Work Text:
1.
With a hum in his breath, Kaworu watched a colony of ants march by in a neat line in front of where his feet were on the ground. He contemplated wreaking havoc by stepping on a few but watching them go about was the only thing interesting at that moment, especially when you're in the secluded part of the school, waiting for your boyfriend to turn up. Kaworu's humming grew more gleeful at the thought. Boyfriend. He was waiting for his boyfriend. A few weeks ago, he would have been waiting for his friend there but now, it was for his boyfriend.
As if he had his mind read, the sound of quick footsteps coming closer lit up Kaworu's eyes as he turned to the source of the sound. A bright, curious smile touched his lips when he saw Shinji running towards him, a spark of anticipation growing within him as he saw how he was clinging to his bento tightly and his feet picked up its pace upon seeing him. "What's got you so excited, hm? That happy to see me, baby?"
The younger boy simply scoffed lightheartedly, his smile not fading one bit. "In your dreams," he said, sitting down on the steps beside Nagisa, "and I told you not to call me that. It's weird." Kaworu grinned widely from the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of him. He had been picking on him with the name since their disagreement after watching an English movie on whether 'baby' was a good endearment in the language. Shinji's remarks were only furthering Kaworu's agreement on the usage of the name.
"Goodness, Shinji-kun! Relax!" Kaworu exclaimed with a laugh, watching him intently as Shinji struggled with the clothed knot over the bento, clearly in a rush to get it opened.
"I'm hungry."
"Let me—"
"Got it." The angel grew puzzled at how eager Shinji was but before he could ask, it was answered when he opened the lid.
"Burgers!" Kaworu cheered.
"Quick, quick!"
Before Kaworu could even process what Shinji meant, he let his mouth open instinctively when Shinji brought the burger to his lips, taking a bigger bite from it than he intended. Shinji didn't seem to mind, taking a similar bite out of it himself as his eyes brightened up like the sun before looking at Kaworu who, to his delight, shared the same expression. Every day Shinji made hamburgers for school, were the days he most looked forward to lunch break. Not only would Kaworu be able to appreciate Shinji's craft of his favourite meal, he could also see his beloved thoroughly enjoy himself. Shinji's eyes crinkled from how much wider his smile got when Kaworu kicked his legs giddily and cupped his own face with a wide grin from the next bite. Swallowing the bite, he let himself laugh when Kaworu dramatically laid back on the floor as though he had all but melted from the sheer taste of the burger.
"Absolutely delicious…" he sighed out blissfully. "Your hamburgers are the best. The height of lilin culture and cuisine. The absolute epitome of perfection." He sighed out once more, exaggerated for dramatic effect but meaning every word. "I could die right now and I'll be a happy guy. It was absolutely divine!"
"Don't you die on me just yet, Nagisa. I still need someone to finish all of this," Shinji giggled.
But Kaworu didn't move an inch. "I don't know if I can. I'll need a true love's kiss to revive me from the burger's spell," he exhaled with the back of his hand at his forehead.
Shinji made a deadpan face and turned back to his lunch. "Guess I'll just eat it all myself then."
With an instant "No!" he pulled himself up to sit closer to Shinji, opening his mouth widely as Shinji brought the burger to his mouth for him to eat. He rested his head on his shoulder and savoured every flavourful bite that was fed to him. If he didn't know what the heavens were like, he'd definitely believe it was that. Kaworu noticed there being two burgers in his bento, definitely one for him and himself, but he also knew Shinji likes to spoil him when it came to food, especially when it was made on his own, so he definitely wasn't going to call him out for wanting to feed him and ate without complain and with a wide grin on his face.
Shinji scrunched his nose and made a disgusted noise at Kaworu's loud belch, the angel laughing at himself before wrapping his arms around his lover's side. "Now that's what I call a hearty meal!"
"Came out better than last time, I think," he said with a reserved yet victorious smile, uncertainty still in his voice.
"Did you change the sauce or something?"
"Yeah, and the seasonings a bit."
"Ah, thought so." Kaworu pressed in close and rubbed his cheek with Shinji's as he held his head between his hands. "My baby keeps getting better and better at his craft everyday! I'm so proud."
Shinji merely shrugged and closed his tiffin nonchalantly. "Thanks, I guess," he mumbled.
The lack of enthusiasm made Kaworu frown but a smirk touched his lips at an idea on how he could truly make him feel appreciated. "As a token of my gratitude for the delicious meal…" Shinji nearly jumped at the index finger that trailed down on his sternum, "I shall pay you back with my body."
Shinji made a noise like he was punched in the gut. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you?! Why do you have to be so weird about everything?!"
"A kiss, you doofus. What were you thinking about?" Kaworu tsked his tongue a few times in faux disappointment, making Shinji's face redder with both anger and embarrassment. "My, my, what a pervert you can be, Shinji-kun."
"It's your fault for wording it like that! And don't even think you can kiss me with those greasy lips of yours." Kaworu's smirk only got wider. Shinji's eyes widened upon realizing his advantage over him and was pulled back into his arms when he tried getting away. "I swear, Nagisa, if you dare—!"
"Shinji-kun, I love you sooo much~" Kaworu cooed, voice muffled from Shinji's hand over his face to push him away, unbothered by it as he leaned in closer with his firm hold around a squirming Shinji.
"Get off me, you bastard!"
Kaworu laughed. "Okay, okay…"
Shinji shoved Kaworu's hands away from him when he loosened his arms over him. Shinji's eyebrows remained furrowed as he took the lunchbox's cloth from his lap with a huff and threw it angrily to Kaworu's. The angel took the cloth and eyed the younger boy in confusion at his possible act of rage. His stare made the other click his tongue and snatch the towel back with a defeated sigh, his expression softening as he scooted closer again. He didn't meet his eyes as he reached out to wipe the sauce and oil off Kaworu's lips but it sure did make his blood rise up to his ears and Kaworu's own. Just as Shinji was about to pull away, his hand was caught by the wrist. Kaworu watched how his eyes lit up as he pressed his smile to the back of his hand, completing his repayment with the kiss.
Kaworu took amusement in how Shinji struggled to furrow his eyebrows once again as he watched his hands fumble to tie the knot around his bento. When he got on his feet, his hand ruffled Kaworu's already unruly hair. "You coming or not?" The two walked side by side for a bit before going back to class and Kaworu couldn't help but wonder if Shinji could still feel his kiss on his hand.
2.
"—and then, that cat hissed at me and jumped on my face! My bad for trying to feed you because Rei was busy or whatever," Kaworu huffed angrily with a frown.
Shinji hummed in nonchalant acknowledgement and pulled up the chair next to him for Kaworu when he walked towards him to sit down. "I think I'd do the same too if I were the cat," Asuka commented casually from the couch, eyeing him in annoyance.
"Hey! That's rude!"
"Exactly why, asshole," she said, shifting her focus back to her phone.
"Shinji-kun, your roommate is being mean to me!" Shinji idly checked his nails without a second glance. "Say something," Kaworu whined, scooting forward on the dining chair to wrap his arms around Shinji's middle, pressing his cheek on to his chest as if asking to be comforted.
Shinji placed a hand on top of Kaworu's head to push it back so he'd meet his stern eyes. "She has a point, you know? You had no reason to tease a hungry cat with food like that," he responded. Kaworu frowned at his words and the ridiculing laugh Asuka let out in agreement but remained quiet, too stubborn to admit how right he was. Kaworu's gaze softened when Shinji pushed his wet bangs aside to inspect the washed scratch the cat left on his forehead, carefully touching it with his thumb. "You're lucky it wasn't a deep one. I'll disinfect it just to be safe." Shinji felt like he was consoling a child when Kaworu pulled him closer to press his face back further into Shinji's chest. With a quiet disappointed sigh, Shinji ruffled his ashen hair softly, moving it quickly away when interrupted by Asuka's booming voice.
"Are you two stupid or something?! He got scratched by a cat, not losing his head in a war! Get a room! Geez…"
Kaworu's eyes shot daggers back at Asuka before Shinji patted him in the head to get his attention. "C'mon," he told Kaworu, pulling away from him and walking towards his room, Kaworu following at his heel with a 'hmph' to Asuka who, for some reason, showed him her middle finger… whatever that means.
When Shinji slid the door close after letting Kaworu enter, he nearly jumped upon Kaworu's arms wrapping around his waist in a tight embrace. "Now I have my baby all to myself," he said with a giggle.
"Er… I suppose you do," Shinji mumbled as a beautiful warm blush rose to his cheeks and he placed his hands over Kaworu’s arms timidly. "And don't call me that…"
Kaworu let out a hum at his weak protest, letting his eyes close as he basked in his warmth. Shinji turned around to embrace him properly with a defeated sigh… and there it was again. Kaworu pouted with his chin on Shinji's shoulder. Why was it every time he had Shinji this close, his core felt so tight and warm? Unbeknownst to him, his arms tightened around him to pull him in closer. And why does Shinji have to be so cute and adorable all the darn time? It was like his hands were itching to hold him and smother him with all these feelings that kept threatening to explode out of Kaworu's chest. Should he talk to him about it? It could scare him away but he really wanted to hold him tighter than ever and kiss him so badly and… He even smells so nice, he just wanted to gobble him up.
"Do you want to get an infection? I brought you here to treat the scratch, idiot." He used the chide to pull away from him, walking towards his cupboard to grab the first aid kit.
"Right," he said, slowly to sound unconvinced, throwing him a wink when he scowled at him.
He could just skip all of this, healing was no problem for an angel like him, when they heal quicker and better than the lilin, that too without infection. But Shinji was clearly trying his best to hold off a lecture and he definitely didn't want to tell him at a time like that. Or let him know how he wasn't human in general. Not yet at least.
He laid down on Shinji's bed with his pillow in his arms as he watched Shinji sitting on the other end of the bed with the kit placed over his lap while he rummaged through it. He was just so kind and considerate… Shinji threw another glare at Kaworu from the corner of his eyes, as though to check what he was doing, the look making Kaworu hug his pillow in his arms even tighter. And so sexy too!
"You're so husband material, Shinji-kun… I'm worried someone will steal you away because of it," he sighed deeply.
"Here I thought you gave up on the internet lingo. Sit up," he said, setting the box on his bed before scooting over to Kaworu.
"I really mean it though. I want to sweep you away in my arms and elope with you into the sunset."
A dust of pink bloomed on his cheeks with a huff and his scowl was back again. "And I feel like strangling you." Kaworu couldn't help but pout at that. "Seriously! Why the hell would you try to do something so stupid like that? With a hungry cat of all things?! You had one job! Just feed it and come here but no! You just had to go and pick on it, didn’t you?" When Shinji's cold eyes met his, his impish smile faded with a gulp. He quietly sat up in a seiza on the bed, his head lowered as the guilt began setting in. His head was lifted up once again as Shinji's hand held his bangs up, the angel unable to meet his love's eyes again. The room was unsettlingly silent as Shinji poured disinfectant on a cotton ball. "Going and getting yourself hurt so carelessly like that… You'll give me a heart attack, making me worry about you like this all the time…" His voice was softer at those words and it was then he was able to see the concern amidst his angry features.
"Sorry…" Kaworu muttered. "OW!" He pulled himself back and winced from the disinfectant over the scratch.
"What—? Oh! Sorry, sorry! I didn't—" He quickly held Kaworu's wrist in place when his free hand reached up to touch it, not letting him do so. "Don't touch it! Are you okay?"
"It burns!" he hissed, eyebrows furrowed from the sting.
"Ah, I'll be quick," Shinji said, letting his wrist go to swiftly wipe away the excess and clean the wound properly. He reached for the nearest bandaid without taking his eyes off the scratch and Kaworu didn't protest as he slapped an absurdly neon green and blue colour on his forehead. "Oh. It's a glow-in-the-dark one."
Kaworu's eyes lit up in amusement. "Really? That's a thing? We should check it out." Shinji didn't respond as he gently combed Kaworu's bangs back in place with his fingers. He hated seeing Shinji this way, so worried and concerned for him. "I'll be more careful next time…"
Shinji's eyebrows furrowed but this time with a frown and sadder eyes. "That's what you said last time after you fell." He smiled awkwardly at him and Shinji wasn't one bit amused.
In reality, what had been Kaworu merely floating down the stairs after walking Shinji home to his apartment, turned out to be a scenario where he had to pretend to trip down a few stairs, to avoid blowing his cover to Shinji who had called out to him for something. The last thing he wanted was Shinji freaking out about Kaworu's abilities and though it was a little white lie that his ankle hurt, the guilt ate him up whole. Though, he has to admit, the perks that came with it eased and lightened the load. Getting a piggyback ride from Shinji was the last thing he expected that evening and it was nothing short of romantic to see Shinji and his valiance, making the angel feel like he was in a romance movie and his lover his knight in shining armour. He took him back upstairs to his apartment to get his foot iced and tightly bandaged by Misato. He got to stay over with Shinji that night, who insisted he never leave the bed until the next day. A bit of overreaction, he thought at the time, but these incidents made him realize just how fragile lilin bodies are. Nonetheless, it wasn't a pleasant sight seeing Shinji worry like that, nor was it any good now.
He felt a sense of relief when Shinji stayed still and let him press a light kiss to his cheek. "I'll try harder then," he said, "and be kinder to that stupid cat."
His eyes softened at the genuinity of his words, his cheeks dusting with a soft pink from the kiss. "I'm telling Rei you called her cat that."
"I usually say it to her face." Shinji hummed in response unimpressed, earning a laugh from him.
He tried furrowing eyebrows to glare at him when Kaworu smiled warmly. Kaworu giggled mischievously as he grabbed Shinji's nose to shake his head a little, watching him flail his hand with a whine before slapping his hand away. When the angel lightly hit his hand in return, he was pleased to see Shinji's brows knit with a competitive grin, the smirk Kaworu wore making it all too clear what the angel was trying to do. He felt victorious when it continued with Shinji shoving him back lightly and it wasn't long before he was shrieking in laughter on top of Kaworu. Laughter bubbled within himself as well as the angel was sandwiched between both Shinji and the bed, both his hands tightly clasped with Shinji's as he tried to scare the boy by threatening to lean in and bite his hand. The boy jerked his hand away as it got close to his mouth. Just as Kaworu was able to sit himself up by pushing him back, he lost his upper hand as Shinji began to tickle his side. Kaworu quickly grabbed his wrist as he turned into a laughing mess, panting away with a playful glare when Shinji stopped and laughed at him. He breathed out something about tickling being unfair to which he earned a light pinch to his side, the gesture making Kaworu pounce at him the very instant and the boy giggle harder as they wrestled some more.
Later, when they went to the living room to grab a snack, they had to hear Asuka complain about how loud and annoying they were being as the three ate from one of her large chip bags. They tested out the bandage after shed light on Kaworu's forehead with a torch afterwards and its green glow when the lights were off was more impressive than they thought.
3.
A momentary silence ensued when the piece they were listening to came to a steady finish. Outside, the sun dipped down slowly between the skyscrapers of Tokyo, painting the sky orange as it went. The train had been unusually uncrowded that day so Kaworu was glad he got a clear view from the window opposite to him. His thumb idly danced over the back of Shinji's hand as he gazed upon the splendor before him. From the corner of his eyes, he could make out the brunette mop of his lover's hair resting on his shoulder, snoozing away his exhaustion from all the classes he endured. Their intertwined hands rested atop of Kaworu's thigh, while Shinji's free hand was on his school handbag over his lap, his grip loose on his S-DAT to which the earpiece they were sharing was connected. His breathing was slow and his side was snuggled up close to Kaworu's as if he wanted a makeshift warm blanket for his nap, as terrible as Kaworu was at something like that.
The S-DAT continued where it left off, playing the next track on the cue. Slow sounds of wind instruments created music Kaworu was all too familiar with. His breath caught as he kept his eyes to the sky and suddenly, he was at the beach again. The beach that was surrounded by the rubble of the skyscrapers that stood tall before him now. The beach he had waited for Shinji to arrive like he often does. The beach where they had gone for a swim together.
Those were lifetimes ago. Lifetimes where he told Shinji he loved him, once where Shinji told him first, and they were nothing but eager to be by each other’s side. He recalled Shinji's timid smile when Kaworu asked him to call him by his name, the orange skies illuminating his face and emphasising the sweet blush that grew on his cheeks. In the most recent one, however, he thought Shinji would feel the same, only to be pushed away as he pushed his boundaries. At times, when Shinji would be beside him now, he felt guilty that he didn't know of all the bad things he had said and done to him back then. It was painfully disgusting how he desperately wanted his previous Shinji back then.
He had tried so hard to somehow manage to look for remnants of the past, to find the Shinji who fumbled on his words when Kaworu got close, the Shinji who smiled adoringly at him with flushed cheeks, the Shinji whose heart he broke by forcing his hands to Kaworu's neck. He wanted him back. Wanted to hold him and tell him how sorry he was for leaving him so abruptly. Desperation was an emotion an angel wasn't familiar with, let alone jealousy. He remembered the stoic and cold expression Shinji held when he pleaded to know what Shinji felt about him. I told you before, I don't like you, he had said, the same orange sky casting a shadow over his lowered face, and Kaworu could only somehow manage to not dissolve into tears. He wondered why he never noticed the dejected look lurking beneath his features. He was mourning the loss of his friends, whom Kaworu had said cruel things about. He should have been there for him, should have supported him, but all he could think about was himself and his own feelings. The Book of Life may have had them connected but the choice of what to make of that connection with Kaworu lied solely with Shinji and Shinji alone, no matter how much Kaworu wanted him to feel for him.
He had also blamed and despised Ayanami Rei then, cursing her in his mind for taking away all of Shinji’s love and attention, when he believed it to be his and his alone. Ayanami Rei, his sister in this lifetime, the one who would scold him any time he forgot to eat, laugh heartily at his failed tricks and antics to bother her and cry beside him whenever he felt distressed. His sister whom he loved so terribly, he can never imagine having any ill will towards her or how he had even managed to at the time. It truly was a lifetime ago. She was the closest thing to family he had in this lifetime or in any lifetime, for that matter. Her presence alone was truly a blessing in his life. No more empty rooms where he had to live alone, no more pent up emotions or having no one to talk to. They were things the previous Kaworus could only ever dream of, thereby leading them to be overly altruistic, needy or envious.
Shinji let out a quiet hum as he stirred in his sleep, reducing the volume of his S-DAT slightly and fixing his grip on Kaworu's hand before falling asleep once again. Kaworu's gaze landed on their entwined hands, holding Shinji a little firmer as he grounded himself with a slow exhale. He had held Shinji's hand before… in their first lifetime. His hand had been smaller, softer and bore the blood of Kaworu's siblings in them that kept haunting his dreams and waking hours with nightmares, but he still let Kaworu hold it, sparkling blue eyes widening in astonishment when he did but never pulling away. Now, they were bigger than his own, more angular than curved, calloused from his more frequent cello playing and warm under his hands as he slept soundly against him. Brown eyes would look at Kaworu with the same timidness and when Kaworu reciprocated his hold with a squeeze, his expression hardened shyly as he turned away.
Brown eyes of the boy who chose Kaworu in this lifetime.
Kaworu turned his head to slowly nuzzle Shinji's hair, eyes fluttering close and he took in his warmth and the dizzying sweet scent of his shampoo. They were older together now. Older and wiser than they had ever been together and Kaworu couldn't ask for anything more. The thought made his eyes water. His strong, blissfully unaware, beautiful Shinji… Does he know he wrote this world? Know how grateful Kaworu was to be alive in it?
Kaworu pressed a soft kiss over his head. "Thank you… for everything," he whispered, words gone unnoticed by the boy like the music coming to an end.
4.
Kaworu kept his light novel aside on his bed with a frustrated huff, exaggerating it hoping to get Shinji's attention. But alas, it only fell deaf to his beloved's ears as his attention was fully fixed on the video game before him. He frowned and sighed again, watching to see if Shinji would notice but the boy only leaned forward from the wall with even more focus on the game. He wondered if he should just go back to reading his light novel but it was no fun to read romance novels when your lover was right in front of you without a care for the world and the novel had more romance than what was going on around him then.
"Shinji-kun, I'm bored," he said with a groan.
"Boring book?" Shinji asked, eyes still glued to the screen.
Boring boyfriend more like, he thought spitefully but he wasn't going to say that, of course.
Kaworu instead smiled deviously as he rested his feet between Shinji's crossed legs, hoping to get him to notice him finally. He nearly scoffed in outrage when Shinji simply rested his hands over them, using them as a stand for his controller.
"Shinji-kun…" he groaned again, elongating his name.
"What now?"
"I'm bored. Do something."
With a huff, Shinji pushed Kaworu's feet off of him, only for Kaworu to rest on him once again in defiance. He turned to throw an annoyed look to Kaworu's exaggerated pout before confusing him with a smirk. Before Kaworu knew it, his fingers attacked the sole of his feet with tickles, making the angel pull his feet back with an alarmed yelp. Shinji simply continued his game with a pleased smile and a "hmph" that sounded a lot like a "serves you right" when Kaworu frowned angrily at his move. Then again, it was his fault for telling him he just wanted to hang out around the room with his book when he showed up unannounced.
Okay, time for a new strategy! He caught Shinji glancing at him as Kaworu sat up and to his dismay, he simply shrugged him off and focused back on the game. His eyes didn't tear away from the screen even as Kaworu scooted closer to him and the ashen haired angel decided to rest his head on his shoulder as he thought of another way to distract himself. He felt Shinji's shoulder stiffened momentarily under his head in surprise before relaxing under his head.
His eyes fell on the swift movements of Shinji's thumbs as he switched between the buttons and the joysticks. The game wasn't that interesting to him either; Shinji was playing as some fighting rat with a robot on his back, which was all pretty lame if you asked him. He lifted his head to watch Shinji this time, chocolate eyes so engrossed in the game he was barely blinking, focused deeply in the game. He noticed the slight furrow at his eyebrows and pursing at his lips and Kaworu hated how he found his calculated gaze so incredibly alluring, especially when he was supposed to be angry at him and show him just how much. When his eyes landed on Shinji’s unkempt hair, he couldn’t resist the urge to reach for it over the back of his head, clenching his jaw when Shinji surrendered to his touch as he pressed back into his hand. He had mentioned wanting to grow his hair out a few days ago and Kaworu knew for a fact, when it does, it will be the death of him. Why does he have to mess with Kaworu’s poor heart like this all the time? Was his way of having his revenge?
He rested his head over his shoulder again in defeat with a frown but this time, Shinji rested his head over his too. The bubbling joy and warmth made it hard to keep his blood boiling. It was almost like Shinji knew what power he had over him, purposely making his brain melt out through his ears with simple yet cute gestures like that.
With a frustrated groan, he helplessly held Shinji's head between his hands and pressed a long, firm kiss to the line of his jaw. Shinji squeaked at the suddenness but remained still for Kaworu, who continued to pepper a few more angry kisses to his face, feeling his heart going crazy like it was about to explode. When he pulled away and let him go, Shinji was left staring at him in a daze, unaware of his defeat in the game, as Kaworu hung his head bashfully. When he glanced at him, his lips were agape, eyes wide but sparkling and cheeks reddened up to his ears that Kaworu couldn't take it anymore. He quietly resigned to wrapping his arms around Shinji's waist and rested his head back on him again, feeling his own face warm up from how utterly adorable Shinji was, looking at him like that.
It was fine. He was going to let Shinji play to his heart's content this one time. He was bored no longer and had all that he needed right in his arms.
5.
The hallways were dimmer than when he entered the music club room. Time flew quickly during music practice, especially when your mind flowed with the music and focused movement of your fingers on the keys. Kaworu picked up his pace running down the school corridor when he noticed the time. It was getting late and he didn't want to keep Shinji waiting any longer. He had insisted that he could just walk home with his friends rather than waiting for his practice to end, to which Shinji huffed in response with a "You're not getting rid of me that easily," which Kaworu didn't argue with further.
When Kaworu quietly opened the door to their classroom, he noticed Shinji stretching his arms in front of him, his hair all ruffled, probably from sleeping a while ago. A fond smile touched Kaworu's lips as Shinji plopped his head back on his hands against his table and closed his eyes to sleep again. He knew he was listening as Kaworu pulled a chair to sit next to him, turning his head away from him when Kaworu softly called his name. Kaworu chuckled quietly before resting his own head over Shinji's arm that supported his head.
"Shinji-kun…" Kaworu tried again softly, elongating the last syllable with a soft chime. "I know you're up, dear…" Shinji turned his head back to him, his eyes half-opened and drowsy and his nose scrunched in annoyance, Kaworu's amused giggle making him scrunch his nose further at him angrily. Kaworu noticed how close their faces were in this position, feeling Shinji's defeated sigh against his steadily reddening face. "Did you want to sleep a bit more? I'm sorry." Shinji hummed a “no”, letting his eyes flutter close slowly, unable to stay awake.
It was hard for Kaworu not to tease him from how adorable he looked. His fingers slowly crept up to softly pull Shinji's cheek that was pressed up against the back of his hand. His heart squeezed when Shinji furrowed his eyebrows with a frown before leaning into it with his eyes still closed. The sound of Kaworu's chair scraping against the floor pierced the silent classroom again as he scooted closer to Shinji. When Shinji opened his eyes that time, he stared right into Kaworu's, his gaze soft yet firm. Beautiful, warm chocolate, watching so closely. Kaworu made out every single eyelash and pore from how close they were, his eyes taking in every inch and detail of his handsome face. His hand carefully flattened over his cheek, his playful pinch turning into a curious caress. His eyes followed when his Shinji's lips curled into a little smile and it was then a spark of yearning fanned into a flame once again, one that he simply couldn't keep ignoring. He wanted to come closer, to lean into that feeling, chase it with him and revel in it in his arms. Would Shinji smile? Maybe timidly return his advances? Push him away from the suddenness like he did before? He met his eyes again. There was a warmth in them as he smiled at the angel a little wider. Being under his gaze made Kaworu feel sheepish and he averted his eyes down to Shinji's forearm. He nuzzled there before rubbing against it with his cheek, feeling his soft hairs tickle his face as he took in the texture of his skin.
"What are you doing?" Shinji whispered with a soft chuckle, his voice deep from sleep that completely caught Kaworu off guard. Not that he was complaining of course, in fact, he was feeling the exact opposite really, but Shinji really needs to stop playing with his heart like that.
Unable to help himself, he pressed a gentle kiss over his wrist, feeling his own face set aflame right after. Oh how he wanted to do it again, to kiss him as much as Shinji could possibly let him. His heart dropped when Shinji pulled his arm away, making the angel lift his head as a result. His shoulders stiffened as he fixed his posture. His hands fluffed his own hair back in place, pursing his lips before clearing his throat, unsure on what to do. He must've really pushed Shinji's limit this time too. He was the worst.
But before an apology could reach his tongue, he jumped slightly when he felt a hand caress up his face. It felt warm, scorching even, like his palm could reach within him and take his very heart and soul. He wouldn't mind that. They were only his to begin with afterall. Caramel eyes raked his face as his fingertips traced the line of jaw with a ticklish graze. As though wanting to see more, he lifted his head to level with Kaworu's gaze and the angel felt his whole body go loose and hot. The angel's lips parted the slightest to exhale shakily as his beloved's hand moved lower to his neck. His easily shy and timid boy was replaced by a new side of him, one that held his soft gaze firmly and touched him as though he had been yearning to for long unapologetically. Kaworu wore a little smile as his curiosity grew, furrowing his eyebrows at his lover who held a question in his eyes. Shinji took a breath in to speak but nothing came out. Kaworu let his hand rest over the boy's knee. Whatever it was Shinji wanted to say, he knew it was something important. Before he could open his mouth to voice his reassurance on how he could tell him anything, his thumb swiped a slow caress over the angel's lower lip. Kaworu's eyes widened but Shinji didn't notice, his stare following his finger, and his intention was made crystal clear because he had seen this look on Shinji several times before…
+1
He was right there… He was right there. When he traced his lips, he smiled and it felt like Shinji's finger drew it there on the work of art before him.
His porcelain skin was soft under his hand, his lips covered with a light rosy tint of his favourite cherry chapstick, his eyes… oh, those beautiful eyes glittered like ruby under the dimming sunlight, watching his every move so eagerly and making Shinji's heart blossom within his chest. It was like Shinji forgot how to breathe. He was holding his breath and he didn't want to think or recall how he could catch it again.
He had dreamt of this moment a thousand times over, imagined it for a million. He knew he should have thought it through better, maybe during a romantic date or maybe in a better location and timing that wasn’t their stuffy classroom and when Kaworu isn't tired from his club practice. He was much braver than he was, always direct with him and freely expressing his love to him while he could barely bring himself to initiate anything. When he thought of all the kisses he showered him with, he felt all the places his lips had touched set aflame at the memory like he had cast a spell over him. He thought Kaworu would kiss his lips by now but he felt his own want turn more into a need and wanted to pour all that he was feeling for him in the hope that he could make him smile. He would do it first, he decided. He felt selfish, disgusted and hated how impatiently he was behaving but it was like the tantalising fruit was right there and Shinji, a man starving for ages.
Kaworu… His beautifully adoring Kaworu was nothing like him. He was always waiting, ever so patient and so incredibly kind. It barely seems like him to be anything otherwise, and he could never be, that was just who he was. The way his eyes never judged and firmly held his gaze in wait… Shinji's heart couldn't have felt more full.
Every fear and anxious thought evaporated when he leaned in to close the gap between them, everything silenced the very instant his eyes fluttered close and their lips sealed into a kiss. Kaworu's lower lip trembled and sighed shakily against his mouth, the warmth of his breath warming his insides before setting it on fire when the older boy's hands held his head, tilting his head to capture his mouth with his further.
He was so gentle. Hands cradled his face like he was holding the whole world in his hands, like he could make or break it any time he'd liked but choosing to hold it close to him instead. He was kissed back so dearly, the sweet press of his soft lips more confident than his own that sent his heart fluttering within his chest. Shinji moved in closer and closer until he was on the edge of his seat. His hands wound themselves around his lover's neck, his soft hair between his fingers feeling like clouds as the ground they were on felt like the skies. The sound of their lips pulling away made Shinji's mind fuzzy and his eyes unfocused as he looked at Kaworu. His lips felt moist and he could taste cherry on his tongue when he wet them nervously.
As the world slowly regained its clarity, Shinji's thoughts came back as well, his eyes searching for any signs of dejection or disappointment. Kaworu wasn't smiling like before. His lips were pursed tightly, his eyes lowered slowly. Shinji's brows furrowed as he cupped his face to make him meet his eyes. Kaworu plastered a little smile for him and let his hand gently pinch Shinji's cheek.
"Was that your first?" he asked in a low voice, wondering if he's upset with how it turned out.
Kaworu paused for a moment and shook his head, somehow making Shinji feel a little more anxious. "Was it yours?"
The question only made Shinji's heart feel tighter as he nodded. "Did it come off like that?" Kaworu shook his head again, this time with a fond smile. "Did you… like it?"
He braced himself when Kaworu took in a breath to answer but what he didn't expect was to see his smile slowly falter once again and his love's beautiful eyes dampen with tears. Shinji quickly took his hands between his own as the boy let out a whimper, dipping his head once more to let his bangs cover his face but the frequent sniffling and his shaking shoulders showed that he was crying, along with the tears that fell onto his lap. His sobs broke Shinji's heart and it made him wonder what could have possibly hurt his beloved like that. Despite the tough exterior he puts on, underneath it all, Shinji knew he held something so deep within him that reminders of it would make him pause or even cry terribly. He was no stranger to Kaworu crying and just like the previous times, he simply waits with his hands in Kaworu's, letting the ball be in his court. He never talks about what bothers him, which rather concerns Shinji greatly, but when he does, he knows he'll be there for him no matter what.
"Sorry," he mumbled between sniffles as he let a hand wipe away his tears.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for," Shinji said, gently drawing soothing circles on the back of his free hand. When Kaworu got his breathing even, Shinji brought Kaworu's hand to his lips and kissed his palm, hoping the gesture could be of comfort for him.
Kaworu's smile was back again and it was the most dazzling smile Shinji had ever seen, despite his reddened face and watery eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.
He didn't know what he was being thanked for but his smile only made his lips curve one of his own. An airy chuckle escaped Kaworu before he launched himself at Shinji, nearly knocking him back on his chair as he squeezed Shinji tightly in his arms. Shinji beamed brighter as he held him with the same intensity, the feeling of their hearts pressed together making him feel safe and protected from everything in the world, as though Kaworu's warmth was saying he wouldn't let anything happen to him. He truly hoped Kaworu felt the same around him too.
"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that," Kaworu confessed in an exhale, "and how incredibly glad I am that you beat me to it."
"I could say the same too."
"I don't know why I was crying, I… I'm just so very happy and loved it so much I don't know why that happened."
Shinji chuckled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I understand. It's okay…" He really didn't expect it to move him that much but in this moment, the embrace they shared felt more intimate and vulnerable than the kiss they shared and Shinji couldn’t be any happier.
When Shinji reached out to wipe the tears off his cheeks, Kaworu met his eyes, his gaze falling on his lips with a smile. "You got my chapstick on you…" he said in a low voice, cupping his face to let his thumb wipe it away. "The colour suits you nicely."
"Don't wipe it away just yet," Shinji mumbled.
There was a spark in Kaworu's eyes at those words that made blood run up Shinji's cheeks. "Why not?"
"What?" he asked defensively at the way Kaworu was smirking at him, furrowing his eyebrows at him as he internally facepalmed for interrupting.
Kaworu didn't seem to mind and simply barked out a hearty laugh. "Oh, I love you…" he sighed fondly with his endearing eye-closed smile before leaning in to kiss him again.
Shinji gasped against his lips first before melting against him with a soft sigh, letting Kaworu guide him until they found a sync between them, his words still ringing in Shinji’s reddened ears. His lips quivered as he felt his mouth take the plush of Shinji's lower lip between them, the delighted hum he was rewarded with from Kaworu, going right into his heart, etching into his memory forever.
A sense of confusion set in Shinji as his free hand was unable to decide upon resting on his side or his shoulder. Kaworu breathed out a chuckle against his mouth before holding it in his hand, letting their fingers laced together in a squeeze as his lips parted with Shinji's. When he pulled away, Shinji couldn't help but be taken back by the gorgeous sight of his eyes that were like ruby rings trying to regain their focus from their dilation. When Kaworu turned on his seat to face Shinji properly, he reached lower to pull the edge of Shinji's chair closer to him. He rolled his eyes before letting out a boyish laugh which Kaworu returned.
Another laugh emitted from him as Shinji's hands and lips found his face once more, unable to help himself from peppering kisses all over it. "What's gotten into you today, hm?"
"Shut up," Shinji muttered, against his cheekbone before pressing his smile there. "Are you complaining?"
Kaworu couldn't help but stifle a laugh at the question. "Hm, I don't know… I really was expecting a lot more tongue and—"
He scoffed and made a face at him. "You know what? Forget I even asked."
Kaworu giggled at the comment, pressing Shinji's cheeks together between his hands with a pleased smile which only earned an annoyed pout from Shinji. "You worry too much."
"I probably should have asked in a more romantic setting though," he mumbled, words slightly muffled from his cheeks.
"Right. Like an empty classroom during a sunset wasn't romantic enough." Kaworu's hands slided down to hold Shinji's shoulders before looking at him firmly in the eyes with a warm grin. "It was perfect. I'll keep this moment close to my heart forever and ever…"
Shinji's arms reached out to hold him. "Cheesy dork," he huffed.
"Only for you. You could kiss me next to a dumpster fire and I'd still swoon." Kaworu smiled at the breathy chuckle at his neck. "I thought you'd know that about me by now, idiot…"
"Your idiot…"
Kaworu laughed heartily and ruffled up Shinji's hair as revenge. "Okay, I fell right into that one. I'm impressed."
"I learned from the best," Shinji chuckled.
“More like you stole my line.”
It was like there was something stringing them because the moment a silence ensued, they gravitated towards each other like one read the other's mind and their lips were moulding together once again. Time slowed between them, the two boys unaware of the sun setting further with each passing second. He felt Kaworu's smile when he giggled at the older boy nearly slipping from the edge of his chair as he got closer, the laughter dying on his tongue when his heart began doing backflips upon seeing Kaworu kick his chair away and resort to kneeling before him to be kissed more closely. Shinji cradled his face as he leaned in to kiss his lover, whose hands held him the same way as he needily pulled him closer. He didn't know how or when he too ended up on the floor with him but nor did he want to know. All he could think about was just how comforting and alive he felt having his beloved so close in his arms.
He gathered all of his willpower to practically rip himself away from Kaworu, who looked like he was in a daze. To resist himself from giving in by seeing his soft smile, pink cheeks and beautifully dilated and darkened eyes, he shook the older boy by the shoulder and exclaimed how late they were, which he wasn’t entirely wrong. Knowing Misato, he doesn’t want any search party coming after him for missing his assigned curfew.
They shared a hug upon exiting school, Kaworu pecking a kiss to his face before they ran separate ways. Though Shinji would never admit it, there was a skip in his step as he walked home. His chest was so full that he wanted to scream out at the top of his lungs to the entire world. He took a deep breath by the door to hold himself together until he could do it into his pillow. Unfortunately, he was only able to reach it after a long interrogation from Misato-san and Asuka. Maybe he should have let Kaworu wipe his chapstick back then to avoid his roommates finding out. He exhaled deeply with a wide smile on his face when he laid down on his futon, his heart still warm from what happened today.
His hand was quick to grab his phone when it vibrated at a message. The last message was a chain of kissy emojis from Kaworu but when he opened the message with excitement, it died very quickly only to be replaced with a deadpan face when Kaworu sent him a link to a tutorial to french kissing next. His face reddened when the next message came in, "pucker up, baby, cuz im legit gonna come in european style" with a meme picture of a man licking his lips behind a tree. Shinji cringed at his message and sent him, "wtf dude" with a skull emoji and then a few more of the emoji when he sent him more kissy emojis. He snorted a laugh when Kaworu still sent him red heart emojis after, to which Shinji timidly sent him back the same.
He facepalmed when Kaworu messaged that Rei congratulated the two on their first kiss, Shinji immediately asking why he would tell his sister about something like that, only to receive a demon emoji grinning sinisterly. Then again, he did mention they tell each other everything, so he continued on to tell how Misato and Asuka found out. Their conversation went on for a while. In between, he heard Asuka giggling from her bed that was beside his futon and she was quick to poke Shinji's shoulder to show it to him. After sharing a laugh with her, he went back to texting Kaworu who said he was "going to hit the hay," and then saying,
"Wish I culd kiss u gn ♡"
Shinji's heart lept from his chest upon reading it and he quickly pulled his phone closer to his chest and checked on Asuka before he texted back a "Ya me too lol" and got a blushy smiley emoji in response.
He wanted to throw his phone off the window and rip his own hair out for replying like that, let alone for even admitting to wanting the same so quickly and directly. A goodnight's kiss from Kaworu… He hid his flushed face in his pillow at the thought, his eardrums ringing from his own heartbeat as if the loudest thing in the room wasn't Asuka watching something on her phone.
He sent him the same emoji with a shyly added red heart as he wished him a good night, keeping his lips pursed to stop himself from smiling so widely and failing miserably at it. When Kaworu wished him goodnight back with an "ILY!!!" afterwards, Shinji sent a quick "ilyt" before turning his phone off and stuffing his head into his pillow again.
He tried to calm his racing heart until it leaped at the sudden feeling of a foot kicking his calf, before Asuka asked if he was awake and showed him another meme she found when he lifted his head up. She then huffed at him for not understanding it when she clearly knew he wouldn't know how to wish someone a Happy Thursday in Spanish or understand the context enough to know what was so funny about it. That didn't stop Shinji from letting the German girl get off her bed and sit on his futon. It wasn't rare for her to call Shinji over for a "sleepover" of sorts. Most of the time, it could just be because she found a cool movie to watch or just simply wanting to hang out with him. Shinji had invited her over to his room once but she only cringed at him and called it "very unlady-like" and him stupid. Her arrangement, it is then.
The two teenagers spent the next hour or two watching videos together on her phone and simply chatting under their breaths. They laughed quietly after they both jumped at a rudely awoken Misato yelling at them from her room before resigning to their respective beds.
"Stop thinking about that stupid pervert of yours and go to sleep now," she snickered, head sticking from the edge of her bed to throw a teasing smile at him.
Shinji was too tired to argue and simply threw his spare pillow at her face, laughter bubbling out of him when she threw it right back onto his face in return. The last thing he heard was her mumble of calling him an idiot and the last thing he saw was the ceiling, which he didn't find so bad after all.