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People rarely spoke of their marks. It was uncommon, now, for those who wore the mark to actually be with their mate so more often than not marks were spoken about in hushed tones in private. Too humiliating to advertise widely.
Penelope was never one to wear her love silently. She was sure it bled out of her whenever Colin walked into a room, when someone mentioned him in a conversation, when his deep blue eyes flicked over to her, innocuously, as he made a joke at breakfast. Penelope assumed it was obvious to everyone – everyone except Colin himself. And maybe Eloise. By the time Penelope’s mark appeared, she had long become used to the fact that it would go unrequited.
In fact, when her mark appeared at age 16, it came with little fanfare. Sometimes, Penelope would lay in bed, her hair fanned out on her pillow as she traced the small tree on her forearm. Both she and Eloise scoured the Bridgerton library to find a meaning behind their marks, but they were too vague to know anything definitively. It was a common problem with marks in today’s society: most people spent their whole lives searching for the person to whom their mark would apply. Penelope did not worry. She did not know what her mark meant, only that it had to mean Colin. There was a certainty to her love that felt comforting, and the certainty with which she knew it to be unrequited had its own comfort as well.
It was burning now, as Penelope stood against the back wall of the dark closet. She was upstairs at Bridgerton House, waiting for whoever was the unlucky classmate who would be expected to meet her in the dark for a kiss. It was a common teenage ritual, though Penelope had no real interest in any of it. She squeezed her arm, still not used to the sensation that seemed at times random (like when she was alone in bed) and at other times, very, very specific (when she watched Colin play a rowdy game of football with his brothers).
The door to the closet swung open and Penelope squinted at the sudden burst of light. Colin was in the doorway, blinking at her dumbly.
“What are you doing?”
Penelope rolled her eyes. Colin was meant to be upstairs in his room, only chaperoning the party in name.
“I’m waiting.”
Colin smiled. “I thought you might be hiding.”
Penelope swallowed, staring at the floor. “Eloise started a game of seven minutes in heaven downstairs but I think they all got too drunk to remember that I was sent up here to… wait.”
“I see,” he grins, stepping past the threshold. “And who was Miss Penelope hoping would open the door?”
You, Penelope’s heart sang, pathetically. She felt her arm pulse and wrapped both of them around her stomach.
“I had no hopes,” she admitted. “Eloise says I need to get my first kiss over with before university but,” she shrugged. “I’m not in a rush.”
“That’s… good,” Colin said, tentatively. She watched his eyes get caught on something on her body and she flushed from head to toe until she realized the pulsing tree on her arm had upgraded to a slight glow. Penelope quickly placed her hands behind her back but Colin was already pushing his way into the closet, closing the door behind him so that it was just the two of them, lit only by the mark on Penelope’s arm.
“Colin–“
“Can I see?” Colin asked, curious. “I didn’t know they could do that.”
Penelope hesitated a moment, unsure if appeasing Colin meant that he was one step closer to figuring it out. The mark. Penelope’s feelings. She reached out her arm and Colin grabbed her wrist gently, holding it up. The glow hummed and brightened, and the light sharpened his cheekbones, darkening his eyes and making him even more impossibly handsome. Penelope could hear her heart beat loudly in her chest but Colin just stared at her arm, moving it as he gazed at her mark.
Those who were born male did not receive marks. It was a controversial and cruel twist of nature but tattoo parlors had been making a killing recreating the marks on those who want to match with their soulmates. Eloise always told Penelope not to feel sorry for them but now, as she watched Colin, she found she did feel sorry for him.
Penelope was very lucky, at the end of the day, even for someone with a mark. She had a certainty of who her mate was and her feelings for him that not many others had.
“Why does it happen?” Colin asked, but his tone gave nothing away. Penelope felt certain that he truly did not know, so she racked her brain to make up a reason.
“Maybe it’s anticipation,” she said finally. Colin’s eyes snapped to hers and she let out an uncomfortable laugh. “For my first kiss.”
“You think one of those boys…” Colin scoffed, shaking his head.
“No, I know,” Penelope answered truthfully. “Anyway, it’s very rare for one’s first kiss to be their mate.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
Colin’s grip on her arm tightened and Penelope became mesmerized by the way the light danced against his wondrous eyes. It was rare for one’s first kiss to be their mate. But what if that was one’s only chance?
“Colin?” Penelope asked, her voice quiet. “Would you– would you kiss me?”
She could see perfectly the way Colin’s eyes widened, lowering her wrist, though not letting go completely.
“Penelope…” his voice was low and unsure.
“I swear I’d never expect anything from it, but no one is coming up those stairs,” she feels Colin’s hand tighten on her wrist. “And I don’t know the next time I’ll be ready.” L
So far, boys had made her feel uncomfortable and unsure. She worried that she would never be able to stomach being with someone other than Colin. She just wanted to know what it was like.
“Please, Colin,” she pleaded, and she saw him deflate, stepping closer to her.
He still did not drop the arm with the mark on it, but his free hand came up to cup her cheek, brushing her hair behind her shoulder. Penelope felt as if she might pass out before he actually kissed her. But she blinked her eyes closed and let him press his lips against hers in a short, chaste kiss.
Penelope pulled away with a gasp, holding her wrist to her chest. The sensation the kiss wrought on her mark was unfamiliar but not unpleasant. Colin’s brows furrowed, leaning forward to make sure she was okay. Before he could, Penelope, suddenly greedy for more and unsure if she’d ever get it again, pressed up on the balls of her feet to kiss Colin again, her mouth open and eager. A part of her expected Colin to gently push her away but instead he placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. Her arm started glowing so ferociously that Penelope could nearly see it with her eyes closed.
They stood there in the closet kissing for what felt like hours but could only have been a minute. Penelope’s arm buzzed, then popped, and she tore herself from Colin’s kiss, her hands still buried in his hair. He looked down at her as if he did not know who she was. He was so gorgeous, lit from the glow of her mark, and she felt grateful for him. Even if she cried herself to sleep tonight, thinking of an impossible world where he might want her too, she’d never want her mate to be anyone else.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I– Thank you, Colin.”
And then the closet door opened and Penelope yanked herself away from Colin, the light coming from her arm quickly dimming to nothing.
“Oh, sorry,” a shocked, glassy-eyed Edwina exclaimed, shutting the door quickly. The glow on Penelope’s arm did not return, and that was how she knew her friend had not moved far from the door.
Penelope tried to remember if she and Colin had even been alone before, if that truly was the reason for the sudden change in her mark, when she felt Colin’s hands tighten on her waist.
“Don’t go out there,” Colin whispered above her. “Not yet.”
Penelope shook her head. The moment was broken and her bravado was gone. She felt suddenly embarrassed for Colin to be found in a closet with her, even if Edwina was her friend. She brushed past him and opened the door. The light filtering in felt harsher than she expected and she thought she might have heard Colin groan in frustration and discontent. She walked away, grabbing Edwina’s hand, and pulling her down the stairs.
“What was that?” Edwina slurred but Penelope could not answer.
“There you are,” Eloise exclaimed, yanking Penelope against her side. “I told Edwina to check the closets for you. The boys here are such pussies, Pen, not a single one worthy of you.”
Penelope laughed out loud, feeling maniacal with adrenaline. There was only one man here who could ever be worthy of her. Penelope just had a hard time imagining a world in which she was worthy of him.
Colin came downstairs then to grab himself a drink, and Penelope caught his gaze drifting to where she was situated on the couch next to Eloise, who was telling a lively story to the small audience gathered around her. When they made eye contact, Colin just nodded at her, tipping his cup, then strolling back upstairs. As if it never happened.
That night, Penelope noticed something new about her mark. She hadn’t known it could change but the evidence was there, clear as day on her arm. Intertwined with the thin branches of the tree was a small bow and arrow. Her skin around the new figure was red and sensitive to the touch.
It was proof, Penelope realized, and she snuggled down into her covers and traced the skin there for a long time.
For the first time in her life, Penelope let herself imagine. For the first time ever, Penelope touched herself to thoughts of Colin – a Colin who wanted her and could have her. Not now, but one day. She was already marked for him, all he had to do was claim her.
And Penelope could wait.