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“God Neil. Don’t tell me you’ve never celebrated your birthday before?” The sheer amount of hope in Nicky’s voice has Neil raising his eyebrows in amusement.
“Fine then, I won’t tell you,” he replies.
Neil can’t deny the joy he feels as the foxes’ groans reverberate around the room, sans the twins of course. It’s only been a few days since winter break ended, bringing all of the foxes back together again. Neil enjoyed his first real Christmas at Abby’s house, a marked improvement from last year’s.
He only caught himself slipping away a few times, overcome not by memories but sensations from the Nest. Water in his hair, the fear of air leaving his lungs, cuts that no longer existed burning across his rib cage.
It drowned him at times, but Andrew had anchored himself at Neil’s side, a steady presence to bring himself back to. Having the rest of the foxes back helps too, now that he’s over the worst of it.
He resolves himself to enjoy the presence of his foxes, too eager to ignore the fact that this will be their last year all together.
They’re all drinking in the girl’s room, a welcome back get together that Nicky and Allison had joined forces to create. Nicky is already three sheets to the wind, evident from his less than tactful approach to Neil’s tragic backstory. Allison is half asleep curled into Renee’s side, and Kevin is losing horrifically to Dan and Matt in some horrible amalgamation of beer pong. Aaron looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, but he stays nursing a beer and occasionally checking his phone.
Neil has Andrew at his side. Neither of them are drinking, which puts a low simmer in his gut that has nothing to do with liquor, and everything to do with the possibilities for later. Their thighs and shoulders are pressed together on the couch, only adding to that comforting warmth beneath his skin.
Neil likes it.
He likes how common this easy affection has become between them, that they’ve chosen to tangle their lives together so tightly.
He watches Dan sink another ping pong ball into a solo cup and smirks as Kevin starts to chug.
Matt speaks up next, “So no Carrie flavored surprises later this month? Because I could really do without seeing you covered in blood. Again.”
Neil snorts, “We should be fine on that front.”
“Would you like to do something on the 19th, Neil? It could be nice to have a positive memory instead,” Surprisingly, or maybe not, it is Renee who asks.
Instinctively, Neil wants to say no. He’s never cared for the 19th of January. Nathaniel Wesninski didn’t celebrate birthdays. Nathaniel Wesninski had no one to celebrate with.
It’s not like birthdays were a thing on the run either, outside of his need to memorize them. Abram had collected birthdays like some people collect stamps.
But Neil Josten, maybe Neil Josten deserves to celebrate the life and people he has now.
“I’m alright Renee,” he says with a soft smile, “Maybe in March if you guys still want to. Not a party or anything- maybe presents?” Neil cringes just thinking about it, but the conversation picks up with gusto.
Andrew huffs next to him, his breath catching on Neil's ear, “You know they'll never let it go now.”
A shiver runs down Neil's spine, he whispers back, “It'll make them happy, and-” Neil shrugs slightly, “Maybe Neil Josten should get to have this.”
He hears more than sees Andrew roll his eyes, “Stop referring to yourself in the third person. I hate it.”
Neil's smile feels too soft for his face, unfamiliar except it isn't really, not anymore. Not after almost a year of his thing with Andrew.
He hears someone coo in the background, and someone else makes gagging sounds. Andrew glares and shoves Neil's face away with his hand.
Neil can't help the laughter that bubbles up in his throat. Drama queens, the lot of them.
~~~
January 19th is a quiet day. Neil goes to class and meets up with Andrew for coffee afterwards. He eats lunch with Matt and Allison in the athlete’s dining hall. There are no surprise parties in dark rooms, no showers of blood pouring out from his locker. They don’t have a game either, but exy will always make Neil’s heart sing.
Later, after Andrew drives them back to the dorms. Neil heads to the roof. He lights a cigarette from his own stash, and he breathes in the mixture of smoke and winter air.
Nathaniel Wesninski was never supposed to survive, and yet here he is, alive, breathing, blood racing through his veins and a heart pumping in his chest. There is a future out in front of him.
He breathes in smoke, listens to the world around him, and lets himself feel.
~~~
Allison is the first one to get to him. She pounces early. It’s the Monday before his birthday, an entire week early is enough that it might not even be considered a birthday present, not really.
“Is this really necessary?”
“Stop complaining and look forward.”
Neil complies with a sigh. Allison’s hands in his hair have become a familiar sensation over the year, though the snip of the scissors still has him flinching a bit.
“You know you’ll have to get someone else to do this for you next year.”
“You say that as if I’m forcing you to cut my hair. Didn’t you drag me in here earlier or am I misremembering?” He drawls.
“Well clearly you’re not going to be the one to take care of the mop on your head. Have you used any of the products I gave you?”
Neil shrugs in response, which leads to Allison cursing. He uses them sometimes, when he remembers, or when Andrew pointedly hands them to him before he showers.
“I’m thinking about growing it out next year anyway,” Allison’s hands still from where they’d been combing back his tidier strands.
She resumes just as quickly, and Neil lets himself sink into the sensation of long nails gently scratching at his scalp, so different from the harsh and yanking grip he felt when he was younger.
“You’d look good growing it out. I’ll have to set it up so that it grows evenly before I leave. You are not allowed to get a mullet while I am gone. Do you understand me?”
“Yes ma’am” He turns just in time to see her nose scrunch up in distaste.
“These looks are wasted on you,” She drops a kiss on his forehead before shoving him from his seat, “Now get out of my sight. Go surprise that horrible boyfriend of yours.”
Neil lets her move him, “Not horrible, and not my boyfriend either.”
Allison sighs, “I’ll get you to admit it one of these days. Mark my words.”
“Not likely,” but Neil still heads straight for Andrew anyway.
The next day Nicky throws a pair of shorts at Neil’s face. They’re blindingly hideous. Neon yellow with the words “oversize load” printed across the ass. They look short and tight enough that wearing them in public would probably get him arrested for public indecency.
He ignores whatever Nicky says when handing them off, probably something embarrassing about his ass, or his relationship. He resolves to keep these away from Andrew so that he can’t burn them before Neil gets in a surprise.
On Wednesday, Matt and Renee surprise him within hours of each other. Renee finds him after their morning practice, pulling him aside in the locker room.
“What’s up?”
Renee’s smile is almost sheepish, “I didn’t quite know what to get you.”
She reaches into her locker, pulling out what looks like a folded blanket, but is actually a giant fluffy hoodie.
Neil feels his eyebrows grow up as she unfolds it completely, “That thing is as big as I am.”
Renee doesn’t laugh at him, but he can hear it in her voice as she speaks, “I asked Andrew for ideas. Apparently, you haven’t been taking a blanket with you when you go to sleep in the bean bag chairs at night.”
Neil blinks at her. He hadn’t realized Andrew had noticed, an idiotic move in the first place. He never grabs a blanket after waking up from a nightmare. Moving himself and the blanket without Andrew waking up as well would be impossible, and he runs warm enough that he only occasionally shivers in the common room at night.
Neil shoots a look at Andrew, who is steadfastly ignoring their conversation in the corner, before turning back to Renee with a quick thank you.
The warmth in Neil’s chest only grows as he realizes Renee confirmed his suspicion. The foxes have figured out a way to celebrate his birthday without it being overwhelming. Neil can’t keep the smile off his face for the rest of the day.
It only grows when Matt is the next one to corner him, a sheet of fox stickers in his hands, “I thought you could decorate your notebooks and binders with them. Your notes were covered in fox doodles last year anyway.”
“Thanks, Matt.” Neil smiles and raises his arms as if asking for a hug.
Matt lights up, wrapping Neil in a bear hug like a blanket before letting go, “Of course, buddy.”
The day after Dan invites him over to her dorm when he knows she should be in class, “Are you skipping Captain?”
She greets him with a scoff, ruffling his hair as she replies, “Some things are worth skipping for. Besides, I have a 3.4 I’ll have you know.”
Neil shrugs her off, “So? What do you have in store for me?”
Dan’s smile is wide and bright as she tells him to close his eyes and put his hands out, “We all promised not to make this formal, but I wanna get your unfiltered reaction to this.”
Neil tucks that tidbit of information away and closes his eyes. He freezes as she places her gift into his hands.
“Dan-” His voice almost breaks, which is embarrassing, but he’s too shell shocked to care.
“Go on, open,” her voice is gentle.
It’s a concept Neil doesn’t understand, even less than the camera cradled between his palms, “This is- this is too much.”
“I saw you looking at the photography electives for next semester. Don’t tell me you want to be using those shitty school cameras?”
Neil shakes his head, “No I wasn’t- I’m not even planning to take the class. I don’t know anything about photography, and the camera is. How much was this?”
Dan waves him off, “Don’t bother trying to pay me back. Randy was all too happy to chip in when she heard what I was planning. And besides, even if you don’t take the class, I need someone to keep up the photo wall, don’t I Vice Cap?”
Neil turns and places the camera carefully on her desk, before wrapping himself around her in a hug. His face is buried in her shoulder as her arms come around him with a laugh. Dan’s love is as fierce as the rest of her, and he feels it tear its way through his chest with relish.
He leaves her dorm with a brand new camera and neck strap to go with it, and a promise to sign up for the class when he gets a chance. He fiddles with it that night, sitting on the couch as Andrew sits by the window, no cigarette in sight.
“Can I take a picture of you?” It comes out without his input, but Andrew barely blinks.
“You can do whatever you want.”
It’s probably not a good photo, but Neil likes how the sun turns Andrew’s hair into a halo. He likes the strong line of Andrew’s side profile, the way his crooked nose juts out just so. He likes that the camera has caught the look he’s giving him, one that could read as apathy if not for the crease around his lips. Mentally, Neil adds a trip to Walmart in his future, it’s a good enough photo to print.
He doesn’t expect anything on Friday. It’s a game day, and an important one no less. The freshmen have fallen in line at least, which is maybe the only birthday gift Neil would’ve wished for.
When they win, Neil doesn’t think he could feel happier than with Kevin’s arm around his shoulders and Andrew’s steady presence at his side. He’s practically beaming in the locker room, an expression only broken when Wymack gently tosses something his way.
Neil catches it in confusion. It’s a fox. A small felt one, with two black beady eyes and connected to a gold ring.
“Turn it around,” Wymack grunts.
Neil looks at its back, taking in the bright white ten embroidered on the back. Neil looks up at his coach and back down at the fox. Up and then back. Up and then back.
“For fuck’s sake kid it’s a key chain not a million dollars. Go take that look somewhere I can’t see it.”
Neil holds the fox tightly, already imagining the way his keys will surround it. Andrew huffs when Neil finally slides into the passenger’s seat, reverently adding his keys to the new ring.
He expects to find a new clubbing outfit laid out for him at the dorm, but instead he finds a shitty crime thriller novel and an Exites gift card. The book has no note, but Neil doesn’t need to use shitty detective skills to figure out who it’s from.
The Exites card comes with familiar handwriting, “I’ve already convinced Andrew to take us. We’ll go when you get back. - K”
Neil reads, a crease to his brow. “Are we going somewhere?”
“Columbia for tonight. Then we have three days to go wherever, Coach already excused us Monday,” Andrew speaks with a shrug, a packed bag already in his hands.
Neil watches as Andrew’s face becomes more impassive as he approaches, except his ears have darkened to a bright pink and his pupils are large enough to swallow him whole.
Neil presses a soft kiss to his lips, gentle and chaste and so unlike them in every way. Except it isn’t. Andrew’s lashes flutter against Neil’s cheek like butterfly wings, and his lips are soft and warm and careful. A hand comes up to cradle his jaw, and Neil sighs at the slow circles Andrew draws into the scars on his face.
Neil pulls back, just enough that they breathe the same air, “Thank you for doing this.”
Andrew says nothing in response. Neil opens his eyes to see Andrew staring right back, a dark well of emotion in his gaze that he’s unable to hide, not like this, not from him. Andrew accepts his gratitude, and it feels a little bit like growth.
“You have five minutes to add whatever shit you want to the bag. Then we’re leaving.” Andrew stomps away, presumably heading for the Maserati, and Neil smiles to himself as he gathers what he needs for their impromptu weekend getaway.
~~~
Neil bribes Andrew with coffee and kisses bright and early the next morning, and they get on the road fast enough to beat traffic. He hands him a map, and Neil takes pleasure in the familiarity of it between his hands. They head south, Georgia is a nice state, one Neil hasn’t spent any substantial time in.
Neil gets Andrew a Gatorade when they stop for gas, and some stupid novelty sunglasses for himself. When they’re back in the car, Andrew hands Neil his favorite brand of protein bar. He stifles a smile in his palm in response.
Andrew drives straight through, and they end up at a beach in no time at all. It’s a small town, charming, and the bed and breakfast Andrew insists upon is leagues better than Neil’s usual taste in accommodation.
Neil snaps photos of everything, enough that he’s sure a few of them will be good enough to show Dan. The rest of the foxes demand updates, and when Neil remembers he sends them a photo of the sunburn Andrew got on his first day.
The tan lines from his armbands are atrocious, but Neil likes getting the chance to slather Andrew’s skin in sunscreen or aloe. He likes that when he laughs at the brightness of Andrew’s skin, so different from the way Neil tans, Andrew shuts him up with a kiss.
Andrew drags him to every ice cream shop within a ten mile radius, which is quite a lot despite the small population, and he always makes fun of him for ordering plain vanilla.
Andrew ranks them all from best to worst, and Neil looks forward to his update after each one.
He breaks Nicky’s booty shorts out on Sunday night. Andrew’s face is a mix of incredulity, anger, and lust, but it’s the third one that eventually wins out.
When Neil Josten wakes up Monday morning, sated and happy, the first thing he notices are the picture frames. There’s about five empty ones covering the night stand, but set so that it would be right in his line of view, is the photo of them from the airport last year, framed.
The arm around his waist pulls him tighter when his breath hitches. Neil wiggles until their chests are pressed together, Andrew squinting up at him with a horrible case of bedhead and sunburned cheeks.
“Did you talk to Dan? To do this? For me?” He knows there’s awe in his voice, reverence, devotion, it seeps out with nothing to stop it. Neil is an overflowing fountain, and Andrew is here, in his arms.
“You’re going to be insufferable about this. Aren’t you.”
Neil’s cheeks hurt from his smile, “I think I’m allowed. It’s my birthday after all.”
Andrew rolls his eyes, but he leans up to press a kiss to his forehead, “Happy Birthday idiot. Now let me go back to sleep.”
Andrew moves him so that they’re once again pressed back to front, his arm a steady weight on his waist, his body a steady line of heat behind him.
Neil closes his eyes, breathes in the salty sea air, and he lets himself feel.