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Two Time was afraid of many things, rightfully so.
One of the things that scared them the most was the possibility of being close to anyone again.
Thinking of being close and vulnerable to someone felt nearly terrifying — the mere thought of losing someone who meant a dear amount to them was enough to make them tremble and tense up. But even if fear was the feeling that surrounded Two Time the most at that exact moment, they still yearned and longed to mean something to someone.
Of course, if you want something, you must get close or even into the thing that has them.
Still, Two Time would often scratch their own skin when they were put into a situation where they had to interact with someone else. Maybe that was the way it would be forever — eventually, Two Time would have to come to terms with the fact that they wouldn't be loved, at least not again.
Empty — lacking the ability to even socialize with anyone properly, realizing that anyone who they could ever meet would always have someone who they preferred over them, and it was very likely that they would forget about the person who they had just talked with soon after the interaction was over. Empty — all that Two Time was working towards was worthless and meaningless, much like the cultist themselves.
The thought of having to live like that was depressing at best, but when weren't they longing to feel loved by someone else? When weren't they getting embarrassed at how the other person felt so visibly uncomfortable with only their presence when Two Time tried to talk to them? Obviously, it would probably take a while until they get used to that awful feeling of emptiness.
Sitting down on the bed behind them as the mattress sank slightly, tears had started to form and threaten to spill from the cultist's eyes. It wasn't often that they cried. They had no reason to do so. After all, they were always the reason for their own pain. They tried to keep their composure, they couldn't let themselves be vulnerable — but maybe, this time was different. Just a moment of weakness, it shouldn't last long...
Finally letting the tears spill, Two Time felt weak. They felt so ashamed that they had no one to go to, no one to care for them... but it was no surprise. Maybe it was meant to be this way, and they would have to get used to living in frequent sadness. How embarrassing.
They let themselves think of the people around them for a few seconds. They wouldn't mind being friends with the other survivors. Some of them seemed nice, right? Well, maybe they could be close with someone there, even if the thought made Two Time feel sick to their stomach. Still, they knew for a fact that their presence and demeanor would most definitely scare the others away, but maybe they could put up an act and nobody would notice, but even thinking of that didn't feel too pleasant.
So, they had to think of another way to approach others and someone whom they could approach without having to hide how they truly are. Someone who would be friends with that cultist... someone who would accept them for who they are? Maybe...
Maybe Elliot.
He was friendly and kind to anyone who was the same way with him, and Two Time had always been pretty... interested in him, in one way or another. They didn't know what exactly these feelings were, but it didn't feel way too pleasant either. He was a nice person to be around with, and they couldn't help but wonder what it'd feel like to be... close. To mean something to Elliot.
Two Time felt sickened by themselves for thinking that way. Elliot was probably only a temporary teammate, only helping the cultist when it was needed. His own help definitely meant so little to Elliot himself, but it meant everything to the other person. Just like that, Two Time wondered what it would feel like to have someone so kind care for them. They thought of the way Elliot congratulated them and praised them for being the only other one in their team who helped with the teamwork. Two Time knew it was a small thing to do. They shouldn't be congratulated and much less praised, but they never said anything.
Two Time liked… just having someone.
Soon enough, their thoughts grew more overwhelming. They knew that as much as they wanted Elliot's love and presence, they weren't deserving of it. If Elliot were to love them back —which they doubted — they didn't deserve that either. Still...
If something was wrong, if something was bothering them, they wondered if Elliot would mind helping them, if they were feeling miserable as always, would Elliot fix it? Even if they weren't close and they were probably just an acquaintance to him, it would feel so nice to have him comfort them, to have him kiss them—
Kiss... kiss Elliot? Hopefully, the Spawn will forgive me for having such a thought, I'm sorry, I'm sorry– Ah, tears were drenching their face now. The tears that continued to stain their cheeks didn't seem like they'd stop falling anytime soon, and Two Time felt like they were at the point of nearly collapsing.
Someone who had everything they wanted, someone who they knew they could never have... being reminded that they would definitely never have Elliot felt so painful. As always, Two Time was inflicting pain on themselves, a pain that this time felt so bittersweet.
Digging their nails onto their forearm as they trembled, Two Time felt their heart nearly leap out of their chest when they heard the door of their bedroom creaking open.
"Ah— Two Time?" Elliot's voice was easily recognized by them. After all, Two Time often found themselves daydreaming of the person that had just entered the room telling them how much he loved and cherished them.
"I haven't seen you in a while, so... I got worried— If anything is wrong... uhm, if you want to talk about it—" Elliot took a few steps closer and carefully closed the door behind him before continuing. "I would be willing to help, so..."
Trying to wipe their tears away, Two Time stood up and gave him their usual smile that seemed to always make the other survivors feel strange. Facing the man in front of them, they tried to hide they fact that they had been sobbing, but it was pointless. "Hahaaaa... Elliot, you're here! What brings you here, dearest friend?" Two Time tried not to stutter with their own words, but that attempt was useless as well.
Elliot didn't hesitate in taking another step closer and carefully cupping the other person's face with his hands. It felt... strange and sudden, but Two Time didn't protest. "I can see you've been crying. What happened?" Elliot tried to not sound too stern or upset, but he tried to sound a bit more concerned than before, even so, he didn't want to make the other think that he was upset at them.
Despite the fact that Two Time knew that they weren't as close as they'd like to be, they immediately wrapped their arms around Elliot and buried their face onto his neck. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm—"
"Hey, what are you sorry for?" Elliot carefully placed his hands around Two Time's torso, trying to hold them and at least soothe them a bit. "I'm here for you if you want me to take care of you..." Elliot gave a gentle, warm smile even if he knew the other couldn't see it.
Giving the other an opportunity to back away, Two Time spoke after a few seconds of silence. "If... If that would be okay with you, Elliot..." they murmured under their breath, hesitating to actually accept his care.
Carefully guiding them to their own bed, Elliot sat down next to them. "What happened? How can I fix it?" Elliot asked them with a soft tone of voice, trying to offer them a small, gentle, and caring smile as he spoke as well.
Elliot wanted to... care for them? Was that right? No, that probably wasn't the case — they didn't do anything but worry and be a burden to others, and they probably shouldn't be assuming that they meant anything to Elliot just because he happened to check on them once, right? They were disgusting, so much more inferior than the person who was in front of them. Accepting to be taken care for was wrong, it was wrong, it was wrong, wrong — it was a mistake. Two Time didn't deserve anyone to care for them.
"If you don't want to—" Elliot spoke again, pulling the other away from their own thoughts.
"Ah, Elliot... I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Two Time yelped slightly as they heard his voice again. "I just keep thinking... you're so nice to me, you're so kind, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve as someone as beautiful as you to care for me, not someone who's so lovely and—" Two Time's eyes widened slightly as they spoke the last words, realizing they had said too much.
Elliot's face heated up slightly as he heard the last words, and he gave them a sheepish smile. "I... well, I think that's all you, haha..." He tried to tease them back slightly, although his words didn't truly have any malicious intent. "You deserve to be taken care of too."
Positioning himself closer to the cultist, they carefully pressed his forehead against theirs. "And I want to be the one to care for you, too..."
Maybe Two Time would have someone who was willing to care for them, after all.
Maybe they'd have someone who was willing to love them, with flaws and all...
With flaws and all.