Chapter Text
Have you ever had a moment where you had to stop and ask if this is, seriously, your life?
For Darcy Lewis that happens on an almost daily occasion.
It all started when a god fell out of the sky and Jane (totally Jane, not her) hit him with the van. From there things only got more surreal as they were introduced to the fact that they weren't really alone. There were whole other planets and dimensions out there, with people and other creatures and things. Meeting Thor's friends was actually pretty damn cool - Sif was awesome, Fandral flirted like there was no tomorrow, Volstagg was hilarious and Hogun had that whole silent yet deadly thing going on - if you forgot about Thor's psychotic brother sending a giant fire breathing robot thing to destroy them all.
But Thor saved the day (after dying - it was still a little weird) and things went back to normal.
Well, as normal as they could get when your boss was in a long (long, long) distance relationship with the god of thunder.
Actually, it was almost a little boring after that. No more gods falling from the sky, no more bifrost or giant robots. Just notes to transcribe and poptarts to replenish. And then, one night, she and Jane were practically dragged out of bed to be sent off to the middle of nowhere in the middle of nowhere (A.K.A Tromso, Norway) because Thor's psychotic brother was back.
Jane was, understandably, not pleased. Even more so when she found out that Thor was back as well, but hadn't bothered to try to contact her.
A limited amount of information on what was going in New York City filtered its way through to the observatory in Tromso, but they got the gist of it; Loki had an army of aliens (she was still pissed about missing out on the aliens) and was trying to take over the earth. He failed, obviously, because they weren't all members of his army of mindless slaves. They got forgotten in the chaos of cleaning up the mess, so it wasn’t until nearly a month after the attack that they returned to New Mexico.
And after all of that, Darcy was ready for normal. For boring. For nights of staying up light drinking entirely too much coffee while trying to decipher Jane’s notes.
Now, three months later, that normal and boring she’d longed for was actually sticking firm. And considering how things changed so much the last time around, she should have known better to expect it to stay like that.
She’s alone in the van tonight; Jane and Erik were off at some conference or meeting or whatever, and she’d managed to beg out of it. It took several lectures and some bribery involving poptarts, but eventually Jane trusted Darcy enough with her babies - a.k.a the equipment - and left very clear instructions on what data to record. There was a slight spike in one of the readings tonight, but nothing big enough that would signify the reopening of the bifrost. Still, it was worth investigating and it got her out of the lab.
In the end it was nothing, just a glitch. Or at least that’s what she’s assuming since Jane is the one with the PhD and not her. She scribbles a few notes down and adds in a reminder to double check the calibrations on the equipment in the morning before pulling off. And that’s when she hits it.
Or him, rather.
The first thing out of her mouth as she scrambles out of the van to see who she’s hit (and, okay, this time it is totally her fault) this time is, “Seriously?”
The lack of flowing blond locks lets her know that she at least hasn’t hit Jane’s boyfriend (again), but the darker hair makes her grab her tazer. She can already get a decent enough look from a few feet away but she goes in closer just to make sure that her assumption is true.
“Shit.”
It’s Thor’s brother, Loki. As in, sent the giant robot thing to kill them then tried to destroy New York City, Loki. Loki who was supposedly locked up and undergoing justice, if the news reports were correct. So what the hell is he doing here?
A slight groan from him is the only response she gets, and, risking life and limb, she kneels next to him just to make sure that he’s not seriously injured.
But why should she care? This is the guy that tried to kill her and her friends, then attempted to take over the entire planet. Why should it bother her if he’s hurt?
She has no idea. Which really, really bothers her.
And while she’s been pondering this, Loki’s eyes have opened and he now stares up at her. From the glow of the headlights she can see that they’re a little glazed over and she gasps when his hand wraps firmly around her arm.
“Sigyn?”
“Uh, no. It’s Darcy, actually.”
“Sigyn....” he groans out the name, then goes silent as his body goes limp.
Great. Now she has an unconscious psychopathic villain to deal with. At least she knows to skip the hospital this time; Asgardians bounce back pretty quickly from getting hit by a moving vehicle. Except now it’s just her and while Loki looks like a beanpole, he weighs a ton. Somehow she manages to get him into the back of the van and then out again and into her apartment. It’s times like now that she’s grateful for living on the ground floor. She settles him onto the couch, checking his pulse just to be sure, then sits on the coffee table and stares at him.
Now what?
It’s way too late to call Jane or Erik; she knows what their schedules are like when they’re at a conference and waking Jane up to tell her that her boyfriend’s brother is unconscious on her couch could result in giving the woman a heart attack. She’s sure that SHIELD would probably want to know about this, but she doesn’t have a number for them and she’s pretty certain that they’re not listed. It’s easy to get intimidated by this, to want to cry or scream or even curl up in the corner in fear. But she can handle this.
She is Darcy Lewis, tazerer (totally a word) of gods, almost holder of a B.A in Political Science.
She’s got this.
~~~
When she wakes up in the morning, she quickly becomes aware of just how much she doesn’t have this. Loki is in her room, his face practically pressing against hers, his hand around her throat and he looks furious.
“Who are you?”
“Darcy Lewis.” It’s hard to make her voice sound all strong and confident when he’s straddling her and all that’s between her and a whole lot of leather is a threadbare comforter that’s seen better days and a mismatched set of pajamas.
He growls a little, low in his throat, and now is seriously not the time for her thoughts to be going where they are. This is Loki, would-be destroyer of Earth and all around bad guy.
But, damn, why’d he have to be so good looking? Sure, she’s seen plenty of footage of him, but being up close and personal with the guy is different. He practically oozes power and it’s entirely not fair at all that he has to be the bad guy. Her thoughts are still firmly headed towards certain areas, and, as if he senses this, he backs off.
She sucks in a deep breath, then sits up, eyeing him as he starts pacing back and forth in her cramped bedroom. If she had know that she’d be playing host to a god she would have at least tidied up a bit.
“Where, exactly, am I?”
“My apartment.”
The look he shoots her freezes any other snippy remarks. “Puente Antiguo, New Mexico.”
This stops him dead in his tracks. He shakes his head, and it takes her a moment to realize that the noise coming from him is laughter. It’s a rather bitter laughter, but a laugh all the same.
“Of course he would send me here, of all the places on Midgard.”
“Yeah, speaking of. Why are you here? I thought you were undergoing justice, or whatever.”
“I have been banished to Midgard to complete my sentence.”
Her jaw drops for a moment. “Seriously? You were banished to the place that you had leveled with that giant fire breathing robot thing. On the planet that you tried to takeover.”
“Never let it be said that the All Father lacks a sense of humor.”
“How is that considered punishment at all?”
“I am being constantly monitored. The moment I cause any physical harm to one of you mortals, the All Father will see fit to remove me of my powers.”
“And nearly choking me wasn’t considered physical harm?”
“It’s a very loose definition.”
“So now what?”
He’s stopped pacing for now and leans against the wall, all lean muscle and leather and, okay, she really needs to focus on something else.
“Now I suppose that I am at your mercy until SHIELD arrives.”
“But how would SHIELD even know that you’re here?” His look stops any further questions on that. “Right. Super secret government agency. Well...are you hungry?”
~~~
SHIELD shows up three hours later.
Loki’s on his second pizza and they’re halfway through Empire Strikes Back when she hears several cars pull up outside as her door is kicked in. She knows that she’s (mostly) innocent here, but armed men busting into your apartment instills the need to stand and raise your hands above your head.
Loki doesn’t even flinch. He simply takes another bite of pizza and glances up at the SHIELD agents before returning his gaze to the screen.
“Do you mind? We’re about to see whether or not Han Solo can successfully navigate through an asteroid field.”
“He does.” It’s a new voice, but one she instantly recognizes. “And you can put your hands down, Miss Lewis.”
“iPod thief! No offense, but you look like hell.” He really does. Pale and tired and way too thin, and she feels a little guilty at wondering if he still has her iPod.
“It’s Agent Coulson, and none taken.” Coulson eyes Loki and she can sense there’s something there that she’s missing.
Loki glances up and while she’s still without all of the details, she can tell that whatever it was happened between them. And that Loki wasn’t expecting to see Coulson again.
“Would somebody care to fill me in on the exact details as to how a wanted criminal ended up on your couch?” Coulson’s voice lacks any humor despite how funny it sounds to hear him put it that way.
She glances over at Loki who’s eerily silent as four SHIELD agents surround him.
“Apparently he’s been banished to Earth to complete his sentence. And yes, I recognize the irony in that. I was checking out some odd readings last night when I hit him with the van- “
“You hit him with the van?”
“- yes, and at least I didn’t taze him. I didn’t have anywhere else to take him, so...here we are.”
“And the pizza and movies?”
“He was hungry, and everybody should watch Star Wars at least once.”
She’s not sure, but she thinks she sees a smile tug at the corner of Coulson’s mouth. But it’s gone before she can say anything, and the next hour goes by in the blink of an eye. Loki’s escorted out, and so is she, but minus the restraints. They’re put in separate cars as they drive a few miles outside of town. There’s a jet-type thingy there, along with a pretty swanky looking private plane. She expects to be split up again, but Loki’s led onto the plane right after her.
Coulson pops in a few moments later.
“We’re taking you both to New York. I have Loki’s assurances that no harm will come to you, or anybody else. Agent Stills will ride with you to ensure this.” And with that, he exits.
“He doesn’t say much, does he?”
Agent Stills stays quiet, but Loki snorts. It’s a rather undignified sound for someone who seems so regal just sitting there.
The flight to New York is long, but actually quite amusing. Loki mumbles something about Midgardian technology every time the plane hits a pocket of turbulence, Agent Stills twitches whenever Loki so much as breathes differently, and Darcy takes full advantage of the bottle of scotch that’s in the small bar.
By the time they land she’s feeling pretty good and she’s actually a little grateful for the liquid courage when she sees all of the Avengers (minus Thor) waiting for them. Tony Stark approaches them first, and now is seriously not the time to fangirl but she may have let out a tiny little squeak.
“You’re Tony Stark.”
“Yes, yes I am. And you’re drunk, Darcy Lewis.”
“Not drunk! Tipsy. Tipsy is the word. Nice scotch, by the way.”
“You drank my thirty year old scotch?”
“Not all of it. But, yes.”
“You’re my kind of girl, Lewis.”
She grins at this, and the grin widens when she sees the slightly bored and irritated look on Loki’s face.
“Nice to see you again, Reindeer Games. You’re looking far less Hulk-smashed than last time.”
“Stark.”
Darcy glances back and forth between the two of them during their exchange like she’s watching a tennis match. She’s hoping for more, especially if Tony has any other nicknames, but the fun is ended when the same four SHIELD agents from before come to take Loki away.
She doesn’t even bother trying to hold back the frown.
“Come on, Lewis.” Tony wraps a friendly arm around her shoulders. “Let’s introduce you to the rest of our ragtag crew.”