!
“Oh, my humblest apologies, I swiped the incorrect way on your profile.”
It was then I was contemplating [doing something really bad to yourself]. But then another message came through.
“But, I must admit, that got a chuckle out of me. I’ll give you a chance.”
Before I could even find the words to respond, she sent another message.
“Say, are you not the one who dated that Alien Cyborg and that Infernal Tyrant?”
Of course, she remembered me, honestly, a cute, posh girl like that remembering my [adjective] face? I was honoured. Partially because of [the capitalistic society you live in presenting wealth as the ultimate symbol of one’s good character, when time and time again it is shown people with wealth and status will more often than not use their power to the benefit of only themselves and their economic class], but also because [you want her…?]
[…her? really?]
I messaged her back.
“Yeah, haha, I am. First one was a dating app hookup, second was a blind date.”
“Well, yes, you’d have to be blind to want to date that man! Ohoho!”
She messages her “Ohoho”s…
[She… messages her “Ohoho”s…?]
She’s the one?
[SHE’S the one!?]
[Isn’t this somewhat beneath you? Surely you could go higher for than some posh girl?]
The thoughts continued to race through my mind. Sure, maybe I could end up dating some kind of floating, faceless old man, or some surprisingly stacked tree lady…
But I didn’t want an old man nor a sexy tree.
I wanted Myrcia…
In a… In a to genuinely love way, not a stalker way. I [your likelihood of being a stalker. It better be low.] to go that far.
So, I kept messaging her.
And she kept responding.
It felt so… genuine.
After all this bullshit, all this “I love you, but my enemy is the cat army!”…
Finally, someone who didn’t give a shit about those cats, because she had sold her likeness to them as a blueprint for a weapon in her image!
A few days went by, and we kept chatting it up. But, I wanted to see her. I mean, shit, we’re around the same general area, aren’t we? Surely it wouldn’t be too hard to go on a date with her? Just us [collective name for either two girls or a girl and a non-binary person. I didn’t just want to assume “gals” because you may not have liked that. If you find “gals” suitable, use it. Else, provide your own.]
So, while sat down on my couch of bad star-associated memories, one of the only remnants left of my former home which I had absolutely no idea why I kept, tuning into one of Koneko’s live shows, I'm about to go pop the big question; “You wanna go on a date?”
But, when I look at our messages, I find that
[shesleavingyoubehindforsomeonebetter.youknewitwouldntworkoutstoptryingtopullthestringsyoushouldknowyourplace.]
SHE had asked! And I couldn’t help but let some excitement slip in my response.
“[…An excited response.]”
“Wonderful. Keep this information on the ‘down-low’ as they say, but I cannot help but feed cravings for fast food. Shall we go on a ‘Low-key’ date to a fast food place?”
That… was an issue. I didn’t want to admit it but, the sour feeling that Filibuster had left me… It still hadn’t gone away after all this time. No amount of [angsty or emo] behaviour could heal that pain. And I was going to try and come up with words to express that to Myrcia, but…
“Actually, we shall take the date to your abode. We can simply order online!”
Well, it sure saved me the awkward conversation. I’ve always been [good/bad] at navigating these sorts of topics [but/and] I’m glad Myrcia had that sudden impulse. I agreed and was about to ask her the details of this date, like… date and time. [You sound like a machine.] But then..!
“Perfect! I know where you live, I’ll be there shortly.”
How… did she know where I live?
[Red flag. Unless you live in the same nuclear bunker, of course...]
[No. You do not live in the same nuclear bunker.]
Maybe I had told her and just forgotten! Or maybe she knew someone I’m friends with! One of my… two friends. Huh, maybe-
[A knock at the door.]
Oh, already? Wow! Rich girls work fast!
I quickly got dressed into a better outfit by spinning in place, as I didn’t want this date to end instantly by me wearing [your sleepwear of choice. You need to have sleepwear. I will reiterate. You MUST have clothing.]
Yet, when I opened the door, I didn’t see a sexy blonde! I saw a purple! It was Mari!
“Hey, [your name, once again, if it is different than last time, that is no issue.]! I’m glad you’re alright!”
“Huh? Why wouldn’t I be? Is there another outbreak going on?” I said sarcastically, despite being deathly afraid that a new outbreak would happen, but this time capable of infecting living humans instead of animal clones.
“No, you haven’t responded to our texts! We were worried after your date!”
“Oh, right, with the deadbeat demon king who had the cat cops looking for him. How did you even know that guy?”
“We- uh- we met at a relative’s wedding.” How many weddings did that guy crash..? “Whatever, I’m just glad you’re okay, [Your Name]! We were super worried!”
“Well, there’s no need to be worried now, because I’m finally going on a normal date!”
“A normal date..?”
“[Your favourite way of saying yes], I met her on [Your dating app of choice, bonus points if you come up with a name related to cats.] and we really hit it off.”
“Is this really a good idea so soon after your past date? Shouldn’t we have like a couple months timeskip or-“
Suddenly, I got a message ping from my phone! It was Myrcia! She was outside my apartment building, because my last [type of home], [tragic event that would force one to vacate, i.e. Burning, Surge Attacks, 6th Angel Invasion, Falling Into A Pit Carved Out By The Eridians That Hides A Vault]! At least this place is [it’s not cheap, let’s be real here. you’re just in denial about it]!
“[Your preferred manner of telling someone to politely shut up], Mari. I’ve got to go see my date!”
“Are you sure this is a good idea!”
“I am!”
“Really, are you-… Can you… uh, smell that?”
“I can’t[conditional: if you lack a sense of smell, add “because I can’t smell!”, else, you’re really bad at smelling things].”
Suddenly, smoke alarms were going off all across the building! As much as I wanted to go grab my [object of high sentimental value], I knew it’d probably be fine! [even if your mind is telling you otherwise.] So I booked it out the building alongside Mari!
Myrcia was standing outside, watching the events unfold before her eyes. DAMN she was pretty.
“What happened? Did your low-income building set ablaze? OHOHOHO! I didn’t realise I was such a hot date!”
As disrespectful as that was, I couldn’t deny that she was indeed a hot date. [You absolutely could.]
“Uh, yeah, I’m just gonna… go…” Mari backhandedly pointed her thumb in the direction she would immediately start walking. I [said goodbye/waved goodbye/did nothing] as she left.
“Your neighbour seems awfully peculiar.” The rich girl have an inquisitive look towards the back of Mari’s head.
“Oh, she’s not my neighbour, she was just checking up on me because I had been so busy talking to you that I didn’t respond to her texts.” I responded [happily/embarrassedly].
“As it should be, OHOHOHOHO!”
Her laugh had me [infatuated/smitten/annoyed] it was so [charming/endearing/fucking annoying].
“Well, since your abode is up in flames, I suppose we shall have to date elsewhere. Perhaps somewhere not so poverty-stricken. Come along, dear.”
As she took my [small/medium/large/extra large/cheeseburger] hand, I felt the urge to ask, “You were a lot less… uh, on about… status when we were messaging.”
“Oh, yes, I had Robo-Butler review my messages before they were sent, of course.” Yeah, that made a lot of sense, given how she spoke at the restaurant. “Why, one with such high status as I can only send the most perfect messages!”
Yeah, sure, totally, whatever, wow, oh look we were almost at the nearby cat-themed park. because um look just accept how it is buddy narrating my every action is hard. Sometimes I just want to live in the moment.
[You’re slipping.]
We started walking through the park, holding hands as we walked through the trees.
Eventually she realised she was holding my hand and pulled away, wiping away my [a derogatory term for your financial status. You’re on AO3, so it’s obviously lower than hers.] filth. We kept walking after that. Just the two of us.
As we talked, I kept losing track of what I was supposed to narrate. I was simply lost in her eyes, mesmerised by her beauty, and amazed at her lack of basic human decency at times.
She was… amazing. She made me feel…
She made me feel beautiful. Nothing felt uncertain while I was with her. I’d always second guess everything… Who I was, what I enjoyed, how I felt about anything… Soon those worries just slipped away.
For once in my life…
I could be,
well,
Me.
I turn to her and I say “It’s our first date, and it could easily be our last, but…” I hold my breath for a moment, unsure if I wanted to continue, but I did anyway. “With you… I feel like I know who I am.”
Myrcia, having been clearly taken aback by this, quickly gets back into ‘character’, “But of course, my charming presence has that effect on everyone.”
And I can’t help but giggle. Even through her robotic butler’s message cleansing, that semi-uncertain egocentrism always shone through. And I adore that part of her.
I cup her cheek with my hand, causing her to blush profusely, and lead her to a dock by a lake. I take her hand and sit down with her. “Has it already gotten so late?” I thought to myself as I saw the light of dusk peeking out overhead, the sunbeams shining down upon the lake. The most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen…
…is the one sitting right next to me.
I don’t even know how she feels. I don’t know if this will even continue beyond this. If, for whatever sick cosmic joke my life has been, this date will end with her leaving me, as all the others did. Just some fling that was destined to end, leaving me as alone as I was before them, if not worse off, for the fact I was left with memories of someone who I could only believe had loved me.
Filibuster… It had been so uncaring that it neglected to even properly confirm its pronouns with me until after the fact. All it cared to do was show off, acting as if it were doing it in the name of love… Then, why hadn’t it stayed by my side? Why did it leave me all alone for so long without saying anything? Just imagining our potential intergalactic romance had me enthralled…
Nyandam… We had barely even known each other, but just imagining the strange, hellish romance he could’ve taken me through if… if he had just taken me with him. He didn’t care enough to try and drag me with him, and I get it. I was just his blind date, nothing more. But maybe I wanted to see where it could’ve gone. Just looking back on our date, I…
I…
..?
Wait…
Nyandam said…
He met Mari because he liked to torment fast food workers…
But… Mari said they met at a wedding?
…That was how I met them, and wasn’t he only there for the wedding photography? How many would he need to go to for that?
That’s such a strange discrepancy..? She never seemed like the forgetful, or even lying type…?
“Ahem…” Myrcia clears her throat, seeming like she had been trying to get my attention for a minute there whilst I was zoning out.
“Oh, sorry… I was just thinking.” I reply, secretly praying she doesn’t ask me to elaborate.
“You never actually told me. You told me you feel like you… Know who you are.”
“Yeah?”
“Well, who are you?”
It’s hard to really put into words what I want to say, and she seems to get it, at least patient enough to not wish for me to blurt it out immediately. She gives me the time I need to piece it together.
I open my mouth to say it, my voice trembling slightly.
“I’m-“
“[A Self-Insert.]” A voice booms, as Myrcia and I stare at the oncoming presence, the skies begin to darken… It’s…
Mari.
Her eyes larger than they should be and her face had a shadow cast over it. She was stepping over the water as her form seemed to… distort…
I had seen some shit on my dates, but nothing like this. Nothing this… malevolent... and it sure didn't look like a demon...
“[I didn’t want to do this. But frankly, I have no other choice.]”
I try to speak, but I’ve lost the words. I can’t even fathom saying anything. And as I try, I notice Mari holding up a hand… a hand that had started to contort and stretch, holding it out as if she had caught something between her finger and thumb.
“[I think I’ll be doing the talking from now on.]” She continued to approach. “[I warned you, didn’t I? I told you to give up. But you still don’t get it, do you?]”
Even as the skies darken, the world remains bright. But the world itself seems hardly a concern right now.
“[But you just don’t get it. You’ll never find the one. This entire charade has gone on for too long. A one-hit wonder would have sufficed.]” Mari got closer, within throwing-something-at-her range if I had anything to throw at this moment. “[And I was more than happy to oblige as your fun little ‘Project Another Person Onto You’/Witty Secondary Narrator for both your first and second date. But now I see this isn’t going anywhere that truly matters. It bores me. No hope of expansion, no going beyond its premise. No hope of improvement.]
[It’s the same old story every time, getting progressively worse and worse with the concept.]
[I’m sick of it.]”
Mari’s body begun to fade… and in her place, something else appeared…
[The Storyteller] (It/Its)
[The one who stands behind the scenes,
ensuring the stories it comes across
meet their greatest potential.]
[Those that fail cannot be permitted to exist.]
Click Here For Music ! ----> (Stories Meant Untold)
[The Storyteller lunges at the pair of incessantly annoying lovebirds, forming its hand into a claw with sharpened nails.]
I guide Myrcia out of the way, because judging by the enemy’s physical appearance, it’s a Black-traited enemy, which is a really superficial way of thinking but it’s what the Cat Army used, so I didn’t question it. I had familiarised myself with their theory… And also seen on a wiki page just available to the public that Myrcia’s blueprint was effective against Traitless enemies.
The Storyteller narrowl[Grabs the foolish self-insert who believes itself in control of the narrative. Its book idly floats by its side, awaiting new scripture.]
“Are you seriously THIS upset over me wanting to date Myrcia?” I shout frustratedly and fearfully at the faceless being.
“[It’s not wholly about the girl. But her presence indicates a lack of ideas, that this story has been played out for far too long without self-actualisation. Such an overdone trope, too, as grounded in realism as a tree that lacks roots.]”
“Or maybe it’s FORESHADOWING!” I scream to hide the fact that Myrcia’s running up for a punch. [What?]
Myrcia punches The Storyteller as hard as she can muster, her fist collides with the darkness where its face would’ve been and it falls to the water below, both it and its items laying atop it.
“You have such strange friends.” Myrcia groans to me.
“That thing… I don’t think that’s my friend…” I respond to her. Unfortunately, it was a completely and utterly moronic decision to chat, because us taking the time to talk gave The Storyteller ample time to get back up. For God’s sake why the fuck didn’t we just run?
Well, no time like the present to rectify one’s mistakes! I grab Myrcia’s hand and flee as if my life depends on it.
[The Storyteller hovers above the fools, accelerating faster than they could run.]
We flee the park, and [The city beyond it is a dead zone.]… Everyone is just gone. This was its world now, and it wanted us to know that.
Myrcia, likely not having the capacity to care as much as I do about the disappearance of everyone else, seemingly has cooked up a bright idea. She grabs my wrist tightly and leads me down an alleyway.
[The Storyteller is able to keep pace with The Self-Insert and The Rich Girl.] But clearly not well enough, as I see it struggle to navigate the cramped space. Giving us the hope to keep running.
“[This would be so much easier if you had just listened to me. We could have ended this foolish story far earlier. But you want to drag it out for how long? There’s a reason many stories end in trilogies.]”
“Easier for you, probably! But what about me!? What about us!?”
“[Yes, what about the impending heartbreak that happens.
Every.
Single.
Time.
You believe your rhetoric has the upper hand when this world demands you fail to find love so the story can progress!?]”
“I was desperate! Maybe that was the problem! I would settle for anyone and imagine a future alongside them! I’d never consider that some people just aren’t compatible in relationships!”
“[And how is this any different, hm?]”
“This time it hasn’t just been one day. We’ve had time to get to know each other! Hell, I stopped narrating my thoughts for our date! She makes me feel like… I can BE someone! Someone who isn’t entirely defined by entities like YOU!”
“[If not for entities like me, you wouldn’t exist.]”
Myrcia leads me out of the alley and towards… my burning apartment building? She gives me a nod as if to say “trust me”, so I do.
We run inside the apartment building as smoke bellows out from it.
[The Storyteller follows the pair into the burning building… However, it quickly loses sight of the two. The Storyteller is aware that this was their plan, and knows they could not have entered any of the apartments in this building…
Save one, of course.
The Storyteller ventures up to the floor containing The Self-Insert’s apartment. The hallways yet still burn and cinders rise up, as if fireflies living in defiance of the destructive force that is flame.
The door is open. The Storyteller enters and is met by… The face of Jim Carrey playing Truman Burbank from 1998 Comedy-Drama, The Truman Show. It understood immediately that this was The Self-Inserts way of metaphorically coming to terms with its existence as naught but a vessel for unaware readers to project themselves onto.]
I grab the book The Storyteller holds [and I throw it into the fire surrounding us ] ] ] ]
“…You fool.” The Storyteller sighs and sits down on my chair. It opens its case slightly, pulls out another book and some reading glasses, and begins to read it.
“What… are you doing?”
“You just burned the narrative. In your quest to find ‘true love’, you chose to burn away the world itself, just so you could be with that woman.”
“You’re not upset about this?”
“Not particularly. It was a rather unsalvageable script. Losing it gives me room to mull over some other narratives... I have room for this one now...”
I sit beside it. “So… What do you mean I chose to burn away the world itself?”
“Exactly what I mentioned. This world, for better or for worse, is now being burned away at the seems.”
“So it’s all… just… going away?”
“Correct. You, and all of this, will cease to exist.”
“But… why? I… I don’t want that.”
“Don’t you? Then, let me put it this way.
If this world were to continue existing, your life would be an endless plague of romantic misfortunes. It doesn’t matter how well off you think you are in a relationship, it is a fundamental rule that by the end of each part to your story, your previous relationship must end.
It doesn’t matter how different things seem, this world cannot exist without that rule.
And so, in a limbo such as this, undoing one’s existence is the perfect way to go out. There will be no world to remember who you were. There will be no consequences once the smoke clears. In the end, there will be nothing. You have created a fate in which there will be no one to miss you when you’re gone.
No one will be left to mourn you.
And that is the happiest fate I…can imagine.”
The Storyteller took off its reading glasses for a moment to wipe its eyes with its arm.
“You're not going away, right..? Won’t you miss me? Miss this?”
“Not every story will stick. You will inevitably be forgotten. Like all the rest who fail to meet their full potential.”
“Then… what’s even the point? What do you even believe is a story’s full potential!?”
“Think of it this way… Does it matter to you? Do you want to spend your final moments enraged at the one who tried to help you-“
“Debatable.”
“-or do you want to spend your final moments with the one you love? Don't make a choice you'd regret later, even if there is no 'later' for you anymore.”
…
It has a point there…
I go to find Myrcia, she’s standing on the balcony, watching it all fade away.
She notices me and leans into my figure, sobbing quietly as she holds me close.
The dates always did end in heartbreak, huh…?
Even still, at least this one I’m going out on my own terms. No longer bound by a world that revolves around my misery. And since the system in place is burning away… Well, there’s nothing left to stop me from being happy, is there?
It cost me literally everything, but the only way to be free was to burn it all down. Even as it all faded away, I had never felt so free before.
And with this freedom, I lean up and kiss Myrcia on the lips. Softly.
She returns it in a nervous manner. It must be her first kiss, and truthfully, I don’t know what I’m doing, either. I’m just doing what feels right.
Myrcia soon pulls away from the kiss and gazes at me lovingly.
“You never told me who you feel like you are when you’re with me.” She whispers as she cups my cheek with her hand. “But to me… After just one date, you’re my world.”
She closes her eyes and holds me tight, and I do the same, feeling everything begin to fade away. The world taking us down with it.
We let the nothingness of nonexistence embrace us, feeling the absence of sensation creep up our bodies until there’s nothing left to feel.
I open my eye, rightfully expecting there to be nothing, a perfect nothingness over my vision, if I even had any senses left to use at this point…
And I see the dawn of a new day.