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English
Series:
Part 2 of Katsuki's Fucked Up Life™
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Published:
2025-04-07
Updated:
2025-09-17
Words:
2,621
Chapters:
11/?
Comments:
28
Kudos:
19
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378

A STUPID FUCKING NOTEBOOK #2

Summary:

Guys I finally did it. I FINALLY WROTE THE NEXT FIC :D

the first chapter for this has been collecting dust in my drive for months and i couldn't contain myself anymore it needed to be posted!!

please be patient I have a lot of work irl I need to do AND a whole bunch of posting for other fics i'm desperately behind on so stay tuned, i hope to post about once a week if not sooner!

this new journal begins in middle school..MMMM, SCRUMPTIOUS

HAVE FUN AO3IANS ☆♪

!!THIS BOOK IS PART OF A SERIES, PLEASE READ THE FIRST BOOK, THIS CANNOT BE READ SEPARATELY!!

Notes:

GUYS OUR LIL KATSUKI ALL GROWN UP DA BOI IN ALDERA NOW 💀

Tws:

Blood/gore

mentioned child abuse

panic attacks (mildly hinted at, you have to squint)

referenced depression

Chapter 1: Something I Can Live For

Chapter Text

Hey. Sorry this page is so bloody. The hag gave me a good uppercut and I bit my tongue. Hard. It won't stop bleeding, and I can't even swallow enough of it fast enough, so it's just dripping into this page. My bad. I was being a brat, though, so she had a good reason. For some reason, I felt argumentative today, and decided to tell her to fuck off when she asked if I had done my homework. I was tired, I did it all in class. I was really tired. It's around midnight now, but I can't fall asleep because I passed out on the kitchen floor after the hag punished me. I don’t know what I'm going to tell my teachers if my tongue doesn't stop bleeding by morning. I don't know what I'm going to tell Izuku. Not that he’d ask. He's probably got friends of his own, or still has his face buried in that stupid book of his. I'm guessing the latter. Well, either way, he wouldn't look at me long enough to notice, I bet. Not after what I told him that one day, I forgot which one. Does that make me a bad person? I think I'm going down that hole again, where I wonder what the good things in life are, what it’s worth, to live. But It’s ok, I figured out a way to keep it from…getting worse. If it’s bad, I just name something I can see that I enjoy, something I can smell that I enjoy, something I can touch that I like, and if I'm lucky, something I can taste that I like. It’s nice, because I know for sure that I can’t see or hear or touch or taste anything I like if I’m dead. But I can’t experience things I don’t like, either. So…no, never mind. God, I have fucking school tomorrow, it’s gonna be even more of a shitshow if I don’t even try to sleep..

Age 12

Chapter 2: Life Just Got Worse

Summary:

Izuku's Personal Notebook #2!

Izuku doesn't know what he did so wrong...

tws:

mentions of bullying, physical harm caused by (quirk) discrimination, slight self-detrimental thoughts

Notes:

shout out to Angel_of_the_Ark (idk if that was correct i'm in a rush) for giving me new determination to finish this! This fic idea was my first post and didn't get nearly as much attention as some of my others, so I pushed it to the back, but if i've learned anything from MHA, it's to work hard to achieve your goals, and this idea was the beginning of my path to where I am now, so thank you!

I hope all of you that have stuck with me til now enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hello new diary, it's Izuku Midoriya. I'm 12 now, and I honestly don't know what I expected, going into Middle School. I thought I had thought up every possible scenario, but I was very, very mistaken. For one, the idea in my head that made most sense to me involved getting bullied by the entire grade and being ignored by Kacchan, while trying to get my mom not to transfer me or call the teachers that definitely won't listen. Well, the reality is quite different in multiple very unexpected ways.

 

-No one dares to bully me (they still hate me in secret, no doubt)

-The teachers care a little too much about my existence, in the sense that they're constantly trying to get me expelled, or worse, in jail for things I swear on my life I never did, or things blown ridiculously out of proportion

-I don't think my mom could care less about any aspect of my life, let alone my school drama, and is no longer around for long enough to hear about it in the first place

-Kacchan is now the reason I hate my life

 

Well, that last part is obviously untrue. Nothing Kacchan does is ever going to make me hate my life. But it's the same kind of idea, I suppose. He's kind of the replacement for the absence of the grade's criticism.

...

and bullying. But I probably deserve it! I mean, Kacchan's better than I am at everything, he's so amazing, so if he's bullying me, he's definitely got a really good reason for it! I just have to figure out what that is...It's got to be something bad that I need to fix right away, otherwise he wouldn't have given me a black eye today. I just hope he can forgive me

 

IZUKU YOU SOUNDED LIKE THE BIGGEST DUMBFUCK ON THE ENTIRE PLANET IN THIS. TRULY, I THINK YOU WERE SMARTER BEFORE YOU STARTED GOING TO SCHOOL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD BE LAUGHING OR CRYING RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO STUPID. So obviously I'm crying, like the big-fucking-baby I've turned into. But that's probably for the best. I am impressed with your analysis, though, it was completely spot-off. You better be a changed man today, Deku, because reading this gave me the determination to get my lazy shit-self out of bed and beat your ass at life today! BE PREPARED NERD

Notes:

gosh, now it's Izuku's turn to give you his roller-coaster life angst, and you better be prepared! (SOME OF THIS MAY SEEM NOT KATSUKI-FRIENDLY BUT ALL WILL BE EXPLAINED IN HIS POV I SWEAR IT). You have no idea how much your support means, for those of you that write serious angst you understand me 😭

please feel free to spam my email with comments or kudos or idk just seeing it before my day starts makes it all the better :)

chapters will continue to come out inconsistently, sorry about that! I have a lot more that I'm working on, and my reading obsession is never going to fade, so...

Chapter 3: ANBIVDBUEWODFJIWQM

Summary:

Has Katsuki lost it at last..?

Tws:

well it aint all that clear wtf is happening so nope! not today :)

Notes:

AHAHAHAHA U WONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THIS ENTIRE VERY DEFINITELY LONG CHAPTER MWAHAHAHAHA

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

HiiiiiIIIIiiiiIIIIIiiiitssssskasuuoki i dnwato saaaaaaatisno

tbok iz suouoouoooou SSSTSTTUSSPIPDHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANCODNUWEIHFIEWNOUVHEPRIAFN

 

Izuku from the future again. I'm so surprised 'Suki let me annotate his notebook, he keeps it like an ancient relic! I suppose even he thought a little elaboration was necessary, though. Katsuki was

 

Age 12

Notes:

SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT IDK HOW TO WRITE 'CRAZY HOMELESS GUY' LANGUAGE (apologies to all who take that as offensive I understand the graveness of the situation I assure you)

spam me with comments on your hypothesis' for what the hell happened to our poor Katsuki!! I love to hear your ideas, and I might decide to make one of them the canon for this fic!!

GIMMIE COMMENTS AND KUDOS IS WHAT IM TRYNA SAY JUST-WAAAAAAA

Chapter 4: I Don't Want To See What He Saw

Summary:

Is Izuku losing his mind, or is Katsuki? Who can tell, when no one notices either of them, slowly rotting away in this suffering they have marinated in for so long?

Notes:

Sorry guys, I aint giving you time for hypothesis! IM ON A ROLLLLLLLLLL

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Kacchan didn’t bother me today. He didn’t talk to me or touch me, either. Hell, he didn’t even look at me. I know I should be elated right now, so happy that my bully is finally giving me a break, but no. I cannot be content. The only thing I felt today was worry. The thing is, Kacchan didn’t talk to anyone today. If anything, he looked completely out of place. He just sat there, staring at nothing the entire day. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought he was just sleep-walking most of the day. Functioning just enough to not get on the teachers’ radar. I don’t want to know what happened. Eventually, after school, I approached Kacchan, asked him if he was ok. He didn’t even respond, just stared right through me. He was swaying where he stood, too, like he was going to topple over any minute. Of course, I tried to get Kacchan’s attention, so I waved a hand in his face, and that sure got him to recognize me. He fucking screamed and fell over, crawling away from me with tears in his eyes. Like I was some animal that was going to tear him to shreds in the most painful way fucking possible. Lord help Kacchan, I never want to see what he saw that day.


Ok, it’s Izuku from the future again and I've calmed down. Apparently, Katsuki got a concussion and was very confused. I’m honestly very surprised-and fucking angry -that no one noticed. Kacchan was so confused and in so much pain, I really don’t want to think about it, but I'm forcing myself as punishment for my ignorance. I was so stupid growing up, no wonder everyone looked down on me.

Notes:

sooooo? What do u think about it? Was this good enough for you??

Chapter 5: Cover Page

Summary:

This is the cover page for this fic, it’s SO long overdue!!

Hope u like it :)

(Apologies if the link doesn’t work it be tweakin’)

Chapter Text

 

Katsuki’s Stupid Journal

Chapter 6: I Can't Be Weak

Summary:

Weakness is pain. That's the only rule in the Bakugou household. And pain is life.

Notes:

I wrote this chapter listening to Stuck Inside by The Living Tombstone

can you tell? Cuz I can't, lmao

I know these chapters are all painfully short, but I WILL WRITE MULTIPLE THIS WEEKEND

This is higher on my priority list than life right now so there's nothing in the way!

Chapter Text

hi 

 

so

 

Sorry for the-err-confusion-in the last…entry..?

 

My head hurt

 

Still does

 

It's better now, though

 

…

 

As better as it can be

 

I got hit pretty hard I think

 

I don't remember though

 

That kind of scares me, I'll never admit it though. If people think I'm weak, they’ll tell the hag. I know it. Somehow, that damn hag will find out and she’ll be the last thing I fucking see. I’ll never see Izuku again. 

 

But maybe that's for the best

 

Age 12

Chapter 7: Mom Came Home

Summary:

Izuku's mother had come home at last, after such a long time of distance. And somehow, Izuku wished she hadn't.

Notes:

Ugh

I kind of hate having to write Izuku's POV because I actually need to THINK to write it. Grrrr

Hope you enjoy, this one is a little longer than some others so hopefully it will tide you over while I write the next chapter

Also my phone is about to die and I'm at GAP desperately trying to escape with no door in sight so if you never hear from me again, you'll find my corpse near the hats :)

Chapter Text

Hello again. I do have news today, but…I don't know if I want to write it down. I feel like…if I write it down, not only does that make it feel more actually real, but it also means there's evidence that it happened. Well, some form of evidence. My word. But I suppose that by now I've talked indirectly about it for long enough that it doesn't even make sense not to say what it actually is that happened. Well.

 

I came home from school late, having been confronted by Kacchan’s friends associates, and my mom was home. Actually home. It's been fucking years since I've seen her, and I know she comes home because things will be out of place or something will be missing when I come home from school, but she was actually there. She took one look at me and…she cried. I still remember what she said, even though it's close to midnight now, and this happened hours ago: “Why…? Why is my baby s-so weak..? Why couldn't I have had a child like Katsuki, who was brave and strong with an impeccable quirk? There's no potential for my child, what am I going to do when I get old..? There’ll be no one to look after me…” 

 

I'm going to be completely honest right now, that hurt like a motherfucker. Not just because she shamed me for being quirkless, not just because she looked up to Kacchan who has been hurting me for a long time now, but because she wishes I was never born. Or, at least, that's what I got out of that. And knowing that no one cares about you anymore, that people only care about you if they want you hurt, that’s…hard. Harder than I want it to be. Sometimes I wish the people that hurt me could feel that pain. Sometimes I wish Kacchan

Chapter 8: My Confession Entry That Turned Into a Page About Me, Just Like the Self-Centered Brat I Am

Summary:

"Self-centered, stupid brat who only hurts other people. You'll never be a hero, go join that junkie team-the League of Villains or whatever-and pray as you die from a fucking drug overdose that you're a better person in your next life!" That's what she said before it faded to black.

That thought's been rolling around in his head for a long time.

Notes:

OK THIS IS OFFICIALLY A RECORD FOR ME

3 chapters (i think?) in one day guys im on a roll 🥹

Edit: ok minor edit just for an incorrect thing at the beginning, nothing to get worked up about sadly...new chapters soon though!

Chapter Text

I guess I haven't talked about Izuku in a while. Or rather, what I've been doing to him. This is going to be a ‘confession entry’ I guess.

 

Today he wouldn’t stop following me around, looking like a fearful child trying to comfort an injured lion that might bite their head off at any moment. Don’t question the detail in that synonym, I’ve had a lot of time to think as I have an excuse to be lying on the kitchen floor. The hag whacked me with a chair. Anyways, it got really annoying, as you can probably guess. I hate that kind of thing. It isn’t personal, of course. I wouldn’t think even slightly poorly of Izuku if he told me to off myself. I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. Well, It got to the point where I was annoyed out of my mind, and my head was fuzzy and blank and my ears were ringing and everything hurt and I…punched him. Right in the nose. He looked so confused and sad, but also, like, relieved? What the fuck was I doing during the day I didn’t remember? The one where I wrote that gibberish down. I’m actually kinda nervous. What if other people noticed? I would be in big trouble…

 

Well, Izuku’s nose bled a lot and he had to go to the nurse’s office, but I didn’t get in trouble for some reason. No call to the office, no talk with the counselor, no call home punishment. Not even a warning, or a weird look. I feel really guilty now…and just sad that I didn’t get in trouble. Why is that?

 

I thought I hated being in trouble, but every time I narrowly escape a beating or punishment nowadays, even when it’s not at home, there’s this…disappointment. Like I was looking forward to didn’t mind it. Every time that happens, I have to be satisfied with burning or cutting my arms, sometimes peeling at the skin a bit. I’m not strong enough to punch myself in a way that hurts yet, I don’t know why other kids cry when I punch them. I can barely feel it, just a daze from the impact and maybe a bruise. It’s difficult to tell what bruise came from what injury now, though, so I’m not sure. I just wish the hag would throw something harder at me. Is that bad?

 

Age 12

Chapter 9: Death isn’t really a sadness

Summary:

Katsuki ponders life and death

(A poem)

Tws:

Grief
Mourning
Depression
Mentioned drugs
Mentioned selling of organs
Mentioned abuse

Notes:

IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY 😭
I haven’t written in so long, it feels like a crime…
I just awakened as a Therian (don’t give me shit, I’m not here for it) and I’ve been exploring that, so I abandoned this for a bit..
I also had to miss movie night, so be grateful!!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Death is not a sadness. It’s what died in us during life that is a tragedy

even though it’s gone, we still carry it with us for the rest of our time

Being dead doesn’t affect you

it affects everyone else

but you cannot feel guilty or sad for them if you are dead

therefore

life is more of a despairity than death

unless

of course

you are the one who is left behind

i suppose I never did mention Kariage

if these records were ever found, I was sure he would be punished

but he cannot be punished

not now

not ever

again

he was my one and only friend

through times good

and the rest of the times

despair

anger

pain

drug dealers and gamblers

never meant for raising children

he was simply pocket change

to use as drug money 

when needed

it was needed

apparently

because I doubt they would have shed a tear

For their poor 

unfortunate 

son

that is what the pope said

”too young”

too young for what?

freedom

happiness

numbness

there he sits

upon that hill

the only comfort I can give 

Is to wrap my arm around his stone

and tie my hand to his name

forever etched into cold

unwanting

unloving

stone

with knife and blood

and that one sheet of glass

In which we teased spiderwebs 

covering every inch

just like how he lead 

his whole

life

full of broken parts

so many

that they must crisscross each other 

to fit

my whole body is just 

one 

single

scar

by now

lines have been crossed

one

too

many

times

just as they crossed a line

That day

when my only comfort’s insides

those 

warm

wonderful

insides

were taken from him

from me

and sold to a strange

strange

place

for a strange

strange

substance

would it matter, really

if I followed Kariage?

he would be angry

if he could be angry

if he wasn’t six feet under

mouth shut forever

maybe

I would see him again

He could spit foul language at me

anything

just no more

loud

dark

horrific pictures

painted

carved

seared

into my mind

with twisted

winding

words

I could hug him

I’ve never done that

anything other than

my father’s

evil

touch

I could talk to him

like we used to

i wouldn’t have to pay with

skin

and blood

for every word

uttered

Death is not a sadness

it’s what died in us 

and around us

in life

that is devastating 



age 12

 

Notes:

Edit: uhhhh yeah guys I aged him back to 12 because ofc we need a birthday scene =_=

WHICH IS COMING SOON

Chapter 10: Don't worry about me and goodbye

Summary:

Izuku finds better things to do with his talent for writing

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Hi diary! 

So um...this will be my last entry for a while. Maybe forever. I've decided to fully immerse myself in studying heros so maybe I can be one too some day, even without a quirk! Maybe Kacchan will like me again Maybe my mom will be proud of me and not have to work so much! 

 

Sorry this is goodbye, but don't worry about me, I'm fine. Have faith in me! 

...I've forgotten how weird talking to a page is

Notes:

I have returned 😇
Just to clarify since y'all know nothing about me...
I'm a British glowing flying duck :)
And I'm best friends with moldy fries 😭
NOW ENOUGH ABT ME
Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me through this many chapter adventure of a tragedy and please talk to me I'm so lonely

Chapter 11: Things Are...Boring

Summary:

Izuku ponders his boring life and his relationship with his mother

Notes:

I'M BACK. I. AM. BACK. IT'S TRUE. OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS SO EXCITINGGGGGG

I was looking at my stats and saw that my fic Rewind had a ton of subs so I thought 'yo they've been waiting for months don't make them wait any longer' but then my adhd ass brain looked at the #2 most subscribed to and it was THIS and I thought 'HEY. SUPER SHORT CHAPTERS. PERFECTTTT'

because I wrote this while waiting for the shower to heat up :)

More soon, promise! Might wanna update Rewind first, though...

Chapter Text

Izuku’s Personal Notebook #2:

 

Hi. Uh. I don’t really know where to begin. A lot has happened, I guess. For one, I’m turning 13 in a few months. Which means Kacchan is probably turning 13 in-no, never mind. This journal isn’t about him, I should stop writing in it as if it was! It’s creepy, anyways. 


…But it’s not my fault if I had to draw some pictures. I’m terrible at drawing, but whatever. I was bored, for the first time in my life. Who knew school could become so…monotonous. Christ. Now that I've gotten used to the bullying and have no friends, there’s not a single thing that can relieve my boredom until I can read or watch videos on heroes and plan my future. That’s really fun. I used to do it with mom, but she doesn’t care anymore is too busy now. Which is fine, of course. She’s supporting our family. I don’t even have to work my part-time job at the gas station if I don’t want to. But of course I do, because then mom doesn’t have to work so hard. But she’s so generous and thoughtful, so she works just as hard, so hard that when she comes home she’s exhausted and barely has the energy to say hi to me. It’s inspiring and worrisome at the same time, like Kacchan.

Series this work belongs to: