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The apartment complex Levi lived in was not the best. It was dirty and run down, had more cockroaches than residents, and his neighbors were drug dealers. It was the kind of place where you didn’t go out after dark, and certainly didn’t stand in the part of the small parking lot where the second of two street lamps didn’t work. But, sometimes, you had no choice.
The ebony-haired punk glared through the darkness as he stalked his way towards the shoddy brick building. This man wasn’t afraid of the dark, or of the people who hid in it. Levi, himself, was one of those people who often took refuge in the nothingness. What he despised, though, was his innocent partner standing in the dim yellow light of the lobby. He could see them from where he was. They were in their work uniform, having arrived a mere half hour before he did (though he didn’t know that, of course).
Levi cursed under his breath, urging his legs to make a faster pace towards them. He’d told [Name] – time and time again – not to wait for him when they got off of work. But they never listened, instead deciding to stand in the grimy six-by-six room which housed mail cubbies and a scratched silver panel of white call buttons with haphazardly scribbled names beside them.
Theirs read Ackerman, scrawled in Levi’s impeccable cursive.
“Oi, idiot,” was Levi’s greeting as he opened the dinged blue door. [Name] smiled brightly at him, but they weren’t fooling anyone. Levi could see where bags hung closely under their eyes, while stress had their hair frazzled. “How many times have I –”
“I’m not a kid, Levi,” was [Name]’s simple response as they opened the door, and walked into the building. Levi followed close behind, perturbed a bit by his lover’s ever-constant answer. He knew they weren’t a child, but somebody like them didn’t belong in a gritty place like this. “How was – work?”
Levi grunted, taking a large step so as to be beside [Name] and lace his hand with theirs. “The damn union’s still on strike, so it looks like Farlan, Isabel and I are going to be stuck in the shitty underground a while longer.”
“They just want better working conditions,” [Name] sighed, rubbing the back of Levi’s hand with their thumb.
“With this economy, they shouldn’t be worried about the damn conditions. They should be fucking grateful that they have a job, those assholes put people out of work!” growled Levi, his arms and shoulders tensing.
[Name] stifled a head shake, instead sighing again while giving the pale man’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “We’re just in a tight spot right now, Levi. Things will get better eventually. Besides – I’m sure if you wanted to, you could become a gang leader.”
Levi glared at [Name] as they chuckled and sent him a teasing smirk. He didn’t want to be part of a gang, and he most certainly didn’t want to be the leader of one. But he’d have to run the thought of breaking off, and becoming their own independent gang across Farlan and Isabel.
As the pair entered their small grey-brown apartment [Name] bee-lined for the kitchen, calling over their shoulder. “I’ll go start on dinner.”
Levi stared after them, before making his way to small room where they slept. Levi wanted so much more for [Name], but if it wasn’t one thing it was another. He’d lost his job and then pawned his guitar in order to get a loan from the shop, if he didn’t pay back it then they’d sell his precious six-string. [Name] was working themselves to the bone at a diner, while Levi was trying to scratch his way through in the underground.
He’d pawned off a lot of stuff he’d stolen, Farlan and Isabel chipping in pieces here and there. It helped some, but there were days where he wouldn’t eat so that [Name] could. There were some weeks where [Name] worked themselves until they were sick as a dog. He wanted, so much, to finally be able to get out. To get out of that shitty little apartment, to watch [Name] get their strength and vibrancy back. He wanted to get his friends out of the underground before something bad happened to them.
He wanted so much more.
But, for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out how.
[Name] always said that they had each other, and that was enough for them. But it wasn’t for Levi, he couldn’t bear to see them suffering like this. It was all his fault, or he told himself it was. Levi knew that [Name] was far better off before they met, and he sometimes wished they’d see that and break it off with him to return to their hometown with their family. But [Name] stayed, four years of living in this grimy place, always saying it’s going to get better but it never does – and they still stayed.
Sometimes, Levi wondered if it was only out of pity. But in those intense, intimate moments between them, Levi always knew that it was more. [Name] had such passion and fire and intensity, they held such burning love for him that it seared him at moments. And he could only hope he’d showed the same to them.
But [Name] was right about one thing, one-day things were going to change, to get better – Levi would make sure of it, if it was the last thing he did.
Levi sat, stewing in his own thoughts until his beloved’s voice called that dinner was ready. Whatever they’d made, Levi knew it was from ingredients the chef at the diner had given [Name]. Levi wasn’t supposed to know, but he’d saw it once when he’d gone to walk them home as a surprise. He hadn’t said anything, of course, [Name] would be upset if they knew that he knew.
It was quite over dinner, just forks against chipped porcelain. Neither bothered showering before bed, both far too tired and far too ready to wrapped up in the other’s arms. As the couple finally settled on to their lumpy mattress, nothing but darkness surrounding them, both were at peace. For it was here in this dingy little room, in the dark and quiet – only the occasional humming cycle of the radiator interrupting it – that the place they were in melted away.
When they couldn’t see the peeling wallpaper or water-stained ceiling; when the cockroaches settled into their walls for the night and stopped their skittering and clicking – the Ackerman couple could be left to imagine the life they wished for. They whispered to each other, quiet wisps of conversation that was lost into the night, promises and fantasies. Occasionally their lips would meet – sometimes for chaste innocent kisses, others for heated tired passion. This would continue until one or the other, or both were settled into a warm slumber.
Levi only awoke when he heard the hushed whimpering and sniffling of his partner, mostly muted by their old grey pillow. He turned on his side, facing where [Name] had their back to him, and put an arm over their waist. Levi could hear [Name]’s muted pleas for a way out. [Name] didn’t get like this often, but there were nights when they’d break and sob into their pillow about their want to run away.
Like many nights before this, Levi pulled [Name] closer and nudged his nose into the back of their hair. “One day, [Name], one day.”
He’d continue this mantra until the sniffles were quieted, and their erratic breathes were lulled into a steady sleeping rhythm. Levi, however, would not sleep – not for a while. Instead, allowing for his guilt to devour him alive.
Yes, one day it would all be different.
They would have a large home, maybe a family ([Name] was always talking to adopting, but knew they couldn’t afford it). One day, he’d have a job – a real one that would pay well and give him benefits. One day, he’d get that old guitar back and he and his friends would play together once more.
One day, Levi was going to make it happen. He was going to make their dreams a reality.
But, for now, he and [Name] were living on a prayer.