Chapter Text
If Herta could have said Asta on fire with her eyes, she would have.
Of all the concerns she's brought to her office, this had to be the most absurd. She didn't even believe her ears at first until Asta repeated her own words, albeit hesitantly, already shrinking back behind the folders she's carrying. Herta held little patience as it is, but to come to her with something like this?
However, Herta is a reasonable woman. She’s logical and rational. She can handle this. Besides, she shouldn't be taking it out on Asta. None of it has to do with her, anyway. Enough time has passed for it all to matter anymore.
At least, that's what she’s told herself.
“I apologize,” Herta smiled, gesturing for Asta to continue. She had control – she knew she did. “Run that by me again, will you, Asta?”
Asta gulped and averted her gaze, hugging the files to her chest like it would shield her from Herta's wrath.
“We, um, received a… Call.”
“And?” Herta narrowed her eyes, tapping her fingers impatiently, making Asta flinch.
“It's, um… It was for you from…”
Asta paused as if the name she's about to speak was taboo, shivering under the ice of Herta's gaze. She had kept a near spotless track record of following her wishes without question and making sure everything ran smoothly, and now Asta feared that all of it would come crashing down. Well, depending on how Herta would take it.
Except, she didn't know how she would take it. Herta had been very clear about not speaking a word of Ruan Mei after… something happened. Ruan Mei was once a common face in their workplace but every trace of her is now gone.
Asta didn't know enough to gauge things and she dreaded every step going to her door.
“Ruan Mei.”
Herta finished for her, not realizing that she had kept silent. Asta looked at Herta carefully but her expression showed nothing, the gears turning in her head as if deciding what to make of it.
She's reacting a tad less than Asta was expecting, though she's uncertain if that’s a good or bad thing.
Asta cleared her throat of the lump that she didn't know she swallowed. “I didn't say where you were, um… I only said I'd go back to her if–”
“Isn't this a surprise.” Herta spoke, cutting her off. She looked at her manicured fingers idly, speaking so calmly that it’s unnerving. Herta liked keeping her office cold with the air conditioning, but Asta wondered if repairs were in order with how much she was sweating.
“It's been years, hasn't it?” Herta scoffed, but it's evident she's talking more to herself.
“I… believe so, Madam Herta.”
“And now she makes a call looking for me?”
A nod.
Asta shifted uneasily after another stretch of silence, “...So, Madam Herta, what do I–”
“Tell her to fuck off.”
Asta nearly sputtered at the sharpness of the remark, stepping back as if it had been directed to her. The sheer coldness of Herta's tone sent her shuddering.
“M–Madam Herta?” Asta squeaked, so meekly that she wanted to hit herself.
“You heard me. If she’s smart enough to remember, she's not welcome.” Herta hissed through her teeth, dismissing Asta with a wave of her hand.
“If that's all, none of you don't disturb me again until I say so.”
Asta’s mouth stuttered with nonexistent words but resigned to keeping it shut. She had never seen Herta like this before. Sure, her foul temper is well-known and something she always made sure to advise to their newest employees, but this felt… different. With what she did know, Herta and Ruan Mei were a pair of revolutionary minds making waves in their industry. Herta, herself, had gone out of her way to make her feel welcome until her presence by her side became so common. You would rarely find them apart if you had stayed long enough.
Then it hit her and Asta felt like a splash of cold water splashed her face.
Herta scowled, “Asta. I was very clear. Don't make me repeat myself.” She suddenly paused, adding an afterthought. “Oh, but before you leave me alone, fetch some of the ice cream for me. Then inform everyone that no one steps into this office until further notice. Understand?”
“Consider it done, Madam Herta.” Asta said quickly, bowing her head as she stepped out in a hurry. As the door closed behind her, she couldn't help but think of the flash of emotion that appeared for the briefest moments. Something that told her this went deeper than she’d ever imagined.
Something that told Asta she probably shouldn't have mentioned it at all.
Days passed. The weeks flashed by but Herta didn't pay much attention, secluded in her office as Asta took care of everything else that didn't need her immediate presence or attention. For a moment she considered giving the girl a raise, especially after her recent outburst about… her. She hasn't heard a word of that woman since and it's easy to continue on with life as if it – and everything else – never happened.
It's funny, Herta thinks as she stares at her phone like a statue, how much things could change in a blink and suddenly they become nothing but passing memories – even if they once meant the world. Messy, sentimental matters that she didn't have the time for, and were – frankly – useless. Herta knew better now – was doing better now. She had taken control of everything before it completely upturned her life.
Yes. Herta had control. She’s done everything right.
She disposed of everything Ruan Mei had left her and all she dedicated to her – a custom made plaque, framed picture in her office and the VIP hall, a beautiful potted plant that ended up wilting from her negligence. Every single thing to be rid of any remnant of Ruan Mei – so she can become nothing but a dream too good to have been true. A reality that just wasn't meant to be.
Delete.
Everything's fine.
Delete.
Really, it is.
“...”
Delete.
Herta has left all of that behind. She scoffed at herself for acting so out of line about a mere mention of Ruan Mei trying to reach out, disbelieving. There's no way that damned woman would attempt that now of all the times after all these years.
Besides, Herta should have known better. Both of them should have.
So why is she looking for you now? A part of her mind asked, buzzing around her thoughts like a bug she wanted to squash with her hands. It could just be that easy if she wanted it to be. Squash the thoughts, the broken memories, everything that left her aching and writhing like nothing before.
Forget her.
She really should. Should have by now.
Yet there she comes crawling into Herta's mind despite everything, taunting her in the morning and haunting her in the dead of night. Herta grew to love coffee eventually for that reason, the sheer bitterness soothed her throat just nicely.
“Three years.” Herta muttered, as if a reminder. It faded into the silence like a wisp of smoke, grasping for meaning and certainty.
Three long years. Now, Herta can confidently say that she isn't the same woman anymore. That pathetic mess of a person who nearly wrecked her own room, and stuffed herself with sweets just to swallow down the sorrow and betrayal. But soon enough even that blossomed into rage and spite – something more useful, at least.
Eventually, Herta had shut down all the doors for good.
Never again. Herta would never fall for anyone again.
A few knocks at her door made Herta sigh in annoyance, not even bothering to look up as it creaked open.
“I thought I had made it very clear to everyone that I don't wish to be disturbed.” Herta hissed, flicking her gaze to a cowering Asta hiding behind the door. The poor girl, nowadays, always seemed ready to jump whenever she came in.
She sighed and tried to placate herself, resting her cheek against her knuckles boredly. “This better be important, Asta, or I will not be happy.”
What could it be now? She was having a rather peaceful morning, all things considered, though the cheesecake she was having for breakfast had been forgotten unintentionally. Time slipped by faster than she realized.
“I’m so, so, so sorry Madam Herta.” Asta said quickly, bowing her head so much that she may as well be bowing to the floor instead of her superior. She bit her lip and trembled in her steps, looking anywhere else but at Herta.
“Is it another one of those IPC hooligans trying to offer me something? Hard pass.” Herta rolled her eyes, reapplying her lipstick, evidently disinterested in the conversation. “If not and it's more of those talk shows trying to borrow even a little bit of my time, dismiss them too. I don't have time for such trivial matters.”
“Er, actually, Madam Herta…”
“Would you care to spell it out properly, Asta?” Herta growled, nearing the end of her patience. “Out with it. You look like you're about to drop. Whoever it is, I don't care, just tell them I'm not taking any guests and that's final.”
Asta tugged on her collar nervously, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “I’m… I’m afraid I can't do that, Madam Herta.”
Herta narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “...And why is that?”
As if on cue, the door pushed itself open entirely – in slow motion – to reveal Herta's worst nightmare in the flesh.
“...”
No.
No, no. It couldn't possibly be–?
“Thank you for your assistance, Miss Asta. But we shall take it from here.”
You've got to be kidding me.
“Asta,” Herta quietly seethed, burning holes into her manager who shrieked behind the woman she refused to acknowledge, much less see. “Both of you. Out.”
“I–I’ll take this as my leave, now!” Asta said shrilly with one last apologetic bow to Herta before she ran out of sight.
Oh, hell no. She is not going to be doing this today. Not now, not ever.
“Asta, get back here or you're fucking fired!”
Herta was absolutely livid. Any trace of the composure that she’s been cultivating melting away like ice, refusing to give into the crashing flood. She could feel a vein threatening to bulge at the side of her head. Herta’s thoughts were in disarray, fists clenched as her breathing quickened. No, no, no and no.
Herta refused. She shouldn't. She wouldn't–
“Herta.”
“...”
In an instant those thoughts were silenced, a wave of dread washing over her like none before. Herta's body tensed as her eyes remained staring ahead, not at her – past her. There's just…
No, there's no way she could even look at her. Herta gritted her teeth, cursing whatever entity or otherworldly, universal force that aligned the stars just right to piss her off today.
Could it be all those times she spent throwing profanities – thinking nothing and no one could hear her? Or earlier instances where she was still a mess, clinging onto pathetic hope of seeing Ruan Mei again?
Whatever it was, karma was a bitch.
“Herta.”
Oh, that voice. Deceptively soft and stinging like poison. She hadn't heard it in ages but it still plucked a string in her frozen heart.
Herta turned around, shutting her eyes and pinching the space between them. The walls felt like they were closing in, mustering every bit of willpower to force her words out. Breathe in and out…
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Herta has played such a scene over and over, if it ever happened. She would have easily made an exit for herself and turned her back like Ruan Mei had done to her, uncaring of whatever she might have wanted to say. Perhaps throwing a curse her way or something equally vile. There just isn't a single possibility she had foreseen where she would give her the time of day. Ruan Mei had her once and ruined that chance for good.
But all of that preamble, all those days dedicated to tearing her out of her life, threatened to crumble at just the sound of Ruan Mei’s voice. How lovely.
A few quiet steps left Herta's nerves standing on end, straining to listen and fighting the urge to turn around and face the woman who had made a mess of her. The one person she never wanted to see again.
Yet here they are.
The approach halted. None of them moved, not even the air itself like time stood still.
“I had hoped to do this over the phone instead. Asta had told me plenty of times that I cannot speak with you–”
“What made you think you could now?” Herta spat venomously, crossing her arms with a scowl. Her office desk seemed like the best distraction for her rage right now. “Wasn't that enough for you to think that I wanted nothing to do with you? Or perhaps, I don't know, the radio silence?”
“I… I needed to see you.”
She can’t be serious, right?
“Hah! Yeah?”
Herta barked out a laugh, dark and bitter, shaking her head in disbelief.
“Well, news flash for you! You’re about… Three years late for that?”
Those last few words left her mouth like a whip in the air, harsh and cruel, feeling the pent up rage bubbling to the surface. If Ruan Mei truly was a genius of her own right, she would take the chances and leave before things got ugly.
A sigh sounded from behind her. “Herta–”
“Don’t. Don't say my name like you still care. Whatever it is, I don't give a damn. Get out.”
“Herta.”
“Fuck off, Ruan Mei.”
“Herta… If you would just–”
“Have you gone deaf? I said–”
“Herta, please.”
That stopped her in her tracks. Unexpectedly, that is. Herta’s mouth hung open from her withheld protest. Somehow, somehow, that gentle, hushed voice managed to stall the insults she wanted to say. It's dangerous and unthinkable how quickly she went silent.
“Please, Herta… I won't take up much more of your time.” Another cautious step, the distance between them closing inch by inch. Herta could feel her heart thumping in her ears, fingers digging into her skin with every passing second.
“Please. Just this once, and I will be out of your sight.”
You come all this way, with me spitting at your face and cursing you, and say you're going to leave again?
To be fair, though, nobody could handle Herta – much less her temper. It became somewhat of an art form – keeping people away. She had gotten good at that. Where did the expertise go? Why isn't she trying harder? Why couldn't Ruan Mei just leave her alone?
“What do you want?” Herta hated how much lower her voice had become. She felt and sounded utterly pathetic, cursing under her breath. “Out with it. I don't have all day.”
“Would you turn to face me so we can talk?”
A scoff. “What makes you think I'd even want to? You can't make me.”
Yes, you could. Once. You could tell me anything and I’d give you the world.
Herta squashed that thought like a bug. Irrelevant and foolish.
“Perhaps it would help you to remember how stubborn we both are.” Traces of a knowing smile could be heard in Ruan Mei's voice. Oh, she still had the nerve to smile after everything she put her through? Herta didn't recall seeing her this obnoxious.
“Tsk.”
“And that I would simply wait here until you do.”
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.
“I wouldn't come this far if it was... not important.”
Damn her and the way she thought she could just waltz back into Herta's life that easily. Herta won't give that to her. Ever.
“Were all those missed calls not important to you, then?”
“No. I…”
“You really think you could just– Just show your face here, after all these years giving me nothing, and I'd–”
…
…Oh.
Oh. She shouldn't have done that.
Herta stopped the moment she turned around, and thus began the process of her undoing. Her breath hitched like she swallowed a block of ice in her throat, constricting at the sight of Ruan Mei standing before her. Heaven help her, she hadn't changed at all. Her brown and teal locks tied to a bun have grown, sure, and there’s a new pair of spectacles on her nose but…
“...You…”
Ruan Mei's eyes. Fuck, she shouldn’t have looked. The way they locked in on her and softened made her want to turn and run. But they held her there as if spellbound.
Ruan Mei broke the silence first, hands neatly folded in front of her as she did, fidgeting. “Well, it… seems you haven't changed.”
Yes, I have. Her mind wanted to scream. I’ve gotten over you and I'm never letting that happen again.
“Yeah, well.” Herta spoke gruffly, unwilling to give into the thoughts in her head. Jesus, she’s stunning as ever… Composure, Herta. You spent pretty much every single day since that day making sure she wouldn't catch you breaking.
“Don't think this was the sappy reunion you were expecting.”
Ruan Mei frowned, shaking her head. “I came without expecting anything.”
“Then why come here? Pfft, I guess you're still as thick faced as the day we met. Figures.”
A deluge of memories returned to Herta, quickly burying them before they rooted their way into her mind again.
“If you remembered anything about me, you'd know that I don't take anything from anyone.” She narrowed her eyes but Ruan Mei didn't flinch, didn't turn away.
There's this faraway look behind those spectacles, wanting to peer through her, but she’d rather start a gaming collaboration with the infamous Silver Wolf than allow Ruan Mei that chance.
“And you had everything.” Herta felt a lump in her throat, pushing it down with the rest of the emotions battling her resolve. Her fists tightened again as she closed her eyes.
This wasn't supposed to happen. None of it.
“But I guess we never get what we want, do we?” Herta laughed, a dry sound that left her empty.
“Herta…” Ruan Mei bit her lip, “I…”
Herta said nothing.
“I didn't…” Ruan Mei let out a breath, furrowing her brows like all the times she used to when she was frustrated or focused.
Huh. It seems like they're both a mess. Who would have thought?
Herta shouldn't care, not anymore, but why is she still listening? Why isn't she stopping Ruan Mei from getting even closer?
The smell of fresh flowers left her mouth dry and her chest aching. This damned woman.
“I know that I shouldn't be here.” Ruan Mei began, tentative and soft, as if she were treading on a thin layer of ice. In many ways, she is. Both of them are. “And that you never even wanted to speak to me again.”
“Mm.”
“But…”
“What?” Herta felt restless in her own skin, hoping this could be over with.
Ruan Mei looked at her and Herta spotted the sunken lines beneath her eyes, yet even still – they were gorgeous. Years have passed but they still shimmered like the most beautiful diamonds you could find. She buried that thought, too.
“I want to… set things right. The way we were never able to. If you would let me.”
…Did Herta just hear what she thought she heard? Was this some kind of dream that would be shattered the moment she woke up?
Before Herta could speak, Ruan Mei continued at a lower volume, almost a whisper. “I am, by no means, bending you to my wishes. And by all accounts, you have the right to refuse and shut the door on me. I… I would not blame you for it.”
God help her, why did she sound so fucking sincere?
“But, at the very least, I urge you to consider.”
The words lingered in the air, thick and heavy with promise. It sounded sweet, way too sweet. Something like this doesn't happen in the real world. There weren't any happy endings and there certainly weren't any chances of things becoming right between them.
They just… They couldn't.
“Ruan Mei,” Herta murmured quietly, heart in her throat. “There's nothing to fix. You know that.”
Ruan Mei just smiled imperceptibly. So reminiscent of something once so precious. It could have killed her if it was able to.
“Perhaps. But what I do know is that you deserve the truth.”
She received no reply after that. Herta’s body had moved on its own accord – away. She moved away like she had been burned, unable to face Ruan Mei any longer. Walls crumbled around her and she was paralyzed in the face of it all.
It sounded too good to be true. It just couldn't be.
A quiet voice behind her again, feeling her heart skip a beat. “If you ever make up your mind, you know where to find me.”
Herta’s breaths seized her like there wasn't enough air anymore, her mind reeled and she would have screamed if she could.
But that was the last she would see and hear of Ruan Mei before the door clicked shut, not unlike the way Herta locked up her heart for good.
It echoed in her ears, drowning out her shaking breaths, even if it was one of the quietest sounds in the world.