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“A warning, before you go any further…”
You stop and decide to pretend that you have never heard this warning before. Because you definitely haven’t. You are definitely a normal bird, with normal perceptions of time and space, and are completely mortal, to boot. And you’ve definitely never met a beautiful Princess before. Nuh uh.
“She will lie, she will cheat, and she will do everything in her power to stop you from slaying her. Don’t believe a word she says.”
Ahhh, yes. Of course. You nod solemnly. Very important warning. Mhm. You’re definitely going to take it seriously.
“If only you knew what you did to us, you villain.”
Oh, god. No.
“Excuse me?”
Uhhhhhhhhhhh-
“Forget he said anything,” the Hero assures. Thank god.
“But He is a villain. He made our beloved brutally take our life last time. He’s trying to keep us apart, but He won’t be able to withstand the power of our love!” No, dammit. If only you could wrangle creatures that only existed in your own mind.
“Last time? What are you talking about?”
“I think he just likes to hear the sound of his own voice. Let’s try to ignore him.” The Hero speaks too quickly. You both know it wouldn’t convince anyone.
But, well. The Smitten keeps digging that grave. “I do,” you try not to laugh, despite yourself, “but I also speak from the heart. My passions are too great to be stifled, they must be expressed!”
“Sure, yeah, your passions are strong and all, but not everyone needs to hear them…? Some things are better kept quiet… ”
“Don’t pay their bickering any mind. Focus on the task ahead.”
Yes! What a good idea, Mr. The Narrator. Haha. Yes. No giving away of the game here. You’re so good at this. You stride up into the cabin about the same as the way you had last time-- you hope so, at least.
But your false confidence is immediately shattered the moment you open the door.
It’s different. Why did it have to be different?
“The interior of the cabin is clean and elegant, its stone walls draped in fine-threaded tapestries, a prison befitting a royal prisoner. The only furniture of note is an ornate wooden table with a pristine blade perched on its edge.”
Uh-huh. Yep. You had no complaints. That was a perfectly adequate description. Mhm. Nothing to bring to His attention.
“The blade is your implement. You’ll need it if you want to do this right.”
…Maaaybe you should take the blade this time. Just… you know. To make things easier. Just in case. Yeahhhhh. And to keep the Narrator’s suspicions at bay.
“You take the blade from the table. It would be difficult to slay the Princess and save the world without a weapon.”
And you flinch, as the Smitten starts talking again. “I suppose if we’re to play the role of dashing knight, we need an equally dashing sword. That way she’ll know we can defend her from her enemies.”
And the Hero doesn’t help you this time! “Hopefully it doesn’t put her on edge.”
Now both of them were giving your intentions away. Gah.
“There’s no use arguing over motivations right now. It’s good that you took the blade. You’ll need it to do your job.” And thankfully, the Narrator wasn’t paying them too much mind. Whew.
There’s a mirror on the wall that he failed to notice. But you’re not trying to tip him off that anything is wrong about this, so you ignore it and head for the basement instead.
“The door to the basement creaks open, revealing an intricate stairwell. Gold-trimmed carpet glimmers in the light of the torches positioned along the walls. The basement almost seems welcoming in the dim firelight. But it’s still a stone basement. If the Princess lives here, slaying her is probably doing her a favor.”
Honestly, it’s actually quite pleasant. For a basement. Warmer than you would think a stone basement would be…
…A lot warmer than last time.
“A soft voice carries up the stairs.”
“H-Hello? Is someone there?”
She’s different too ?!
“Her voice… it’s somehow even more beautiful than last time. I think we’re in love.” You agree-
“Okay, I’m with you that we should be doing whatever we can to save her, but saying we’re in love is a bit much, don’t you think? We don’t even know the Princess. We can still do right by her without all this… fawning.”
You are too embarrassed to contribute.
“Yes, for everyone’s sake, you’re not in love.” The Narrator sighs. “Just remember that her charms are all part of the manipulation.”
Mhm. Yep. You continue without clueing them into your real thoughts, no matter how difficult it is.
“You walk down the stairs and lock eyes with the Princess. There’s-” Oh, god, oh, no, she’s even prettier than she was last time. Oh, shit. You can’t do this. Your feathers fluff up uncontrollably. Your whole cover has been blown. “-a heavy chain around her wrist, binding her to the far wall.”
Her hair is wavier and prettier. Her smile is cuter. Her dress is even more ruffled. And speaking of her dress--
“My love! We’re here to rescue you from your unjust and foul imprisonment!” Smitten says it better than you could have.
The Narrator, incredulous, responds, “You know she can’t hear you, right?”
“She may not be able to hear my words, but surely, she can hear my spirit.”
“Oh, your spirit’s plenty loud, alright…”
You are able to ignore them with the power of the Princess’ soft, gorgeous voice. “It’s you! My dashing hero! I was so worried you wouldn’t come back.”
You try to control your rebellious feathers. The Smitten swells with pride. “Did you hear that? She said we’re dashing!”
And of course-- “And she called us a hero!” Of course the Hero would like being called a hero. But, you know. You do too.
“Flattery really goes a long way with the two of you, doesn’t it?” The Narrator said ‘two’. Okay. Okay, you’re good. Your cover has not been blown. Whew. Oh, man. You’re safe.
But the Narrator’s suspicion isn’t exactly a threat you’re safe from yet. “‘Waiting for you to come back?’ You’ve been here before, haven’t you?”
“That’s right, villain. And you killed us.”
Ah. Haha. Oh. No, you are screwed.
“Well… she killed us,” the Hero defends.
“Only because he made us try and kill her! It was self-defense. Our beloved’s hands remain unstained by cruelty.”
“And you’ve died before. So an entire world has been damned to oblivion. I’d really hoped I’d be the first… but what’s done is done. What matters is you have a chance to do it right this time.”
….What.
The Hero voices your confusion for you. “We… damned a whole world? But everything reset.”
“Nothing ‘resets’. You’re just somewhere else, and you can’t keep hopping between worlds forever. Especially not without leaving a trail of incomprehensible devastation behind you.” He sighs. “This is horrible.”
You decide to put this out of your mind. It doesn’t matter-- it doesn’t matter if he’s even telling the truth, because you have a princess with beautiful curly hair and big doe eyes and-- You clear your throat and try to make yourself seem like a presentable bird for her. “I’m sorry about what happened last time. The Narrator who sent me here to kill you took over my body. It was extremely unfair.”
The Narrator immediately leaps to his own defense. “If another version of me was pushed to such drastic action, it was for good reason!”
She smiled brightly and even shut her eyes, chirping like a little bird, “That’s okay! You were just doing your best, and that’s all that matters.”
You think it's adorable, but the Hero is unnerved. “She took that in stride. To a surprising extent. An almost unsettling extent, actually.”
“That’s because she’s perfect!” says the Smitten, only, you don’t agree with that either. Surely nobody could be perfect.
“Do you think she has someone like Him telling her what to do?” asks the Hero.
“She doesn’t. There’s no one else like me,” says the… man? Voice? Himself.
The Smitten is all too happy to jump on that. “I think He’s right. Because I like it better if she doesn’t have some horrid little voice like Him, always trying to drive her to violence.”
Well, you can’t say you entirely disagree. You can’t say the experience you’ve had with a
murder-inclined hitchhiker has been fun.
Still, you have a burning question for her. “I have to ask… did you end the world after you killed me back there?”
You regret asking her almost immediately. There’s fear in her eyes. “I don’t know. Was I supposed to have ended the world? Would that have made you happy?”
The Smitten doesn’t seem to notice. “Isn’t that just like our darling Princess? She wants to make us happy! My heart melts further with every word that passes through her beautiful lips.”
But the Narrator is incredulous again. “Are you listening to her? That’s a confession!”
No, it really wasn’t. She was scared and worried , not scared and defensive. She genuinely didn’t know what you wanted from her. You couldn’t blame her, she must have been terrified from last time.
But you don’t say anything.
“The Princess’ eyes quiver as she waits for your response.”
You feel like you’re about to cry, inflicting the stress of deciding what you would want to hear on her. She looks like she’s about to burst into tears. But she eventually fixes a soft smile onto her face and tries a meager, “I… didn’t? End the world?”
Your relief must have been palpable, because she visibly relaxes.
“I didn’t end the world!”, she restated, as confident and peppy as before.
The Narrator would be throttling you if He could. “She’s clearly just saying what she thinks you want to hear.”
“Or she’s innocent. How could a beauty like her be capable of ending the world? It’s not rational!”
I’m sure she’s capable of anything she could ever want to do, you sigh at them. And then you realize what you’ve done.
“Oh, no. Not you too!”
… Okay, yes, me too, but--
You sigh out loud. The Princess looks a little confused.
I’ve heard enough. We’re going to rescue her.
The Narrator is about to have an aneurysm. “Rescue her? What are you talking about ? Did you forget that she’s a world-ending monstrosity? And even if you wanted to unleash her onto the world, despite the complete moral disaster that would be, you’d have to get her out of those chains. Good luck with that!”
The Smitten does not care. “Don’t you see how dainty her hands are? We’ll be able to slip her out with ease.”
“No! She’s a prisoner here. You can’t just slip her hand through the chains!”
The Hero provides a rational argument, but not one you’re particularly worried about. “If her hands could just slip out of the chains, why hasn’t she done it already?”
“Because we’ve yet to present her with her freedom.”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
The Smitten swells. The gesture almost feels like he would be placing a hand over his chest, if he had a body to do so with. “Would you rather believe me, a passionate heart guided by love and my own good nature, or would you rather believe the devil on your shoulder who tells you what you can and cannot do?”
“I think I’d rather believe in facts.”
“Ah, so you’re one of those empiricists. ”
The Hero gives you a nudge. “ One of us has to be.”
Ouch.
“Then let me show you a brand new truth. Narrator!” The Narrator’s presence over your mind startles, somehow. “We courageously step forward and free our beloved from her bindings.”
“No. I can’t let you do that. If you take another step towards the Princess, I’ll-”
You and the Hero remember what happened last time. He voices the dig. “You’ll what? Take over our body and force us to try and kill her?”
“Yes.”
The Smitten immediately claims, “Not on my watch, villain! My passions contain titanic depths, and if you try anything that might harm our dearest I will end our life without a second thought.”
Whoa, whoa. Hold on! We can’t do that to her again!
“You wouldn’t. ”
“I would!”
“I’d listen to him if I were you. He has a lot of strong feelings. And doesn’t the world end if we don’t stop her?” says the Hero.
The Narrator’s sigh is loud enough to rattle the Hero. But not the Smitten. He stays staunchly where he is in your mind. “You approach the Princess and gingerly slide her hand from her bindings. That… shouldn’t have worked. I’ll be damned. We’re doomed.”
The Hero sighs, “I can’t believe it. But I guess I have to.”
The Smitten swells again. “I told you! There’s no life more worth living than that of a true believer.”
The Princess, at least, is ecstatic. “I’m free! And you’re not trying to kill me this time! Thank you, thank you so much!”
The Narrator starts before you can describe it to yourself, with, “The Princess jumps up and smothers you in a joyful embrace. Eugh. Are you sure you want to do this? Just one slip of the wrist and your pristine blade is buried in her back, and everyone out there is saved.”
The Hero does not take the Narrator seriously anymore. You aren’t sure you are, either. “Is that a threat?”
The Smitten’s satisfaction has started to squish the Hero’s presence. “You know what we’ll do if you try it.” The Hero pretends he is not bothered by this.
Can none of you try anything, please?
The Narrator remains vague. “You’re going to regret this.” You doubt it.
The Princess backs away and lets you have your personal space back. You didn’t mind the hug, though. You honestly would have liked more… “...What do we do now?” she asks.
This… feels too easy.
“Oh, too easy? Too easy ?” The Narrator is absolutely done. Exhaustion and anger fuse into some fiendishly false upbeat tone. “Oh, you’re about to end the whole world and your complaint is that it’s easy ? Poor thing. Poor you. You know what? You’re going to regret saying that.”
The sound of rifling through papers. You start to think you might have made a grave mistake.
“I dare you to try it, villain!”
“You don’t have to dare me. Now where were we?” An indication to move on and let Him do whatever He’s doing. You have a very bad feeling about this.
The Princess is worried, about to say something. You start first, holding her hand while you try not to let the Narrator’s scheming get to you.
“What do you want to do?” you ask her.
“Let me guess. ‘End the world?’” He says, though his tone is a bit distracted, like He’s still working on whatever you sparked.
“Spoken with the rank cynicism of someone who has never felt love in His heart,” accuses the Smitten. The Hero cannot breathe, but he doesn’t seem to need to.
The Princess’ smile falters. “I… don’t actually know. Nobody’s ever asked me what I’ve wanted before.”
The Hero squirms out from under where the Smitten has him pinned to point out, “She doesn’t even know what she wants. You may have had her all wrong. What if this whole thing is just a misunderstanding? What if she doesn’t want to end the world?”
“You’re so gullible. ” The statement drips out of the Narrator like blood from a stab wound. “Is the only thing you’ve ever doubted the actual truth?”
The Princess’s response distracts you from their squabble. “I think I want to leave? And I think…”
“The Princess closes her eyes in deep reflection. And then, she shrugs.”
“I dunno. What do you want to do?” she asks.
You exhale softly. Not quite a sigh, no. That would imply you were annoyed with that answer. It was a fine answer, really. “If you want to leave, then let’s leave.”
“That sounds perfect!”
But then the Narrator’s voice gains a sinister, mocking tone. “And so, you and the Princess turn around together, hand-in-hand , only, the stairs are gone. Instead, there’s a stone archway, leading to a long, dark hall.”
“...When… did that get there?” you ask out loud. You hold the pristine blade in your other hand tighter.
“I… don’t know.” The Princess is worried.
“Let’s see whether this is easy for you.”
That’s not a good sign. Still… it’s the only way out. You bring the princess behind you, holding your blade out in front of you, venturing into the dark as bravely as you can manage. The Smitten and the Hero both cheer you on, in their own ways.
But it meant nothing to what the Narrator had planned. “As you and the Princess step into the hall, you are interrupted by an onslaught of arrows, from both sides of the hall.”
“Uh, run ?!” The Hero cries.
You squeeze her hand and pull her along with you, sprinting as fast as you can and hoping she can keep up with you. Even then, you are pierced by multiple arrows, the Narrator dutifully narrating the impact of each and every one into your skin. From her cries, you think the Princess might have been too.
But eventually, the Narrator cries “No!” as you duck behind a corner-- a new, long hallway approaches itself. He groans and whines about your escape a little, but quickly collects himself as you and her catch your breaths. “Don’t you worry. I’m just getting started.”
Suddenly, you have the urge to take the Princess and run back to the basement, hoping for no arrows on the return trip. You know. Maybe you’d be safe in there. Haha. Yeah, you could just stay there, no need to bother with these traps.
But she squeezes your hand back with such resolve… you smile at her, as best you can, and continue onwards through the new hallway.
That sure was easy, Mr. The Narrator…
“Oh, sure, sure. Get comfortable now, because you won’t be soon enough!”
The Smitten laughs. “Hah! You’ve already shown us that you have no power here, villain! A few arrows could never be enough to stem the flow of our--”
And then the Narrator cuts him off, much to his chagrin. “The sound of a chain, creaking, interrupts your errant thoughts. You and the Princess both turn to look at what caused it.”
And you do. And you wish you hadn’t said anything.
“Well, would you look at that? It’s a boulder, swinging from a chain that is obviously too frail to hold it.”
You squeeze her hand tighter, noticing how she flinches-- her arm has been struck by an arrow-- and whisper, “We need to get ready to run again.”
“The chain snaps and the boulder drops onto the incline, ready to crush you the moment it reaches you. Have fun.”
The Hero panics. You almost do too.
But you focus, and you help the Princess when she stumbles on the rough cobblestone floor, and--
“You and the Princess run as fast as you can, and-- you turn a corner into another hallway that is too small for the boulder?! Who is doing this ?!”
The Smitten cheers. His pride swells in your head. Hm, you could never guess who. It would be a mystery forever.
“What. Ever. I’ve still got more!”
He’s starting to sound desperate, though.
The next turn of a corner greets you with, “A doorway obscured by a steady stream of fire. Guess you two aren’t going anywhere!”
You can see the mechanism of the trap in the wall. It looks complicated-- something that you’d need to pry open and look at for quite a while before you could figure out how to disable it. You turn to the Princess, though, just in case. “Do you have any ideas?” you ask.
She observes the trap, too. “I could try…?”
You hand her the blade, to give her another tool. She burns herself almost immediately, to the Smitten’s anguished cry, attempting to use the blade to block the flow of flames. You rush towards her as fast as you can and hold her burnt hands-- still desperately clutching the blade-- in yours. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
“No, I can… I can do it!” she insists. She pulls away and heads back to the trap.
The Smitten sighs dreamily. “That’s our Princess… willing to push through any obstacle just for us…”
The Hero motions as if he’s shaking his head. Still, he wouldn’t be able to deny his own growing affection for her-- you feel like he might be smiling, but worried about her.
“...And she disarms the trap with one good thrust of the blade. Unbelievable.”
The Princess beams and hands the blade back to you. “I did it!”
“You did it!” You agree. You could spin her around and kiss her, but you really want to make sure she’ll be okay, with her burnt hands. You try to hold her gently, but she squeezes your hand the way she had before, anyhow.
The next trap was a pit of spikes, which lasted only a moment, because-- “And… you… take the Princess by the hand and leap over the spikes. That’s just great.”
You and the Princess snicker. “Whoever put all these traps here really must have thought we’d be too dumb to think of jumping,” you comment. She nods and giggles more. The Smitten swoons.
“Alright. Fine. I’ve got one last trick up my sleeve. Prepare yourself.”
“We will!”
Yeah, we-
And then you freeze. In the center of the room you’ve entered lays some kind of mechanism-- less lays and more stands taller than you. It has a massive sword, and it’s blocking the giant stone door behind it.
“An automaton with no face holds a long sword with a golden hilt. Your pristine blade pales in comparison to the size of it.” Okay, you think you got that much from your own eyes.
“How am I even supposed to get close enough to disarm it when my blade is so much smaller?” you ask nobody.
“I think your blade is a normal size,” says the Princess.
You had only been thinking of the reach, but it’s nice to hear. “Oh, thank you.”
“The size of our blade doesn’t matter! What truly matters is the size of our will to protect and serve the Princess!” professes the Smitten.
The Princess places both of her hands on your wrist before you approach it. “You can do it! I believe in you.” She smiles.
You can feel your heart melting. But you need to focus! You have a battle to win! Even if you aren’t even sure if the machine can see you, let alone effectively fight you.
You step forward and the thing moves with such speed that you nearly lose your head, all narrated by Him.
It can definitely see you.
“Whoa! Holy shit, that thing’s fast!” The Hero pretends he is not hiding behind the Smitten.
Yeah, I know-- It swipes at you again before you can finish your thought. The Princess gasps, but it only manages to graze your arm.
“We can do this. For her. And for our future together.” The Smitten places the weight of his love and passion on you. Something changes, all of a sudden. You can see the flaws of the machine-- how it’s cold, calculated exterior has little faults and you wonder if it’s the Smitten’s perception doing this.
Well, no matter. You have the power of love on your side, something the Narrator couldn’t possibly understand! You rush forward, find the opening, and--
“You… effortlessly cut off the automaton’s hand. I…. I can’t do this anymore…” says the Narrator as you step back, out of the range of its hands, and marvel at how easy that was.
The Princess rushes to your side and holds your shoulder. “Wow! That was so cool!”
“Th-thanks!” you blurt. You hold her hand yet again and bring the two of you beyond the automaton, to--
“And you’ve now arrived at a large stone-- no, no, no!”
You can’t stop us now. You place both of your hands on the door, and you--
“You know what? Fine. You try to open the door, but oh, would you look at that-- it doesn’t budge .”
“We can do it! For her! Just push harder!” the Smitten cries.
“We can’t let Him stop us now, not after all that,” agrees the Hero.
You try again, but not even the influence of both your Voices can help you.
“Need I remind you that the door is too heavy for you to open by yourself!”
You turn to the Princess. “I think if we both push at once, we can do it together.”
“Okay! Yeah!”
And the door…
Opens.
“I quit. I’m done.”
A sudden blip. A shroud over your mind, gone in an instant.
“He’s actually gone,” marvels the Hero.
Good riddance.
And you are finally back in the cabin. It feels like eons since you’ve been here…
“There’s just one more thing left,” says the Princess. She is tired, but she smiles anyhow. “I’m so happy we’re finally leaving together.”
You cannot think of anything else to do. You let the blade slip from your hand and hold both of her hands in yours. “Me, too.”
And out the door you go, back to the woods that you saw so, so long ago. The fresh air… her smiles…
Even with her burned hands and the arrows in her arms, she looks so beautiful…
But then you begin to hear something. A whispering, maybe. Something fuzzy at the edges of your vision. She turns around and tilts her head.
“I’m cold. Is being happy supposed to be so cold?”