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It was March 25th. Sana was splayed out on her bed, the same way she had been for the past two weeks. It was muffled, but she could hear her name being called from her front door. She couldn’t bring herself to get up.
“Sana!” The shouting continued.
“Sana! Open up the door— c’mon!” There was more, but the words were hardly audible.
Eventually, after insistent knocking and shouting coming from the other side of her apartment’s door, she got up to open it.
On the other side stood her very angry friend, Nayeon.
“What the hell Sana?” Nayeon wasted no time entering the apartment, walking right past Sana to place the takeout she had just bought onto the kitchen counter. “What’d I tell you?” She said before turning around to scold the younger girl. Sana just stood there with her gaze towards the ground.
“Well?” Nayeon continued, but Sana had nothing to say.
Nayeon rolled her eyes, letting out a sigh, but her shoulders had fallen and her gaze had settled to something softer. “You haven’t been eating, have you?” She asked, Sana silently shook her head. The older girl let out another sigh, this one sounding more defeated than anything. “Look, I know you’re going through a lot right now. We all are, but you still have to take care of yourself.” She stated.
Yeah, they were all taking things pretty hard. But it wasn’t the same. It was different for Sana. No one could understand what she was going through. So, so many thoughts were running through her head as she stood in front of her friend.
“She wouldn’t want you to be miserable like this, would she?” Finally, Sana looked up after hearing Nayeon’s words.
No. She wouldn’t want Sana to be miserable, but how could she not be?
For a moment it was silent. Nayeon could tell Sana was thinking about a lot. “Let’s eat, yeah?” She said as she began opening the food she’d brought over.
It had been just over two weeks since the accident. Almost everyone in their circle got the news immediately. Sana taking it the hardest, everyone was devastated, of course. But for Sana, her whole world had come crashing down. Her friends tried to get in contact with her, but Nayeon knew that she’d have to do the absolute most to get through to Sana. So, for the past two weeks Nayeon has made it her job to make sure her friend doesn’t die. Two days after the accident, Nayeon showed up at her apartment and practically broke in. There, she found Sana curled up in her bed. The girl wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t get up, and it was clear she hadn’t eaten.
Since then, Nayeon has showed up everyday without fail.
The two sat silently at the kitchen counter, eating the Chinese takeout Nayeon had picked up prior to coming to Sana’s place.
“How’re you holding up?” Nayeon, always the one to break the silence.
“I don’t know.” Sana replied, barely above a whisper.
“Sana, I’m worried about you— we all are.” Nayeon’s voice was stern but somehow, there was still a softness to the way she spoke. “You can’t continue to live like this.”
“How am I supposed to continue living at all?” Sana was exhausted. She’d lost so much weight, her dark circles were horrible from the lack of sleep and how much she’d been crying, she hadn’t changed her clothes, she didn’t want to do anything anymore.
“She wouldn’t wanna see you like this.” Nayeon was right.
“I… I know.” Was all Sana could reply with.
March 9th, Sana and Momo were out on Sana’s balcony. The two girls taking in the night’s chilled air, while overlooking the city beneath them.
“I’m kinda sad it’s not snowing as much.” Momo said, letting out a soft chuckle.
“Seriously?” Sana laughed, “Come on, I can’t wait for the weather to clear up. Driving in this weather is awful.” They both let out a lighthearted laugh.
“I dunno- seeing everything covered in a blanket of snow, it’s kinda nice.” Momo said, looking out at all the snow covered houses and buildings.
“Yeah, it’s nice until your car’s snowed in-” Sana laughed as Momo hit her shoulder.
The two had always been close. They met in high school and had been attached at the hip ever since. Sana was outgoing, spontaneous, loud, she was everything Momo wasn’t. Yet they couldn’t have been more perfect for each other. Despite their differences, they were inseparable. Even now, years and years later, nothing’s changed.
From an outsider’s perspective, it was pretty clear that Sana and Momo had more than platonic feelings for the other. And while they had differences in their personalities, obliviousness was prominent in both girls. Neither of them had the guts to confess, but they adored each other regardless, so the two were more than content with just being with each other.
“Momo, you know I love you. Right?” Sana asked. Of course Momo knew that, and Sana knew Momo loved her too. But in what way did she mean? They always shared ‘I love you’s, it was nothing new for them. This time though, Sana meant it in a different way.
Momo looked at her, a warm smile spread across her lips. They stared at one another before the older girl replied, “Of course I know that, idiot.” Now Sana was the one swatting at Momo’s shoulder.
They stayed that way, silent, just breathing each other in. Each of them knew that the other’s gaze held something more— something unspoken.
“How about dinner tomorrow?” Momo asked, surprised Sana a bit.
“Why? What’s the occasion?” Sana asked, she couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.
“Well, I want to confess to you. But like— for real.” Sana tried her best not to show how shocked she was, tried to search Momo’s face for any sign that she was kidding, but she knew her friend wasn’t.
“Come on, can’t we just kiss and you tell me you love me now—“ before the younger girl could speak further, Momo had cut her off with a finger pressed to her lips. Before Momo spoke again they both laughed.
“I could, but wouldn’t you prefer I take you out to a nice dinner first?” Momo playfully raised an eyebrow.
“Mo, you know I don’t care about that.” Sana laughed.
“Perfect. Then, you don’t care if I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?” Momo smirked.
“You’re terrible.” The two laughed, “Fine. But now that you’re making it a big deal, my expectations are high!” Sana finally agreed.
“Great. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night then.” Momo finished.
They spent the rest of their night having stupid conversations, sharing laughs, huddled together on Sana’s couch until the time came where Momo had to head home.
They had parted ways, both with smiles glued to their faces.
The following day, every minute leading up to their dinner had them feeling giddy, as if they hadn’t had dinner together countless times before. But this time it was different, and neither of them could settle their nerves.
They had hardly texted that day, unusual for them but they wanted to do the most and make it feel like a ‘real’ first date. Momo only texting Sana to let her know that she had left her place to go pick her up.
At 7:20pm they had exchanged those messages. Momo only lived about a 15 minute drive away. Sana grew a little concerned when the clock hit 7:40 and Momo still hadn’t arrived or texted her.
you bailing on me huh?
sent at 7:41
Sana wasn’t actually upset, she was teasing her friend, assuming that she probably just got stuck in traffic.
Then, fifteen minutes passed. Then another fifteen. Yet she still looked up. It was definitely possible Momo had just gotten backed up in traffic, or— knowing her, her phone probably died.
Sana’s phone finally rang. She immediately perked up and answered the phone without even checking who the caller was. “Geez Momo— what’s the hold up?” She laughed, “I was starting to get worried that you got lost or somethi—“ A voice cut her off.
“Sana,” it was Momo’s sister.
“Oh— um, hey Hana! Sorry I thought Momo called, what’s up?” Sana waited for an answer. She tried to mask the worry in her voice, but she had no idea what to expect.
“Sana, Momo got into an accident.”
Sana froze.
“She’s at the hospital now, you should head over here if you can. I can pick you up if you need me to—“
Sana cut her off before she could finish, “I’ll be there.” She grabbed her keys and drove as fast as she could to the hospital Momo was taken to.
Apparently, a car had spun out on the ice and collided with Momo’s car. The impact drove her car off the road and into a tree. The ambulance got there in time to take her to the hospital, but it was all in vain. Her body had faced too much trauma and it was too late to save her.
Now, Sana had been wasting a way in her home. She didn’t want to live, she couldn’t. She appreciated Nayeon for being there, but she was still miserable. Without Momo, life felt meaningless. She had lost her best friend, the love of her life, her soulmate.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sana. Please, be sure to eat. Text me if you need anything, ‘kay?” Nayeon had spent most of the day at Sana’s, making sure she wasn’t spending the whole day rotting in bed. Once the older girl left, it was already 6:30pm. After Sana took a shower, she headed to bed. She laid there for a bit just staring at her ceiling. There were dirty clothes all over her room and on her bed, it was like she was in her own nest. Slowly, her eyelids became heavy and she drifted off to sleep.
The next morning she woke up— not to the sound of Nayeon’s shouting, but to her phone ringing instead. She answered the call, expecting it to be Nayeon, calling rather than causing a noise complaint in her building. She braced herself for Nayeon’s loud voice asking to be let in, but it was someone else on the line.
“Hello? Sana? You there?” Immediately, she looked down at her phone. No, it couldn’t be. This had to be some sick prank.
“Who is this?” Sana was confused, she was angry. “Why are you calling me from this number?”
“What— Sana, what are you talking about?” The girl on the other line laughed. A laugh that was too familiar to Sana.
“Whatever— whoever this is, it’s not funny.” Sana could feel the tears threatening to spill out.
“Did you just wake up or something? It’s already 3pm, I ordered food and got here like five minutes ago already!” The girl continued, “come on let me in already!”
Any normal person would probably call the police, but maybe Sana was dreaming. She couldn’t help but make her way to her front door. When she opened it, her phone immediately hit the ground.
“God, finally! You never sleep in this late,” Momo finally made eye contact with Sana. Upon seeing the younger girl, her expression immediately changed from playful to concerned. “Hey, hey, are you okay?” She said as she placed the bags of food she was carrying on the floor. She put her hands on Sana’s shoulders, trying to get the girl to talk to her.
Sana stood frozen in place. “Is this a dream?” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She reached up to cradle Momo’s face and began to sob, she embraced the older girl.
“What? What’re you talking about? What’s going on?” Momo was confused, she wanted to laugh. But it had been a long time since she’d seen Sana cry like this, she was so distraught.
When Sana finally pulled away she had her hands settled on Momo’s arms, while looking at her, taking her in. Then, she recognized Momo’s outfit. It was the same outfit she wore the night before the accident. She was holding food from the same deli that she had gotten their dinner from that same night. She picked her phone off the floor and looked at the date,
March 9th.
Sana couldn’t believe it. It had been over two hours and she’d been enjoying every minute. She was afraid. What if this was just a dream? What if she might never see her best friend again? She wasn’t going to waste a single second.
The two were out on the balcony, taking in the night’s chilled air, while overlooking the city beneath them.
“I’m kinda sad it’s not snowing as much.” Momo said, letting out a soft chuckle.
“Seriously?” Sana laughed, “Come on, I can’t wait for the weather to clear up. Driving in this weather is awful.” They both let out a lighthearted laugh.
“I dunno- seeing everything covered in a blanket of snow, it’s kinda nice.” Momo said, looking out at all the snow covered houses and buildings.
“Yeah, until you get in a car crash.” Sana said. It wasn’t funny, but at the time it was nothing more than a meaningless joke.
“Hey! Don’t say that— that’s terrible!” Momo laughed and hit Sana’s shoulder.
Sana turned to the older girl. “Momo, you know I love you. Right?” She asked, her eyes glossy.
“Of course I know that, idiot.” Momo chuckled, and Sana would’ve joined her. But she couldn’t, knowing what happens next.
“How about dinner tomorrow?” Momo asked. Sana let the tears flow.
“No! Stay here tonight— we’ll spend the whole day together tomorrow.” She wrapped Momo in a hug as she cried into her shoulder.
“What? Hey— why’re you crying?” Momo let out laugh, her voice laced with concern.
“Please, I can’t lose you.” Her voice was shaking.
“Sana,” Momo pulled back to look at the girl, “you’ll never lose me.” She said with the warmest smile.
It became time for Momo to head home, but not before comforting Sana. While she didn’t know what was going on, there was no need to question it. Momo would always be her shoulder to cry on.
The next morning, Sana woke up early. She checked her phone and to her surprise, it was March 10th. At first she was ecstatic. She and Momo weren’t having dinner that night. Which meant no car accident.
Then, as she looked by down as her phone, she saw a missed call from Hana.
Not waiting a singe second, she called her back.
“Sana?” Hana asked.
“Yes. Hana, is everything alright?” Her heart was racing.
“Sana, Momo got into an accident last night.”
Silence.
“She— she didn’t make it.” Sana sat there, phone held up to her ear. “We tried to reach you last night but you must’ve been asleep by then.”
Impossible, there’s just no way, Sana thought. I thought I did it, I thought I could prevent it. Her mind was filled with thoughts as she laid in her bed that night, once again, staring at her ceiling. The exhaustion finally got to her as she fell asleep.
The following day, she woke up to incessant knocking on her door. She was back. Back to the reality where her best friend is gone. Back to the reality where Nayeon has to keep her alive. Back to—
“God, finally! I thought you died or something!” The other girl says as Sana finally opens the door. “You weren’t answering your phone and I’ve been knocking for like five minutes!”
March 9th. The 3rd time,
The two girls were out on Sana’s balcony, taking in the night’s chilled air, while overlooking the city beneath them.
“I’m kinda sad it’s not snowing as much.” Momo said, letting out a soft chuckle.
“Why?” Sana asked, “Come on, driving in weather like this is dangerous.” Momo let out a lighthearted laugh hearing Sana’s response.
“You think so?” She asked, looking out at the busy— icy, streets beneath them.
“Yeah.” Sana replied. For a moment there was silence between the two, a comfortable silence.
“Momo, you love me. Right?” Sana suddenly asked.
Momo looked at the younger girl, “Of course I do, idiot.” She laughed, “But I wanna express it properly.”
“Mo, there’s no way you could improperly tell me that.” Sana’s eyes were begging for Momo to just say it.
Momo stared back at her, with the most content look in her eyes. A look that spoke louder than words. Sana began to cry in Momo’s arms.
It became time for Momo to head home, but not before Sana made her promise to call her as soon as she made it there.
That night, Sana couldn’t sleep. She stayed awake, afraid of missing Momo’s call.
Her phone rang.
“Sana, Momo was in an accident.”
The next morning she woke up. The night before, she had gone to sleep right after getting the call from Hana.
She prayed she’d get another chance. There had to be away she could prevent the accident. And when she looked at the date one her phone, she was right.
March 9th. The 4th time,
Sana and Momo were out on Sana’s balcony, taking in the night’s chilled air, while overlooking the city beneath them. This time, Sana had a plan. She spent the whole morning leading up to Momo coming over, figuring out how she could convince her not to drive anywhere.
“I’m kinda sad it’s not snowing as much.” Momo said, letting out a soft chuckle.
“Me too.” Sana said, “it’s nice seeing all the buildings covered in a blanket of snow.” Momo smiled hearing Sana’s response.
“I agree.” Momo said, looking out at all the snow covered houses and buildings.
“Momo,” Sana began. “I love you.”
“So serious all of a sudden.” Momo laughed.
“Do you feel the same?” Sana questioned, with the same begging look in her eyes.
“Of course I do—“
Sana broke. “I can’t do this,” she sobbed as she gripped Momo’s jacket. “Momo, you’re gonna die— and I don’t know what to do! I— I don’t know how to stop it from happening!” Her face was now against Momo’s chest, her cries barely audible. “I’m scared that this is my only chance to be with you again,” she said between sobs. “I’m scared that— that I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone.”
For a moment, nothing could be heard but Sana’s muffled crying. Momo had no idea what her best friend was talking about, but she didn’t need to. She brushed her fingers through Sana’s hair, doing whatever she could to comfort her.
“Sana,” Momo started. “You know, even if I were to die tomorrow… I’ll have died happily knowing that the person I love, loves me back.” Sana finally looked up at Momo. “You know I love you. Right, Sana?”
The next morning, March 25th. Sana was in her kitchen, sitting at the counter while on her phone. It was muffled, but she could hear her names being called from her front door. She rolled her eyes, but got out of her seat to answer.
On the other side stood her very surprised friend, Nayeon. “Sana? You— you’re awake?”
Sana gave her a smile before answering, “Yeah,” She said, taking the bags of food from Nayeon before Nayeon herself stepped in. “come in.”
While the two were eating, Nayeon was pleased to see that Sana seemed— different. A good different.
“So, how’re you?” The older girl asked.
“I’m doing better.” Sana smiled. “Yeah, much better.”