Chapter Text
One day, in the capital of Korea, two rather close friends, Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk, have meet. Some days prior they had their first time together, which, of course, made things extremely awkward between them.
Joonghyuk, who's having far-right nationalist views, feels embarrassed with the fact that his first time was with a man, trans man at that. Even tho he's clearly interested in men, the young man is homophobic due to his beliefs, about which he forgets whenever he sees the one he just recently slept with.
- Joonghyuk-ah... We need to talk.. - says Dokja, with uneasiness tinting his voice
- Kim Dokja? What happened? - asks Joonghyuk, clearly confused on what could trouble Dokja man so much
- I- uhm.. I think.. - Dokja looked around nervously as he fidgeted with his hands, not daring to look at the man in front - I think it would be better if we sit down somewhere.. It's really important. - He says, this time with his hands busy in his pockets now.
Joonghyuk nods and shifts his gaze to the nearest bench. What could happen for Dokja to act this way? Joonghyuk wondered. They've known each other for not long but still he was worried. Who wouldn't be tho?
They made their way to the bench and sat down. For a moment neither of them dared to break the thick silence. The little sounds of nature made Joonghyuk mad for his friends soft voice, currently trapped behind his small, plump lips.
Joonghyuk sighed, his deep, like two obsidians, eyes now looked at the man next to him - Kim Dojka.. Tell me what happened. - His voice, always firm and steady, this time with a hint of worry.
Dokja's hand grip grew tighter Joonghyuk’s voice. His soft lips parted for a moment just to be shut in a straight line again. At the sign Joonghyuk decided to ask - Kim Dokja, should i be worried? - That question made him shiver and take something out of his hoodie pocket.
It was a small, long and light object. It was nothing other than a pregnancy test. Now that the item could see the sunlight it was time for Dokja to see these nervous eyes.
- Yoo Joonghyuk, I... I am pregnant. - Dokja spoke as if he knew that he had nothing to lose now. Still hesitant, Dokja gave the test to Joonghyuk so he could see for himself. Their eyes locked together, one pair shocked while the other nervous.
As Yoo Joonghyuk took the object in his hands and looked at it terrified. He was scared to be a father but he had to be there for Dokja now, his honor wouldn't let him leave his new boyfriend to suffer this alone, without any help. Before knowing what their, as he assumed, one night thing led into, he would never think about getting together with another man. But now, they had to be together, for the child.
- ah- Don't worry Joonghyuk-ah.. i will get rid of the baby so- Before Dokja could finish his thoughts he was cut off by the tall man
- No - Said Joonghyuk, visibly upset with the Dokja’s words - Don't do that. Abortion is a sin. It's killing innocent children... If you do that.. God won't forgive you. - Joonghyuk said firmly yet it didn't seem to work on Dokja.
- What do you mean? I can't raise a child myself. And even if, it's just a clump of cells, not really a human yet. - Worry leaving Dokja's voice as annoyance took over. The man respected his friend's beliefs but he couldn't take it when he was the target of Joonghyuk's ideology.
- Kim Dokja.. If it means that the child survives I will stay and take care of you the whole pregnancy and even longer. - Joonghyuk said with determination igniting in his eyes. - I don't think I would ever forgive myself if you did that. -
Dokja looked at Joonghyuk, his mouth open in disbelief. At the sign of the taller man so concerned, yet fully ready to do anything for their not yet child, face. It made Dokja giggle. Yoo the always cool Joonghyuk being so caring is not something he would imagine.
For a moment Dokja was lost in his thoughts until his hands were wrapped in bigger, warm as blanket hands. He could only tell the owner of this warming sensation one thing - Alright.. just as you said, I will keep the baby. - As he told it he could see Joonghyuk's face rest as it was tense before - But not because it's murder or something! -
He shifted his gaze when the grip on his hands tightened. His starry eyes once again found his friend's and at the sign his eyes softened - It's because.. This baby is so important to you and i still have some respect for you left.. Even with your views.. -
Joonghyuk could only nod at these words. He was happy that nothing would happen to the child and to Dokja. But another thing came to his mind - But promise me one thing. You won't say anything to others about my.. uh.. "homosexual tendencies"... - The tall man replied fast, as if in a hurry. Oh he was so embarrassed to say these words, but he had to be sure that no one will find out!
ah he can't be for real..
Dokja knew that Joonghyuk was catholic but that did hurt him. He didn't want others to find out about them being together? Sure, Dokja was also worried that people find out about the pregnancy, but them dating was the biggest problem to him?
- I would also rather keep it a secret.. Most people think that I'm cis and i prefer it being that way... I'm scared of transphobia. But we have to be honest here, your reason is so stupid. - Dokja said the last part in a mocking tone and Joonghyuk took the hint instantly.
- ah.. I'm gonna be honest here.. This pregnancy brings so much gender dysphoria... - Dokja looked at his new lover and sighed - it's usually a female thing.. -
- oh i see.. I'm sorry.. I don't know how it is to be trans - Joonghyuk answers upset since he can't possibly know through what his boyfriend had to went. To show Dokja his support he tries to hug the man but is pushed away.
- Bro, leave me! Don't touch me! Can't you see what our physical contact did to me?! - Dokja half yelled at Joonghyuk. The taller one didn't expect Dokja to react this way so he bring his hands back to his body.
- So.. What now..? - Joonghyuk asks, looking like a puppy that was just saved from drowning.
Huh? That's so ooc of him.
- I don't know.. I'm scared... - Dokja respond looking at Joonghyuk from under his bangs. If Joonghyuk looked like a wet puppy then Dokja looked like a scared kitten.
- sigh - To comfort Dokja, Joonghyuk did something he would never even think of.. He whispers "Born this Way" lyrics to Kim Dokja's ear..
"Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby, you were born this way
No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive"
Lady Gaga's song made Dokja feel a little better and helped him believe that everything will be good again. But the fact that his catholic boyfriend knew the song and lyrics did surprise him, in a good way of course.
As they got up from the bench, Dokja couldn't miss the opportunity to make fun of others' singing skills - You're perfect at everything BUT singing huh - Dokja's laugh only grew harder when Joonghyuk gave him a side eye.
After the laughter silenced none of them made any noise. The first one to break the silence was surprisingly Yoo Joonghyuk - So.. Would you want to live with me from now on? - he said. His voice was cold again but with a sparkle of awkwardness. All Dokja could do was look at the man next to him.
And the silence was thick, again.
- Are you for real? - Dokja asked - You don't have to force yourself into living with me. -
- Who said I'm forcing myself? -
- What do you mean? There is no reason for you to want to live with me. - Kim Dokja paused for a second - Well.. Maybe except the child.. -
It got awkward again. Dokja looked and feelt uneasy and his hands found themself amusing, just like before. Before he told Joonghyuk about everything.
As Dokja thought about the man, Joonghyuk sighed catching the others wandering eyes.
- Kim Dokja.. I want to take care of you so please let me.. It'll be better for both you and the child if you lived with me. - Joonghyuk stoped walking and grabbed Dokja by his wrist.
At this place they should part their ways and go to fully different places. Joonghyuk didn't want that to happen. Not because he liked the other man or anything, but because of the baby they had to take care of. Of course that was the only reason.
- Joonghyuk-ah..? - He felt his eyes water but he couldn't break in front of Joonghyuk. Why would he cry anyway? - You really do care about me and the kid, haha.. - Dokja smiled. His smile was maybe sad, maybe happy but it didn't matter because it was a genuine smile. - Alright.. If you want then we can take my stuff tomorrow. There's not much of it anyway. -
Joonghyuk nodded and walked again. His hand lowered a little to hold Dokja's hand. It was a gentle, warming touch.
The tall man guided the shorter one to his apartment. It wasn't far away from the park so it took no time to get there. As they stepped in Joonghyuk's big hand freed Dokja's smaller one. The warm sensation hugged Dokja's hand gently, just as gently as Joonghyuk did.
Who knew his hands could be this warm?
- Make yourself at home - Joonghyuk said not looking back at Dokja who just now turned his eyes to see the room.
what the fuck? what is this?? Who designed this place??? No way I'll live here if it looks like this!