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W hen Taesan rolled over in bed this morning, he was greeted with narrow eyes instead of Leehan’s signature sleepy smile. So, being the ever-so-loving and affectionate (despite what some fans assumed) boyfriend he was, he pried.
“G’morning.” He mumbled while stretching his limbs, his throat slightly dry– which added a subtle rasp to his voice. Leehan’s eyebrows came together as his eyes trailed Taesan’s features, lips curving downwards.
“What?” Taesan asked before wiping his pajama-shirt sleeve over his face, paranoid he had drooled in his sleep. The blonde swallowed a lump in his throat before sitting up and pushing himself off the bed. “Leehan?” Taesan called out, sitting up and running a hand through his bedhead.
For the first time in what felt like forever, the couple didn’t do their morning routine side-by-side. Taesan watched as Leehan picked out his outfit for the day before slamming their bedroom door closed and making his way to the shower.
The black haired man got up a few minutes later, only after he was able to convince himself that he most likely wasn’t the problem. He and Leehan had been together for months, and in those months– Taesan had learned plenty about the younger.
Like how he hated the fluorescent lights that were in all the dance practice rooms… or how he couldn’t stand the texture of a certain sweater Woonhak gifted him, yet he forced himself to wear it at least once a month– for the maknae’s sake.
All this too say, Taesan knew his boyfriend. He knew Leehan’s likes and dislikes, his loves and his hates. He also knew how to read Leehan’s emotions; it’d taken a while to learn since the blonde showed them in extremely confusing ways, but he’d done it. Because he loved Leehan, and loving Leehan, for Taesan, meant being there to comfort Leehan even when he didn’t ask for comfort.
This was why Taesan immediately began on Leehan’s favorite breakfast, managing to have it ready before the blonde got out of his morning shower. He greeted his boyfriend with a gentle smile as he held up the plate, proud of his culinary skills.
“I made this for you,” Taesan said, earning a weird look from Riwoo, who was currently fighting back from being smothered on the couch by Jaehyun. Leehan looked at the bowl in his boyfriend’s hands, a sulky pout taking its home on his lips.
“I thought we could eat it together, or I can make you your own bowl.” Taesan explained. The blonde huffed through his nose before shaking his head, “I’m not hungry.”
The taller frowned. “Are you sure? You should eat-”
“I said, I’m not hungry, Taesan.” Leehan’s words were sharp as he pushed past his boyfriend, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “Jaehyun and I are going shopping, I’ll be back later.” He mumbled, turning to look at Taesan.
Leehan’s eyes weren’t soft like they usually were. They weren’t silently begging Taesan to invite himself; in fact, Leehan looked as if he’d rather be anywhere but with his boyfriend.
Taesan felt his heart wobble in his chest as Leehan pushed past him, clearing his throat at the other couple sitting on the couch. The alternative man felt a bit childish at how quickly jealousy filled his veins. Jaehyun and Riwoo were tangled in each other's arms- looking as if tearing them apart would actually kill them.
“Myungjae, let’s go.” Leehan cleared his throat, already lingering by the exit of the dorms. Jaehyun looked up from Riwoo’s phone before glancing at the black-haired man who was still standing with a bowl of uneaten food in the kitchen. “Oh, Taesan’s not coming?” He asked innocently, eyes darting towards his own boyfriend.
He’d probably invited Riwoo, assuming Leehan had invited Taesan…but Leehan hadn’t invited Taesan. In fact, he’d barely said more than five sentences to his lover all day.
This realization made Taesan’s stomach churn, confusion and hurt twisting around his ribcage.
“No. Are you coming or not?” Leehan asked, clearly growing impatient. If he wasn’t currently acting like Taesan was some plague he needed to avoid, Taesan would’ve rubbed his hand over his shoulder.
Taesan wanted to rub his hand over Leehan’s shoulder. He wanted to comfort the man, to make up for whatever he’d done.
Jaehyun nodded wordlessly, pressing a kiss to Riwoo’s jawline before untangling himself from the shorter. “Bye, Taesan!” He called before slipping out the front door. Leehan waved goodbye to Riwoo- turning and giving Taesan a blank, almost disgusted stare before following the leader.
A flurry of negative emotions hit Taesan so hard that he had to tighten his grip on the porcelain bowl just to ensure he didn’t drop it. He furrowed his brows together as he tried racking what he’d done, only to come up with nothing.
He couldn’t think of a single thing that would’ve made Leehan ignore Taesan to this level. In fact, they’d had an amazing day together yesterday. He and Leehan had spent the day together at the HYBE building, practicing choreography and just generally taking up space…together.
Leehan had leaned on Taesan when walking through the halls, not a single trace of worry on his face– hands intertwined, he’d even felt brave enough to kiss Taesan’s cheek.
When they came back to the dorms, they nearly tripped over the group’s shoes; drunk on love as giggles emitted between them. It was nice, comforting, it was them .
So, whatever Taesan did must’ve been within the small amount of time they were getting ready for bed…but what had he done?
“What’s wrong with you?” Woonhak asked, bedhead causing his hair to stick up in all different directions. The maknae managed to snap Taesan out from his spiraling thoughts by taking the bowl from his hands and instantly digging in. “Hey!” He called out, “That’s for Leehan!” His words were instinctive but only made the pain in his heart worse.
Woonhak looked around before shrugging, “I don’t see him.”
Riwoo laughed from his place on the couch, and Taesan sighed heavily, throwing his head back dramatically before slumping into the seat next to his boyfriend’s fishtank. Woonhak frowned, meeting the dancer’s gaze before tilting his head toward the distraught man.
The ginger rolled his eyes, finally giving in. “Taesan, what did you do?” He asked, clicking off his phone and focusing on the conversation he’d begun. Woonhak sat down across from Taesan, always overly invested in the relationship drama that went on in the dorms.
Taesan opened his mouth then closed it, words evading him. “Yeah, hyung, what’s troubling you?” Woonhak leaned in, chewing with his mouth open. The alternative man sighed, pushing the youngest back into his seat before turning his gaze toward Riwoo.
“Nothing, literally nothing.” He swore, rolling his eyes when Riwoo raised an eyebrow. “C’mon, hyung. You had to have done something.” Woonhak pried, the sounds of his spoon scraping against the bowl echoing through the living room.
“Riwoo, I’m serious.” He said, deciding to ignore the maknae for now. “I woke up, and he just…he’ll barely even look at me!” Taesan complained, dragging a hand down his face tiredly.
“He didn’t even let me brush his teeth!” He added, immediately regretting his words once Woonhak burst out laughing. “No way, you two seriously do that?!” He gawked, eyes wide as he looked between both his hyungs.
Riwoo wrinkled his nose. “That’s…whatever.” He sighed, “C’mon, you seriously can’t think of anything?” He asked again, standing up and sitting at the dining table. Taesan nodded, “Honest.”
Woonhak winced, “I’m so glad I’m single… this seems like a lot.” The maknae stood up, putting his bowl in the sink before retreating back to his room.
Riwoo thought quietly, tapping his foot against the wooden floor. “You don’t kick in your sleep, do you?” He asked. Taesan furrowed his brows but shook his head. The ginger frowned, looking defeated.
A few more moments of silence passed, the only sounds in the dorms being Woonhak’s occasional laughter at a funny video and the hum of Leehan’s fishtank.
Just as Taesan was about to give up and look up the nearest florist shop, Riwoo’s eyes lit up. If this were a cartoon, the ginger would’ve definitely had a lightbuld over his head.
“What did dream you, do?” He asked, sitting up straight and leaning against the table. Taesan squinted at him, reading his face for any sort of “joke”...there was none.
“What?” Taesan asked, genuine confusion in his voice. Riwoo sighed, “What did dream you do?” He repeated, as if his question was at all logical.
“How am I supposed to know that?” He questioned. Riwoo let out a deep, genuine laugh, one that came from the belly. “You don’t know, that’s the 'fun’ part.” The dancer put up air quotation marks.
Taesan felt like his brain was fried; it wasn’t even 2 pm yet.
“Jaehyun gets mad at me all the time for things I do in his dreams,” Riwoo shrugged, “Except he can’t ignore me for the life of him. I’m assuming Leehan’s the opposite?” He questioned. Taesan huffed out a laugh– “Clearly.”
“Isn’t that…toxic?” Taesan questioned. Riwoo shrugged again, “Probably, but he’s hot, so a little toxicity is allowed.”
Taesan couldn’t argue with that, unfortunately. He frowned, wondering what sort of asshole he’d been in Leehan’s dream for him to be this upset.
“Well, how do I fix it?” He asked, looking towards the older man with desperation in his eyes. Riwoo shook his head as he stood up. “If you figure it out, let me know.” He joked before walking down the hallway.
Taesan groaned once again, laying his head against the dining table and squeezing his eyes shut.
The rest of the day sucked. Leehan hadn’t texted him a single time, yet Jaehyun couldn’t seem to stop texting Riwoo– that was the only way he found out they were on the way home.
It’s not like Taesan hadn’t tried texting Leehan; he’d send him photos and voice-memos throughout the afternoon. Detailing things like the beats he was working on, or the food Woonhak had accidentally ordered too much of.
It was late when Jaehyun and Leehan got back home, so late that Taesan was already tucked into his side of the bed– only staying up to make sure Leehan didn’t attempt sleeping on the couch.
Luckily, he didn’t…though Taesan wasn’t sure if that was because of his attraction to his bed or the fact his back was incredibly sensitive. Either way, Taesan decided to count it as a win.
When Leehan entered their shared room, the black-haired man immediately popped up. “Can I brush your teeth?” He asked, cheeks flushing at just how stupid the sentence was– deepening when he realized how desperate his tone was.
The blonde man looked at his boyfriend, his expression the smallest bit softer than it had been this morning. “No, I can do it myself.” He decided, stepping into the conjoined bathroom.
Taesan, who’d been craving the smell of Leehan’s sandalwood cologne since this morning, scrambled off the bed and after his boyfriend– only barely managing to step into the bathroom before Leehan slammed the door closed.
“I know you can, ” Taesan assured, “But I want to.”
Leehan looked into his boyfriend’s eyes, his big brown pupils searching Taesan’s for something .
What exactly, Taesan wasn’t sure.
“You can stand in here, but I’m brushing my teeth.” He said firmly, turning away from Leehan with the same amount of sass that only a spoiled child could carry. Taesan, once again, accepted the small victory and stood with his back against the bathroom door– the tight muscles in his shoulders relaxing as he caught the faintest wiff of Leehan’s cologne.
“How was your outing?” Taesan asked, tired eyes taking slight offense to the bathroom light. Leehan glared at him through the bathroom mirror as his toothbrush scrubbed over his teeth, grumbling something that sounded reminiscent of the word “Fine.”
Taesan nodded, “My day was good, too.”
Just as Taesan was about to sulk about just how much he’d been ignored that day, he heard Leehan’s- now clearer- voice, “That’s good.”
The alternative man perked up, feeling like a neglected kitten. “I kicked Woonhak’s ass in Mario Kart, five times.” He boasted, a sense of pride panging against his chest as he pried the smallest smile from Leehan.
“That’s nice.”
When the couple finally laid down, Taesan’s lips turned downwards once again as Leehan turned away from him. The black-haired man stared at the ceiling, thoughts racing with irrational worries.
What if they couldn’t move past this stupid day? What if Leehan was mad at him again tomorrow and the day after that? What if Taesan’s sadness turned to anger, which turned to hatred?
He felt nauseous at the thought of hating the blonde. Leehan was funny, sweet, and most importantly– Taesan’s best friend and lover.
“Goodnight.” He squeaked out, trying his best to sound like emotion wasn’t squeezing his throat together. He shut his eyes, despite not being tired in the slightest, hoping that Leehan would wake up normal tomorrow.
“Goodnight,” The sheets ruffled; Leehan had turned to face him. Taesan’s eyes snapped open as he quickly moved to make eye contact with his boyfriend, “I hope you don’t kiss a fan tonight.” Leehan’s words were meant to be mean, to be full of attitude…but the unseriousness of the sentence made that nearly impossible.
Taesan shot upwards, as Leehan turned back around.
“I did what?” He asked, placing a hand on the younger's shoulder. Leehan turned back, propping himself up on the pillow slightly before looking anywhere but Taesan’s eyes.
“You kissed a fan… in my dream last night.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. If his tone hadn’t been so sad, Taesan was sure he would’ve laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Leehan’s brows knit together in the way they did only when he was trying not to get choked up, like his entire face had to be squeezed tightly together in order to not cry.
The lights were off in the room, but Taesan could still make out Leehan’s face. He always could, it was Leehan .
“Why-” Taesan cut himself off, realizing that talking about this “kiss” was clearly upsetting Leehan enough. “How dare I.” He decided on, heart begging him to pull Leehan into a hug when he heard a sad, breathy laugh come from him.
Leehan nodded, long hair moving with his motion– “I know.”
“I mean, that’s just unsanitary.” Taesan made sure to add quickly, “And disrespectful to my loving and beautiful boyfriend, of course.”
Leehan actually laughed at this, his hand moving to grab onto the fabric of Taesan’s sleep shirt– his brain needing confirmation that Taesan was here . Taesan leaned in, laying at Leehan’s side and resting his head against the younger’s chest– his heart was beating heavily, the alternative man frowned at this.
“I wouldn’t do that, ever.” He looked up at Leehan, genuineity dripping from his lips. Leehan nodded, adjusting his position slightly so his back wouldn’t hurt in the morning. “I know, I’m sorry.” He mumbled, fingers finding Taesan’s scalp.
Taesan let his eyes flutter close, “You don’t have to be sorry…you were scared.”
“I was mean, though.” Leehan fought back, Taesan rolled his eyes– “You’re hot, you can be a little mean.”
Leehan sputtered around a laugh, making his boyfriend smile against the fabric of his pajamas. The two fell into comfortable silence, relaxed breaths, and the nearly silent vibration of the A/C filling the air. Taesan isn’t sure who falls asleep first, but what he is sure about is that Leehan has a good dream that night– judging by the sleepy kisses he woke up to the following morning.