Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The day dragged on in mediocrity. The clicking of keyboards at desks, different phones ringing sporadically, the chatter and laughter from nearby cubicles. It was the same thing as every other day, the same routine, the same gossip. Nothing ever changed.

The only thing that kept Aya Oosawa from nodding off in front of her computer screen was the rhythmic beats playing in her ear. Music has always fueled her energy, for as long as she can remember. It’s the cushion that she falls on when it’s time to escape from the average work environment.

The song comes to an end and Aya can’t help but roll her eyes as the eccentric voice of the radio host interrupts her focus. She doesn’t care to hide her scowl as she turns the volume down. Thankfully, her coworkers aren’t paying any attention to her to comment on the ugly expression.

Before the volume gets too low, something the host says catches her attention…

“-rising artist became a viral internet star, known for their faceless identity and insane talent! This local musician under the alias ‘Me to Her’ is preparing to release their debut album 'Apricity' in just a few more days! Want to learn what ‘Me to Her’ has to offer? Listen to this next song, and if you like what you hear, check out their work on social media. This is ‘Black Smoke.’”

A local? Like in this area? No way…

Aya taps the volume higher as the song begins with guitar. It starts slowly, accompanied by vocals. The production of the song gets progressively more amped as other instruments join in, but the guitar riffs seem to take the center of the music. The tune has a life of its own, a journey through the song. It forms a story the more Aya listens to it - actually, it’s starting to sound a little familiar…

Ah! There’s a clear western rock influence in the production, and the guitar has that perfect classic rock sound! Score!! Aya’s lips stretch into a grin as she nearly bounces in her seat. She has been in desperate need of a new artist to have on repeat. She needs to look them up before she forgets!

Aya lifts her head and takes a glance around her desk space. She checks over her shoulder to make sure the coast is clear before reaching for her purse and slipping her phone out of the pocket. She moves forward, hunching to keep the device out of view as she types the artist’s alias into the search bar.

The song in her ear was coming to an end just as she followed the link to their social media. Perfect timing for her to do some stalking!

Their profile doesn’t have a lot of details. Their bio is just 'musician', there's a peace sign as their profile picture, and they only post every few months. Their most recent post was a formal announcement of their album. However, every other post is a video of this artist playing a cover, occasionally an original, or just a guitar jam.

They never seem to show their face, the camera is almost always angled to their shoulders and below. And they also seemingly have a tendency to be dressed in all black. Their long jet-black hair camouflages with their attire to the point where Aya doesn’t even notice it at first.

The environment changes frequently. Sometimes, a bedroom with band posters, other times a kitchen, and occasionally what looks like a recording studio. Every post gets a good number of views and likes, so they’re definitely not just a nobody. They have what looks like a nice amount of traction.

Aya scrolls slowly through the profile, feeling a surge of excitement as she sees that they cover all of her favorite bands! She quickly does another glance around her cubicle, just to see that she’s still in the clear, before clicking on a video at random.

An original titled ‘The sun that warms my winter heart.’, the caption of this particular video reads. It has a more intimate framing this time. It’s a different angle of the bedroom they film in, like it was propped up somewhere on their bed. Their clothes look slept-in and ruffled. The lighting is from a lamp outside of the shot. It’s like they woke up in the middle of the night and had to set the camera up in a hurry or else the song would slip away into nothing.

The song started much slower than the one on the radio. There was hesitance, right before their vocals accompanied the steady strumming of the guitar. It was pure and raw, no editing or covering up the rasp of sleep that lingered on the vocals.

As she listened, Aya admired the setup of the camera. The posters in the background, the way the light highlighted the subtle contours of their arms, the ink that decorated their arms and led the way to their slender hands that strummed cords on the guitar like it was a natural born talent, the chipped black polish that decorated their nails.

Aya was drawn in, hypnotized by the sound. It felt so personal, like secret promises whispered between lovers. She sighed, propping herself up on her desk and she closed her eyes to truly envelop herself in the music. Then something clicked.

She’s heard this voice before.
This melody was so familiar…

Eyebrows furrowed as her chest tightened, lips pursing into a frown. She opened her eyes and looked down at her phone; as a memory drifted in from the outskirts of her mind.

This person in this video… It couldn’t be…

…

“What? What do you mean you won’t show me?? That’s so unfair!”

Several years earlier, laughter filled that artist’s small bedroom in her childhood home.

Aya was sitting on Mitsuki’s bed, her legs tucked under her as she leaned against the pillows. Her bottom lip was stuck out in a pretty pout as she looked at the dark haired girl across the room. It was her attempt at a puppy eyed plea in order to hear her friend’s rough draft of the song she was working on.

Mitsuki was at her desk, folding up a collection of notebook paper and tucking them into a drawer. She wore a playful grin across her lips as she twirled around to face Aya. She couldn’t help but let out a small snicker at the dramatics she was playing at.

“It’s just not done yet.” Mitsuki explained, rolling towards her bed. “I’m still writing the lyrics, I just... haven’t been able to find the right words to say.”

“Then what do you have so far?”

Her lips pursed together as she sunk back into her chair, her head falling back to look up at her ceiling fan spin. There was the trace of a smirk in the way the corner of her lip tugged as she avoided Aya’s gaze. She pushed her hands in her lap, lifting her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. “I dunno.”

Aya’s puppy eyes dropped and was replaced by an expression of betrayal. Her mouth fell open, aghast by Mitsuki brushing her off. She sat up on the bed and grabbed a pillow from beneath her, using it as a weapon by smacking her with it. “Liar!” She shouted and giggled as she watched Mitsuki helplessly flail away from her assailant.

“Okayy! Stop!” Mitsuki laughed, shielding herself away from the fluffy weapon. “All I have is some chord progressions noted down. Maybe a melody.”

At that admission, Aya withdrew the pillow and set it in her lap, using it as a rest as she leaned forward, a soft hum leaving her lips. “Well, can I hear it?”

There was a beat of silence between them as they stared each other down, both stubbornly unwilling to give up on their own battles. Then Mitsuki sighed in resignation as she reached for her guitar. On the other side of the battlefield, Aya let out a victorious shout.

“Just don’t watch, alright? You’re gonna make me nervous.” She sighed, turning back towards her desk and fishing out one of those papers she tucked away. Positioning the guitar in her arms, she glanced over her shoulder at Aya, who promptly shoved her face into the pillow to make a point.

Turning back and using her notes as reference, Mitsuki began to play with the shaky fingers of a beginner. “So, I’m thinking something like this..”

The soft strumming of music made Aya gasp from within the pillow’s fabric. A soft, gentle tune. Almost like a love song. What kind of song is she writing? She lifted her head ever so slightly to peak at Mitsuki, as the musician began to hum along to the song.

The corners of her lips twitched, admiring the depth of her profile as her face shifted in concentration. The twist of her wrist as her scarred fingers slid over each guitar string. The way her hair fell perfectly out of place, cascading to frame her face, a portrait that Aya wanted to capture forever.

Then the picture vanished once their eyes met and Mitsuki’s hands stalled, her head popping up. “Hey! I told you not to watch!” She swirled her chair away from Aya with a sigh.

“Couldn’t help myself, sorry!” Aya laughed softly. “I really like it.”

Mitsuki was already putting her guitar down and tucking her notes back into a drawer. “I’m glad, I want this one to be special…” She looked back at Aya. “You’ll be the first one to hear it when it’s done. I promise.”

That day that it was finished never came… Until now, apparently, but even then, that promise wasn’t kept. Much like so many others, but it doesn’t make sense to feel hurt now when it’s been years since they’ve even spoken to each other.

“Um, Oosawa?”

Aya felt her entire body jump as she suddenly heard a voice behind her. She dropped her phone on her desk and turned around, wide eyes and a little shaken. “Huh, what?”

One of the girls from the desk next to her was standing over her. It was Miko - she’s been working with Aya for a while now; they talked on a pretty regular basis. She tilted her head and stepped back, holding her hands up to show she meant to harm. “You were totally spaced out just now. You okay?”

“Ah, yeah, sorry to worry. I’m alright, I just got lost in thought, I guess.” Aya explained, letting out a sigh as she picked her phone off her desk and tucked it into her purse. She silently scolded herself for letting herself get distracted like that at work. She made up a half-hearted excuse. “Trying to figure out what I’m going to have for dinner, that’s all.”

Miko nodded as her eyes followed Aya’s movements. She stepped towards her and offered a comforting touch, squeezing her shoulder with an unspoken understanding. “It’s been a long week. Thank god it’s Friday, right?”

Pausing for a short moment, she then continued, “Also, Nanako was inviting me and some of the other girls out tonight for food and drinks-do you wanna come?”

The idea sounded tempting, using the opportunity to drown her heartache in drinks while listening to meaningless gossip. “I wouldn’t want to impose…” Aya replied with a small smile.

“No, no, I insist! Come along, we might even stop at a karaoke bar!” Miko grinned, taking note of Aya's interest.

Her shoulders slumped and she fell back against her chair. “Fine, fine, I’ll come… You got me!”

“Woo! I’ll let the girls know, and we’ll see you later!”

…

It was a few hours later that Aya was walking down one of the downtown streets with a gaggle of office girls. None of them went home to change, just refreshed their makeup and headed out in their business casual attire.

The girls were talking about nothing of interest to Aya. It was mostly about the latest drama at work, the who did what with who. Or the stories like ‘you wouldn’t believe what this lady at the grocery store said to me yesterday!’ Or the offhand comment ‘I’m thinking of learning how to bake.’

It was all background noise as Aya followed the group in whatever direction they decided to go. Her mind was elsewhere. Thinking about the music they played on the radio. That artist; Me to Her…. Mitsuki Koga.

It’s been nearly a decade since she’s seen her face, but that name never failed to make her heart skip a beat. Her life has moved forward... past the day that everything changed.

..She’d thought she’d heal with time, but there’s always that passing thought. That curiosity that lingered in the back of her mind. What happened? Where was Mitsuki now? Was she okay?

With the announcement of this album, it seems some of her questions have been answered. But there were so many unresolved feelings that it didn’t sit right within Aya. She wanted to know the how’s and the why’s of Mitsuki- a lot more than she wanted to hear about her coworkers learning if they’re any good at baking.

Letting out a sigh, she looked away from the group and registered the area they were walking through. It’s immediately recognizable. She used to come this way all the time. Specifically, to visit the record shop, the only place that sold her taste in music… Mitsuki’s old work. Right, of course, more reminders…

Aya has become a less frequent customer than how she used to be. It’s been years, she’s been busy doing her thing, and besides going in when Joe is at the counter means it’s more likely that they’ll fall in an awkward unwanted conversation where she’ll have to ask about Mitsuki and feel heartbroken all over again! Neither Joe or her would want that.

So, in order to avoid her problems, she’s visited less and less over the past few years.

But today, as the group passes the record shop, new decor posted outside catches Aya’s attention. A poster advertising ‘Me to Her’ and her upcoming album is stuck to the window. There’s actually like four in different spots. In case you missed the first one probably. She slows to a stop, falling away from the group as she looks up at one of them.

Of course Joe would promote Mitsuki’s music, they’ve always been each other’s biggest supporters. That could never change no matter the distance.

On the poster, there’s a date from a week from now along with a time. ‘Release party with live performance by ‘Me to Her,’ stop buy and get a signed CD.’

Live performance…? No way, does that mean…?

There’s movement past the poster through the window. The glass is aged and dingy so it’s difficult to make out the details of the inside.

Aya moves forward, peering through the window as her eyes slowly adjust and is able to make out two figures at the check-out counter along with larger boxes stacked nearby and on top of the counter.

She sees Joe, talking animatedly to the other person. He laughs at something and leans across the counter, reaching for the top of their head. They raise their hands up to block Joe’s attempts, side stepping and ducking their head. Huh? They seem real close.

Joe predicts their next defensive move and counters it by wrapping an arm around their shoulder and pulling them back to trap them. With them trapped in his hold, he successfully ruffles their long hair.

Once they escape, Aya is able to get a better look at them. The resemblance to Joe is undeniable even through the blurry glass. Time has changed everything, but Aya can still see her.

She can still remember the feeling of walking by and checking to see if they were working that day so she could linger around the front counter, waiting for the chance to talk. Before they really knew each other, and she’d do it even when they were close.

A similar feeling comes over her, seeing the person she once felt the closest to in her youth standing in that record shop today. A lump forms in her throat, the muscles in her arms and shoulders tense, her heart begins to thump harder and louder against her chest.

What am I doing? She asks herself, unable to pull herself from the window and catch up with her friends. Why am I here? Why is she here? She releases the breath she feels like she’s been holding, ripping her eyes from the ghost in the store. She doesn't know what to do so she looks down at her feet. Her mind is racing, emotions bubbling behind her eyes, and she feels frozen.

...Just walk away. You’re going to freak everyone out acting like this.

Taking a deep breath, Aya pushes everything she feels back down. It doesn’t matter that Mitsuki Koga is back in town, only a wall away from her. They haven't spoken since she left 8 years ago. It doesn’t matter.

Aya looks back up, taking one last look through the window and is once again frozen. Both Joe and Mitsuki are looking towards her in the window, so it seems that her cover is blown, and actually everything matters right now, more than anything else ever has.

Mitsuki and her locked eyes through the blurry tinted window. She can feel familiarity in those piercing eyes. She knows that look and by the way their stoic expression drops, she knows hers too.

In a matter of seconds, Aya is torn away by the window by Miko pulling on her arm. She can hear her coworker’s voice, but she can't make out what the woman says. All Aya can sputter out as she’s rushed to catch up with the group is a weak apology.

She is in a daze. All she can think of is Mitsuki’s return. The record shop, the profile, the songs, the new album. Then the unanswered calls, the unopened messages, the unannounced departure, the broken promises.

It wasn’t soon after graduation that Mitsuki had left without telling anybody. She had kept her plans after school tucked away in the back of her mind as they were shaky and uncertain. While everyone was stressing about their application statuses, she stayed quiet.

Aya remembers that day so clearly. Standing outside of Mitsuki’s house - the way she was pounding on the front door was so unladylike, you’d have assumed that she was in some kind of danger. She had her phone in one hand, repeatedly pressing the call button but none of them were being answered.

It had been a full week without Mitsuki answering her… It wasn’t unnatural for the girl to hole away in her room, but she would never just ignore Aya’s attempts to reach out.

Aya just couldn’t wrap her head around this… Did she do something wrong by Mitsuki? Is she just avoiding her? Or did something bad happen to her? Maybe she should call the police? Would that be too much? She’s been knocking for so long, something must have happened.

Suddenly, the door finally opens and Aya gasps, ready to jump for joy. “Ah! Joe! Is Koga home? She hasn’t answered any of my calls!”

Then she pauses, stepping back as she notices the man’s features are looking more sunken in than normal. His softening eyes are drooping, caught by the dark bags that have deepened beneath them. His lips are tugged into a frown.

“Oosawa? Didn’t Mitsuki tell you?” He begins then grimaces when he sees Aya’s clueless expression. “It’s no wonder, I thought for sure you’d come to see her off... She’s gone.”

“Huh?”

Joe continues, leaning against the doorframe. “I tried to convince her not to go, I did everything in my power, but she made her decision. “ He sighs, rubbing his face. “Kanna will be looking out for her in America for now. Maybe I should have gone too, I don’t know.”

“America…?” Aya repeats. She feels dizzy, like the floor just dropped from under her. “Why didn’t she…” Her voice is coming out shaky. “I thought we were…” Her stomach twists. She feels sick. “We were supposed to…” Her chest squeezes. It’s suffocating.

What did she do? What did Aya do that made Mitsuki leave the country without telling her? What could she have done differently to avoid this?

“Look, I don’t know, kid…” Joe says, raising a hand to Aya, offering her some kind of solace. “I don’t know what my niece is thinking right now. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

Aya steps away from Joe, unable to stop herself as her eyes begin to tear up. She manages a small response before taking her leave.

Confused, sad, mad, conflicted. The further she is from Mitsuki’s home, the harder it is to breathe. Part of her tries to hold onto the hope that one day out of the blue, Mitsuki will return or reach out to her. Hope that maybe it’ll just be a couple of hours before Mitsuki texts her, and gives her some kind of explanation. Hope that she still means something to the other girl.

But that day never came. For several years.

“Oosawa, I need to know!”

Sitting in a restaurant at a larger than necessary table, Aya is knocked out of her daze once again by these yappy office ladies. Nanako, the head girl of their group, is reaching over the table to grab Aya’s wrist.

Somehow managing to keep her composure in this setting, Aya lifts her head and hums, leaning a little closer to hear what the other lady has to say.

“How do you not have a boyfriend yet? Like, you’re so pretty. I’m so jealous, I wish I had your hair color. You just need to grow it out and it'll literally be perfect!"

Oh. She sinks in her seat a little, but manages a smile. “Ah, thank you. I’m just not really interested in dating, you know?”

Nanako rolls her eyes with a laugh. “Oh my God, that’s what they always say! Come on, tell me what your type is! Let me set you up, I have so many single friends!”

“No, no, that’s okay. I’m not really interested in-”

Another girl chimes in. “I think a blind date would be perfect for you, to be honest! Have you ever been on one? They’re lots of fun.”

“No, I don’t really want to-”

Nanako gasps loudly, tapping Aya’s hand with excitement. “I know the perfect guy for you, actually! He’s so sweet, and is actually pretty cute when you look at him from a certain angle. You’ve gotta meet him, Oosawa!”

Words of refusal failed to come out from behind Aya’s lips, knowing there was no way they were even listening to her. She manages a small smile in an attempt to be polite as she shrugs her shoulders. Nanako continues to drone on and on about this guy, and she couldn’t care less.

She’s never had any interest in an actual guy, and she wasn’t going to start now.
It took her a long time to come to terms with the fact that there is an actual reason for that. It’s something that’s weighed on her for years.

All of her thoughts go unspoken as she pulls her drink closer and takes a long sip from the straw. It was going to be a long night…