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Ai shite. That’s what exactly he’d said to Green. Red wrote it out all over the inside lining of his knapsack, contrasted it with ‘koi shite’, until he had to look way deep into the difference. Both were ‘I love you’. But one had to be right. One had to explain what Red wanted from Green.
The kanji for koi is fascinating because it can be broken up to mean ‘fire’ and ‘heart’ — fire of the heart. That’s why it’s romantic love. That’s why it’s hardly ever used. It’s too much to unleash on anybody unless the time is really really right, and that’s why there’s a ‘lid’ on the kanji.
But ai is different. Ai means love too, but ai can be broken down as a hand gently covering a heart, and the person that heart belongs to. Ai is love too, but it’s not a fire of the heart. It’s a love that drives the urge to protect someone — a parent’s love, a friend’s love. Sure, it can be a lover’s love too, but ‘ai shite’ is not a confession of mad passionate love so much as a confession of both needing and wanting someone to be safe.
There is no lid in ai. There is nothing being held back for one’s own sake.
Red wonders which he feels for Green. For once in his life, he’s overthinking. Maybe he’d figure it out the more he stood with Green and felt.