Chapter Text
Eddie’s phone vibrates suddenly. He is laying on his bed, watching a movie Buck had recommended to him. Buck had been nagging him and calling him for months telling him to watch this movie, and Eddie had finally given in. He was prepared to answer this call with ‘Yes, buck. I’m watching it right now.’ but instead, he was greeted with a call from his son, Christopher.
“Hey dad! Can me and Buck play Mario kart later?”
“Yeah sure buddie,” Eddie began, before the realisation hit, “Hey wait, where are you?”
Buck’s faint voice chuckled, “He’s with me right now, said he snuck out his window to see me.”
“Course he did. I’m on my way.” Eddie scoffed. No surprise there.
***
Buck seemed more tired than usual, maybe he spent his day running after a tennis ball like his other golden retriever friends. It was the eye bags that had given it away. Eddie didn’t really want to tire out Buck even more, so he had came up with an excuse that went something like ‘Sorry bud, i completely forgot. Maybe you can play another time’, even though he had the game in the trunk of his car. Before Eddie even thought about leaving, he rested his warm hand on Buck’s right shoulder and said “Thank you, I appreciate it. Get lot’s of rest for our shift tomorrow, seems like you need it.”
“Uhh yeah, see you there.” Buck smiled.
Buck smiled so brightly through the tiredness that you wouldn’t even be able to tell he was tired if it weren’t for the tone in his voice. Eddie notices these little things. Eddie notices the puppy dog gaze in Buck’s eyes every time Eddie gets mad at him. Eddie notices everything, because that man is the love of his life.
The second Eddie closed that door, Buck’s smile immediately faded, and he collapsed on his couch that Eddie had gotten him. The main reason he went for the couch and not his bed, was because he didn’t have the energy to go up those stairs. Besides, he needed to get back to watching Hamilton for the 130 millionth time. Even then, he turned it off because all he wanted to do was sink into that couch, close his eyes, and never wake up again.
***
The 118’s shift is just starting up, Buck is nowhere to be found. Eventually, he turns up. 30 minutes late, that is. Nobody is sure why, he is always early. Although, nobody questions it, they could see the dark circles under his eyes, and assumed he just had a rough night. Nothing happens for the first hour of shift. Everyone is either reading, on their phone, or desperately trying to stay awake. I think it’s pretty obvious who was doing the last one. Eddie has been in that position before. He was in a depressive episode though, surely a very social cat like Buck can’t be going through that… right? No. He’s probably just tired. Or at least that is the conclusion Eddie came to.
The alarm sounds. First call of the day, hopefully today is going to be a pretty qu- *silent* day. Most people take the stairs. Obviously it wouldn’t be very efficient for them to all be sliding down a metal pole one by one, so this is understandable. But of course, Buck likes to use the pole. ‘More adrenaline’ he says. Today seems to be different. He doesn’t slide down, but instead *walks* down the *stairs*? This leaves Eddie bothered, bewildered, concerned, and confused. He tries to ask Buck about it in the engine, but the response is “I don’t know. Just tired i guess.”
something is definitely wrong with him.
This call is thankfully simple, just a small gas station fire.
“How is our gas already low?!” Bobby shouts in annoyance, before filling it up. Good thing it was a gas station fire. Across the street, an elderly woman trips and Buck decides to help her. Now, Buck is reckless. We know this. But he is also careful when it comes to being street smart. Today, he didn’t look both ways before crossing the street. The overly busy street. The street rammed with cars beeping their horn at the firefighter running across the road, dodging the cars. Eddie notices. He thinks it could just be a slip up because he might have really wanted to help that woman, but when they got back in the engine, Buck didn’t put his seatbelt on. Didn’t even look at it. Eddie notices.
“Aren’t you gonna put that on?” Eddie gestures to Buck’s seatbelt.
“Oh yeah thanks!” Buck smiled, then proceeded to pretend to click his seatbelt in.
Eddie notices.
But he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want buck to feel frightened or dismayed. He wondered whether he should speak to Bobby about this, but he wanted to consider Buck’s feelings too. He knew that if he was in that situation he wouldn’t want people to know. He also knew that if he did nothing, it could make things so much worse. So he had to do something.
***
It’s the end of shift. Eddie is still overthinking. How could he not? His best friend and future husband was forcing a smile through all the pain he’s in.
pain.
*pain*.
The word repeated in Eddie’s head. Anxiety crippled him from the inside out. A tear shed from his glassy eyes, but was wiped away immediately, because he had to park up in front of his house and pretend that everything was okay. For Christopher.
That night, Eddie lay there in bed, eyes wide open, wide awake. His mind racing with worry for his best friend. He couldn't shake the image of Buck's fake smile and that tired look on his face. He just couldn’t. After tossing and turning for what felt like hours, Eddie made up his mind. Tomorrow, he would talk to Buck, no matter how difficult that conversation might be. No matter if Buck gets angry. No matter if he has to see Buck cry. He had to do this. He needed the Buck he knew back. *Buck* needed the Buck he knew back.
***
Eddie fixed his hair, made it the way Buck liked it. The way Buck always complimented it had always stuck to him. He done his hair like that every day for weeks after Buck said that he loved it, that’s when he realised that he was *in love* with Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley. But that’s besides the point. Eddie had to confront Buck. He planned to do this in a more private area, or at least have them be alone so that nobody else would overhear and then crowd Buck like he was a newborn baby, which causes Buck to get overwhelmed. So, he texted Buck asking if he wanted to meet up at the station around 30 minutes before shift starts. Buck replies at 6.03am, “Yeah sure! See u there!”. Great.
Now it was time for Eddie to practice this conversation over and over again in the bathroom mirror, while trying to not let Chris hear as to not worry him.
***
Eddie’s car slid into the open parking spot, Buck’s car was already here. Eddie took a deep breath, then opened the double doors. Buck was sitting there on his phone.
“Oh hey Eddie!” he waved.
Eddie smiled, “Hi Buck!”
“So uhh, what’s up?”
Eddie’s facial expression became more serious, “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Wait is everything okay? Are you okay? Did something happen to Chris?”
“No. I wanted to talk about you.” Eddie’s eyes began to well up, “Are *you* okay?”
Buck sighed. *are you okay.* Eddie’s words overlapped in his head.
Buck stuttered, his mind searching to find something to say. “What are you talking about?”
Eddie broke. “Buck, *please*,” he pleaded, “I can tell your’e tired, sleepless, I-”
Buck cut him off, holding his hand to Eddie’s cheek, “I’m just tired Eddie.”
“Yeah but you’re not ‘just tired’, are you?”
Buck took his hand away from Eddie’s cheek, “I should go.”
“No! Buck *please*!” Eddie bawled, salty tears streaming down his now irritated skin.
Buck didn’t even look back. He felt guilt taking over him, but refused to show it. He didn’t turn up for the rest of shift.
all eddie can think about, is how will this end.