Chapter Text
Severus Snape was the youngest professor Hogwarts had ever had. At only 21 years old he had become not only the youngest professor but also the youngest potions master the British wizarding world had seen, with talents likened to that of Salazar Slytherin or Merlin himself. So, it would only make sense that an accomplished potions master such as himself could create a potion to figure out who his soulmate was. If he even had one. The beginnings of the wizarding world were not that well documented, but the stories and testimonials that had been passed down to each generation were what kept many content in their blissful ignorance for a more comprehensive picture of their own world. Content to just hope and dream that one day they would just stumble across the person destined to complete them, never feeling the overwhelming fear that they won’t meet their match. Or worse, that there wasn’t anyone out there for them. The soft bubbling of a cauldron full of another failed potion sat in front of him, perhaps he added too much dandelion root this time. Severus pulled out the small green notebook he always kept on him, in his cloak on the inside pocket. Away from prying eyes and potentially sticky fingers. He flipped open the notebook to the page with his most recent attempt before dipping his quill in red ink. With harsh strokes detailing how this potion joined the graveyard of other attempts. Once he was finished, he gently turned to the first few pages. Now Severus did not consider himself an artist by any means but as a skilled potions master who frequented the Hogwarts greenhouses as well as the forbidden forest to gather ingredients and had drawn a few he didn’t recognize before to research once he returned, he could get his point across better than most.
At the front of this notebook that just so happened to be as close of a match to his soulmate’s eye color that he spent weeks searching various shops in Diagon Alley for, were his careful and precise drawings of features of his soulmate. The first and most striking one had to be his eyes. The large not quite doe eyes looked back at him, a look of love and longing in them that came through the paper. But that might just have been Severus’s wishful thinking, wanting his person to love him the way Severus would love him if given the chance. His finger gently stroked down the page gazing at the eyes on the page. He had dreamed of the moment he would meet his match, gaze into his real eyes, eyes that would blink back at him, show emotions, crinkle around the edges when he smiled, hopefully in Severus’ direction or better yet because of Severus. The hope that he had tried to squash from his teenage years sprouted in his chest. He had done well at suppressing it for years but every now at then it would rear its unwanted head and open the door for more heartbreak and disappointment everyday that he lived without knowing who was on the other end of the most captivating green eyes he had seen. “Someday, I’ll be able to find you” he whispered in a moment of weakness before closing the book for the night.
When a wizard was born, they aged like a normal child would. Looking their age at prominent points in life such as primary school and puberty. The time discrepancies still happened, some came into puberty and had their growth spurt in third year while others envied from afar and patiently waited until fifth or sixth year to reach the height of their classmates. After the witch or wizard came into puberty and settled into their mid to late teenager look it’s as if everything just stopped. The aging process stopped almost as if their body was moving but also lying dormant, as if it was waiting for something. For someone. The other half of itself.
Severus Snape had always been an anomaly, not only to himself and his classmates but healers as well as the wizarding world as a whole. He was already tall for his age when he started Hogwarts at 11. He towered over Lily when they were walking in the halls to their respective classes. Or even sitting in potions together, he still had to look down at her to look into her addictive green eyes. When he hit puberty in his third year and shot up even more, his class, who was already wary and avoidant of him became even more so. If you looked to quickly or just saw him sweeping through the halls, you would believe him to be a fully grown man and not the 13-year-old boy he truly was.
Many recorded instances of an earlier puberty all ended with the person meeting their soulmate before dying rather early. None had lived past 25.
The marauders used this bit of information to their advantage in tormenting Severus. In between the curses and the hexes and the “pranks”, were the insults that he wouldn’t live long enough to meet his soulmate, if he even had one. “Why would anyone want to tie themselves to you?” sneered James one afternoon while they had him suspended upside down in the air.
Severus felt the familiar curl of embarrassment and rage flare up in his gut as James and the other marauders approached him, their evil cackling bouncing off the great lake and the trees. Trying his best to keep his clothes from revealing scars he’d rather no one but him see, he dropped his wand. His only source of protection.
“Ooh what have we here.” Sirius cheered as he stooped to snatch Severus’ wand off the ground.
“Give it back Black, and release me, I haven’t done anything to you or your group.”
“Hmm what do you think James? Should we release poor Snivelus?” he said in mock contemplation.
“Ohh now where’s the fun in that?” retorted James. Smugness rolling off him in waves that threatened to drown Severus.
“Lily will never return your affections, not only are you not good enough for her or to even be in her presence, but she hasn’t aged hardly at all since we started here, and you?” he scoffed rudely before eyeing Severus with a look dripping in disgust you could wring it out like a rag. “You have aged like spoiled milk. Do you truly believe that you’re going to live past Hogwarts? That dedicating yourself to your dark arts and potions will save you from the horrid truth that you’re aging too fast? That you and your “soulmate” will die before turning 25? If you even have a soulmate, who would want to spend the rest of their life with you? Who would dream about you?”
Severus’ head was starting to spin from being suspended for so long. He looked at the group. From James and Sirius’s sneers to Peters delight to Remus’ unease at the whole thing.
“We discuss our soulmate dreams together, who do you talk to? Malfoy? He probably only humors you just so he can use it later.” Stated Sirius
“I dream of fiery red hair and green eyes, Sirius sees warm sweaters and a soft smile, Remus sees wild, dark curls and signet rings. What do you see Snivilus? It can’t be Lily because she is already my soulmate, you probably don’t dream of anything. Just all your potions and your dark arts that your evil soul couldn’t stay away from even if you tried.”
“James, McGonagall is coming, let him down” Remus protested, his eyes flitting back and forth from Severus up towards the castle to where McGonagall was quickly heading from.
James twisted to see McGonagall with a determined look on her face. He let the spell drop and Severus fell into a heap on the ground. They all quickly gathered themselves and walked back up towards the castle. Not before Sirius threw Severus’ wand back towards him. It rolled down the bank toward the great lake before disappearing beneath the sparkling surface with a ripple.
Gathering himself into a sitting potion with his knees pulled up to his chest and his chin resting, his heart pounding and his mind racing, McGonagall reached him.
“Mr. Snape, must you always antagonize the Gryffindors?” she said sternly “Just focus on your studies.”
She gives him an indiscernible look before making to leave.
“Pro- Professor?” He stuttered.
“Yes Mr. Snape?’ she replied with a sigh
“My- my wand um rolled into the lake; do you think you could retrieve it for me. I don’t really want to go swimming with the giant squid.” He mumbled, looking at her shoes, the grass, really anywhere that wasn’t her face.
“Accio Severus Snapes wand.” She intoned. A soft plop happened as his wand resurfaced, covered in a thick layer of mud, algae and pond slime.
“Stay out of trouble Mr. Snape, I’d hate to see you in the headmaster’s office.” She said as she rested his wand by his feet and walked away.
Leaning against a tree with his knees pulled to his chest, his chin resting on top of them and a faraway look in his eyes he thought of James’ taunts about what he dreams of in his soulmate. He wonders about the reaction he’d get if he revealed that yes, he did dream of green eyes but not the fiery hair that should accompany them. That he dreamed of untamable curls but on a person with much more masculine features. Or the fact that he wasn’t upset that his soulmate wasn’t Lily, that it wasn’t even a woman he was destined to be with.
Years go by, Severus’s downfall with Lily happens, it guts him to the core. He watches as his class reaches maturity and meets their matches. James does indeed end up with Lily, Remus and Sirius are a pair, Lucius and Narcissa are the reigning power couple. Everywhere he looks people have found their soulmate. Spring comes and with it lots of couples walking hand in hand around the lake and the edge of the forest. Everyone is so disgustingly in love Severus feels he could vomit just looking at it.
After the murder of his best friend, he retreats from the world. Throwing himself into his work as a double agent. Doing his best to play the part and avoid getting killed or even just a spare curse thrown his way. Because if he was so invested in not getting killed, then he wouldn’t have to wonder why he had looked “so old” at 13 but now at 24 hadn’t changed really at all. Or the fact that Lily and James died at 20 but still looked so young. Clearly the universe had to have known that they wouldn’t live past the first wizarding war. Then how was it that Severus once looked so much older than his peers, was now at the same point if not younger than them.
Voldemort used this fact to his advantage, while it was never stated the thought of always having a follower and one that was as "loyal" as Severus was reassuring to him. Severus let him think what he wanted, much easier than meeting an untimely demise so soon, especially after having vowed to protect Lily’s son. It was the least he could do after the deep betrayal.
The next year was creeping up on him and with it the overwhelming sense of dread. His 25th birthday came and went like normal. Albus’s gift of a bottle of expensive Elven wine and polite but stilted well wishes from Minerva and the rest of the staff. It was overall a quiet and unassuming night spent alone in his rooms, working on his plans for his next attempt to create a potion that would help him find his soulmate. Doing his best to not think about the absolute clusterfuck that his life had become, or maybe it had just always been like this, and he only just now realized it. Between the brewing, the spying, the raids, the teaching and overall painful living of everyday life, it was a miracle Severus didn’t just walk into his personal storage room of draughts and drink all of them. Much to his own dismay and loathing, the only thing that kept him going was the promise of green eyes and untamable black curls.