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A soft sob echoed into the training camp hallway. The man pulled his knees up to his face and cried into his black sweatpants. He was sitting on the floor in the large kitchen, against a counter. Tears streamed down his face, wetting his cheeks and falling onto his lap. His chest heaved, and he gripped the front of his legs tightly. His knuckles started to turn white, and his breaths became shallow and rapid. He could hear his heart beating loudly, and beads of sweat joined the tears falling off his face.
He started to feel dizzy, and he couldn’t stop bad thoughts from rushing through his head. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t he just hold it in? He felt like such a failure. He rubbed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. If he couldn’t even handle his emotions, he wasn’t sure he could do anything. It was just like his second year, but with no kind upperclassmen or coach to help him. He was such a failure. He couldn’t do anything right.
He tried to calm himself down, but nothing was working. He couldn’t stop the horrible feelings from coming. He clenched his hands tighter to his legs and tried to steady his breaths. But it didn’t work, he couldn’t stop. Anytime this had happened before, he just screamed and cried until it went away. He didn’t know what else to do. It was unnatural, he always tried to keep this part of himself hidden.
Just as his thoughts began to spiral even deeper, he started to hear footsteps coming towards him. They were getting increasingly loud, and he trembled, thinking of the embarrassment of his teammates finding him. He braced himself for incoming trouble, trying to hide himself. He was terrified, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Once he thought he was ready, he peeked at the open door and let out a relieved breath.
“Akaashi-san?” The intruder muttered. The man stood in the doorway with a worried look. He had disastrous bedhead, his gray hair sticking out in every which way. He had obvious eye bags and was frowning. “Osamu-san..” Keiji sniffled. He let his face fall back against his knees. Osamu walked over to the other man and sat down next to him. He put a hand on the black-haired man’s back. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m here.” Osamu held his unoccupied hand out invitingly. Akaashi lifted his head up and turned his body toward him. He slowly grabbed Osamu’s hand. “Deep breaths, Akaashi.”
Osamu squeezed his hand, and Akaashi started to breathe in and out, each breath getting slower. He focused on his breathing, making sure that they were even. The tears stopped coming, and he could hear his heart begin to get quieter. He gave a sad smile and made eye contact with the other. “T.. thank you, Osamu.” Akaashi squeaked. He didn’t know why, but just the presence of this man calmed him down. “Don’t worry about it, you deserve to be cared for.” Osamu paused. “Do you think you can get up?” he asked, and the other nodded. They continued to hold hands as they both stood up.
Osamu took his hand off Keiji’s back and led him to the nearest fridge. He opened it with his left hand, grabbing a plastic water bottle. He looked around the refrigerator and saw some food covered in aluminum foil and took it out. The items were starting to slip, so he put the packaged food in the pocket of his pajama pants. He didn’t want to have to stop holding Keiji’s hand. “Let’s go outside,” Keiji shyly suggested, and Osamu beamed at him.
Akaashi started to take them to the closest exit. As they stepped outside, the cool breeze hit their skin. It was a chill fall night, colored by dark orange and green leaves littering the ground. There was a black bench facing away from the building and to the starry sky. He sat on the bench and motioned for Osamu to sit next to him. Osamu handed the water bottle to Akaashi and grabbed the food out of his pocket. He unraveled the aluminum foil and handed it to the other. Keiji started to chew the onigiri, practically moaning from how good it tasted. “So, what happened? Well… if ya feel comfortable telling me…” Osamu smiled and looked away. Keiji held his hand tighter. “I don’t know why, but I feel like I can tell you anything. There’s something about you I know I can trust.” Osamu’s face lit up, and he smiled brightly. “Yer such a sweetie.” He chuckled, and Akaashi started to blush.
“I don’t think I’m enough. Bokuto-san was such a good captain, and I’m failing. Our team hasn’t been the same, we’re a mess, and it’s my fault. I keep ruining everything, I get anxious, and I mess up. It’s too much.” Akaashi started to tear up and began crying. Osamu rose his free hand and wiped Keiji’s tears.
“Hey. Yer one of the smartest guys I know, even Tsumu’s jealous of how ya play. Yer so cool on the court, and yer a good leader. Those boys look up to ya, and I know yer trying your hardest to be like Bokuto. But yer not Bokuto. You’re Keiji, yer smart, hardworking, a great setter, nice, and yer a good person. We all do things differently, and you’re still figuring things out. It’s okay, I know yer doing great. Yer perfect the way that you are, and I know how it’s like to feel like yer falling behind. My brother and I are leagues apart, I always compare myself to him. But guys like Tsumu and Bokuto are volleyball monsters, and volleyball guys like us just have to try our best. We have our own strengths. Yer doing great as a captain, trust me. I have seen ya with yer team. So please don’t cry, Keiji, you’re amazing and even I look up to ya.”
Akaashi stared at Osamu in shock. He was silent for a few moments, and then responded. “Osamu,” he started to sniffle, “Do you really mean all of that? Even the looking up to me? ” He mumbled. Osamu looked him in the eyes. “Yeah, I mean it. Have you seen yourself? Yer strong, clever, and oh my gods yer gorgeous.” Akaashi’s face became very pink, and he sputtered out, “I never knew you felt that way.” The black-haired man started to laugh. “Huh?” Keiji couldn’t stop laughing, “You’re telling me, that the guy that I’ve thought was hot since first year thinks I’m gorgeous?” “Not only that, Keiji..” Osamu realized, “Wait, what?!”
Keiji used both of his hands to pull Osamu closer, and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. He released their lips and said “So, ‘Samu. Do you like me too?” Osamu didn’t respond, but he pulled the other back in to kiss him, and that was enough of a response for Akaashi.
A couple hours later, the new couple woke up. They had eventually wandered to Inarizaki’s room and fell straight asleep in Osamu’s futon. Osamu rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Oh my god.” He yelled. He saw Suna and Atsumu awake, giggling over the photos Suna took of Osamu hugging Akaashi in his sleep. “I’m happy for ya, Samu. You’ve been crushing on him forever. And all it took was you trying to get a midnight snack to finally get together.” Atsumu sneered. Osamu chucked his pillow at him, hitting him in the face. “You’re just jealous because ya still haven’t asked out yer precious Shoyo-kun!” “This isn’t about me! And leave Shou out of this!” Akaashi woke up to the siblings bickering, and he looked at Osamu, and he knew this is where he wanted to be.