Work Text:
She didn’t see him much because of the ongoing crisis. It had never been this bad before.
The rumours spoke for themselves.
There was a reason why they suddenly didn’t want her at Council anymore.
Marriage.
Thufir Hawat was very insistent on seeing it through. It was apparently the best solution to the problem.
If she didn’t have Paul to spend her days with she didn’t know what she would do. He was the only one oblivious to what was going on, the only one who didn’t look at her in a way that made her want to crawl into a hole and never come back out. Oh, how she hated their looks of pity.
The father of the possible future bride currently resided in the guest room at the castle and he was not a quiet man. He spoke to anyone and everyone - if they wanted to listen or not - about the union of the two houses as if the choice had already been made. That there was nothing to stop it from happening.
Jessica swallowed down the bile in her throat, trying to focus on something else.
Paul was ten months old now - a happy and carefree baby boy who made her smile even more than his father, a feat she had thought impossible.
She spent most of her days with him and avoided talking to people as much as she could. Especially Leto. They’d had one discussion in his study the other day where Jessica had sounded remarkably similar to Thufir, listing all the reasons why Leto should go through with the marriage, why it was his duty as the Duke and talking to him like she did during their first week together, all professional, no personal feelings whatsoever. Safe to say, their conversation did not end well and since then, it didn’t seem like he was very eager to talk to her either. The walls built around her ever since she was a child, the walls that he had torn down with his kindness, affection and love for her were suddenly up again.
When he crawled into bed late at night, she pretended to be asleep. She had considered sleeping in her room but that was ridiculous, that bed hadn’t been used in two years. They slept on their respective sides of the bed, very unlike how they usually did. She did not get much sleep, however, her thoughts kept her awake. Come morning, his arm was wrapped around her middle and even though he must have known that she was awake he silently, carefully, extracted himself from her to head towards the bathroom to get ready for another long day.
After spending the day with her son and taking care of the duties as the Lady of the House, she ate dinner in her room. Afterwards, seated on the couch in front of the window with a book perched on her lap, she looked out at the sea, lost in her thoughts.
She knew this would happen one day, that he would marry someone else, but there was one thing thinking about it and one thing having it play out.
She wasn’t supposed to fall in love with him.
Stupid.
She clenched her fingers, holding the book tightly, breathing harshly through her nose, trying to control her frustration. It was not easy these days.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
However, it wasn’t just the fact that Leto would be with someone else. There was Paul in the picture now, too. Their son. Her son. In her head, she saw a mental picture of another woman raising her son and it made her skin crawl.
A knock on the door broke her out of her reverie. “Yes?” Her voice wasn’t as steady as she would have liked.
“Can I come in?”
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, feeling cold all of a sudden.
Why was he here?
She realised she was afraid of the answer.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
“Yes.”
Opening her eyes again, she remained seated on the couch and listened as he entered the room and slowly made his way towards her, sitting down next to her, knees almost brushing against her own.
From the corner of her eye, she could tell that he was not quite looking at her and she swallowed, preparing herself for the worst. “Did you make a decision, my Lord?”
“No.” He turned to face her and she met his gaze for the first time in days and he looked tired.
She gave him a slow nod. “Then what brings you here, my Lord?”
Her words were formal and cold.
“Jessica… Please.”
She blinked, biting her lip, trying but failing to suppress the feelings she was experiencing. “Please what?”
“Don’t.”
She raised her eyebrows at that, feeling even more anger bubbling up inside her at how cryptic he was being. ”I need you to be more specific, my Lord.”
“I understand that this is difficult for you but can we talk about this?”
She rose from the seat, needing to distance herself from him, putting her face in one of her hands, almost afraid of the emotions she was experiencing. She felt like she was going to burst.
He understands how difficult this is for her?!
”Don’t turn your back on me!” He exclaimed, rising to his feet and those words made her finally see red and she whipped her head around to face him.
”I’m sorry, my Lord.” His title came out almost as a sneer and the sound shocked her as much as it seemed to shock him going by the look on his face.
”Alright.” She tilted her head. “Do you want to talk? What do you expect me to say, my Lord? Yes, please, marry her. Make her your wife, the mother of your children, the mother of your heirs, and the Lady of your House while I’m just your Concubine who you can bed whenever you feel like it.”
His fist clenched so hard she thought his nails must draw blood from his palm and his mouth opened slightly but no sound came out. Her words were so poisonous that they surprised even herself. Punching him in the face would have been kinder.
The look of anger on his face was quickly surpassed by first shock and guilt and then leading into something close to defeat and she felt guilty for her very uncharacteristic outburst.
“That’s.. That’s not fair, Jessica.” He said in a broken voice and she couldn’t meet his eye, staring at the Atreides crest on his uniform.
“Jessica, I love you. I love you and even if I married someone else, my love for you would never change.”
Her eyes felt suspiciously wet, a mixture of emotions - shame for her outburst, the look on his face and his confession of love - and she forced herself to keep her composure now, not letting a single tear fall from her eyes in front of him.
“You’re right. It’s not fair.” She said bitterly, finally meeting his eyes, a sad smile on her face. “I’m sorry. But we both know that you marrying someone would change everything no matter how much you love me.”
Her words were true and all he could do was look at her heartbrokenly for a long moment and when she finally turned on her heel to leave the room, he didn’t even attempt to stop her.
–
One evening a couple of days later, Leto was in Council and she knew that the decision was to be made.
Jessica had occupied herself by spending most of the day with Paul and now she was in his bedroom where he had finally fallen asleep. She brushed her fingers through his hair one last time before she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.
Leaning back in the armchair next to his crib, she looked at her son.
He was the perfect mixture of her and Leto. He had her eyes and lips while he had Leto’s nose and hair. That black hair. She didn’t even know a baby could have so much hair. “Oh, my Lady, you should have seen the Duke when he was young, I think he had even more hair!” she remembered the old Housekeeper Tara saying a few months ago when she was playing with Paul.
He was their son. Their son.
Leto had once asked her in what felt like a lifetime ago if she wanted to be Paul’s mother officially. Her duty as a Concubine technically only meant that she had to give birth to the children. There was never any doubt as to whether she wanted to raise the boy and be his mother, however.
Would Leto’s wife bear him children? Sons? If not, Paul would still be the heir. What would Leto’s wife be to Paul? What would she then be to Paul?
Her stomach twisted in knots and she felt like she was going to vomit.
Silent tears were streaming down her cheeks freely, the past week had been a nightmare and knowing that the decision was being made at this very moment made it almost difficult for her to breathe.
The sound of the door opening made her look up briefly and she didn’t bother to wipe her tears - there was no point in even trying to hide the state she was in. She could hear his footsteps but she didn’t dare to look at him, afraid of what news he would bring to her. Instead, she kept her gaze on their sleeping son.
He stopped in front of her, kneeling at her feet, blocking her view. “Jessica,” He murmured, fingers wiping gently at her tear-stained cheeks.
She finally dared to meet his gaze.
“I will not marry her.” He whispered and she released a shaky exhale, closing her eyes and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers.
She was glad that she’d started crying long before he arrived, otherwise, she thought it would have been much harder to avoid letting more tears fall.
“Let’s go to bed?” He asked after a few moments and she nodded, understanding. They had to talk.
In silence, they did their bedtime routine and when they were dressed in their night clothes and lying on their sides in bed facing each other, she offered him a tiny smile.
“Tell me?”
He sighed. “We solved it. It’s gonna cost us a lot of money, some military equipment, a slightly frosty relation with House Trukar but it’s done. It’s over.”
She nodded. “What did Thufir have to say about it?”
He raised an eyebrow at her and she bit her lip.
“I heard that he was the most insistent on.. the marriage.”
“He was.” Leto swallowed. “He’s not happy with me. He won’t say it, of course, but to tell you the truth, I’ve never seen him like this. A few of the others aren’t very happy either. It.. It should have been an easy solution.”
Jessica’s expression softened and her hand reached out to intertwine with his.
“Leto, I.. I realise I’ve been acting-”
“No. No, Jessica.” He interrupted.
”Please, Leto, let me finish.”
“Let me guess, you’re going to apologise for behaving poorly recently and tell me once again that you’re just a Concubine while it is my duty to marry a high-born woman for political purposes.”
She narrowed her eyes slightly at him but felt the corners of her lips twitch at the expression on his face and with how he knew her so well.
“It’s the truth, though, Leto, and you know it.”
His hand reached out to caress her cheek and she had to close her eyes momentarily.
How she had missed his touch.
“You did tell me I should marry her, though.”
Jessica huffed. ”Before I said those things to you that I-”
”Hey, don’t. Please. I am not mad at you for saying that. I think I needed that. And to be honest, I don’t know how you didn’t say any of those words earlier. But enough about that day. It’s in the past now, okay? Forgotten.”
Jessica looked like she wanted to protest for a moment but his pleading gaze made her accept defeat and she nodded.
”What I wanted to say Jessica, about this week I-.” he broke off, letting go of her face and furrowing his brows, pondering how to begin. Rolling over onto his back, he rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand and she shifted a little closer towards him, propping her head up on her elbow to look at him, eager to find out what he had to say.
“I should have married her.” He said looking up at the ceiling. “It was easily the best solution to the problem. Anyone in that room could see it. I saw it.”
He took a deep breath. “But I couldn’t do it. I just.. couldn’t do it. ”
He turned his head to look at her. “And it wasn’t just because I was thinking of you, Jessica, even though that was on my mind first and foremost. But.. I really don’t want to marry another woman. While my advisors and you might say that it is my duty to marry someone, there is nothing that says I need to marry. And Jessica..”
“What?” She asked, his eyes softer now.
“As long as I stay unmarried, our House holds a powerful advantage just with the possibility of joining hands with another House. And that is a legitimate reason for me not to get married. I don’t want to marry anyone. I just want to be with you.”
Shifting on the bed, he put a hand on her arm, raising an eyebrow in permission and she smiled at him, moving to lie on her back, eager to feel his weight on top of her again.
Gently, he laid down on top of her, his hand cradling her cheek and his eyes were shiny as he looked down on her. “I just want to be with you.” He repeated and she had to swallow under the intensity of his gaze.
“Leto.” One of her hands stroked his cheek, her thumb wiping away the small tear in the corner of his eye while her other hand found the back of his head.
“Kiss me.” She whispered and he didn’t hesitate for a moment, pressing his lips softly against hers.
Physical intimacy had always been their love language. It had started with a peck on the cheek when he said good night to her when they were still strangers to each other. Now, she couldn’t recall a single night’s sleep without him touching her in any way.
Even when they were in public - in the safety of their castle - he’d put a hand on her arm or at her lower back. Holding hands when they thought no one was watching.
Rolling them over, she let one of her hands tangle in his curls while the other hand continued caressing his face and she pulled her head back to look at him.
”Leto..” her voice was small.
”Yes, my love?”
”I thought you’d take Paul from me. From us. ”
The expression on his face was close to tortured.
”Oh, Jessica.” He murmured, gently cradling her cheek with his fingers. ”I promise you, I will never take him away from you. He is your son as much as he is mine.”
”You can’t promise me that. What if you marry and she won’t give you any children? What position would that put me in?”
”Do you think I would.. Strip you of your position as a mother? Do you think I would do that to you? To Paul? Do you think so little of me?”
She let out a shuddering breath. ”No.” She whispered.
”Besides, Jessica, I am telling you again, I don’t want to marry anyone else, I just want to be with you.”
That was the third time he said it tonight and she knew she would never forget the sheer, raw honesty behind his words. He was never anything but honest, her Leto. They would never lie to each other.
”And I with you.” She answered softly, making him smile. Leaning down, she pressed a small kiss to his mouth before she rested her head on his chest.
He pulled the sheets up over them before he rested one hand on her back, softly stroking up and down while his other hand intertwined with one of hers.
He had hurt her. She knew the reasons behind it and she didn’t blame him, couldn’t blame him, for trying to do his duty. It was one of the reasons why she loved him so much. That being said, this ordeal had scarred her deeper than she had thought was even possible. This wasn’t something that was forgotten with a late-night talk. This would take time. Healing.
Closing her eyes, she listened to his steady heartbeat, focused on his warmth, focused on them.
It didn’t take her long to fall asleep and she slept soundly in his arms. She’d never been so tired in her entire life.
At some point, she became aware of him trying to extricate himself from her. “No, stay,” she found herself mumbling sleepily, fingers tugging on his nightshirt.
“Shh, I just need to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” He whispered fondly and she let go of him, pleased with his answer, shifting to lie on her side.
When he returned to her, she hummed as he pressed his front against her back and wrapped his arm around her middle, his hand resting in the space between her breasts. She put her hand on top of his as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Go back to sleep, my love.”
She did.
His fingers tenderly brushing through her hair and his hand caressing her back was the first thing she became aware of. She was half-lying on top of him again, her head on his chest, one of her legs between his. Sunlight was filtering through the blinds, she had slept late for her, but that wasn’t what woke her up. It was the sound of knocking on the door.
Leto sighed when he noticed she was awake. “I’m sorry, I told them to not disturb us unless it was important.”
There was another knock on the door. “My Lord, may I enter?”
Thufir.
“Yes.” He called out and she swallowed, it had happened before that something important had come up and one of his men would need to enter their bedroom. If so, they would put a distance between them, however, and make themselves look more presentable. Now, he called Thufir inside while she was on top of him.
It was a statement, she realised, and she felt warm all of a sudden.
The door opened and Thufir Hawat stepped inside. Not even he could mask the look of surprise on his face and he looked down, bowing, “My Lord, my Lady, forgive me for intruding.”
“It’s alright, Thufir. What’s wrong?” Leto asked, looking at the Mentat. Jessica didn’t need to change her position, she was facing the door and she kept her gaze fixed on Thufir, not an ounce of embarrassment on her face even as Leto continued to stroke her back.
Thufir looked slightly embarrassed by the situation but he cleared his throat before he regained his composure. “We haven’t received the final confirmation from Lord Corbin yet, my Lord.”
Leto’s hand stilled on her back. “What?”
“No, my Lord.”
Leto sighed. “What do you suggest we do, Thufir?”
“Send a message. A reminder. If he doesn’t answer by midnight we’ll have no choice but to get in contact with the Landsraad.”
She felt Leto nod. “Do it.”
“It will be done, my Lord. How do you want to be kept updated?”
He was considerate at least , knowing when the time wasn’t right, she had to give him that, even though her feelings toward the Mentat were not particularly warm at the moment.
“Whatever way you see appropriate.”
She felt the corner of her lips twitch at that.
Thufir bowed his head. “My Lord, my Lady.”
When the door had closed behind him, Jessica lifted her head to look at Leto, furrowing her brows. “How bad is it?”
“The deal is made, we’ve signed it, he just needs to make the final confirmation which is usually done straight away. They left in quite the hurry after the decision last night, however, and it was expected that they would do it on the ship. I don’t need to tell you about the consequences Lord Corbin would face if he broke the deal, he would be an outright fool if he didn’t follow through with this. And while he may be many things, a fool is not one of them unless I am gravely mistaken. It should be fine, I think the delay is his way of saying he wasn’t pleased because it didn’t play out the way he wanted it to.” He gave her a small smile which she returned before she lay her head back down on his chest.
Breaking a deal would mean grave consequences for a House and it hadn’t been done in many years from what she had read.
“I’m more upset that Thufir woke you up.”
She huffed a laugh, pinching his side, making him squirm underneath her and he let out a short laugh.
“I mean it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sleeping so soundly. Definitely not without a pill.”
She bit her lip. “Well, I haven’t slept much this week. I’m glad you’ve been taking the pills this week, though.”
Leto had never loved sleeping pills. There were periods when he skipped them entirely.
“I did feel bad taking them. Knowing that you can’t.”
“I know but you did the right thing, you had to be fit for duty.”
As long as she was nursing Paul she wasn't allowed to take any sleeping pills.
“Yeah. Speaking of-” he huffed a laugh. “Breasts.”
Jessica raised her head to look at him with a raise of an eyebrow at his choice of word and he smiled at her.
“Well, weaning. How is our son? Is he eating? I’ve barely seen him this week.”
She chuckled. “He’s good. Still loves to nurse but he’s improving with food. We should go see him today, I know he’d be very happy to see you.” She hesitated. “If you have time?”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you last night, I cancelled all plans for today.”
“What?”
He chuckled at her doubtful tone. “Yeah. For everyone. Well, almost, except for the guards, of course. And Thufir.”
Jessica smiled. “We should spend the day with Paul then.”
“I’d love to.” He answered, his hand cradling her cheek. They shared a long moment just looking at each other before she smiled, turning her head sideways to press a kiss to his palm.
At that exact moment, her stomach growled loudly, making them both chuckle. “When was the last time you ate, my Lady?”
“I did eat something for dinner last night, my Lord, but I’ll admit it wasn’t much.”
“Then let’s get you some breakfast, my love.” They rose to get ready for the day. “You’re eating for Paul, too, remember?” he teased, something that they had joked about during her pregnancy since her appetite had changed during that time.
“Yeah, yeah.” She replied, giving him a look, biting the inside of her cheek, she had missed their banter.
They got dressed and had breakfast together in their room.
”You do realise that your little stunt with showing Thufir us together will only make him more distrustful of me? That he will think I convinced you to not go through with the marriage.”
”Mhm. Thufir distrusts everyone. Besides, I told him that you said the same thing as he did about the union.”
”You told him about our conversation after that as well?” Jessica raised an eyebrow before taking another bite of the fruit on her plate, an uneasy feeling forming in her stomach thinking about the words spoken that day, how she had lost control.
Leto gave her a look saying don’t even. ”That conversation’s forgotten, remember? And there’s need to worry about Thufir, it’s in his nature to not trust anyone.”
After breakfast they headed towards Paul’s room, her arm in his.
“My Lord, my Lady.” Liiv, one of Paul’s caretakers said, bowing to them when they entered the room. Paul was seated in his highchair at the table with his back towards them, playing with something in front of him and oblivious to the fact that they had entered the room.
“Good morning, Liiv.” Jessica said in a quiet voice, not wanting Paul to hear.
“Morning.” Leto greeted, voice barely audible.
Jessica nodded at him and raised her eyebrows, indicating that he should go first.
Leto smiled and she followed closely behind him as he quietly walked towards their son, leaning down when he was next to him. “Hey, there, kiddo.”
Paul’s head turned quickly, recognising the sound of the voice and a grin spread over his face, his arms immediately reaching up towards the ceiling. Leto chuckled, picking him up from his chair, and giving Paul a kiss. “Hey, son, I’ve missed you.” Paul’s tiny hand immediately reached out to touch Leto’s beard and Jessica laughed, forcing herself to look away from the sight they made.
“How is he?” She smiled at Liiv.
“He slept well, my Lady. He woke up not long ago, I haven’t even fed him yet.”
“Good. Thank you, Liiv, we’ll take it from here.”
“When do you want me to come back, my Lady?”
“Oh, I don’t think it will be until tonight. We’ll send a message. Take the day off. I hear it’s going to be sunny.”
Liiv gave her a friendly smile. “Thank you, my Lady. Oh, I was almost ready with preparing his food, do you want me to finish it before I leave?”
“That’s alright, Liiv, we can manage.”
The caretaker bowed before she left the room.
Paul played with Leto for a little while longer while she finished preparing the breakfast.
In the end, Paul didn’t end up eating much but it could have been because he was a little too excited about Leto’s presence there. Both of them there together. It hurt when she realised that it had been a while since they got to spend a day together like this. It hurt even more when she realised how close it had been that they may have never gotten to spend days together like this again.
“Jessica?” Leto asked when they were seated on the floor after breakfast and she blinked, looking at him, not realising she had zoned out for a moment. He and Paul were currently building a tower with bricks and she gave him a small nod. “I’m fine.”
Suddenly, Paul got on his hands and knees, crawling over to her. When he reached her, he crawled into her lap, throwing his arms around her.
Hugging her.
She huffed a laugh, hugging him back, stroking the back of his head and she could feel a smile spreading on her face as she felt rather emotional. Paul held on tightly and she looked at Leto who seemed moved by the sight in front of him as well. “Thank you, Paul.” She told him gently and he pulled back, seeing her own blue eyes staring back at her.
“Mm-a .” Left his lips before he left her lap and crawled back to continue playing.
“Did he just try to say-?” Leto looked at her.
“Everything that comes out of his mouth is either mma or gaga, I don’t think so.” Jessica smiled and Leto chuckled, accepting the brick Paul handed him and putting it on top of the tower.
It was a sweet morning. Paul got a little cranky after a couple of hours but settled down when Jessica picked him up and nursed him. “Just a little bit, baby, you’re going to have to eat real food for lunch.”
Leto chortled, watching them fondly from the floor and she met his gaze.
“You may be laughing now, my Lord, but he’s ten months old now and he needs to start eating more food. He’s still so tiny.” She looked down at Paul again.
“So was I, Jessica. It’s in the family. But nursing until he’s one was recommended by the doctor, right?”
She nodded.
”Only two more months until you get to sleep well again then.”
She looked up with a small smile on her face. ”I slept very well last night. And you know that I have been sleeping better than I thought I would without the pills.”
”Mhm.” Leto hummed, smiling. ”I do know you sleep better with them, though.”
“Yes, well, we do have them for a reason.” She smiled, raising an eyebrow at him, making him chuckle. Rising to his feet, he made his way over to them on the couch, sitting down next to her, his knees brushing against hers.
“You should listen to your mother, though, you need to start eating more food. You’re getting old, son.” He said softly, his fingers gently caressing one of Paul’s tiny sock-clad feet. “Can’t forever survive on your mother’s milk.”
Jessica bit the inside of her cheek, stopping the words from escaping her mouth.
“What?” Leto asked, picking up on her demeanour.
“Nothing.” She said, not quite able to hide the hint of humour in her voice and she knew that only made Leto even more intrigued.
“No, tell me, Jessica.” She could hear the smile in his voice even though she wasn’t looking at him.
Biting her lip, she closed her eyes momentarily before she faced him. “I suppose he’s a breast man. Like father, like son.”
Leto let out a snort, one of his hands reaching up to cover his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. He was unsuccessful, however, and Jessica joined him in his laughter. Paul stopped feeding, his head falling back and his big blue eyes looking up at her comically to see what was going on and she brushed his hair lovingly - still grinning - before she picked him up under his arms and turned him over so that he could suckle her other breast.
“I love you.” Leto said when Paul had settled again and he pressed a kiss to her hair and wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
Jessica closed her eyes, relishing in the feeling, just for a short moment forgetting the horrors they had been through in the last week.
They spent the rest of the day with their son. They went for a walk within the castle grounds, the sun was out and it was a lovely day. Leto received a written note from Thufir that Lord Corbin had sent the final confirmation and that everything was under control. After dinner when they had put Paul to sleep, they dressed in their nightclothes and cuddled on their large bed together.
Something was still off between them. There was a tension that had never been there before and Jessica wondered when that would pass. She was hurt. She thought she had no right to be hurt but she was.
“Has this.. changed things between us? I mean, will you not want me the same way anymore?” He asked her in a small, slightly broken voice and she closed her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Of course he felt the tension, too. Her blue eyes almost reluctantly flicked up to meet his brown ones.
She took a deep breath, her hand reaching out to touch his cheek reassuringly and the motion seemed to comfort him a little bit, at least.
”I fear I shall always want you, Leto Atreides. I just.. need some time. You.. hurt me. I know I have no right to be hurt and it is for wholly selfish reasons but-.”
”Jessica.” He stopped her, his own hand reaching out to caress her cheek, a pained expression on his face. ”My dear Jessica, no.”
He blinked a couple of times and he looked as if he was trying to find the right words.
”If our roles were reversed, if you were to marry someone and I had to just sit and wait while my life was taken away from me, while you were taken away from me by another man.. Jessica, I-.” He shook his head. ”You say you’re selfish, well so am I. I love you and it is you I want by my side for the rest of my life.”
A soft smile spread on her lips and he continued. ”Besides, it’s.. I didn’t say this before, but it’s not the only reason.” Leto cleared his throat before continuing. “Did you know Kiran was married once before?”
Lord Kiran Hewlitt was one of Leto’s closest friends and trusted allies. He and his wife were two of the few people Jessica liked and enjoyed the company of. She did not know he had been married before, however. Jessica shook her head as she waited patiently for what he was going to say, the mood turning more serious and her smile faded.
”When you see him now, he seems very happy, doesn’t he? He is happy, Kiran married Eura out of love. But before.. He followed his advisors and married a high-born woman out of duty. They never loved each other. They didn’t even like each other. She was.. troubled. She accused him of things he didn’t do, behaved irrationally in private and in public. Kiran became a different man and to say that he was unhappy would be an understatement. Eventually, things got out of hand.”
Leto sighed. There was a pained look on his face and he suddenly looked so much younger than his age, as if he was brought back in time thinking about the memories.
”One day she threw herself off the castle walls.”
”Oh.” Jessica whispered.
”Yeah. That poor woman.” Leto shook his head. ”Kiran felt responsible, of course. It was a rough time. But as you know, he met and married Eura later and he is happy now.”
He gave her a determined look and she swallowed, knowing what this was leading to but listening to his words.
”Marrying a stranger, marrying out of duty - you never know what you will get. I saw what happened to Kiran. That is not an environment I would want to put my son in. My children. And it is not something I would want for myself, even if that makes me selfish. I’ve gotten a taste of what happiness feels like with you, Jessica, and I have no wish to lose it.”
She gulped, his speech making her rather emotional.
”You’re my family. And one does not turn your back on family.” He continued and she nibbled on her lower lip, trying to keep her emotions in check. ”I curse myself for not seeing this clearly from the first day. For the pain I caused you. Us. Forgive me, my love.”
Jessica leaned forward, pressing her forehead against his intimately, a gesture that came naturally to them after a couple of years together, before she pulled back to look at him. ”No, there’s nothing to forgive. You were doing your duty and Leto, that is one of the things I love most about you; your drive and sense of duty.”
She took a deep breath. ”I’m not mad at you. I’m hurt, yes, but.. it’s more the situation that has rattled me more than I thought it would. You..” She broke off, nibbling on her lower lip, her gaze fixed on the pillow, all her years of training telling her she should stop the words from leaving her mouth but she was unable to. Somehow, he made her open her heart to him.
”You’re my family, too, Leto. You and Paul. And for the last couple of days, I pictured the life we’d made together here falling apart. And I told myself what a fool I had been for falling for you in the first place. I mean, I’ve been chastising myself for that from the beginning but it was so much worse now that I had something to lose. So in one way, I was mad at you. I have been for a long time, I suppose, because people like me, we’re not supposed to fall in love.” Her voice trembled on the last sentence.
He was quiet for a long moment, taking in the weight of her words.
”People like you.. Bene Gesserit.” He finally said in a soft voice, his brow furrowed slightly, his face filled with concern.
Jessica blinked, realising how much she had revealed to him. Well, there was no turning back now. She gave him a small nod.
He shook his head. ”You.. aren’t allowed to fall in love?”
Jessica swallowed, not meeting his eye.
”Oh, Jessica.” He said in a small voice, reaching out to touch her cheek and she could sense anger in him now, too. ”What did they do to you?”
He sighed and gave her a sad smile when she still didn’t meet his eyes. ”That’s a rhetorical question, I just..” her eyes finally flicked back up to meet his. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and I am so, so happy that you didn’t do what they said. That you love me.”
His dark brown eyes were filled with so much love and she felt the corners of her lips twitch as she held his gaze, fighting to hold back the tears.
Leaning forward, she pressed a sweet kiss to his mouth, which he deepened. Her hand tangled softly in his curls and they kissed lazily for the next few minutes, both knowing that this wasn’t leading to anything - it was too soon - but they enjoyed the physical connection. That had always come naturally for them from the beginning.
At first when they started sleeping together, it was a bit awkward with conversation, not knowing what to say or not saying anything at all. They made up for it in other ways, using their bodies to form a deep connection to one another. His lips and his fingers made themselves familiar with every inch of her skin.
”One hundred and twenty four.” He told her once when they were in the bathtub, her back against his strong chest, the back of her head resting against his shoulder.
”Hm?” She hummed, eyes still closed, enjoying the moment.
”That’s how many freckles I can see on your shoulders.”
The memory made her smile into the kiss and he sighed into her mouth, pulling her even closer towards him.
Eventually, they parted for breath, resting their foreheads against each other.
“We should go away.”
”Hmm?” She hummed questioningly.
”Get away from these castle walls. How about we go to the house in the South where we spent some time last year?”
Jessica gave him a small smile. ”What about Paul?”
”We’ll take him with us, if you want to.”
”I’d like that.”
”Me too.”
”Thufir is not going to be happy.” She said, her lips twitching.
”Mhm, I already brought up going away some time ago, it just hasn’t been the right time. I think this might be good for us, don’t you?”
”I do like that place. And yes, it would be nice to go away for a little while.”
”I’ll tell Thufir that he needs to start planning for it.” His fingers brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
”I’m looking forward to it.”
”Me too.”
”We should get some sleep.” She whispered, her limbs starting to feel relaxed, and she knew she would get another good night of sleep tonight.
”Yes. Good night, my love.” He pressed a final kiss against her lips.
”Good night, Leto.”