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"Say, Xiao, what exactly do sweet dreams taste like??"
Cutting through the soothing silence with your voice was never your goal, but the curiosity burning within you had become unbearable, though it would seem that the male didn't mind having his peace disturbed.
Upon hearing the melodious sound, the yaksha turned his intense gaze away from the face of the mortal sitting beside him and raised his head as he tried his best to formulate a satisfactory answer to quench that thirst for knowledge. From your point of view though, it seemed like he was searching the moon for an answer.
And you had to admit— the sight before you was breathtaking, to the point where you no longer wished for an answer, but rather for him to take his time in getting one.
"I would say that the taste of Almond Tofu bears the most resemblance." He muttered after a few moments of silence, letting his amber gaze land on your relaxed form.
You, despite not having your curiosity quenched, chose to settle for that answer. You do not wish to further stir up the memories he had let settle into the dust and put aside for as long as he could. And precisely because of that thoughtfulness reserved for him and only him, you never got to hear the last part of his answer. It did not help that the adeptus was too shy to let it slip past his lips, so it truly was a shame.
He had missed the best opportunity to let you know that even though the answer he gave you was one he’s held for centuries, it wasn’t until recently that it had changed to ‘you’. You, the brave yet silly little human, had become the very epitome of ‘sweet dreams’.
Having consumed them for centuries, the adeptus was no stranger to them. You knew, better than anyone else aside from Rex Lapis, that he was painfully familiar with the sweetness forced upon him. What may seem like intangible, abstract fantasies to most have become a source of eternal guilt and pain for the darling, so for him to share his favourite dish with another was indeed a sign of unwavering and complete trust.
After all, almond tofu is well-known for its dreamy texture. One would be deceived into thinking that such a dessert would be tooth-rottingly sweet, and while it was, it was not nauseatingly so. Not to mention it had a subtle texture, like it was there and not at the same time. However, he could feel it on his tongue, in his mouth, down his oesophagus. He could feel it’s weight and knew that the entire plate belonged to him and only him. It was something he could own and consequently trap in his cruel grasp forever. Once it was devoured, it would fully become one with him. (get it?)
You, on the other hand, were not property to be owned, nor sustenance to be consumed. He knew that very clearly and is more than willing to accept that, which is why consent is important to him. That aside, he’d sometimes feel as if you were sand slipping through his fingers.
Incorporeal, intangible, immaterial; like the sweetest dream he’s ever had. Granting him satisfaction and fullness before dissipating the next second.
You had free will; you could leave anytime. Despite your reassurances, his worries never ceased. Were you truly staying out of your own free will? He did not dare believe you were. You could have very well spent your days frolicking the streets of Liyue or even other nations. There was and still is a bright future ahead of you; one full of friends, new and old, not to mention tales untold. He had nothing allowing him to compete with that abundance – the adepti never needed mortal necessities.
He had nothing worthy of your companionship, nothing he could offer.
And while that was partially the reason behind his hesitance, it was definitely not the main one, not the one you knew deep down.
You see, you have always been aware of your limited lifespan, as had Xiao. Ultimately, that was the very matter that had stopped Xiao from confessing to you, and consequently, accepting the heart that you handed to him on a gold platter.
One who has lived as long as he has would more or less be wary about establishing any sort of relationships with mortals, much less romantic ones. If personally watching one's lover grow old and wither while time stood still for them was as painful as they said, he feared he'd lose his sanity.
After all, he's already lost his four beloved comrades, the closest he’s ever gotten to having a family. And oh Archons did it hurt, so he's sure that the pain of losing you would make him drive his spear into his heart, if only to stop it from hindering his duties.
However, one should take caution not to mistake his fear for regret. He may be afraid of the control your very existence holds over his emotions, but Archons above if he wasn't elated – albeit hesitant – to accept the love you're willing to spare a being like him. Granted, he's voiced his worries to you before, trying to scare you away with his usual warnings and icy demeanor, but you never seem to fear the karma that swirled around him like a swarm of locusts.
Rather, it made you even more determined to serve him your heart on a gold platter, and it honestly made him concerned about your mental state.
It wasn't very often for a karma-bound being like himself to have living creatures willing to approach him, so he contemplated taking you to Bubu Pharmacy and having Baizhu check that little noggin of yours. Unexpectedly, his attempt ended with a confession of his plans when you got too fed up with him trying to feed you herbal concoctions that had you scrunching your nose in distaste.
“Darling, pray tell, what is this?”
“Tea, brewed from herbs known for nourishing the brain.”
A splutter resounded through the room, followed by the hurried fishing of tissue paper. The man had reached you before the sound of him cutting through the air had. And here he was, plopping himself next to you, on his bed, wiping the tea around your lips. Coughing into your fist to hide your embarrassment, your eyes darted to his concentrated face, and a chuckle had escaped you before you knew.
Oh, good Morax above, his little human had gone insane. Who in Teyvat laughs after choking on tea? Surely, he was not the cause of your laughter? Melodious and enchanting as it was, it did not do much in easing his concern and consequently, fretting over you.
“Are you alright? Bursting into laughter after choking on a beverage is hardly wise or beneficial.” He chided gently, huffing when you shot him a goofy grin.
“I’m fine.” You whined, latching onto his arm like a koala to a tree, “Besides, what are these even for?”
“…It would not hurt to nourish your brain.” He uttered, too lost in your gorgeous eyes to notice what he had spoken. It wasn’t until your offended gasp reached his ears and a gentle boop landed on his nose did he focus his attention back on you. “My brain is completely fine! Loving and staying with you is the smartest decision I’ve ever made. And mind you, it will always be! So no more of this self-deprecating talk alright?” His fingers were then intertwined with yours, the warmth of your palm directly transferring to his now that his pesky glove was not in the way.
Wait a minute.
...When had you removed his glove?
A sigh escaped his lips. The only thing he could do was to keep an extra eye out for this silly little human who had no respect for the adepti whatsoever. But then again, he was the one letting you disrespect him in all ways others would never dare dream of, so technically speaking he had no one but himself to blame.
A soft sensation on his cheek led to his gaze flitting over to you. By the time he had finished buffering though, the touch was gone, swiftly and silently as the wind. His fingers gently grazed the patch of skin that your lips had latched onto, and he was back to loading again. Upon seeing this, you let yourself laugh, the giggles making his bottom lip jut out into a pout.
Goodness gracious, you really had no respect for the adepti. Even so, Xiao still settled for pulling you close and shutting you up with a revengeful kiss. Catching you off-guard just as you thought you had the upper hand was no less satisfying than seeing you blush and slowly melt into the sweetness. Nevertheless, he nipped your lip once in warning, deciding to add one more for good measure before pulling away. After all, this was a punishment and not a reward, he couldn’t have you enjoying it too much now, could he?
Was it really a punishment though? Your flushed cheeks and dazed expression begged to differ. If such a delicious exchange was your punishment for disrespect to the adepti then…
Then of course you were going to seek out each adepti as if you were Tang Sanzang (the monk) in Journey to the West and spitting the most blasphemous bars you could.
However, you completely forgot that your lovely birb knew you like the back of his hand. He’s learnt to read this eccentric human over the years and there’s no way he was going to save you from his fellow adepti.
…Perhaps a gentle flick to the forehead would be enough, he thinks. So, he gifted you one.
“Ow! You’re so mean!”
“Do not go around disrespecting the adepti. I will not be saving you from them.”
“Hmph, I can handle myself very well thank you!”
His criminal offensive, bombastic side-eye made you toss your plans into the bin, but you knew that those golden jewels will only ever hold love and respect for you.
Yet, it was not always the case (in your humble opinion).
Given his stern and emotionless facade, you, like any other human, thought that the yaksha was untouchable. His status as the revered Conqueror of Demons, the Guardian Yaksha, and an outstanding adepti most definitely did not help that stigma. Hence, despite his ethereal looks that render any mortal swooning, you weren't too confident about being able to insert yourself into his life in hopes of capturing his attention, much less his heart.
In the end, there was not much to an ordinary mortal like you, was there? You weren’t the Traveller; just someone akin to a negligible NPC on the side of the street. But you were happy, content even. It wasn’t very often that smiles graced the Conqueror’s face, so to have seen such an ethereal sight in your lifetime was more than enough. Of course, you interacted with him whenever you could, settling for his politeness. His voice was incredibly soothing and if you could make an ASMR out of it, you would.
Besides, the Traveller was also an amazing friend, helping you out whenever you needed and in return, you’d help with materials, supplies or cooking. Whenever the adventurous pair were too busy, they’d request for your help in delivering medicinal herbs to Xiao, which Zhongli eventually caught wind of. Seeing as you were entrusted with such a sensitive task, the brunette was reassured of your character and eventually delegated the task of delivery to you.
Were you happy? Not at all.
Because that was the understatement of the millenium. The personification of your internal thoughts was practically jumping for joy, over the moon even. This opportunity finally fell into your hands and there was no way you weren’t going to cherish it. Anyone who wanted it would have to pry it out of your cold hands.
…If they manage to even win anyway.
Just kidding, you weren’t the type to get violent unnecessarily. Your elation was undeniably true though, growing when the visits became a routine belonging to only the both of you. Throughout the months, you watched as his guard lowered bit by bit, and he witnessed you coming more and more out of your shell.
In a sense, you were sunlight and Xiao was the water to the seed known as your relationship. When you were chattering away about the interesting encounters you’ve had, you shone brightly. When you were chill, a soothing sort of warmth was provided instead. The energy you brought fluctuated but was never absent, just like the Sun.
On the other hand, his quiet but comforting understanding seeped into the soil, silently assisting its growth behind the scenes.
Necessary, essential, but easy to overlook.
You’d always notice it though, always see his reciprocation.
With your combined efforts, your friendship slowly blossomed, nourished by the vulnerability of the conversations held and the time you willingly spent on each other. As much of a shame it was, him not falling for you was by no means his fault. It just wasn’t meant to be. But at the very least, you could still leave a tiny mark in his long life, even if out of human selfishness.
You also never knew why the Traveller would randomly give you mysterious smiles or looks of exasperation, as if there was something you should have noticed or known but didn’t. You were then often left alone with Xiao during mealtimes, excuses flowing like rivers while a flailing Paimon was dragged away by the blonde.
Poor Paimon, she never got to take away the leftovers. But she’ll live, so that’s not the point.
How could you be blamed though? It was not known to you, but the clear heart had long been in your grasp. The crystalline organ, left behind by the one who devoured malicious dragons and was consequently engulfed by an inferno, had been unknowingly, gingerly, slipped into your open palms. It thumped ever so slightly between your fingertips, softly beating the rhythm of love into yours.
He had seen you thrive and flourish. How you’d go about your day-to-day life with an impressive yet stubborn sort of determination, ready to overcome any obstacle. Bearing witness to how you peered into his soul from his eyes, your heart knocking on the door to his and inviting it to a romantic waltz. He may not know when exactly he fell for you, but he knows that he’s never getting back up. You were and are the one battle he’d gladly surrender to, even if it did take you some time to see that.
Worry not though, for fate seemed to ship the both of you. You had thankfully noticed his secret admiration early on and took initiative, so at least there were decades you could spend with him. It may have been but a fleeting moment compared to his lifespan, you were nonetheless content.
You had called for him atop Wangshu Inn on that birthday of his, a gift in hand. Despite having turned away visitors (like a certain funeral director), he discovered that he could never do the same to you. Seeing your disappointment hurt him far more than any injuries would, but your joy on the other hand was a salve in itself.
…It would not hurt to follow his heart on this day, would it?
With that, he appeared behind to you, the embrace of a breeze giving him away. You looked stunning that day, the moonlight bathing you in the most enchanting glow he’s ever seen. The effort you had put into your appearance was clear as day, not a single detail escaping his eyes. The traditional ornaments matched his, the colours blending smoothly to create an other-worldly mix of yours and his.
You matched him, but never lost yourself.
Naturally, it wasn’t the same for his gift. It was wrapped neatly, the gold popping against the dark emerald green. Anyone taking a look would instantly recognize its receiver – precisely the giver’s intention.
“Happy birthday. May your birthdays always be spent in happiness and bliss, your existence celebrated and loved, your success and life smooth and obstacle-free, and hopefully your love life include me.”
It’s been an unfathomably long time since he last received such well-wishes, much less the last part. Did he really hear you correctly? You wanted his love life to include you? Was it what he thought it was?
Was he allowed to acknowledge what you had just said?
“Ahem. Your blessings have been received and are much appreciated, as is your present. It is especially chilly tonight; take care not to catch a cold.” He uttered, inviting you to take a seat. “Are you not going to talk about what I’ve just said or did you not hear?” You pressed on, careful not to scare your sweet bird away. You couldn’t let him teleport away during such an important moment, could you? Your hands may already be clammy from the nervousness, but you had to get an answer tonight.
You felt his sharp gaze on you and considered salvaging what’s left of your pride, though he seemed to have seen through you.
“If this is your idea of a joke, please return.”
…Oh heck no.
“A joke? My feelings and the time I spent yearning for you are real. All the efforts I put into closing the distance between us are real. The nights we spent chatting away were all real. The vulnerability we shared was no different. How could you just chalk it all up to mere jest?” Did he truly not see the longing in your eyes?
“It will be wise to think for yourself. It is not safe for living beings to get close to a karmic-bound one such as myself.”
He did NOT just try to scare you away.
“Please, if I was truly afraid of your karma, I would not have approached you or appeared in your sights at all. I’d have avoided the absolute heck out of you. I value my life very much, thank you.”
Silence.
Fine. If he was not going to take the first step, then you were.
“I apologise; I did not mean for it to come out that harsh, but I speak the truth. I genuinely wish to be by your side and to support you in times of need. If you truly aren’t willing to accept my feelings, it is alright, I do not blame you. But I hope my feelings will at least be reciprocated with respect and a definite answer.”
“Are they gonna get together or not? Paimon’s losing patience!”
“Shh! They’ll hear you!”
A glare from the Conquerer of Demons was enough to send the eavesdroppers scuttling for their lives.
That night, a yaksha and a human spilled their hearts out to each other, more than they ever had. The walls separating them crumbled to debris, and they bared their hearts. Worries were unveiled, fear confessed, then reassured and soothed by firm promises and solutions proposed. One who’s spent millenia alone experienced romantic love for the first time and finally understood why the mortals sought it out.
Like chocolate, the sweetness of affection was complemented by the bitter aftertaste of ‘what ifs’ and anxiety.
He’ll be darned if that chocolate wasn’t the best he’s tried though. He may not have given an answer after that much-needed conversation, but he had promised you a deadline he’d give an answer by.
Three days, he’d said. Give him three days to sort through his feelings and consider. So you did.
On the third day, a letter was found by your windowsill. ‘Should you read this letter, please know that I have accepted and return your feelings. If you are still willing to see me, then speak my name. I will be there.’
“Xiao.”
No other words were needed.
Since that day, the both of you were officially together. He’s never mentioned it, but it would be a lie for him to say that all of his troubles had been resolved.
One of them being your lifespan.
It wasn’t like he didn’t try searching for secret or adepti art to grant you longevity; he did. Even more diligently than guarding Liyue’s safety. Zhongli does not have to know that, but you do. Aside from respecting your decisions, he wasn’t sure if those forbidden arts would go against the natural rule of Teyvat and subsequently bring you harm. He wasn’t willing to risk it either.
In times like this, he would recall the advice he’s heard from his ‘colleagues’ and found family all those centuries ago. Something along the lines of worrying less and living in the moment. He’s already spent years with you, experiencing what he never thought he could. The constant in his memories was no longer the striking red nor the bland snow, having been replaced by you.
At the end of the day, what matters was that you are still by his side, no? He should cherish the present before their existence is reduced to mere memories, privy to only those who share them. He’s already made that mistake with Bosacius and the others; it would not be wise of him to commit it again.
Unbeknownst to him, you saw how those bright amber eyes had been clouded over for a quite a while now. While it was not abnormal for Xiao to lose himself in his memories, you weren’t sure if it was just nostalgia or traumatic flashbacks. A quiet Xiao would be either a good or bad thing, but you weren’t risking it.
Mistaking his embarrassment for sorrow, you gently poked him on the cheek thrice. Thank the high heavens that the little 'poke-poke-poke' managed to snapped him out of his trance, or you’d have to resort to more…drastic measures.
Such as a surprise kiss attack, which you regretfully did not get the chance to put into action.
“Xiao, darling. I didn’t mean to make you sad...”
“…I am at fault; I did not mean to ignore you. I was merely lost in thought. You did nothing worthy of apologizing for.”
A bare hand lifted, gently patting your head. He never liked when you apologized for trivial matters. You did not deserve to live in fear, especially not when you’re by his side. If there was something he could do to rid you of this anxiety, he’d do it in a heartbeat, even if it costed him his life. That you knew, and actions spoke louder than words. Thus, you chose to let your fingertips transfer your warmth, caressing his cheek and enjoying the smooth, tender flesh you’ve always loved to pinch and poke.
What a fitting contrast, you thought. His hands showed the world of his past and duty, the trials and tribulations he went through. His skin, however, reflected who he really was internally. His gentle protection, his care and his kindness just to mention a few, all represented by the softness and youthful appearance.
Although, his sweetness was a whole ‘nother story, shining through his flawless penmanship and the contents penned.
“Xiao, did you notice? Your letters seem to be getting sweeter and sweeter each time. I absolutely adore them, even if I wish you’d convey your feelings to me through your words and not on pen and paper.”
There was a blush, followed by an embarrassed cough. “…I’m glad they brought you joy. If it pleases you so much, I shall express my thoughts verbally next time. For your ears and no one else’s.”
There he goes again, down-playing the effect his existence has on you. But it wasn’t important. You understood him well enough without having to read between the lines or behind his words, and that was enough. Who were you to turn his offers down anyway?
“I’d love that. Since you’re being so generous tonight, could you grant me another wish of mine?”
“I do not believe I have turned down any unless they pose a threat to your safety, but your wishes are my command.”
“Well, my dancing skills are getting rusty from the lack of practice. Do you want to help me practice?”
“When have I ever denied you of your right to dance?”
“Come on, quit teasing me. You know this dance cannot be performed alone.”
His laugh has never sounded more beautiful.
You see, as he had promised you, he taught you the dances he knew and helped you practice the ones which enchanted you most. It then became a sort of bonding activity, mostly done on a whim or when the mood is perfect for pulling him into one.
Just like tonight.
The both of you could tell that it was getting late and he’s always discouraged you from staying past a healthy bedtime. Yet, tonight was different. He was more than willing to indulge you, just as how he’s let you confiscated his gloves and never gave them back. If granting your wishes would incline you to stay, then he’d willingly fulfil any and all of your desires, at any time of the day and any cost.
Even right here, right now. On this grassy field, the moon bore witness to an intimate dance between lovers, each slightly out of reach of the other and desperately trying to close the distance. The two invited the celestial body to a show of passion, where solace was found in a human's arms by a fearsome yaksha who knew nothing but bloodshed.
For tonight, the masquerade ends. The yaksha sheds his mask and falls into step with you with a seemingly innate grace, wondering if there were any adepti arts that would allow him to sear this memory into his brain and have it play on repeat for the remainder of his undesirably lengthy life. If he was to march on as an Archon’s strongest soldier and live well, he will do it for you. He’s gone on for so long, surely, they’d be willing to spare him such a mercy.
If they weren’t, then he has his own ways of remembering you.
You, on the other hand, indulged him with sweet smile, the love and adoration for the cutie practically oozing out of your gaze. Would Chang’E take offense, you wondered, if she happened to gaze upon this performance? Perhaps the goddess would sigh, bemoaning the distance between her and her beloved, merely observing with the ever-slight twinge of envy.
…Who’s to say that you were any different from the goddess though? You were only but a tad bit fortunate, having been given more time to spend with the one who holds your heart. The moment your mortality shows up as an unwanted guest, it will be your turn to envy the goddess.
Truly, fate can be so very cruel.
"I wish I could stay with you forever, Xiao, just you and me alone, here on this grassy field, with the breeze caressing our cheeks as we bask in the silver rays of the moon." You knew this confession brought your darling more joy than he'd ever show, but being able to witness him blush tells you that he's gotten better at showing his emotions around you.
It felt good to be trusted this much, you wouldn't lie, but all good times come to an end, and it was time that you both returned to where you belonged.
Taking a few steps back, you brushed off the remaining grass from your clothes and stole a few more glances of your sweetheart. It would be absolute bliss if this moment were to never end, though you supposed that gentle kisses would suffice for now. Besides, the lips that Xiao had squished into an unconscious pout looked too full to ignore, and you couldn't help stealing a few more kisses before reluctantly pulling away.
Xiao reaches out, pink lips pursed in a slight frown as he expressed dissatisfaction at your early departure. The fingers he's interlocked his with thousands of times were just in his reach, and it's been so long since he's held those beautiful hands of yours. Now all he had to do was to reach over just a little more and curl his bare fingers around yours.
Just a little more.
Just a little.
Just–
Expecting to touch warm, gloved flesh, he instead comes into contact with polished stone as cold-hard as the reality he's snapped back into.
He doesn't think he'll ever have a dream sweeter than you.