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In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Izuku repeats this mantra in his head as he tries to calm down. After a few minutes, his heart rate returns to a semi-normal pace, and he takes a few sips of water to try to center himself.
He stands in the kitchen of Troy, the temporary dorm building outside of UA, and does his best to settle from a nightmare that shook him out of his last sleep before the showdown with Shigaraki. Tomorrow, Aoyama is going to meet with All for One, and all hell will break loose. For now though, Izuku remains haunted by images of Lady Nagant, Muscular, and all the other battles he faced over the past week. He knows he needs to get back to bed, but sleep will only bring the next morning faster. As much as Izuku is ready to end this, he’s terrified of what he’ll have to lose to see it through.
Not wanting to go down that route of thinking, Izuku gulps down the rest of his water and heads for the elevator, getting in and pressing the button for the fourth floor. He rests his eyes as the upward motion lulls him into a calmer state. When he hears the ding! and the sounds of the doors opening, he begins walking out, eyes lidded half-shut.
“Oi, this is the second floor.” A grating voice startles him out of his serenity. Izuku opens his eyes to see Kacchan walk onto the elevator and stand next to him, looking simultaneously irritated and exhausted. Kacchan was also placed on the fourth floor, so it makes sense that he’s going up there, but it was odd that he was on the second floor, especially at this late hour. Izuku opens his mouth to question the other’s bizarre actions when —
CREAK
The elevator grinds to a halt. He meets Kacchan’s gaze, matching wide-eyed stares. Izuku watches as Kacchan starts hitting the buttons on the elevator’s panel, trying to get the doors to open.
“This is fucking ridiculous, this is what we get for riding a death trap that was built in a week.” He grumbles in complaint, moving to the center of the tight space they’re in and raising his hand.
“Wait!” Izuku halts his actions, “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Kacchan responds, incredulously. “I’m blasting us out of here.”
His palms start to spark. Izuku, panicked, leaps on the boy, shoving him out of the way and once again stopping his explosion.
“Kacchan! We’re on the fourth floor! If you break the cables we’ll fall four stories.” He explains. Kacchan must really be tired if he didn’t think about the consequences of setting off an explosion while hovering this high in the air.
“Here—” Izuku offers, as he pries the elevator doors open, green lighting flashing around his arms. The doors give, revealing a very thick slab of concreting stretching almost the entirety of the doorway. “We’re in between floors.” Izuku allows the doors to close once again when he notices that there is not enough room either above or below for Kacchan to fit through. He turns back around to face the other boy.
“Well, we have to do something.” Kacchan’s face forms into a sarcastic smile. “Sorry, Mr. All for Fucking One, we have to postpone our war. Oh, why, do you ask? Well, the only person that can kill you is currently stuck in an elevator. Can you reschedule for next week?”
Izuku can’t help it. Despite the situation, he bursts into giggles at the ridiculousness of the other’s antics. Kacchan looks surprised at this, like he didn’t consider his own humor. Finally settling down, Izuku responds.
“Can you call Aizawa and tell him what happened? I don’t have my phone on me.”
“I don’t either.” Well, that’s quite unfortunate. This could turn out to be more of a problem than Izuku initially thought.
“They’ll notice we’re gone eventually. At the very least, someone will try to use the elevator tomorrow morning.” Izuku slumps down against the far wall, trying to get comfortable and come to terms with the long night ahead of him.
Kacchan sits down against the opposite wall with a sigh. Izuku notices that of all the places he could have chosen to sit, Kacchan picked the one spot where they could easily face each other.
Izuku really hopes this isn’t going to be awkward. They’ve been talking a lot more lately, with Kacchan in on the secret of his quirk. He’d almost go as far to say they were becoming friends, though he’d never admit that to the explosive boy. Izuku is touched by the dedication he’s put into helping him improve his new powers. The change in their relationship is most evident in the apology Kacchan gave him, the day they brought him home. That fight is fuzzy in Izuku’s memory, having been as exhausted as he was. But he can’t forget the look of genuine guilt and despair on Kacchan’s face as he apologized for everything in their past. It was that look of honesty that sucked the last of the fight from Izuku’s bones. He had finally allowed himself to rest when he felt Kacchan’s arms holding him up, comforted by the knowledge that he would never let him fall.
“So, why are you awake anyway? Shouldn’t you be resting for tomorrow?” The question pulls Izuku from his thoughts and back to the boy in front of him.
He can’t think of a real reason to lie. “I was sleeping. I had a nightmare, and went downstairs to get water.”
Kacchan’s eyes soften, and his face shift from his typical scowl to one of understanding.
“About—” He starts, looking shockingly nervous. “About what happened out there?”
Izuku feels spurred into sharing by the genuine honesty radiating off the other: from his expression to the tone of his voice, Kacchan is being very kind right now. It must be a consequence of the late hour and the impending doom of tomorrow.
“Yeah,” Izuku begins. “I saw so much bad out there. And on top of it, I had to be prepared for a fight at all times. I barely got to sleep, and I never got to relax. It was, it was really hard.” This feels so foreign to Izuku, never one to complain. Perhaps the stress of everything is getting to him too. Or perhaps he just feels safe here, in such an enclosed space literally isolated from the outside world, with no one but Kacchan. It’s unusual how safe he feels, when this situation would have been his worst nightmare a year ago. But Kacchan does scare him anymore, and Izuku has seen much worse than the rage of an arrogant middle-schooler.
“You shouldn’t have been out there alone.” Kacchan scoffs, rolling his eyes in a way that would look like indifference to someone who didn’t know him.
Izuku doesn’t want to talk about that though, doesn’t feel like reminding him of all the reasons he had to be alone out there. So he decides to shift the conversation.
“What were you doing awake? Thought you needed your beauty sleep.” He teases him, trying to lighten the mood.
“I was with IcyHot.” Izuku gives him a questioning glance, and he continues. “He’s having a really hard time. I mean, everyone is, but he has to go out there tomorrow and fight his brother. Who he thought was dead for years.”
And that’s — yeah. Izuku feels a pang of guilt at the fact that he hasn’t been able to be there for his friend. Things just got so chaotic after discovering all the Todoroki family history. He makes a note to really talk to the boy, once this is all over. He’s glad Todoroki hasn’t been alone, though, But he is surprised to hear it was Kacchan of all people giving him comfort.
“Are you guys friends now?” He questions, curious about how much has changed since he’s been gone.
Kacchan scoffs at the question. “I don’t have friends, nerd.” He seems like he’s going to leave it at that, so Izuku gives him a pointed look. “We all talked a bit more while you were gone. IcyHot was losing his shit, to be honest. You just up and disappeared, it was terrifying.” He pauses, then amends. “For everyone, I mean.”
Izuku is touched by the sentiment, that all of these great people care so much about him. It’s something he never thought he’d have, but—
“I never wanted you guys to worry about me. I was fine out there and that’s why I left the notes. So you’d know why I left.”
“You weren’t fine!” Kacchan snaps, “You literally just told me how not-fine you were. You sent yourself out on a suicide mission, not stopping to think about your own safety, just barreling from one fight to the next. Not to mention, being hunted down by the worst villain the world’s ever seen!” Kacchan takes a breath, but he can tell he’s not done. “And don’t even mention that fucking note! You might as well have left without a trace, as far as I’m concerned.”
Ah, he does feel quite guilty about that. For everyone else in the class, Izuku had a lot to explain. But Kacchan already knew everything that was going into most notes. It would looks suspicious, though, if everyone else received one. When Izuku thought about what he wanted to say to the boy, only one thing came to mind. So that was all he wrote:
Thank you.
Izuku supposes it’s fair for Kacchan to be upset about that. It seems like he needed to get all that off his chest, and Izuku was happy to allow it. For once, he’s using his words, and not his hands, to express his frustrations.
“Are you done?” Izuku raises an eyebrow at the boy. He nods, and slumps down even further against the wall.
“Look,” Izuku begins trying to explain, “I’m sorry that I worried you.” Kacchan looks slightly panicked at the use of you rather than you all. “I did have to go alone, though. I was being hunted. I couldn’t risk putting anyone else in danger by being with me.”
“Did you never stop to consider that we’d take the risk? That I’d take the risk?” No, Izuku hadn’t thought of that. So he tells him.
“Honestly, no. I guess I’m still not used to you,” he hesitates, nervous to say the word Izuku averts his eyes, “caring about me. I’m not used to you paying so much attention to me.”
Izuku keeps his attention focused solely at the floor, worried about how his companion will react to his words. But Kacchan makes a loud sound of disbelief, pulling his attention up from the floor.
“Seriously, nerd? I mean, the caring thing, I get. I was a piece of shit. Still am, sometimes, to be honest.” Izuku is surprise to hear that admittance from the other boy, but does not interrupt, wanting to hear what else he has to say. “But do you really think I haven’t been paying attention? Don’t be an idiot. Even when I was a little brat with an ego, I was always paying attention to you. I wanted to be the best. The number one hero. So I trained and trained, but I knew there was something I was missing. I didn’t have that ability to comfort that All Might had, and I knew it. But I saw it in you, even when we were kids. And I hated that there was something you had that I didn’t. So I tried to beat it out of you. I figured if your life was hell, you’d turn mean. You’d fight back and then I could stop having to see something in you that I wish I had. It never worked though. All the shit I put you through, and you never lost who you were. And then you got a quirk. You were comforting AND powerful. You know how the rest of the story goes. But yeah, I was always watching you, even when I hated what I saw.” Kacchan finished, looking like he surprised himself with how much he had to stay.
Izuku had no idea this was how he felt. He knows Kacchan has an inferiority complex, but he didn’t realize that Izuku made it worse for him. It makes a lot of sense now, why Kacchan was so relentless. He hated Izuku’s kindness because he was scared he wasn’t kind. He is kind though. At least, now he is. Izuku looks up at Kacchan’s face, shocked to see such unguarded emotion.
“I— Thank you for telling me that. I didn’t know. I guess it’s nice to hear that you always saw something in me. I really did think you were amazing that whole time, no matter what you did to me. I still do think you’re amazing.”
Katsuki scoffs and looks away, trying to hide the pleased flush of his cheeks. “Well, we’re a hell of a pair, aren’t we?”
Now Izuku feels a blush of his own rising in his cheeks. Kacchan grouping them together like that, after everything he just said, feels almost intimate. Izuku finds that he doesn’t mind it though. He likes getting to talk to Kacchan like this. He likes the honesty and the vulnerability. He likes the laughs they shared earlier. He likes how easy this is. When did it get so easy?
“I’m really glad we get to have this, Kacchan.” Izuku does his best to express what he’s feeling, but he can feel his cheeks getting warmer. He looks over at Kacchan to find a knowing smirk on his face. “I never really thought we’d ever get here, again. But, I really am grateful for our relationship.”
Wait, what did he just say?
“I MEAN FRIENDSHIP!” Izuku quickly amends; At this point his face is on fire. “Friendship, of course. I’ve really missed our friendship.” Izuku ends with a nervous laugh, thinking he’d rather face All for One right now than the look on Kacchan’s face at his words. Kacchan looks, fond? He’s smiling at Izuku. Izuku doesn’t think he’s ever smiled at him like that before. It’s pretty. He’s pretty.
“Yeah, friendship.” Kacchan holds his gaze, taking a more serious note now. “Hey, Izuku?”
“Yeah?”
“When all this is over, after everything gets rebuilt, will you go on a date with me?”
WHAT?!
Kacchan wants to go on a date? Kacchan likes…? Oh, Kacchan likes! He never thought, not in a million years! He thought he was lucky enough just to be friends with Kacchan. And now, he might get to have more? And Kacchan initiated it! He wants it too, just as much! Izuku can’t wait to — oh, he should probably answer him. Be cool, be cool, be cool.
“Yeah, Kacchan, I’d really like that.” He can’t help the smile growing on his face, feeling comforted by the matching one on Kacchan’s face at his words.
“Cool.” Kacchan pauses for a moment, and then his face falls. No, no, no. Why is he upset? “All we have to do now is win a war.”
Oh, right.
For just a moment, Izuku forgot about everything. Now it all comes back to him though. All the pain and loss and death, the sleepless nights and paranoia. The people he’s lost, the things he’s still yet to lose. The war he’s going to lead in a mere couple of hours, with so many people he loves on the battlefield with him. With Kacchan on the battlefield with him. Oh God, what if they don’t win? What if it goes horribly, what if All For One sees through their plan, what if he loses everything?
What if he loses Kacchan, before he ever really got to have him? After a lifetime of misunderstanding each other, never being on the same page, hurting each other — they finally know what the other is thinking. And it could be for nothing. This isn’t fair.
If something happens to him, if it doesn’t go well, if they lose, he wants to have everything, at least once.
“Kacchan,” He starts nervously, across the elevator until he’s within arms reach of the other boy. Izuku reaches out his hand, and the other takes it with no hesitation. Their eyes meet. “Can I kiss you?”
Kacchan’s face gets impossibly soft, and he squeezes Izuku’s hand.
“No.”
Izuku abruptly pulls back, embarrassed. He tries to pull his hand out of Kacchan’s, but he keeps a strong grip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“
“Izuku, stop. Come back.” He comforts, and Izuku folds. He returns to his place right in front of the other boy, as he feels Kacchan put his free hand on his face. He gently grips Izuku’s jaw and tilts his face up, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Do it tomorrow.”
“But what if —“ Izuku starts.
“No,” The other boy interrupts him. “No what if’s. We’re going to win, and you’re going to be fine.” He smiles. “You’re going to be fine, because you have a boyfriend to kiss. And I’m going to be fine, because I have a date to plan.”
Izuku relaxes, smiling at the words. He’s grateful that with all the stress and fear coursing through him, he doesn’t have to face any more newness tonight. He can’t help but let a yawn out, feeling his exhaustion return.
Kacchan releases his hold on Izuku to remove his hoodie. He bunches it up and lays on the hard ground, using the garment as a pillow.
“Cmon, we’ve got a long day tomorrow, we should go to bed. So much for a good night’s sleep.”
“Not like I was getting one anyway.” Izuku responds, laying down a respectable couple of feet from his new boyfriend.
“Shit. Is there anything I can do to help? With your nightmares?” Kacchan offers, and Izuku feels a bit giddy with the clear concern. Kacchan is going to be a great boyfriend.
“Honestly, I think you just being here will help.” Izuku admits, wishing he had a hoodie to rest his head on.
“Well, come here then.” Kacchan offers, reaching his arm out in a clear invitation.
Izuku hesitates for a moment before scrambling to close the space between them. Now laying pressed up against each other, Kacchan guides Izuku’s head to his chest, and wraps a strong arm tightly around him. Izuku feels the stress seep out of him, and lets out a sigh of relief at the unexpected comfort and warmth he feels from the other’s body.
The comfort and safety of the embrace allows him to admit the feeling he’s been trying to ignore, trying to pretend he isn’t experiencing.
“I’m scared.” He whispers, despite the fact that they’re alone in the elevator. Kacchan’s arms tighten around him as he takes a shaky breath.
“Me too.” Kacchan admits, just as quietly.
At this admission, Izuku feel his eyes well up. He’s faced with just how unfair this whole situation his: He’s sixteen, he should be thinking about his first date with his new boyfriend, not whether or not he’s going to die tomorrow. Izuku starts shaking with how hard he’s working to hold back tears.
“It’s okay, let it go. I’ve got you.”
Now granted permission, Izuku allows the damn to break. He sobs into the chest of a boy he thinks he might fall in love with, if he’s given the chance to. Kacchan does what he can to help, holding him tight and rubbing soothing circles into his back. He doesn’t shush him, or complain. He just lets him mourn. Izuku cries as mourns for Nighteye, for Midnight, for Eri and Kota, and the childhood’s they lost, for his classmates, and the pain they have to go through. He mourns for himself, and the opportunity he lost to be a kid, excited for his first date with his best friend. His tears start to dry, and he feels the last of his willpower to stay awake fading.
“So,” Izuku starts sleepily, voice rough from crying. “Tell me about this date you’re planning for us.”
“Well,” Kacchan begins, the vibrations in his chest while he talks sending Izuku into sleep faster than he thought was possible. “I was thinking we could go to an amusement park. You like crepes, don’t you?”
Izuku does not answer him, already asleep.