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Jack often wondered about the preface of his and Alex's relationship, if it could even be called a relationship at all. He loved Alex, he was sure of that and he always had done. He had never been a big believer in love but when he saw Alex stood in front of his class for the first time, fringe flopping over his face and a shy smile tugging at his lips he was completely gone. The feelings he had for Alex only grew as they got to know each other more and when Alex came up with the idea of them forming a band Jack agreed, he would have agreed to anything as long as it made Alex happy. He never did anything with the intent of trying to make Alex reciprocate his feelings, he never even really thought of it, as far as he was concerned Alex was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he would have him in his life any way he could.
Every hug or lingering touch that they shared made Jack feel more than he thought possible. The first time they kissed was when Jack realised just how much he needed Alex in his life. They weren't exactly the most popular kids in their school but with the formation of their band Jack had hoped the teasing would lay off slightly. His hopes were shown to be futile when a boy tripped him up in the school toilets and broke his nose on a sink. He ran straight into Alex's arms and spent the entire night crying whilst Alex held him and promised it would get better for them. In the early hours of the morning when jack had finally worn himself out with tears Alex held him close, pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and told him he loved him. Jack started crying all over again at that, mumbling inaudibly that he loved him too.
Their relationship hardly changed after that night: they still went to school and band practise together, still hung out at each other's houses and were still inseparable, only now they would share kisses when no one was looking. Kisses led to other things and before long they had a sexual relationship, only neither of them acknowledged that they were anything more than best friends. As much as they attempted to keep up this charade people knew, anyone that was around Jack for five minutes knew. It never bothered Jack, as long as he had Alex he didn't care. When they released their EP at the age of 17 Alex spent the whole night wrapped up in Jack's arms telling him that this was the beginning of the rest of their lives, Jack thought the day he met Alex was the beginning of his life.
As their teenage years progressed hiding their relationship seemed unnecessary, they weren't messed up kids that drowned their sorrows in each other's arms anymore. They were both old enough to know what they had and what they wanted, or at least Jack thought they were. He couldn't believe it when Alex told him that the world didn't need to know, what they had was special and that they would always be 'best friends'. It seemed such a faraway concept that Alex would ever be the one to break his heart. He cried for hours that night, but this time Alex wasn't there to dry his tears. He found himself crying a lot more frequently that year.
At 19 years old Jack thought his world had come crashing down around him when Alex announced he had a girlfriend. He could only stare in shock as Alex avoided his gaze and clutched at the girls waist that was standing next to him, the same boy that had only ever protected him from sadness was now the cause of it. The sight before him was so familiar, so much like that day he first saw him, he was a stranger then too. He couldn't find the tears this time, he stayed in his bunk for two days straight until Alex climbed in apologising repeatedly through tears and promising he would always be the one he wanted. Jack wanted nothing more than to believe him.
The last piece of hope for a future with Alex disappeared the day he got engaged, when Jack cried and Alex told him to grow up. So he dried his eyes and drowned his sorrows in alcohol, trying not to think about how the whiskey tasted like Alex. For eight years he had hoped he would leave her, he always said he would and for a while Jack did believe him. Each time they broke up he would fall right back into Jack's arms and each time he thought they could make a go of things, but they never did. Alex never did leave Lisa and Jack never turned Alex away, even though he knew he should because he loved him and he was so sure Alex loved him too. He was so sure until that day, after that no soft words or warm embraces could convince him otherwise, Alex loved Lisa and that was that.
Now as he sat in Alex's front room at one in the morning wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts he couldn't help but wonder what life would have been like if they hadn't formed All time low. If they remained those sad teenagers in love, content with the knowledge that they would always be there for one another. Being in a band was never his dream, It was Alex's. Jack's dream had always been Alex. Maybe if they never knew fame, Alex wouldn't have known Lisa, maybe Jack would be the one that he was marrying. Perhaps Alex would have found someone else anyway, Jack didn't like to think about that. He used to think no Lisa meant no problems but he wasn't stupid enough to believe that any more. He was stupid enough to land back in Alex's bed a week before his wedding though.
“Jack what are you doing?” Jack heard Alex behind him before he even opened his mouth, his voice was so soft and quiet it was almost as if he was saying it to himself. Jack didn't want to talk to him right now, he didn't want to talk to him ever again but he would, of course he would because this was Alex. He was hoping he could have a few moments to himself and then leave before Alex woke up so he wouldn't have to wake up next to him, tousled hair and crooked smile, reaching for Jack and making him fall in love all over again. He didn't want to be in love any more. He didn't respond, he didn't even turn round to glimpse his furrowed eyebrows and concerned expression, he just stayed sitting there.