Chapter Text
“Don’t let this happen! Do you hear me?” A guy he’s never seen before shakes him by the shoulders, his face a mix of concern and horror. “You have to remember, Hanbin!”
He wants to ask him about a lot of things:
Who are you?
Do I know you from my dreams?
What am I supposed to remember?
But he can’t move his lips.
And he wakes up in a cold sweat.
Ringing fills his ears, and Hanbin winces.
Just as suddenly as the awakening, the realization hits him—he doesn’t remember yesterday. It’s as if fragments of his memories, like puzzle pieces, have been removed from the overall picture. He remembers his name, age, family, friends, occupation, hobbies. But somewhere around his throat, something pulses spasmodically, as if foreboding something bad. Like a sign:
Something is wrong.
He pulls out his phone from under the pillow, his fingers typing on autopilot.
hanbin:
did we drink yesterday?
Sohee:
What?
jaehyun:
hanbin, did ya drink without us?…
kinda disappointed
hanbin:
i don’t remember what happened yesterday.
Sohee:
I can’t believe you got totally wasted without us…
jaehyun:
hope u suffer froma hangover.
hanbin:
but i don’t have a hangover?
jaehyun:
then why did u ask us if u drank or nah?
weirdo
Sohee:
Hanbin, go get some sleep.
jaehyun:
LMAOOOOO
hanbin:
fine, i won’t ask you anything else.
jaehyun:
ohh u offended or smth?
A persistent feeling that he must do something important doesn’t leave him. But what is it that he has to do? What?
Hanbin frowns and gets out of bed.
A strange day. A buzzing head. A sense of being lost.
What is really going on?
He doesn’t perceive anything even at the entrance of the university when Jaehyun catches him, throwing an arm over his shoulder.
“Why do you look so gloomy today?”
“Nothing. Just had a strange dream,” Hanbin brushes it off.
“And what was it about?”
“I…” Hanbin blinks a couple of times.
What did he dream about?
He saw something unusual in his dream. Or rather, someone.
But what was it?
He… doesn’t remember?
Why?
“Hey?” Jaehyun waves his hand in front of his face. “Stop zoning out.”
“I don’t remember what I dreamed…”
“Well, okay.” His friend shrugs. “Most people don’t remember their dreams anyway.”
“I know, but… it feels like I should have remembered this dream, like something important was happening.”
“What?” Jaehyun glances at him and snorts. “You’ve been saying strange things since morning. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yes, everything is fine.”
“Are you sure you didn’t try something harder than alcohol yesterday?”
Hanbin stares blankly at him. For a split second, Jaehyun seems completely stranger to him. He shakes his head, rejecting both this absurd suggestion and his own thoughts.
He’s known Jaehyun for so many years. They’re close friends. They should know everything about each other.
Jaehyun, Hanbin, and Sohee—the unbreakable trio. Popular, confident, charming—that’s them.
So why does Jaehyun seem so familiar yet so foreign right now?
An unpleasant chill runs down his spine.
“I need to go.” Hanbin carefully removes Jaehyun’s hand from his shoulder.
“Already?!” He pouts like a child. “Sohee will be here soon! And you want to run off to your Chinese prince again.”
Wait.
Wait.
Wait.
To whom?
A sharp pain shoots through the back of his head like a thin needle piercing through. Hanbin winces, turns around, and leaves his friend unanswered, not knowing where to go.
Because his legs are leading him on their own.
To Zhang Hao.
And it’s astonishing.
Because Zhang Hao is incredibly beautiful, like an angel in stardust.
But this is their first meeting, isn’t it?
Hanbin doesn’t remember him.
But such remarkable allure isn’t easily forgotten.
“Binnie?” Hao tilts his head to the side, staring at him in confusion. “Is something wrong? Have plans changed?”
“Eh?”
Binnie?
“So… you’re not here to tell me that plans have changed and we need to reschedule our date?” He blinks and pouts. “Although, you could have just texted me instead of crossing the entire campus to say that.”
Date?
Hanbin doesn’t remember knowing about Zhang Hao’s existence until this moment.
“Ah!” Hao snaps his fingers and breaks into a smile. “So you just missed me, right?”
What is he talking about?
“Zhang Hao? I think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding…”
“Hao-hyung!” He’s interrupted by a cheerful voice from the hallway, belonging to a guy happily running toward them.
“Gyuvin?”
Hanbin stands awkwardly while Gyuvin whispers something to Zhang Hao. He feels uncomfortable, as if he doesn’t belong here, as if everything around him is somehow artificial.
“Binnie.” Zhang Hao calls him that again. “I need to go. Professor Hong needs me now. Call me, okay?”
Zhang Hao quickly hugs him and rushes off. Hanbin doesn’t even have time to think; he just catches a sly glance from Gyuvin, who is raising his eyebrows playfully.
Today is very strange. And to be honest, the word "strange" doesn’t even come close to describing it. Crazy? Wild? Insane? Getting warmer.
Hanbin periodically hears a ringing in his ears, and he feels on the edge. He has no idea what’s happening or who to turn to for help. The dream he can’t even remember still spins in his mind. And the people around him seem suspicious.
Either the whole world has gone mad.
Or there’s something wrong with Hanbin’s head (which sounds more logical than a mass insanity).
He digs out a hand cream with sandal and neroli from his leather bag because that scent calms him down, reminding him of his mother, who had shoved that tube into his hands before he left home to plunge into endless adulthood.
“It’s okay“, Hanbin mouths silently.
As if that was enough.
Just words are enough for Hanbin.
And when his father told him he wasn’t the best son, though that memory is hazy, he clearly remembers the tone with which it was spat out; and when his younger sister said it was silly of him to try to take someone else’s soul by giving away pieces of himself because no one would appreciate it anyway (not that she was wrong, but it still hurt); and when his ex said he needed to be simpler so it would be easier to love him; and when a unknown little girl said tears made him uglier (she caught him at one of the worst moments of his life, simply because Hanbin didn’t have the strength to hold himself together on the street); and when his mom said it’s okay, even if Hanbin could never be the son she could be proud of.
It’s okay.
Words are enough, you know?
For someone like Hanbin, that’s more than enough.
Although he’s still bothered by the fact that his brain displays all his memories in a blurry way, and he can’t recall faces or places because every time he tries, his head starts throbbing harder.
An unexpected touch of something cold against the soft skin of his cheeks pulls him out of his thoughts, and Hanbin jumps back, directing a surprised gaze at Sohee, who is holding a plastic cup with the logo of some coffee shop.
“Did I scare you? Sorry.” There’s not even a hint of guilt in his eyes. “I brought you an iced latte with caramel syrup. Just how you like it.”
How do you know how I like it?
He almost blurts out but bites his tongue just in time.
“Thanks.” He manages to squeeze out and takes the coffee from Sohee’s hands.
Tastes like… nothing.
Is coffee supposed to feel like this?
“Hanbin?” Sohee calls him, pulling him away from the strangeness of what’s happening, “Are you meeting with Zhang Hao today?”
“Why?”
“Just curious.”
Hanbin wants to ask him. He wants at least some answers to his questions. To prove that he isn’t crazy and that someone is just messing with him.
“Yes. We have a date.”
And Sohee doesn’t look impressed.
And that can only mean one thing.
“Me and him… are we dating?” Hanbin asks seriously, and that already makes Sohee impressed.
“What do you mean? You’re asking me?” Sohee furrows his brow, apparently going through a thought process. “Or have you decided to confess to him on your upcoming date?”
“What?”
“I didn’t catch that… did I hear you right?” Sohee shifts uncertainly. “You two are always flirting and going on dates, but for some reason, you still aren’t officially together, even though everyone at the university knows you like each other.”
“What??”
“Are you stuck?” Sohee looks him up and down. “Are you sure you’re okay today? Or is it just the nerves before your confession?”
“I…”
“Anyway, I’m glad for you! Finally, you’ll stop whining about him in our group chat.” Sohee laughs and places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently.
What the fuck? When did he ever do that?
Hanbin frowns, wanting to say—no, to protest(!), but Sohee beats him to it:
“Let’s wait for Jaehyun; he’ll be here soon.” His eyes gleam strangely and eerily, sending unpleasant shivers down Hanbin’s spine.
Hanbin thinks about Sohee’s look and that conversation the whole time. Even when Jaehyun arrives, chattering away about some attractive guy who flirted with him yesterday near the library. And even when Hanbin skips classes because he feels awful, hiding out in a nearby café. He holds his phone in his hands, waiting for a message from Zhang Hao. Something tightens in his chest.
He feels it: something’s not right.
Call me, Zhang Hao’s voice echoes in his mind.
Hanbin hesitates; his breath quickens, and for a moment, everything goes dark in front of his eyes.
It’s okay.
Everything will be okay.
But that doesn’t calm Hanbin—somehow, it’s not enough.
And he jumps at the sound of his phone ringing. The screen displays “Kim Gyuvin, first-year politology.” His trembling fingers hit the answer button.
And probably it’s a mistake.
Everything is a mistake.
He wishes he hadn’t woken up this morning.
He wishes his head hadn’t been pounding all day.
He wishes he had managed to cancel the date with Zhang Hao.
He wishes Gyuvin hadn’t distracted him back then.
He wishes Zhang Hao had just listened to what Hanbin was trying to tell him.
He wishes the whole chain of events, set off by random actions, hadn’t led to this.
Because Kim Gyuvin’s hysterical, crying, loud voice almost deafeningly comes through the speakers:
“Hao-hyung got hit… by a car.” A sob, the hum of cars in the background and sirens of an ambulance, “The ambulance is here. Hyung…”More sobbing. “What do I do? I’m so scared. Th-They said… they’ve recorded… the time of d-death…”
Hanbin forgets how to breathe.
He starts crying, not even knowing why. He blinks rapidly, squinting. And he regrets not being able to turn back time.