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It was in the middle of the night when King woke up because he needed to pee. He wanted to sleep some more but the urge was toostrong, so he slowly floated out of his hammock and across the room to the door. But then something stroke his attention. It was too quiet. Ban was neither snoaring nor talking in his sleep. He turned to Ban’s bed only to find it empty and started worrying.
Wait, no, this was wrong. Why would King worry about someone like Ban? Ban was nobody someone should be worried about, especially not someone like King. But he was curious nonetheless.
But first: Toilet. Before something happened that didn’t happen since King was a fairy baby. He was glad he didn’t need to worry about waking anyone. Everything was quiet, of course it was. Everyone was supposed to be sleeping. He passed Meliodas’ and Elizabeth’ door and AGAIN his walk - well, it was no walk, but you know what I mean - to the toilet came to a stop. There was a scream, coming from Meliodas’ room. King pushed the door open as fast as he could, half expecting to find a Holy Knight trying to kidnap the princess, even readying Chastiefol prepared to fight but what he saw didn’t match what he was expecting in the least. Actually, he wasn’t seeing anything because it was still dark in the room, only silhouettes.
He saw Elizabeth (probably), upright in the bed, staring down on a huge… ball? wriggling on the ground. What the hell was that?
“Lord King!”, Elizabeth screamed as she jumped out of the bed, hurrying to the ball. “Please help me, Lord King!”
Looking closer, King realized the ball was actually Hawk. Looking even closer he realized that his captain was lying beneath him, still tied up, as Hawk tried his best to make him keep his hands off Elizabeth at least at night. Hawk was continuously hitting Meliodas, who didn’t even know what was going on. Elizabeth desperately tried to get Hawk off of him but to no avail. King decided to help as well and ask the situation afterwards. With his weak physique he wouldn’t be much help if he stormed in. But using Chastiefols guardian form to push Hawk away and press him down so he couldn’t move proved to be effective enough. At least the Captain was free again.
“That pig must’ve gone insane”, mumbled Meliodas. “Well, well, well, I know what our breakfast tomorrow will be”
He was joking, like usual, but pissed nonetheless. Aparrently Hawk was sleepwalking and when he got into their room he let out his bottled up rage, all on Meliodas. But to be honest, King could understand. His Captain certainly wasn’t the nicest pig keeper. Still, they were partners and friends.
When his stomach was acting up King decided he needed to leave them alone and finally relieve himself.
Finally down the stairs! The bathroom wasn’t far anymore! Now he could finally pee! No distractions anymo- “…gently fondled her xxx, while xxx and xxx, she xxx in pleasure, when-“ “AAAAAAH, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”, King screamed, running in circles. Gowther, seriously?! Did you have to read your erotic books down here, and on top of that RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TOILET? As long as he was here, King would never be able to pee, no matter how urgent it was. King would be so embarrassed… Embarrassed but still strangely interested. His face was bright red and he looked more like a tomato than a fairy now. He couldn’t stay here. He needed to leave. He needed a quiet place where he could cool down and pee. That was all that mattered right now.
He went outside. Noone would bother him here. The others were inside, except Diane. But Diane would never bother him, he knew that, but… would he be able to pee when Diane was near? He tried not to think about that and wanted to search for a place to relieve himself in the opposite direction of Diane’s sleeping place. Just when he thought he could finally be at peace…
“Heyyyy, Dianeeee~~~~~ What are you doing out here~? Whaaaat, don’t tell me you’re sleeping?”
That voice could only belong to Ban? Was he drunk again or why would he go out of his way to talk to Diane? Everyone knew they didn’t get along well. King couldn’t help it: He was curious, so he postponed his peeing and went to see what was happening.
His giant crush was still sleeping while Ban talked and talked and… now he started telling jokes and couldn’t stop laughing about them, when no one else cared. Those were some horrible puns… Horrible enough to hurt… physically…
“Come on, Ban, leave her alone”, King finally told him.
“Huuuh?” Ban dind’t like to be interrupted like this at all. He was just about to tell “the ultimate most funny joke ever” as he called it and in his opinion that was something that should never be interrupted ever, no matter how urgent. At least in this deaddrunk state he was in right now. How was he even able to stand straight?
He glanced over his shoulder, he certainly saw King standing there, it even looked as if he wanted to punch him in the face in this exact same moment. But then he turned to Diane again, went closer to her ear, ready to shout right into it. No! King couldn’t allow that! ‘Don’t you dare wake up Diane!’ Could he be there in time to stop him? There was no time worrying about it, he flew as fast as he could, he reached Ban before he was able to let out even one small noise! King wrapped his arms around Ban’s head, keeping his mouth shut with both of his hands. He wouldn’t allow him to hurt Diane or wake her or whatever he planned to do! Now Diane was safe… All that was left to do was for him to get Ban into their room, into his bed, he could scold him tomorrow when he was sober again. Yeah, that’s what he would do. He would hit him over the head, yell at him, Ban would be sorry, say he will never do that again, never drink again, would be King’s slave…. No, he wouldn’t… And King knew that but it was a nice thought nonetheless.
Wait.
Why did his hands feel wet? Ban didn’t drool, did he? Did he lick his hands to get him off? Promptly he pulled his hands back. This wasn’t drool. It was puke. Ban puked on his hands.
King froze over. He didn’t only puke on his hands! He puked on Diane’s hair!!!!! Her beautiful hair!!! Desperately he shoved Ban away and kneeled in front of her pigtail to inspect the damage. Aaah, he could do something about it. He let out a relieved sigh. Fortunately the giant was still sleeping. God was he glad Diane was such a heavy sleeper once she was asleep. Not too far away there was a small river, where King could get some water and thus, his difficult task began. Step by step he used the water to wash away the puke. Once in a while he had to go back to the river to get some more. He combed her hair with his fingers, and considering how much hair there was and how small King was… that took a great deal of time…
The morning sun was what woke King. A bit confused he looked around. His window was in the west, he was not supposed to be woken up by the morning sun.
The fairy realized he was outside, laying in the grass. And he found Diane and Ban lying beside him. Slowly the memory came back. He heard Ban laughing and even Diane joined in. What were they laughing about? Aah, Diane’s laughter was so cute, he could listen to it all the time! It didn’t matter what she was laughing about! Maybe Ban actually made a good pun or something!
…
And then it hit him.
He felt something wet.
Between his legs.
And he remembered.
In the end… he never made it to the toilet…
His face took on a flaming red color. Could he just die right now please?