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Hotch sat in the padded hospital chair beside the bed. He looked around the sterile room, thankful it was a private one. The door was shut, giving them more privacy than necessary, drowning out all the rushed noises of the emergency room. It made the silence that hung in air heavy and stale. The nurse and doctor had both come and gone, stitching Reid up and disinfect his wound. Now they were waiting for the doctor to return and tell them they could leave.
There was so much Hotch wanted to say; he just didn't know how. Especially not when Reid just sat there with his head hanging low, not saying a word. Hotch vaguely wondered if everyone else found it this difficult to speak with him after Haley died. Probably why they wanted me to come with him to the hospital. It made sense; he was the only person who really understood what Reid was going through. "Reid-"
"I know," Reid interrupted quietly. "I know you're sorry. I know you understand. And I know you wish you could go back and change what happened; but you can't, so just..." The genius rubbed his forehead and let out an exhausted breath.
"It doesn't get better." Hotch watched the younger man for a moment, who finally made eye contact after hours of avoiding it. "I'm not going to lie to you and say it will get better, because it doesn't." He took a shaky breath before continuing. "Maeve is dead and nothing you do will ever change that. You'll miss her every day and have nightmares, among other things." Reid knew what Hotch meant. There was no need for him to bring up dilaudid. "You'll probably do something stupid, something you wish you could take back but can't. And all because you can't figure out how to live without her."
They were both quiet for a moment. Reid looked confused, lost even, eyes still red from crying earlier. "What do I do?"
"Breathe." His throat clenched. The way Reid was staring at him, as though he could make all his pain go away, made Hotch reach out and grab hold of Reid's hand. He squeezed it tightly as he could, without actually hurting the other man. "I know it's hard, but that's all you need to do. Just breathe and try not to think about the last time you saw her."
Reid shook his head, "But that's all I can think about. I close my eyes, and the only thing I can see his her lying there." His voice cracked slightly. It made Hotch want to hold the younger man close and never let him go.
"And you probably always will, that's why it will never get better. It does get easier though." Hotch could tell Reid didn't believe him by the look on his. "Trust me, it does. There will always be days where you don't want to get out of bed, but as time goes by those days will grow further and further apart. Some days you may even forget about Maeve for awhile; but you will always love her and remember all the little thing about her that made you fall in love with her."
Reid swallowed around the lump in his throat. "That's what makes it easier? The little things?"
Nodding slightly, Hotch was glad to know what he said had made sense. Before he could say anything else, the doctor came back with Reid's discharge papers. She told him how to care for his arm while at home, but Hotch was sure Reid already knew what to do. If nothing else, Hotch could always help him. Reid muttered his thanks to the nurse once she said he could leave.
"You should take a few days off."
Reid glanced at Hotch quickly. "Yeah," he smiled slightly, "Yeah, I think will. Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me." Hotch patted him on the should, before helping Reid jump off the hospital bed.
"No really, thank you." Hotch was taken back when Reid suddenly through his uninjured arm around him. "For everything."
It only took Hotch a second to return the hug, just like the last time they had hugged. Reid was hurt then too. He hated seeing the genius constantly suffer again and again. Wished there was some way to take his pain away, but there wasn't. All he could was hug the younger man and hope Reid didn't go anything like this ever again. "You'll be okay." Hotch wanted to say that he would keep Reid safe, but he didn't; couldn't. Hotch wasn't ready to admit how he really felt about Reid just yet, so he would just hug the younger man and try to breathe.