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I couldn't save anyone. Anything. Ever.
So as I sat in the room assigned to me, the stone walls made me cold, even while covered by a knitted blanket, snot and tears running down my cheeks.. how had I failed so horribly?
As you circled around for a while, accepting the food I gave you, growing bigger.. no one knew about us.
After nearly a year, in that desolate puddle of Hell, I found you. No longer swimming in an excited circle. You did not open your mouth.
I never felt so helpless. I didn't even want to touch you. So bloated and heavy. Staring lifelessly back. Only then did I notice how awful you had always smelled. A scent I cherished and associated with happiness. Along with your beady eyes, which now looked closed.
My uncle found us first. He almost scolded me, but he was suddenly quiet. Processing. Thinking of what to say. To do. He always had been an enigma, but then more than ever.
He crouched down, and took a handkerchief to my nose. He hushed me. Warned me about my father. We didn't want him to find us here.
He didn't dare to hold me, he never did, nor did he touch me further. He simply sat in silence. After a few moments, he began looking around. I'm older now, and understand he was keeping a lookout.
As I reached to you, greyed and bloated, for it was no longer you, you glowed suddenly. I swore you moved. Were you still with me? Did your fins wave excitedly to greet me?
Then, you vanished with the light. My uncle was horrified. The look on his face telling me that something happened. Something he'd have to utter to father. His eyes paused on my face. My eyes were full of tears, I could hardly make out the empathy on his face. The pity.
For I couldn't even save you.
