Work Text:
September 2004
The electric humming from the sonogram machine sent chills down Shauna’s spine.
She kept her eyes locked on the monitor, watching the grainy black and white image flicker, waiting for something, anything, to go wrong.
The gel on her stomach was cold, leaving a feeling of unease to settle on her chest as her hands clenched into fists at her sides.
She barely heard the doctor’s voice as they pointed things out to Jeff- who, unlike her, actually managed to smile.
“There’s the heartbeat “ the doctor said, pointing at the screen. The rhythmic thumping filled the room as blood rushed through Shauna’s ears.
thump
thump
thump
Steady and strong.
Shauna forced herself to nod, but she couldn’t shake the weight on her chest as the doctor kept talking- using words like healthy and perfect but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong- She knew all too well how quickly things could take a turn for the worst.
Jeff squeezed her hand “ Shauna? Honey, You okay?”
She blinked, realizing she hadn’t spoke in a while “Yeah “ she said, voice thin “ I’m fine “
The appointment was over before she knew it.
The doctor wiped off the gel, handed her a few sonogram pictures she was sure she’d never look at and told her they’d see her again in a few weeks.
She barely spoke on the way home.
Jeff kept glancing at her from the driver’s seat, like he wanted to say something but he didn’t push- he NEVER pushed.
He just turned up the radio, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to some song she didn’t recognize.
By the time they pulled into the driveway, her silence had settled heavily between them. Jeff shifted awkwardly in his seat “ You want me to stay home today? I can call work- “
“No! “ Shauna cut in quickly, already reaching for the door handle “ I’m fine Jeff, Go “
Jeff hesitated, searching her face for any hesitance “ You sure?”
She nodded, forcing a small smile “ I promise “ she reassured
He didn’t look convinced, but like always- he let it go “ Okay Okay- Call me if you need anything, alright? “ he asked
Shauna nodded, stepping out of the car without another word and shutting the door behind her.
She stood on the porch, listening to make sure Jeff’s car pulled out of the driveway- watching until it disappeared down the street.
She let out a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door, stepping into their home. Inside was quiet… too quiet almost.
She kicked off her shoes, tossing the sonogram photos onto the kitchen counter without looking at them.
Her body felt heavy, mind racing as she tried to sort through the thousands of thoughts she didn’t want to deal with.
The shrill ring of Shauna’s phone interrupted the quiet, making her jump. She hesitated for a moment before reaching in her bag for it- it usually wasn’t anyone she wanted to talk to that called.
The contact name flashed on the small screen-Travis.
Which could only mean one thing- Natalie was in trouble and for whatever reason Travis thought she was the one that could help.
She sighed before answering, cradling her stomach with her free hand “Hey, Trav…What do you need?”
There was shuffling on the other end, like he was pacing “ I hate to ask you this, I really do. But I can’t find Natalie… and for whatever fucked-up reason, you always seem to know where she is “
Shauna let out a slow breath, sinking into the couch “ You know I’m seven months pregnant, right? “
“Yes, Shauna I know you’re pregnant “ Travis snapped, then sighed, his voice softer but no less urgent “ But please “
She silently weighed her options.
On one hand- Being pregnant was the perfect excuse to say no, An easy out.
On the other hand she owed it to both of them- to any of them, really- to try. Because if she didn’t, and something happened… she wouldn’t be able to live with herself and god knows she already had a hard enough time living with herself these days as is.
“How is she?” she asked “ How has she been? What’s she been up to? Who’s she been hanging around lately?”
“She’s been…” He hesitated “ Better -Not great, but better “
“That’s not what I’m asking, Travis, and you know it! “ Her voice sharpened with frustration “ What Natalie am I going to find? Has she been hanging around that fucking-“
“I don’t know!” His voice cracked, frustration getting the better of him “ I don’t fucking know okay, Shauna? Is that what you wanted to hear? That I have no clue where she is or what she’s doing? That I’ve been going out of my fucking mind trying to sober up enough to find her?”
Shauna closed her eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath in and composing herself “I just want to know that I’ll be able to keep myself safe, Travis “ Her voice wavered, but she pushed through it “ I’m not losing another fucking baby to anything or anyone tied to that place no matter who it is “
Silence stretched between them.
Travis exhaled “ You’re right, I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking “ He hesitated “ I don’t think she’s with him… If you really don’t want to do this, I can call Taissa “
Shauna let out a sharp breath “ No-Tai’s too busy for this shit. Give me two hours, okay? I’ve got some ideas… and a gun, if I need it “
Travis let out a dry laugh “ Of course you have a fucking gun… Is it in that shitbox of a car you have? “
Shauna scoffed “ Oh, you’re such an asshole! I’m about to come and save the day, and you want to talk shit about my car? “
“Elizabeth “ Travis said “How could I forget? “ he mocked, a small smile on his face
“She’s served me and YOU well a few times, don’t you think? “
“You save me from getting arrested ONE time in junior year, and I NEVER hear the end of it “
Shauna shook her head, a reluctant smile tugging at her lips “ If I’m being honest, I mostly did it so we didn’t have to hear Coach bitch about it and take it out on us “
Travis huffed a small laugh “ I’m sure “ He paused, voice lowering “Thank you, Shauna…For picking up the phone every time I call- And for always chasing after her when I can’t… It means more than you think “
Shauna’s hand smoothed over her stomach “Yeah, well… the last time I didn’t go after someone I loved, they died. So I’m trying really fucking hard not to make that mistake again “
Travis hesitated for a moment “ You… know you can call me whenever, right? To talk about it “
Shauna leaned back, resting her head against the couch- An odd twisting sensation settled in her gut “ I know “ she murmured, biting her bottom lip to keep the tears at bay “ Thanks, Trav- I’ll call you when I find her “
She ended the call before he could say anything else, pushing herself up from the couch.
Wiping away the few tears that escaped, She grabbed her jacket, keys, and obviously- her gun. Jeff insisted that it and Elizabeth be gone by the time the baby arrived but that was bullshit.
She shook her head of those thoughts, stepping out her front door.
She had work to do.
So for the next hour and a half- Shauna drove aimlessly, her fingers gripping the wheel tighter and tighter with every dead end.
Where the fuck was Misty Quigley when you fucking needed her?
She’d checked all the usual spots- Travis’s old apartment complex, the shitty motel on the outskirts of town, the stupid fucking liquor store by her moms where Nat had once talked her into stealing peach schnapps from, but nothing!
She had nothing. Absolutely fuck all and her patience was running extremely thin- this was the last fucking thing she wanted to spend her day doing.
She sighed, rubbing at her temples as she sat at a red light.
Then it hit her.
The bar.
THE bar.
The stupid, dingy ass bar that Natalie had dragged her to for her sixteenth birthday. The one where she’d smirked and told the bartender it was actually Shauna’s twenty first and he’d somehow believed them.
The one where she’d dragged Shauna out onto the dance floor and then stole her drink after a few sips, laughing as she said “ If you’re not gonna finish it, I sure as hell will “ in classic Natalie fashion.
Shauna made a sharp U-turn, tires screeching against the pavement as she hit the gas and by the time she pulled into the parking lot, she already knew what she’d find.
She spotted Natalie instantly- slouched in a booth by the back, a nearly empty glass in front of her, her eyeliner smudged like she’d been rubbing at her eyes non stop.
Shauna didn’t hesitate as she marched across the bar, stopping in front of the table “ Natalie “
Natalie blinked up at her, squinting like the sight of Shauna didn’t quite make sense- Then she groaned “ Oh, for fuck’s sake! “
Shauna crossed her arms “ Travis called me.”
Natalie rolled her eyes, swirling the ice around in her glass “ Of course he did “ her voice bitter
“You wanna tell me why he’s been out of his mind looking for you- AGAIN? “ Shauna pressed
Natalie let out a dry laugh, shaking her head. “Jesus. He really sent YOU? “ She looked Shauna up and down, her eyes briefly flicking to her stomach “ A little on the nose, don’t you think? Mom “
Shauna clenched her jaw “ Come on, Natalie, Let’s go “ she said, voice firm
“Not happening “ Natalie slumped further into her seat, voice lazy and loose “ Go home, Shauna “
“No! “ Shauna’s patience was hanging by a thread and Natalie was REALLY pushing it “ I’m not going anywhere without you so get the fuck up and let’s GO “
Natalie let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head “ Classic Travis- Can’t handle his own mess, so he sends in the clean-up crew “ She shot Shauna a sharp look “ How many times do I have to tell you guys- I don’t need saving and I CERTAINLY don’t need your help “
Shauna exhaled hard through her nose, forcing herself to stay calm “ I don’t give a shit what you think you need. You’re coming with me, end of story “
“ Or what?” Natalie challenged, arching an eyebrow.
Shauna didn’t answer, She just grabbed Natalie’s leather jacket from the booth and tossed it at her.
Natalie stared at it
Then with an exhausted sigh, she snatched it up, downed the last sip of her drink, and slid out of the booth “ Fine- Lead the way Shipman “
Shauna turned on her heel, leading the way out of the bar. The second they stepped into the cold night air, Natalie muttered, “Can’t wait to hear about how you’re making responsible choices now “
Shauna ignored her, unlocking the car “ Just get in the fucking car Natalie “
Natalie did, slamming the door behind her making Shauna snap her head towards her with a sharp glare.
The drive back was silent, except for the occasional annoyed huff from one of them. Natalie crossed her arms, staring out the window as Shauna kept both hands tight on the wheel, her grip white knuckled as she contemplated swerving the car off the road just to prove a point.
Neither of them said what they really wanted to say.
They never did.
The silence was beginning to drive Shauna crazy, it was the kind of silence that pressed against her skull and made her grind her teeth.
Natalie huffed, dramatically shifting in her seat- Still drunk and still pissed off and Shauna could practically feel the frustration radiating off of her.
By the time they pulled into the driveway, Shauna barely waited for the car to fully stop before throwing it in park, turning to Natalie “Come on “ she demanded
Natalie scoffed but didn’t move “ I don’t need a babysitter, Shauna “
“No, what you NEED is to get inside before I drag your ass in myself- you’ve exhausted all of the patience I have for you right now Natalie “
Natalie rolled her eyes “ You’re so fucking dramatic “
“Yeah? Well, maybe I wouldn’t have to be if you’d stop doing this shit “
That struck a nerve- Natalie’s jaw tightened, her eyes dark “ And who’s fault is that? “ she snapped and for a second, Shauna thought she’d bolt.
But she didn’t.
“ Fuck You Natalie “ she spat, slamming the car door and stomping towards the house.
Natalie let out a sigh before reluctantly trudging behind her, waiting patiently for Shauna to unlock the door. Inside the house was quiet, Jeff still at work.
The empty space further amplified the tension between them.
Natalie kicked off her boots by the door, barely glancing around before muttering “Nice redecoration- Real suburban mom of you “
Shauna ignored the jab, grabbing her cell phone from her purse and dialling before she could overthink it.
Travis answered on the second ring “ Did you find her? “ he asked, voice carrying an urgency
“She’s here “ Shauna said, eyes shifting towards Natalie who was slumped on her couch with crossed arms like she was ready to put up another fight “ Drunk and pissed off, but here “
Travis let out a breath of relief “ Jesus- Okay, I owe you big time Thanks, Shauna “
Shauna snorted “ Yeah, well, don’t thank me yet… I have a funny feeling she’s going to refuse to stay the night “
Natalie groaned from the couch. “Because you can’t make me! “ she childishly exclaimed
Shauna shot her a glare before turning back to the phone “ Trav, back me up here… I’m losing my mind right now “ she grumbled, putting the phone on speaker.
Travis didn’t hesitate “ Nat, just stay there- Sleep it off “
“No! “ Natalie’s voice was sharp- stubborn “ I’m not some little fucking kid! You guys don’t just get to decide where I sleep “
Shauna rubbed her temple, the last of her patience practically dancing out the door with every breath she took “ You showed up wasted in the middle of town Nat- Forgive us for not trusting you to be fine on your own “
Natalie let out a bitter laugh “ Yeah, because you two are just soooo good at taking care of people, right? “
That hit its mark.
Shauna felt her stomach twist, but she didn’t flinch and she knew Travis felt it too- the subtle reference to what happened out there…
Travis’s voice on the line was quiet “ Nat, please “ he begged
Natalie went silent
Shauna watched her closely, the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers fidgeted in her lap.
And then it hit her.
She wasn’t fighting because she wanted to leave, she was fighting because she hated needing to stay- Shauna would be the same way if roles were reversed.
So maybe - just maybe Shauna could offer her that little bit of grace and understanding
Finally, Natalie exhaled sharply “ Fine- One night “
Travis breathed out “ Thank you “
Shauna just nodded, gripping the phone tighter “ I’ll call you tomorrow before I drop her off, okay? “
Travis hesitated for a moment, hating to have to burden either one of them with this “ Yeah… Okay “
She hung up, setting the phone down before turning to Natalie “ The guest bedroom is down the hall “ she said simply, nodding her head towards the long hallway that seemed to be a never ending stretch
Natalie didn’t move, didn’t even look at her “ You happy now? “ she asked, the resentment clear in her tone
Shauna sighed, exhausted “ Not even a little bit “
They didn’t say anything else.
Natalie stood up, grabbing her boots as she trudged down the hallway without another word.
Shauna stayed where she was, rubbing a hand over her stomach, listening as Natalie’s footsteps disappeared down the hall- Then she sank into the couch, too drained to even be relieved.
Travis definitely fucking owed her now.
October 2004
The fluorescent lights of the grocery store buzzed faintly overhead as Shauna stared at the shelves, trying to remember why the hell she was even in this aisle in the first place.
Stupid fucking pregnancy brain- it was something for dinner- Or snacks… Whatever, who the fuck even cares?
She leaned against the cart, sighing as she scanned the millions of crackers up for selection- who the hell even had time to invent all of these?
Not that they were all invented by the same person but still- how many variations of crackers did the world really need?
She reached for a box of ritz, carelessly tossing them into her cart with a sigh
Then her phone rang
She barely had time to register the name “ Travis “ on the screen before answering “ Travis if this is about Natalie so help me god- “
“ It is about Natalie “ Travis cut in, voice tight “ The neighbour just called me- Said Nat took off in one of her moods, drunk and pissed off. I tried calling, but she’s not picking up “
Shauna closed her eyes, already feeling the headache forming “ So you’re calling me to go deal with it? “ she asked, tone sharp
“I’m stuck at work “ he said quickly “ I think she’s at that bar again “
Shauna exhaled sharply, gripping the phone even tighter “ Travis “
“I know, okay? I know you’re eight months pregnant, I know this isn’t your problem, I know I should be the one going after her “ he rushed out, voice leaking with frustration “ But I can’t right now, and I don’t- I don’t want her to be alone if she’s that far gone because then that usually leads to the drugs and she’s been doing SO good Shauna “
Shauna pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek, staring blankly at the rows of crackers in front of her.
A month.
She’d gone a whole month without having to chase Natalie down.
And now here they were- Again.
She shifted her weight, feeling the dull ache in her lower back due to the size of her belly “ You realize I could literally go into labor at any moment, right? “
Travis let out a humorless laugh “ If you do, I promise I’ll owe you forever “
Shauna sighed, rolling her eyes “ You already DO “
There was a pause on the line before he spoke again-quieter this time “ Shauna, Please “ he begged
For fucks sake.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, already regretting it “ Fine- I’ll go but you owe me! I’m talking like- endless amounts of future babysitting owe me “
“ Thank you “
“Don’t thank me until I have her… If she pukes in my car, I’m sending YOU the cleaning bill by the way “
Travis huffed out something that almost sounded like a laugh, but it was too thin, too tired “ Deal “
Shauna ended the call and abandoned her cart in the middle of the aisle- it was shitty thing to do but she was too tired to care.
Maybe she’d drag Natalie back here with her after to purchase whatever half-planned groceries she’s been attempting to buy.
Because, of COURSE, she was dropping everything and doing this again.
She shook her head as she climbed in her car and began the drive to the bar.
Shauna sighed as the familiar glow of the neon sign flicked against her windshield. She let out a long breath, resting a hand on her stomach before killing the engine.
She should start charging Travis gas money with all the running around she’s doing for him lately.
This was starting to feel like a routine.
She groaned as she pushed the door open, cringing as she was hit with the thick scent of smoke and cheap beer.
It was like Shauna had some sort of magnetic pull towards Natalie as her eyes landed on the bleached blonde. She was hunched over in her regular booth, a glass half empty in front of her as her fingers drummed restlessly on the counter.
Shauna didn’t hesitate as she crossed the room, flagging down a bartender as she slipped into the booth across from Natalie “ Dr. Pepper please “
Natalie scoffed without looking up “ How responsible of you “
Shauna ignored her, watching as the bartender set the glass in front of her.
She took a sip before leaning forward, resting her elbows on the sticky table “ Alright, let’s skip the part where you tell me to fuck off and just get to it- What’s wrong? “
Natalie let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head “ Nothing’s wrong Shauna, Now fuck off “
Shauna rolled her eyes “Travis’s neighbor said you took off in a rage- So either that old lady is suddenly a pathological liar, or you’re full of shit and I’m gonna go with full of shit for the win “
Natalie sighed, rolling her eyes “ Jesus, Shauna “
“ Jesus, Natalie “ Shauna shot back, voice laced with frustration “ Just tell me what’s going on “
Natalie didn’t answer right away as she swirled the ice in her glass, avoiding Shauna’s gaze.
But after a long pause, a pause so long that Shauna almost gave up, she exhaled sharply “ I feel stuck “ she forced through gritted teeth
Shauna tilted her head “ Stuck how? “
Natalie’s jaw tensed “ Here! In this town- In this… this LIFE “ She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head.
“ I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing anymore! Every day is just- work, drink, sleep, repeat- And then Travis fucking calls you, and you drag me home, and I wake up and do it all over again! What kind of a life is that Shauna? “
Shauna was quiet for a moment, studying her before setting her drink down and leaning in “ You do know you can leave, right? “ she questioned
Natalie blinked, caught off guard “ What?”
Shauna gestured vaguely “ This town, this life- you’re not trapped here, Nat! No one’s making you stay “
Natalie let out a breathy, disbelieving laugh “ Yeah, sure. Let me just pack a bag and skip town… Real easy Shauna “
Shauna shrugged “ Kinda is “
Natalie scoffed “ Says the woman with a mortgage and a baby on the way “
“Exactly “ Shauna emphasized “ I chose this- And I’ll deal with it because it’s mine, But you?” She gestured to Natalie “ You don’t HAVE to stay… You can go anywhere, do anything, be anyone you want “
Natalie was quiet, staring down at her drink.
Shauna softened, sighing “ I know it doesn’t feel that simple. But it is… You’re not stuck, Nat. You never were “ she whispered, placing a gentle hand on her arm
And for the first time all night- Natalie didn’t have a sarcastic response.
She just nodded.
Barely.
Shauna still took that as a win.
She stood up, finishing the last sip of her Dr. Pepper before tossing some cash onto the counter “ Come on. Let’s go “ she said, nodding towards the door
Natalie didn’t argue, She just slid off the stool, grabbing her jacket.
Shauna led the way outside, the cold air biting against her skin. She unlocked the car, glancing at Natalie as she climbed into the passenger seat. She shook her head, finally exhaling as she settled behind the wheel.
“Maybe one of these times, you’ll call me before taking off, Yeah? “
Natalie smirked, resting her head against the window “ Where’s the fun in that?” She teased
Shauna rolled her eyes, starting the car and beginning their journey home.
November 2004
The cold air nipped at Shauna’s skin as she walked around the block- the doctor said lots of motion would help get this fucking baby out of her.
She’d hit the 9 month mark and it was looking like her pregnancy was going to be one of those 10 month ones and She’d been exhausted as of late!
Jeff was always working until 7 or 8pm meaning Shauna practically spent the entire day by herself other than the odd visit from her mom or god forbid- Mr. & Mrs. Taylor who’d been hovering over her swollen belly like she was carrying Jesus Christ himself.
All of the household chores were left to her- which is what she kinda signed up for when she agreed to be a stay at home mom but making your 9 month pregnant wife do your laundry? That was a little fucking ridiculous.
She let out another sigh as she stuffed her hands in her pocket, allowing herself to revel in the peace of the moment.
But of course that didn’t last long- The familiar sound of her phone bounced off the surrounding houses as she quickly reached for it, already knowing who it was- no one else ever really called.
“ You’re making this a routine Martinez “ She grumbled, placing the phone to her ear
“Where are you?” he asked, his voice a little breathless like he’d been running around
Shauna furrowed her brows at the question “Walking… why? “
“Well, turn around, because I’m parked in front of your house with a very drunk Natalie “
She stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes for a second and letting out a groan “ Oh, for fuck’s sake Travis! “
“Yeah, my thoughts exactly “ She could hear him shifting, the faint sound of music playing low in the background “ Look- I found her at some shitty liquor store fighting with the clerk to let her buy another bottle… I gotta head to work, but I figured I’d at least track her down this time before clocking in- Save you the trip”
Shauna sighed as she turned around and began to walk back- having a funny feeling she was about to be on Natalie duty “ You know… you could’ve just taken her home “
Travis snorted “ And let her set something on fire again? No thanks- there’s STILL burn marks in the carpet from her dropping her cigarette the last time she was too drunk and home alone “
Shauna huffed a laugh despite herself “ Fair point “ she muttered, breathing out slowly as she tried her best to get home as quickly as possible
There was a pause, then softer, Travis said “ Look, I know this isn’t your problem Shauna… I just- “
“ Travis “ she cut him off, voice tired but gentle “It’s fine “
“Yeah?”
Shauna exhaled through her nose “ Yeah… I’ll deal with her “
Travis let out a breath of relief “ Want me to stop by that donut shop you like so much before I take off? “
Shauna fought back a smile at his offer “ Nah, I’m good… but- if you’re not completely sick of me yet, You could come over for dinner after work? “ she said, a questioning tone attached to her offer
Travis hesitated, and she already knew the answer before he spoke “ I’ll be at work late “
Shauna nodded, shifting the phone to her other ear “ Figures- one of these days you are going to have to actually come inside my home “
“But… can she crash at yours again?”
Shauna groaned dramatically “ Travis! “
“Shauna! “ he mimicked, amused
She rolled her eyes, but the truth was, she already knew she’d say yes- and she had a funny feeling he knew that.
Funny how Natalie’s sobriety suddenly mattered to her too.
“… Fine. But just so we’re clear, I’m NINE MONTHS pregnant- Nine, Travis! “
“Oh, are you?” he said, feigning shock “ I hadn’t noticed “
Shauna laughed- she couldn’t help herself really “ Asshole “
“Thank You, Shauna “
“Yeah, yeah “ she muttered, shaking her head as she neared the house
She spotted his truck idling at the curb, Natalie leaning against the passenger door, arms crossed, already scowling like she KNEW they’d made a deal she wouldn’t like.
Shauna sighed “ I’ll see you later- and by later I literally mean in like two seconds “
“Not if I see you first “ Travis teased, before hanging up
Shauna rolled her eyes as she stuffed her phone back into her pocket, raising her middle finger at Travis who’s eyes were now on her as he stepped out of the truck.
“Holy shit! You’re huge! “ Travis mused, an amused grin tugging at his lips
Shauna’s hand flew out instinctively, smacking him on the arm “ Don’t be a dick! “ she hissed, though there was no real bite to it and they all knew it.
Travis just laughed, rubbing the spot where she hit him like it actually hurt- His eyes flickering to Natalie, who was still slumped against the truck, watching the exchange with thinly veiled irritation
“You gonna behave?” he asked her, raising an eyebrow
Natalie scoffed, rolling her eyes “ When do I not behave?”
Travis and Shauna gave her a look.
With an exaggerated sigh, she relented “ Fine! Whatever “
Travis sighed, taking the little satisfaction he could get as he leaned forward, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before placing a quick yet gentle kiss to her forehead.
Shauna smiled the tiniest of smiles at their brief moment of affection.
“ Be good- please… I’d rather not be hunted down by a very pregnant, very angry Shauna “
Shauna stiffened at his choice of words and it seemed like he realized his mistake as well “ Sorry- poor choice of words “ he mumbled, shying away from both women
Shauna shrugged, allowing the tension in her shoulders to melt as Travis’s hand found its way to her back “ I owe you times a million… thanks “
“ You’re welcome- your future punishment is sitting through dinner with Jeff and I one of these days- both of you “ she said, nudging Travis’s shoulder with her own
Travis rolled his eyes, exhaling as he looked at Shauna “ I’ll call and check in later okay? “
Shauna nodded, hesitating before giving him a small hug “ Try not to let your job kill you “
He squeezed her gently before stepping away “ No promises “
And with that- he climbed into his truck, giving the pair one last glance before driving off.
Shauna watched until he turned off the street before turning to Natalie “ Alright… inside “ she said, nodding towards the door
Natalie groaned but followed anyways, dragging her feet dramatically as Shauna led the way.
Natalie barely had a moment to breathe before the door shut and Shauna spun on her heel “ What the FUCK, Nat? I thought we talked about this shit “
Natalie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose “ The last fucking thing I need right now Shauna is one of your bullshit hypocritical lectures ”
Shauna scoffed “ Yeah well you sure don’t need a lot of things but here we are! “ she exclaimed “ Do you have ANY idea how exhausting it is for one of us to constantly be chasing after you? “
Natalie’s mouth pressed into a thin line “ I didn’t ask you to “
“Yeah? Well, too fucking bad, because HE did “ Shauna jabbed a finger toward the door, where Travis had just been “ And believe it or not, I actually give a shit about what happens to you! “
Natalie hated this part, the part where Shauna and Travis schemed behind her back- it was like she was just some lost or damaged kid they had to manage and take care of.
But worse than that?
She HATED that it made her feel something.
Because, honestly? No one else gave a shit like they did- And wasn’t that kind of sad?
Shauna sighed, rubbing her temples “ Look, I’m too tired for this. I’m making lunch- You eating? “ she questioned, making her way towards the kitchen
Natalie frowned as she followed “ You’re really just gonna scold me and then make me lunch? “
Shauna shrugged “ Yes… Yelling makes me hungry “
Natalie stared at her for a long moment, a vicious jab on the tip of her tongue- something about how true that had been out there.
Then, against her better judgment, she muttered “ Fine… I could eat- nothing fucking gross though Shauna and I’m serious “
Shauna smirked, taking the win where she could “ Atta girl “ she exclaimed, beaming as she reached into the fridge and began pulling out the contents for sandwiches
And just like that, the fight was over- For now at least.
Shauna didn’t say another word as she moved through the kitchen, pulling out bread and all sorts of deli meats and cheeses- a half empty jar of mustard, the mayo and some lettuce.
The silence settled on them- comfortable but still charged, like neither one of them wanted to be the one to break it.
Natalie watched her work from her seat at the island, arms crossed as her chin rested against her palm. She wasn’t sure why she stayed- maybe because she knew she didn’t really have a choice but probably because Shauna had food and Natalie had been too busy drowning herself in cheap whiskey to remember to eat today.
Still… she expected something… different? Shauna’s usual questioning and prodding at her life- doing that thing she always did when she cared too much but didn’t know how to say it.
But she didn’t.
She just made the sandwiches- methodical and quiet. No hesitation in the way she moved as she assembled them- she didn’t even ask Natalie what she wanted.
It wasn’t until she slid Natalie’s plate in front of her that something twisted in her gut and she realized why Shauna hadn’t asked her.
Roast beef, A little bit of mayo- but not too much, Extra mustard and some lettuce but NO tomato.
It was EXACTLY how she liked it.
Natalie blinked, thrown for a second. It wasn’t like it was a big deal- it was just a sandwich but something about it made her throat feel tight.
Shauna must’ve caught the look on her face because she quickly dropped into the chair across from her, eyes downcast at her own plate “ You used to order it every time we went to Murr’s “ she mumbled, like it was some kind of excuse “ Wasn’t hard to remember “
Natalie swallowed “ Haven’t been to Murr’s in years “
Shauna just shrugged, focusing on her own sandwich as Natalie stared at her for a long moment, something warm and unfamiliar creeping up her spine.
Maybe Travis had been right in telling her that Shauna cared- maybe she just had to see it in the little things to start believing it.
They finished their lunch in a comfortable silence, Natalie watching as Shauna cleaned up.
She half-expected Shauna to start in on her again with the usual “ Are you drinking enough water? Sleeping? Thinking about not ruining your life for once? “ but to her surprise- Shauna just dried her hands and walked over to the couch.
She turned to Natalie, a small smile on her face “ Well, come on “ Shauna said as she sat down, patting the cushion next to her
Natalie groaned, really regretting letting Travis dump her here for the day “ You’re not gonna make me watch something dumb, are you?”
“Host’s choice- remember? “ Shauna shot back, smirking as she turned on the TV
Natalie rolled her eyes “ Yeah, when we were sixteen and in Lottie’s basement, maybe “
Shauna shrugged “ Whatever… I guess it wouldn’t kill me to compromise “
Natalie gasped, dramatically pressing a hand to her heart “ I’m sorry, is THE Shauna Shipman backing down? Willing to compromise? Man- pregnancy brain is really getting to you, huh?
Shauna shot her a look. “Don’t be a bitch “
Natalie just grinned, grabbing the remote from Shauna’s lap- an obvious mistake on her part.
Shauna snatched it back immediately, shaking her head “ Nope! “
Natalie huffed “ Oh, come on, I am NOT watching another shitty crime show Shauna “ she complained
“And I’m NOT watching whatever depressing indie flick you’re about to put on Natalie “ Shauna countered, holding the remote just out of Nat’s reach.
And of course- they reverted back to children on the playground as they wrestled back and forth for the remote, Shauna using the sheer force of not being wasted at 1pm to her advantage. Natalie however, used the fact that Shauna was very obviously nine months pregnant and probably didn’t want to deal with this to her advantage.
Turns out- it wasn’t actually THAT much of an advantage because Natalie had forgotten just how stubborn Shauna was- she never backed down from a fight.
No matter how small
“ Jesus fuck, fine! “ Natalie relented, throwing herself back against the couch as she let go of her hold on the remote “ Just put on whatever but if it sucks I’m going to say I told you so everyday for the next MONTH “
Shauna smirked, knowing this was a win she could revel in “ Deal “
They ended up settling on some trashy reality show that neither one of them cared about- it was the kind where over dramatic rich people sought out love in the form of some elitist dating show- and flipped tables over literally nothing? It was odd.
The afternoon slowly passed them by as they watched- Natalie sobering up as Shauna felt the exhaustion begin to take over. It was nice- really. Shauna couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so comfortable in another’s presence.
It was easy- They made fun of the contestants, took bets on which couple would crash and burn first, and fought over the last handful of pretzels like it actually mattered and Shauna couldn’t just get up and get them more
At some point, Shauna stretched, rubbing a hand over her stomach “ We should probably eat something real before the baby starts demanding a meal plan “ she joked, smiling softly at Natalie
Natalie expected her to say something like “ Oh I’ll cook something “ but instead, Shauna tilted her head and added “ Wanna help?”
Natalie narrowed her eyes “ You want me to help?”
Shauna scoffed, standing up “ Don’t make it weird, Nat. You can handle chopping vegetables, right? “
Natalie clicked her tongue “ Debatable “ But she followed Shauna into the kitchen anyway.
Dinner was easy, a simple pasta, because even Natalie couldn’t screw that up.
She chopped tomatoes while Shauna stood at the stove, stirring the sauce and occasionally glancing over like she was expecting Natalie to lose a finger or something
She didn’t- But only because Shauna would NEVER let her live it down
Just as they were plating the food, the front door creaked open- Jeff stepped inside, dropping his keys onto the counter and taking in the scene before him.
He barely blinked- this was their new normal “ Hey, Nat “
Natalie smirked “ Sadecki “ she greeted- not too fond of the man or how he’d gotten with her friend but kind enough to recognize he put up with a lot of shit from her and Shauna.
Jeff just sighed, shaking his head with something that wasn’t entirely disapproval- because sure! He liked Nat but he just wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with Shauna always chasing after her “I’m gonna turn in early- Long day “
Shauna gave him a knowing look “ You mean boring day?”
“Painfully “ Jeff admitted, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Shauna’s forehead “ Leave me some leftovers to take for lunch tomorrow- and don’t let her burn the house down “ he said, pulling away and pointing at Natalie
“ Rude “ Natalie said as Jeff disappeared down the hall “ You accidentally set ONE thing on fire in your apartment and suddenly everyone treats you like some pyromaniac “
Shauna laughed, sliding the Parmesan cheese over to Natalie “ Trav said something about burn marks in carpets so I’ve gotta say- not a good look “
Natalie quietly grumbled to herself as she stabbed at her food with her fork, the two allowing silence to overcome them as the day's exhaustion finally began to catch up with them- making the warm food and hum of the tv in the background feel almost… safe.
Then Shauna’s phone rang
She glanced at the screen and smiled before answering “ Hey, Travis “
Natalie rolled her eyes but kept eating.
“Just checking in “ Travis said, his voice slightly muffled through the speaker “ You guys still alive?”
Shauna huffed for the dramatics “ Barely- You owe me, by the way “
Travis chuckled “ Tell me something I don’t know- I ALWAYS owe you “
Natalie scoffed “ At least you admit it “
Travis sighed “ How’s she doing? “
Shauna glanced at Natalie, who pretended not to care that her boyfriend was worried about her “ She’s fine “
“Hey, asshole, I can hear you, You know “ Natalie muttered
“Yeah?” Travis said “ And? Is it a crime to want to check in on my girlfriend and our extremely pregnant friend I keep forcing said girlfriend on? “
Natalie rolled her eyes again, but there was something almost fond in it
Shauna sighed, leaning back against the chair “ We’ve been watching shitty reality tv and eating carbs all day- she’s good, Trav “
Travis hummed, like he almost believed it “Good… Thanks, Shauna “
Shauna bit her lip, quiet for a moment before exhaling “ Yeah of course… Try to get some sleep tonight when you get home? okay?”
“You too “ Travis said “ And maybe remind Nat that this whole ‘ fuck it ‘ mentality isn’t exactly the kind of life plan I was talking about “
“ Fuck off! “ Natalie called out, leaning in closer to the phone
Travis just laughed “ Night, girls “
“ Night, Trav- as always I’ll call before I drop her off “ Shauna said before hanging up.
Natalie shook her head “ You two are so fucking annoying “ she grumbled, standing up and cleaning off her plate before putting it in the dishwasher.
Shauna just smiled at her, following her lead by cleaning up before returning to the couch and snatching up the remote “ Yeah, well… hosts choice “ she teased, shaking the remote in her hand
Natalie groaned “ You SUCK “
Shauna only grinned wider, satisfaction filling her as Natalie got comfortable next to her.
Silence settled over them again as Shauna flipped through the channels before settling on some low budget thriller to keep them entertained.
Shauna found herself stealing glances at Natalie- her sharp edges seemed to soften in the dark of the room. There was just something about seeing Natalie at ease and like the world wasn’t weighing down on her that made Shauna’s chest ache
“Can you stop looking at me every five seconds like I’m gonna disappear?” Natalie mumbled, voice heavy with exhaustion as she fought to stay awake.
Shauna blinked, shying away as she was caught in the act “ That’s not why I’m looking at you “ she muttered- A pause of hesitation “It’s just… nice to see you so calm “
Natalie sighed, sitting up slightly and stretching her arms- reminding Shauna of a cat.
Natalie’s gaze drifted to Shauna’s stomach- the swell of new life under her sweater. She breathed out, slow and quiet “ You really are huge “ she muttered, leaning forward.
Shauna’s breath hitched and for a split second, the room disappeared.
She wasn’t on her couch anymore or in the safety of her home- She was back in the cabin.
Back in the cold.
Back in the moment when Lottie had reached toward her belly with reverence, whispering things that made her stomach turn.
Natalie must have noticed the way she tensed because she hesitated, her hand hovering just above Shauna’s stomach “ Can I?” she asked quietly “ Is- Is that okay?”
Shauna swallowed hard, forcing herself back to reality and giving Natalie a small yet uncertain nod
Natalie’s hand was gentle and warm- comforting even, grounding Shauna in a way she hadn’t expected
“ You scared? “ Natalie asked her voice uncharacteristically gentle
Shauna let out a short yet bitter laugh “Fucking terrified! “ she exclaimed, placing her hand next to Natalie’s, pressing down on her stomach as if to reassure herself “ I’ve been having nightmares… about the birth- About what happened out there “
Natalie went still.
They didn’t talk about it.
Ever.
“Shauna “ she said, voice just above a whisper “ it’s different this time “
Shauna shook her head, grip tightening as tears pricked at her eyes before she could stop them “ What if none of this is real?” she said, voice cracking “ What if I’m dreaming about all of this all over again? “
Natalie hesitated, something flashing across her face “ Again? “ her voice soft
Shauna inhaled sharply, already regretting her words- But it was too late to take them back now.
She let out a slow, unsteady breath “ What if I wake up and she’s gone? Just like he was? Half the time, I’m not even sure this is real… like, am I actually pregnant? Are you really here right now? Or am I still out there, still freezing, still starving… imagining all of this as some kind of fucked up way to cope? “
Natalie’s face fell, reaching out to take Shauna’s hand in her own, squeezing it tightly “ This is real “ she murmured “ I promise you Shauna, This is real “ She paused- a small yet teasing smirk forming on her face “ Besides- Would you really imagine me of all people here with you if it wasn’t? “
Shauna let out a wet laugh, shaking her head as the tears continued to fall “It wouldn’t be the first time “
That wiped the smirk clean off Natalie’s face.
“What do you mean by that? “ she asked, voice cautious
Shauna’s throat tightened, moving her free handle to cradle her stomach- a protective gesture of sorts.
The memories were so clear now, like they’d been waiting just below the surface ready to crawl their way out and begin a violent attack on Shauna’s mind.
“ In the dream… he uh- He had a hard time feeding, you know? I was so weak and my body just wasn’t producing the milk it needed too and we were all so fucking scared- We all thought he was going to die “
Natalie’s expression flickered, but she didn’t interrupt
Shauna’s voice turned distant, almost dreamlike “ But then winter started to fade and the animals started coming back so we had more food and I got stronger… and one day in the attic he finally latched “ a painful smile stretched across Shauna’s face as she recalled the dream.
She’d never told anyone this before- not even Jeff.
“ And you were there… standing across from me in disbelief, sharing the happiest moment of my life… When he was real and I could hear him crying and everything was going to be okay… but then I woke up and none of it was real “
Natalie could physically feel the ache that settled in her chest, mind recalling that day and how she’d gripped onto Shauna’s hand with everything she had and prayed to every god she’d ever heard about for her to be okay.
The thought of Shauna dreaming of that and it feeling so real just to wake up and have her entire world crumble broke Natalie’s fucking heart.
Her eyes stung as she remembered the dramatic shift Shauna had afterwards- Maybe they’d failed her just as much as she failed them out there.
Because not once did the effects of this birth ever fully settle on Natalie- not until now at least.
The image of Shauna cradling her baby's body was one that was forever burned in her mind- it haunted her “ Shauna… “ she whispered, pulling her hand back to press it gently on Shauna’s stomach “ This is as real as it gets, Okay ? I’m real, you’re here, you’re real- and this baby? “ she mumbled, exhaling and looking up at Shauna with a rare softness “ She’s real too… and she is going to be beautiful, just like her mom “
Shauna closed her eyes, her face crumbling as she tried to hold herself together- never having enjoyed crying in front of others.
“You’re gonna be okay “ She continued, voice firm but overflowing with kindness “ You’re gonna go to a real hospital with real doctors, and you’re gonna have a healthy baby… and none of us are ever gonna let anything happen to her, You hear me?”
Shauna didn’t trust herself to speak. She just nodded and for a moment, neither of them moved.
Then- in a shocking turn of events, Natalie shifted closer to her- curling into her side as she rested her head gently against Shauna’s shoulder.
Shauna hesitated before leaning into the touch, letting herself take the comfort that Natalie was offering- They never talked about it.
Not really.
But in the quiet of Shauna’s living room, with only the hum of the TV filling the space between them, they didn’t need to.
And maybe that was okay.
December 2004
It was early December by the time Calliope Jacqueline Sadecki made her way into the world- three weeks past her due date, as if she, too, had been hesitant to believe this was really happening.
Shauna was exhausted. More exhausted than she’d ever been in her life, and that was saying something.
Every inch of her body ached, her muscles trembling from strain, her head swimming with fatigue. But even through the exhaustion, through the bone-deep soreness and the quiet murmurs of the hospital room, she couldn’t stop staring at the baby in her arms.
She checked her over again.
And again.
And again.
Tiny fingers, Tiny nose- The rise and fall of her chest-steady, rhythmic. Alive.
Real.
Shauna swallowed hard, her grip tightening around the small, warm body cradled against her “ Jeff “ she whispered, voice hoarse, eyes locked on Callie’s delicate face “ She’s here, right? You- you see her too? “
There was the rustle of movement beside her, Jeff shifting in the stiff hospital chair “Shauna,” he murmured, his exhaustion clear as he reached for her arm “ She’s here and She’s ours “
But Shauna still wasn’t convinced.
Because Shauna heard him crying once too.
Felt the weight of him in her arms, swore she smelled his newborn skin, warm and soft and real- only to wake up to nothing but hunger and grief.
Her chest tightened as panic bubbled up in her throat, shifting Callie slightly to press a shaking hand to her tiny back- feeling for warmth… for movement.
Still breathing.
Still here.
Still alive.
Her breath shuddered out of her, uneven as Callie stirred in her arms. A small scrunched up expression crossed her tiny little face before a wail erupted throughout the room.
Shauna exhaled sharply, a wave of emotions crashing into her all at once- relief, disbelief, fear, love- anything and everything she could ever feel she was feeling right now all at once.
“She’s crying “ she murmured, more to herself than to Jeff.
Her voice shook as a shaky breath left her “ I can hear her crying “
Jeff squeezed her arm again “ Yeah, Shauna- I can hear her too “
Shauna let out a breathless, broken laugh, tears welling in her eyes as she clutched Callie just a little tighter- Jeff’s eyes widening as she reached for the small flip phone on the side table “ You’re seriously calling someone right now? Honey, who do you even have to call?”
She ignored him, rocking Callie gently in her arms. Every cry felt like a stab to the chest- She had to know this was real.
The line rang once, twice-
Static crackled before a familiar voice broke through “ Hello? Shauna?”
Shauna exhaled, her voice barely above a whisper “ Can you hear her crying?” She asked, lowering the phone toward the wailing baby tucked in her arms.
A soft hum, then a quiet laugh “ She’s got strong lungs just like her mom- What’s her name? “
Shauna let out a breath, relief washing over her “ Calliope Jacqueline Sadecki… Callie for short “
Natalie’s voice was gentle “ That’s a beautiful name, Shauna… I told you she’d be okay, didn’t I?”
Shauna nodded, even though Natalie couldn’t see her “ Would I be an asshole if I said I wished you were here? Holding my hand like the first time? “
There was a pause- Then, softly “ No. I don’t think you would be “
Shauna smiled, brushing her fingers over Callie’s tiny hand “ Is Trav there too?”
A shuffle on the other end, then his voice “Hey, How you feeling?”
“Good. Really good “ She hesitated “ How about you?”
Travis let out a small sigh “ I’ve been better…But we’re okay… we’ll be okay “
“ Good… I’m glad- and happy to help, always… no matter how unwilling I sound over the phone “
He laughed “ I know… it’s why I always call “
The line went quiet for a moment
“ I have a baby Travis “ She whispered, still unable to comprehend how Callie was real
“ I know… A beautiful little baby girl “
Shauna sniffled “ Yeah “ voice quiet as she looked down at the tiny human in her arms again
“ Shauna? “
“Yeah?”
“You’re gonna be okay…. And Callie’s gonna be okay “
Shauna sucked in a breath, her eyes blurring with tears “ How do you know that? “ she asked, voice cracking
Travis let out a soft laugh “ Because you’re you, Shauna… You’ll keep her safe “
She pressed her lips together, overwhelmed by the weight of his faith in her because god knows she didn’t have an ounce of it in herself “ Take care of yourself, Travis, okay? And take care of Nat too… Maybe even call me… and not just when Nat takes off “
Travis snorted “ You think you’re gonna have time for chit chat with old friends? “
Shauna groaned “ Shut up and just call me, asshole! I’m trying to be nice “ she quietly exclaimed
His laugh was almost infectious over the phone “ I will…I’ll check in on you, the husband, the baby. Speaking of—have you thought about godparents yet?”
Shauna let out an incredulous snort “ Travis, are you suggesting I leave you with legal custody of my daughter if Jeff and I die?”
From beside her, Jeff sputtered “ Flex? You’re on the phone with FLEX? “
Shauna pulled the phone from her ear. “Jeff! Shut the fuck up! You’re going to disturb the baby- And his name is Travis, don’t be a dick!” She spat, voice low as if she was a mother scolding her child
Natalie’s stifled laughter echoed through the speaker- Shauna could picture her grin, that knowing smirk that said “ you’re gonna be a great mom “- which they both knew was bullshit.
Shauna huffed, bringing the phone back up to her ear “Sorry about that “ she grumbled
“ It’s fine Shauna “
Shauna sighed “ So, is that a no on the whole legal custody of my kid thing?”
Travis laughed “ Yeah, it’s a no… Upon
reconsideration “
Shauna let out a quiet chuckle “ Bye, Travis “
“Bye, Shauna “
A beat of silence. Then-
“You two are cute “ Natalie teased, leaning back in her chair. “Sweet even… When did that happen? “
Shauna hummed, pretending to think “Probably around the third time you took off and he asked me to find you- Funny how the little things bond people “
Natalie raised an eyebrow “ Little things?”
“Mm-hm. Little things like the shared caring for someone- All he ever wants is for me to find you… And that’s all I want too “
Natalie scoffed, shaking her head “ You’re going soft on me, Shipman- Or is it Sadecki now?”
Shauna rolled her eyes “ You know I hate being called either “
“Yeah, I know “ and then Natalie’s voice softened “ You gonna be okay? You’ll go to all your checkups, actually ask for help if you need it? “
Shauna sighed dramatically “ Yes, Mom, I’ll go to all my checkups and ask for help if I need it “
Natalie let out a slow breath “ Good Good…Just making sure you’re properly taken care of this time- I want you to be properly taken care of “ she paused “ And look, I don’t know shit about babies, or how to take care of them, and I’m probably the last person you want around your kid, but… if you need me, I’ll be there “
Something cracked open in Shauna’s chest, something warm and gentle. It was such a Natalie way to offer support- clumsy and unsure but oh so very real and genuine.
“Thanks, Nat “ she murmured “ I’ve got some tests in a few minutes, but I’ll call you when we get home. Let you and Trav know how settling in goes “
Natalie smiled, feeling Travis’s arm wrap around her shoulder “ We’d really like that… Go get your tests done and then REST okay? “
Shauna nodded, even though they couldn’t see her “ Okay… Bye, Nat “
“Bye, Shauna “
As Shauna hung up, she glanced down at Callie, who had finally settled against her chest. She traced a gentle finger over her tiny cheek, whispering “ Maybe we’ll be alright “
And, for the first time, She believed it.